Hopelessly Optimistically Heartbroken
by OptimisticallyHeartbroken
Summary: Things were going OK for Logan Mitchell. He was completely FINE. Sure he had SECRETS, but he was perfectly CONTENT with keeping them. When ONE new guy appears in his life, he ends up spilling ALL of his secrets. Who's there to pick up the pieces? KOGAN!
1. Chapter 1 Never Knew

**Hopelessly Optimisticly Heartbroken**

**A/N: Hi there! This is my first ever fanfiction and it is also my first ever BTR fanfiction, so please don't hate. I'll do my best with grammar and the format is something I'm experimenting with. I might also do POV's, but that's undecided.**

**I have been soooo inspired by Kogan's such as On Call, Silent Cries for Salvation and Deliverance, Catch Me When I Fall, It All Started with an Airplane, Staking the Claim, Big Time Survival, Is This an Impossible Love, Broken Hearts and Colored Walls, Here Be Dragons, Shooting Stars and Shooting Stars Part Deux, All Kidding Aside, One Night Together, Prank War, and a whole other bunch of oneshots!**

**Background stuff: Takes place after Big Time Concert. Kogan slash. Rated M…but not yet. This chapter is just the beginning!**

**Disclaimer: I never knew what disclaimers were and I still don't so I'm just gonna do what a lot of other people do. I do not own anything…but I do plan on becoming famous someday and meeting Logan and from there on who knows?**

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Logan Mitchell was sitting alone on the couch in apartment 2J. It was one of those days he just liked to look back at how far he and his friends went. They had gone from four hockey players in Minnesota to a famous band in LA.

Logan sighed. "Where is everybody?"

As if on cue, the other members of Big Time Rush burst into the apartment dripping wet. "Whoo! Man, that was fun!"

Logan tilted his head and looked at Carlos. "What was fun?" Carlos shook some water out of his ears and plopped down next to Logan. "We all went to the beach for a surfing lesson!" Logan pouted. "Oh…cool."

He was slightly hurt because they hadn't invited him and because he had always wanted to learn how to surf, but he didn't want to make his friends feel bad. Kendall saw this immediately, stopped raiding the fridge, and nudged James who caught on quickly. "Don't worry, Logie. It wasn't that great. All we did was get a beginning lesson. No biggie." James nodded. "Yeah! Besides, my hair is all messed up from it, too. Not Fun."

Carlos looked slightly offended by their lack of enthusiasm. "What are you talking about? You guys were laughing your asses and were so having a lot of fun!" Logan said nothing as he got up and walked to his and Kendall's shared room. Kendall and James shot a death glare at Carlos. Kendall walked into the room.

"Hey Logie, I'm really sorry about not inviting you. We were just a huge rush when Guitar Dude invited us." Logan sighed from his position on his bed. "It's alright. Um, can I go next time?" Kendall smirked. He knew Logan hated inviting himself to anything and would only do it if it was something he really wanted, which kinda added to Kendall's guilt. (1)

"Of course, Logan. Like I said, we were in a rush." Logan beamed at his best friend's attempt at cheering him up. "Great!" Kendall started walking out of the room and called out, "But I'm sure you wouldn't have liked it. Especially the wipe-outs. I mean, you being super girly sensitive and all."

Something broke a little inside the boy on the bed. Logan got up from bed and closed the door. He ran a hand through his soft brown hair and sighed. Kendall just did it again. No one knew it, but Logan was gay. He had come to terms with his sexuality when he was 10.

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FLASHBACK

Logan was sitting at home watching a movie with his huge family. He had about 30 relatives crammed into his little apartment. The teens and kids were in his small room watching a movie about fighting and whatnot. Both the male and female protagonists took off their shirts and continued kissing. Logan was staring at the guy's amazing body with the girls in the room. One of his cousins noticed and socked him in the arm, but said nothing. It happened every time he watched a movie. He'd stare at the guys more than the girls. One day at school Logan overheard some older kids saying how gay he was and other things like "I bet he likes guys cause of how girly he is."

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From then on, he knew he was different. He was gay. Logan leaned his head against the wall and felt just like how he did when he was 12.

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FLASHBACK

'I wish I was straight.' Logan blew out the candles on birthday cake. He had been making the same wish every birthday, every shooting star, every eyelash, every coin thrown into a fountain. It never came true and Logan knew it wouldn't, but he couldn't help it. He hated being so different. He blamed everything on being gay. (2)

'I suck at football cause I'm gay.'

'I don't have muscles cause I'm gay.'

'My family is poor cause I'm gay.'

After his 13 birthday he finally accepted himself for who he was. He would look at girls and think, 'Eh, guys are wayyyy hotter.'

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Sure, Logan accepted his sexuality, but whenever anyone said something like that, he couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if he was straight. (3)

Logan snapped out of his thoughts when there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Knight was smiling warmly when he opened the door. "Logan sweetie, dinner's ready." Logan looked at the time and was shocked to see that he had been standing there for an hour. "Thanks Mama Knight."

Logan came out to eat with a fake smile. Carlos, Kendall, and James all yelled out simultaneously as they came to the table. "Hey finally it's fish stick Friday!" Logan could feel Kendall's worried eyes on him. "With TOTS!" he said with almost too much fake enthusiasm. Kendall seemed to buy it as they all dug in.

"So Logan, what'd you do today?" Logan was caught off guard by James's question. "I- er- um, read all day. Yeah. I got this new book about the way your body-" Katie cut off Logan, "We're eating and I'm pretty sure anything that has to do with the body is gonna make us lose our appetites." Logan feigned annoyance while on the inside he thanked Katie for getting him off the hook. He didn't feel much like talking. That one comment had thrown him into a bad mood.

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After dinner and showers, everybody went to their respective rooms. "Hey Logie! Guitar dude says that the next lesson's tomorrow so get some rest alright?" Logan suddenly beamed at Kendall. "Alright, sure thing."

Logan lied on his bed thinking. Why was he so suddenly happy to hear Kendall say that?

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**(1)I do that too. I HATE inviting myself to things.**

**(2)I used to feel that way and I still do sometimes, but it's going away. I don't wish I was straight anymore, but I still wonder.**

**(3)My friends are always accidently saying stuff like that, but they don't know how much it really affects me because I haven't come out yet.**

**Well there you go! It's probably kinda boring right now, but trust me! It gets better! I know it's really short, but I'll try to make them longer. My goal is to get them to be almost as long as Silent Cries chapters. Why _was _Logan so happy to hear Kendall say that?  
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	2. Chapter 2 Life's a Beach

**Chapter 2 Life's a Beach**

**A/N: This morning I went on and read all of your reviews! I was only expecting like 2, but you guys really blew me away. I was all giddy and happy throughout school today. Anyway, I started this right when I finished reading the reviews. I also noticed that my summary implies that coming out was the only conflict in this story. I'm just mentioning this now so that you guys won't suddenly hate this for going from an angsty love story to something completely different. After all it says "what ELSE could go wrong". It's a story about life and love is not the only problem in life. Just think of it as 90210 ALMOST. Drugs, sex, gangs, hate, drama, relationships, rape- oh crud...just forget that last part for now, yeah?**

**To all of you who saw chapter 2 up then gone then up then gone then up again, IM SORRY! i uploaded the wrong document, then i did the write one but it didnt have any of the lines, and then i reread it and found POV mistakes. i was experimenting with LOGANS POV but decided against it so i changed it but didnt get all of them but now it should be right. sorry!**

**To all those who "made my list", please don't be offended by the order, I literally went through all of the (I believe there are 11 at this point) pages of Kogans and typed as I went. And if you aren't on the list in Chapter 1, I am most likely reading your story at the moment. Oh and I completely missed The One Wherein Logan is Girl. I think that one was strangely pretty cute.**

**Disclaimer: I never knew what disclaimers were and I still don't so I'm just gonna do what a lot of other people do. I do not own anything…but I do plan on becoming famous someday and meeting Logan and from there on who knows?**

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_Logan was standing there in 2J. There had been a black out and for one moment if you looked outside the window at the city, you could see the real LA. No lights, no glamour. Just dirt and graffiti. _

_He saw something move outside his window. Suddenly there was this face looking through the window at him. The brunette slowly backed away as the creature opened the window and crawled after him._

_Something moved on its shoulders. Heads were growing out of his body…and…and they had my family's face. There was Mom, Dad, Kendall, James, Carlos, Katie, Mama Knight, Gustavo, Kelly, Jo, Camille, and literally everyone at the Palm Woods. The faces all opened their mouths._

"_You sick faggot!" _

"_You're disgusting!"_

"_What's wrong with you?"_

_"It's all your fault!"_

_There was an entire wall full of hate coming at him. A red, blazing wall of fire created from hate surrounded Logan. It burned so much, but he couldn't yell out. He looked at all the faces on the monster, each and every one of them glaring and laughing...all but Kendall's face. _

_The room was suddenly gone and a wave of water crashed down and swirled around Logan and the monster .The hateful fire was doused and the monster screeched loudly. It screeched. It screeched. It became annoying._

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Logan awoke with a groan. He slammed his hand onto the alarm clock and grimaced at the time. 5am. The room was still dark. 'Which idiot set the alarm to 5am on a Saturday?' He glanced over at the bed on the other side of the room. Kendall was nowhere in sight. 'Must have been _that_ idiot.' He sighed and closed his eyes, thinking about his dream. Was that what it was really going to be like if he came out? They were all looking at him with disgust...all except...Kendall.

Kendall came into the room with a toothbrush in his mouth. "Ya bedda ged weady shoon if ya wanna co ta da shurfin leshon." Logan immediately perked up and shot out of bed. He went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth next to Kendall. Kendall was already finished. "Just wear some trunks and a shirt or something, we're gonna be in wetsuits anyway." Logan smiled through the foam around his mouth and nodded.

Logan finished up and went to his closet. He picked out some blue trunks and a long sleeve v-neck. It was still pretty chill, being it was only 5am. He went and met up with the other guys in the living room. "So Logie, you ready yet? Jeez you take forever, just like a girl dude!" Logan's step faltered and he tripped right into Kendall's arms. "Lay off James, I just woke him up."

"he-he, it's alright. sorry for holdin you guys up. Let's go." And with that they left.

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Logan sat shotgun in Guitar Dude's van with his head half out the window while the others sat in the back. The Palm Woods was only 5 blocks from the beach, but they used the van to bring all the equipment. Logan was surprised to see that they weren't the only ones up this early. They had passed about 20 other surfer guys and gals all in their wetsuits and carrying a board. 'Wow! They are fucking HOT!' Logan blushed at his own thought, but who could blame him? He was a teenage guy. Hormones. Logan lost track of time as he oggled all the guys, when the van came to a screeching halt.

It was now 6:30am, the sun had risen, the water was wavy, and the beach was slowly filling up. After changing, the guys all went into the water.

"So, like, dudes! Just remember! BALANCE!" The guys nodded and dove right on into the day's activity. James and Logan were easily balancing on their boards. Logan had taken gymnastics as a kid so his balance was perfect...almost. A wave crashed over him and he was wiped-out. Kendall, James, and Carlos swam over to him. "Logan! you alright bud?" Logan shook some water from his ears and nodded with a laugh. "Yeah!" They all joined in on the laughter.

* * *

After 3 hours of surfing, the boys were all lying on their boards on the sand. "I had the time of my life!" Logan cheered. "Man! that was amazing!" Carlos exclaimed over-enthusiastically. James scoffed. "No way! Have you seen my hai-" Logan turned to see why he stopped. James, Kendall, and Carlos were staring at some girls playing volleyball in the shallows of the water. Carlos whistled. "Wow...I call the blonde!" Kendall, James, and Logan laughed. "I like the red-head." James was practically drooling.

Kendall smiled. "I think the brunette's cute. How bout you Logan?" Logan was surprised by the question. "Hm? Oh! Um- er, that dirty blonde is pretty *ahem* hot." The guys seemed satisfied with Logan's absent-minded Mhmm's and Yup's throughout the whole volleyball game.

Logan turned around to see a guy with his upper wet-suit peeled off like a banana. He had amazing abs which were dripping wet. His hair was jet black and his eyes were amazingly blue. Logan sighed. If only he could just come out already so that he could partake in oggling conversations with more enthusiasm. Logan was always considering this to be a good enough reason to come out, but then he remembered what Kendall had said yesterday.

"_But I'm sure you wouldn't have liked it. Especially the wipe-outs. I mean, you being super girly sensitive and all._" If they already excluded him from things because they thought Logan was "super girly sensitive", what would they do if he was actually gay?(1) Logan shook the thought. 'Whatever I'll just not come out, that's all.'

"Hey let's go out. I'm starving" Logan was pretty hungry too so he obediently followed the group's leader. They all went to a nearby burger joint. As Logan sat at the table, waiting for everyone else to return with the food, that guy from the beach came and sat down across from him. His black bangs were slightly covering his blue eyes, but only up to the upper eyelashes. He was now wearing a t-shirt over his amazingly sculpted body and was still wearing the lower half of the wetsuit.

"Hi, there. I'm Adam." Logan sat a little awkwardly. "Hey, I'm Logan." Adam smiled warmly at how shy Logan was. "I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I saw you at the beach and I tend to become friends with people I see more than once" Logan chuckled. "Well you must have a lot of friends, Adam." Adam laughed. "Nah man. I also have an annoying fucking ability to make people hate me."

Logan smiled unable to think of anything to say to that. He thought it was cute. "But I think you look like someone who would be something um, I don't know cooler than a friend."

Logan was taken aback. Was this guy flirting with him? Logan didn't know what to do. He had never flirted before because he had known he was gay at a young age. This caused him to not flirt with girls, ever. Being the non-risk taker he was, he also never flirted with guys. "Um, c-cooler? I'm pretty sure I'm the least cool person you've met."

"Here's my number. Why don't you call me sometime? See if we could do some cool stuff." Logan looked down at the piece of paper and took it with a shaky hand. "Thanks." Adam looked like he was waiting for something. "Do you mind if I have your number, too?" Logan mentally slapped himself. "Oh yeah! Of course! Definitely! No problem!" Logan rambled the various forms of yesses as he scribbled his number on to a napkin for Adam. "Thanks, see you around Logan."

Adam got up to leave and bumped into Kendall. Kendall and Adam looked at each other for a second. Something sparked in Kendall's eyes and Logan recognized it. Anger. "H-hey guys! This is Adam...an old friend of mines! Our parents were friends!" Logan slightly pushed Adam away. "Great seeing you buddy! Hope you can make it to my Uncle Oswald's 80th birthday!" Adam nodded knowingly and made his exit.

Kendall and the others sat down and began their feast. Logan looked nervously at Kendall. 'Does he know?' Kendall looked up from his burger finally. "So Logan, how come we didn't get invited to your Uncle Oswald's party?" Logan's mind buzzed around for an excuse, but it was no use lying to Kendall. "I don't have an Uncle Oswald. I was just pulling a prank on him. We always did that back in Minnesota. He's out here for college. He's a Junior." Kendall eyed Logan skeptically. "Alrighty then. Just don't take anything too far alright? You know how bad things can get during a prank." Logan nodded. James and Carlos watched Logan and Kendall. Those two are acting really weird today.

Logan sat in his room alone. In his lap was his cell phone and Adam's number. The seven digits almost mocking him. 'Should I call him or wait for his call? What am I saying? I can't risk going out with him. He might not even like me that way.' Logan contemplated the idea of going out secretly with Adam. 'What the hell, he's hot, he likes me, I like him, he's hot. He was hot.' Logan jumped when Kendall entered the room.

"Logie common! It's movie night! The sooner the movie ends the sooner we sleep. Gustavo's gonna kill us if we're late tomorrow." Logan was out of breath from quickly hiding the phone and number under a blanket. "I'll be there in a sec! Just start it, I hate the ads." Kendall accepted the compromise and quickly went to start the movie. Logan saved the number into his phone and went to join the others.

There was already a pile of snacks and James, Carlos, Kendall, Jo, Camille, and Katie were already snuggled up in blankets on the couch. Logan opted for a bean-bag chair next to the couch and slightly farther back from the TV. As soon as he thought everyone was watching the movie he whipped out his phone and typed a text.

"Hey adam its logan. jus wantd to apologize for what happend earlier tday. that was prolly reelly weird huh?"

Logan held his breath waiting for a reply. When he couldn't hold it any longer he let out a loud sigh, earning him weird looks from everybody. He looked at the screen and noticed that it was a funny scene. No wonder they looked at him like that. 'They think I don't wanna be here' Logan laughed slightly trying to convince his friends he was into the movie.

His phone vibrated. "_Yeah a lil but its aight. u havent come out yet hav u? or r u straight? plzzz dont tell me ur a straighty! o_"

Logan read the message over and over again. He _did_ like him like that! Logan typed in the next message before he could think of the consequences. "Thx for understanding. no i havnt. NO im not a "straighty" lol :)"

The next text came a lot more quickly. "_Whew thank the fuckin lord...or whoever wants to let gays into heaven haha! sooooo do u wanna go out sumtime? i kno this rlly awwwesome place!_"

Logan almost squealed in delight, but he stopped himself from doing so. 'I really am girly!' Logan continued typing. "Sure id like that. i live at 2J at the palm woods. do u kno it?"

'_Ur kiddin me right? i live in 1J!_"

Logan almost fell out of his seat. How did he never see him? "No way! thats so cool! so now that thats outa the way, when do wanna go out?"

'_How bout tomoro nite? 8?_'

"Perfect! and y dont u come a lil early so i can introduce u to everyone...old friend? ;)"

"_Sure thing, hope my special ability doesnt work tomoro nite!_"

"me too...for your sake! i gtg. got somethin i need to be tomoro morning!"

"_alright! nite cutie!_"

Logan blushed. He never thought of himself as cute before. "Logan you alright? You're all red and you're burnin up!" Logan finally noticed Kendall's hand on his forehead. "Yeah I'm fine! Just a little flustered from this movie. Ya' know from all the fighting and stuff." Logan smiled att Kendall's concern, it was so...heartwarming. 'Wait what? Did I just use the words Kendall and heartwarming in the same sentence? No way, he's my best friend!' Logan shook the thought and went to bed. He slept sweetly that night with a certain boy in his mind. 'Kend-er Adam.'

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**(1) Oh how Logan and I share the same thoughts.**

**A/N: Hoped you liked it! Yay, it's longer! Can't wait till Big Time Live gets online! My dad canceled our cable and now I'm stuck watching BTR later than everyone else! More ideas spilling into my head, but gotta get to work on my Algebra HW! Sorry! PLZ REVIEW! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 Date Night

**Chapter 3 Date Night**

**A/N: Once again I am extremely sorry for all the mistakes I made in the last chapter. I know I may have caused a lot of confusion, but I'm getting the hang of this. **

**You are all sooo awesome in your reviews! Well I was **_**going**_** to do my Algebra HW, but then my parents took me to my grandma's house for dinner. I brought my binder, notebooks, pencils, laptop, but I forgot my textbook…so now I'm just writing this chapter! It must have been faith. :)**

**I'm going to put this at the beginning and also at the end if I remember to. I'm having some trouble picturing Adam. I wanna know who you guys picture him as. Here's how I created him: I used to have the hots for Will Anderson of the band Parachute. He had black hair and super blue eyes. I just thought that was hot. However, I DO NOT picture Adam as him. I just like that black hair, blue eyes combo. Adam is pretty muscular, has short/medium hair that goes to his top eyelashes. So who is **_**your **_**Adam? I'm thinking Matt Lanter. :)**

**It's raining here in not so beautiful Los Angeles. Well in my area it isn't so beautiful. I live in Northeast LA…horrible place haha, but I'm planning on going somewhere in life so no worries! :) Anyway the rain gave me a couple ideas for future chapters and maybe even this chapter. IDK it's a work in progress.**

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Logan was lying in his bed under the covers with a big grin on his face. He had a date with Adam tonight. It was only 5:30am, but he was just too excited to go to sleep. Giving up on his attempt at sleep, he got up and silently crept out of the room.

Logan was so happy that he wanted _everybody else _to be as happy as he was. He went into the kitchen and turned on a light. Pulling out a griddle, a spatula, some pancake mix, a measuring cup, a bowl, and a mixer he set of to work.

While mixing the batter he thought about Adam. Adam was just really great. He had a great sense of humor, was super charming, had a great smile that almost matched his own, his eyes were so unnaturally blue in a natural kinda way, and that fucking body! 'Man he is hot!' Logan looked down at the batter and deemed it ready for frying.

He tried pouring the batter into fun shapes like hearts, stars, x's and o's. All of them came out perfectly. After making some banana, some chocolate chip, some plain, some blueberry, and some with cinnamon, Logan arranged the counter/table with plates and sorted out the pancakes. The smell filled the apartment and in seconds, everyone was walking out of their rooms toward the smell.

"Logan you made these? What's the occasion?" Logan smiled at a yawning Mrs. Knight. "Nothing much, Mama Knight! Just wanted to make pancakes for my awesome family on this magnificent day!" Everyone in the room gave Logan the "common seriously?" look, well everyone except Carlos who was attacking his pancakes head on.

"Ok fine. I saw an old friend of mine, Adam, yesterday at the beach and I'm gonna go hang out with him today. We used to be really close when we were younger. His parents were friends with my parents. He's here for college and coincidentally, he lives in 1J here at the Palm Woods. Kendall, James, and Carlos already um –met. Adam's coming over a lil bit before we leave to officially meet everybody since the last time didn't go so well." He had to take in a huge breath after practically shouting that all out in one bite. Logan glanced at Kendall with a kinda nervous/accusing/happy/sympathetic smile. Kendall seemed neutral, which was a lot better than anger. "Well let's eat." Kendall announced with a smile.

Everyone sat down to eat while Logan went to get dresses. "You're not eating? That's really bad for you. You should know. You're the doc-". Logan cut Kendall off. "I was eating mines as I made them." Kendall merely nodded.

Logan went to his closet and looked through it. He wanted to wear something nice, but casual. Obviously he was going to change after rehearsals, but with Adam living in the same building he couldn't take the risk of being caught dressed like crap. He picked a striped cardigan over a black v-neck and some faded blue jeans. He fixed his hair and headed out.

"Isn't that what you wore for our "Halfway There" music vid?" Logan smiled at Kendall. "Yeah, I guess it is. How'd you know?" Kendall's smile faltered by a fraction. "Uh- I remember all of our outfits from that day! Yeah that's it." Carlos started laughing hysterically. "And we thought James was the one who obsessed over clothes!" James punched Carlos. "Oh yeah? What did I wear Kendall?" Kendall shot him a glare and blushed. "I don't fuckin know?" He turned to Logan only to find that he wasn't there anymore. Kendall finished his food and went to his room.

'How did I remember what Logan wore, but not anyone else?' Kendall sighed and continued with getting ready for rehearsal.

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Logan stepped into the elevator and pushed the down button. It stopped on the first floor and Logan quickly scrambled to fix himself up in case Adam was on the other side of the doors. The doors opened and in walked Camille. Logan was relieved yet also disappointed. He had wanted to run into Adam. "Hey Logan!" Logan almost pouted. "Nothin, just about to go to Rocque Records. You?" Camille sighed dreamily." I have another audition." Logan turned to Camille and decided not to interrupt her daydream. He leaned against the elevator wall on his side.

The doors opened and Logan tripped in his attempt to stand up straight. "Oh, hey Adam!" Adam looked at Logan on his knees and chuckled. "Hey Logan ol' buddy ol' pal." Logan looked a little confused until he got up and noticed Camille walking by him. Logan exited the elevator and walked over Adam.

"We still on for tonight?" Logan nodded with a huge smile. "Great! I'll come to your place at 7." Adam walked into the elevator just as Kendall, James, and Carlos burst out of the stairs. They quickly grabbed Logan and dragged him into the lime.

"What's the rush" Logan asked as he sat down next to Kelly. "You guys are late." Kelly looked worried. "What's wrong? We're always late?" Kelly looked at the other boys. They shrugged. "Gustavo wanted you guys in his office early today. He had some announcement." Logan still didn't see what the rush was for.

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"What took you dogs so **LONG**? I've been waiting here for **10 precious minutes**!" Logan winced. "Sorry Gustavo, it was my fault, I got held up in some business." Gustavo looked downright murderous. "Whatever! The reason why I wanted you dogs here early is because there's going to be a huge Hollywood Celebrity Party tonight and **YOU **were invited. So we are going to spend all day making sure you don't **embarrass yourselves**! Now go get ready!"

The boys walked away from Gustavo. "Why'd you lie for us? You were the first one to be out the door." Logan sighed at Carlos. "I don't know, I just didn't feel like getting yelled at for a long time so I got it over with." Kendall looked at Logan with concern. "What about your plans tonight Logie? Weren't you hanging with Adam? You know what? Don't answer that. Go and have fun. I'll cover for you." Logan stared at Kendall like he was an angel. "A-are you sure? I mean I could just reschedule."

"No just go and have fun. You deserve it. Besides you haven't seen your friend in a really long time and I know how lonely you're getting out here in LA." Logan grinned. "Thanks guys!" Without another word he ran off home.

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It was 7 o'clock and everyone was sitting around waiting for Adam. Logan was dressed in a t-shirt and a leather jacket with black jeans. It was an outfit that he usually wore for big celebrity events, concerts, or music videos, but this was just as special. Of course, nobody else knew why exactly. The other guys were dressed similarly for the party. Logan leapt out his seat and ran for the door. Before he opened it, he looked back at everybody and mouthed "BE NICE!"

The door opened and there were those blue eyes sparkling with excitement. He was wearing a dark army jacket over a navy blue hoodie with black jeans. "Hey Logan. Long time no see!" With a wink Adam walked inside with Logan about a foot away. "Guys, this is Adam. Adam, this is Mrs. Knight, Katie, and you already met Kendall, Carlos, and James." Logan pointed to each named person. "It's really nice to meet you all." Then in a whisper to Logan "I really hope that ability of mines won't work today…you're friends look like they can totally kick my ass." Logan laughed.

"So Adam, what are you doing here in LA?" Adam flashed his pearly whites to the protective mother. "I'm here to attend college at UCLA. I'm a Junior and I'm majoring in creative writing." Mrs. Knight nodded with approval.

James took a few steps forward. "…Dude, how do you get your hair like that?" Adam chuckled. "I don't know, really. I just shower, dry it, then run my hands through it a couple times. But I think your hair is way more awesome dude!" James beamed. 'This guy has a way with words.'

Up next was Carlos. "Hey what's up? I'm Carlos, but you can call me Carlitos or whatever! And yes I wear this helmet A LOT!" Adam looked like he didn't know what to say for a quick second. "Alright Carlitos. Just about to go hang with Logan here, for a bit. That helmet looks pretty reliable. Where'd you get it? I might need one of those for hockey next winter." Carlos was about to answer when Kendall stepped up to the plate. He was a few inches taller than Adam.

"Hey I'm Kendall. Sorry about the other day. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." Logan was grinning almost like the Cheshire Cat. This was going perfectly. "No problem Kendall. And don't worry I seem to have that ability to make horrible first impressions that make people hate me, haha!" Logan laughed nervously. It sounded funny when Adam joked about it with him, but out load in front of other people it sounded kinda stupid.

"Well we're gonna go now so seeya later!" Logan dragged Adam by the arm and they were off into the night. "I think they like me." Logan turned to Adam who was smiling with a smug, but appropriate grin. "Yeah me too. So where are we going?"

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'Logan is one fast little bastard' Kendall thought as he walked into his room. There on Logan's bed was his phone. Kendall smirked deviously. He picked up the phone and opened the messages.

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They walked up to Adam's car which was a blue Ford Fiesta. (1) "I know this little place that makes the best Vietnamese food ever!"(2) Logan nodded and climbed into the passenger seat. Adam started the car and a song from his hooked up iPod came on. "I love this song! The Mess I Made right?"(3) Logan exclaimed. "Yeah, I really liked this song too, but none of my friends did so I kinda only listened to it by myself." Logan began humming along to the song as Adam drove.

After a couple songs, Logan noticed that Adam's iPod almost exactly like Kendall's. With a few exceptions of songs that were in his own, Logan was sure that almost every song was also in Kendall's iPod. "You have really good taste in music. Where do you hear it from?" Adam pulled up to the restaurant. "From my chick friends. My guy friends. My cousin. And sometimes I find them by mistake on YouTube, haha!"

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Logan looked at the restaurant. It was across the street from some high school and was completely white. The windows were dim and there was one large wooden door that opened like a house door. As they walked in, Logan was blown away by the contrast inside. The walls were a dark olive green with a blue ceiling and burgundy carpeting. The lights were dimmed so it had a very romantic feel.

The table they sat at was rather long and big enough for maybe 8 people. They sat with each boy on a different side of the same corner. "We didn't have to get this table. there's only the two of us. " Adam smirked mischievously. "Yeah I know, but I always sit here. I know the owner so it's not a problem." Logan nodded. He looked down at their menu and tilted his head to the left. "I've never eaten this kinda food before. What should I get?"

"Try this. It's pork meat, eggrolls, a shrimp cake, and some rice vermicelli." Adam pointed to a picture. Logan smiled gratefully. Adam picked something that looked like he could handle. Logan loved to try new things because he wanted to be a "cultural" person, but that didn't mean he had the stomach for it. "Sounds delicious!" As the waitress walked away with their orders, they talked about each other.

"So you know that I'm in LA for college, but what are you here for? You don't look like you lived here long."

"Well, me and the family came here about a year ago from Minnesota. We kinda somehow formed a band. We actually just got back from tour so that's probably why I never saw you around." Logan began telling Adam everything that happened in the last year. How Kendall was the leader. How James wanted to be famous. How Kendall made it possible for them to all come to LA. How Carlos loved the swirly slide. How Kendall got him to take that huge risk. How Katie was a tycoon. How Kendall was his best friend.

"Hold up...you're from Big Time Rush? No wonder I thought I saw you before the beach! One of my chick friends had this poster of you guys in her dorm. I didn't pay much attention, but I did always think you were the hottest." Logan blushed at the little joke at the end.

The waitress came with their food and they began eating. Logan bit into the food slowly tasting it like on the food network. "This is great!" Adam nodded. "Yup this is my favorite place." They quickly finished their meal and were off for the next destination.

* * *

"That's a pretty interesting combination, Adam" Adam shrugged. "Not really. Think of it as fruit salad in the form of frozen yogurt." Logan raised an eyebrow. "Fruit salad with cookie dough bits, caramel, chocolate syrup, and peanut butter cups?" Adam pouted, but it was more of a hot manly pout to Logan. "At least mine has fruit. You got all candy flavors!" Logan looked down at his cup. It was true. He picked chocolate, peanut butter, and cookies&cream with M&Ms, peanut butter cups, cookie dough bits, marshmallows, and drowned in chocolate syrup. "I love sweets." Logan defended shyly.

* * *

Adam walked Logan up to 2J. Logan turned to Adam. "I had fun tonight. It was really cool." Logan couldn't help, but think of how cliché that sounded. "Yeah, me too. Maybe we could do some more cool stuff again?" Logan could've sworn his heart skipped a beat. He snapped out of it and said, "Of course. I'd like that." Adam leaned forward a bit. Logan slowly pecked him on the lips and disappeared into the apartment.

* * *

**(1) I really like this car. :)**

**(2) I was always thought that surfers would be cultural people.**

**(3) This song is gonna be kind of important. I really loved this song. **

**A/N: So how was it? Yay it was waaaaayyyyyyyyy longer...or at least it was to me. **

**I wrote the author's note at the top last night. For those of you who are worried, I finished my HW today n the library before my class started :). I just finished this as soon as I came home from Student Run LA practice. We ran 2-miles which kinda disappointed me. I was hoping for the usual 7 miles.**

**Anyway! Gonna go and do my HW! SOOO MUCH, BUT I JUST THOUGHT I'D DO THIS FIRST! PLZZ REVIEW! :)**

**OH AND WHO'S**_** YOUR **_**ADAM?**


	4. Chapter 4 It's Gonna Be A Long Night

**Chapter 4 It's Gonna Be A Long Night**

**A/N: The reviews are amazing! Thank you soo much! I got a couple of interesting Adams in the reviews. There all pretty cool, but I think I'm sticking with Matt Lanter. He looks young enough to be in college, yet young enough to not look weird with Logan. It's 4:50pm here in LA and I just got back from a Science Olympiad meeting. I didn't get to get anything of this chapter done today. I woke up and instantly started on Algebra HW. Then there was school. I can't emphasize how many times I thought about writing this! So here you go!**

**I got email alerts that certain people favorited and subscribed to my story and I literally yelled out in happiness so thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I never knew what disclaimers were and I still don't so I'm just gonna do what a lot of other people do. I do not own anything…but I do plan on becoming famous someday and meeting Logan and from there on who knows?**

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"Well we're gonna go now so seeya later!" Logan dragged Adam by the arm and they were off into the night.

Kendall instantly stopped smiling and went out to the balcony, leaving a very confused Carlos and James behind. He sighed. 'Why do I get the feeling Logan's hiding something? I hate it when he hides things from me." Someone tapped on the shoulder and he jumped.

"James you've gotta stop sneakin up on me dude." James ignored the request. "Why don't you like Adam? Weren't you the one who randomly said that it's really hard to hate a guy named Adam a few days ago?" Kendall shrugged. "I don't know. Normally I don't think I would hate a guy like him. Especially cause his name is Adam. I mean, have you ever met a bad dude named Adam? I think it has somethin to do with Logie. I can't help, but feel worried about him." James nodded slowly. "Well I like him." With that, James walked away.

Kendall thought about how Logan had run off. He looked awkwardly shy. It was almost kinda cute. 'Wait cute? Logan is not cute. He's a dude. I'm a dude. We're best friends! Whatever, but still though.'

'Logan is one fast little bastard' Kendall thought as he walked into his room. There on Logan's bed was his phone. Kendall smirked deviously. He picked up the phone and opened the messages.

Suddenly the phone was snatched out of his hands. "What the fuck, Carlos?" Carlos looked like he was mad. "Look I know you're worried for Logie and I am too, but this is the wrong way to help." Kendall looked at Carlos with an "are-you-kidding-me?" look. "Fine"

James popped into the room. "Let's go, the party is gonna start in a bit." Carlos placed Logan's phone on the nightstand and followed James out. Kendall instantly grabed the phone and read the conversation between Logan and Adam.

"Hey adam its logan. Jus wantd to apologize for what happend earlier tday. That was prolly reely weird huh?"

Kendall wondered what happened that day. He read on.

"_Yeah a lil but its aight. u havent come out yet hav u? or r u straight?plzzz don't tell me ur a straighty! 0"_

Kendall's grip on the phone almost broke it. 'That guy is hitting on Logie? No wonder I didn't like him! He seemed like a nice guy, but Logan isn't gay, right?" Even in his head he could hear the growing doubt. Kendall didn't have anything against homosexuality. Half the kids at the Palm Woods were gay, but he was mad because he was worried about what he would read next.

"Thx for understanding. no i havnt. NO im not a "straighty" lol :)"

Kendall almost dropped the phone, but kept reading in shock.

"_Whew thank the fuckin lord...or whoever wants to let gays into heaven haha! sooooo do u wanna go out sumtime? i kno this rlly awwwesome place!_"

"Sure id like that. i live at 2J at the palm woods. do u kno it?"

'_Ur kiddin me right? i live in 1J!_"

"No way! thats so cool! so now that thats outa the way, when do wanna go out?"

'_How bout tomoro nite? 8?_'

"Perfect! and y dont u come a lil early so i can introduce u to everyone...old friend? ;)"

Kendall turned pale. 'That must've been where they went! Not to hang out. It was a date. A date. A date between his "best friend" and a guy he hated.

"_Sure thing, hope my special ability doesnt work tomoro nite!_"

"me too...for your sake! i gtg. got somethin i need to be tomoro morning!"

"_alright! nite cutie!_"

Kendall read the texts over and over. He didn't know what to think. His mind was a blur. Carlos and James came in just as he put down the phone. "Let's go!" Kendall walked past them without any emotion. James and Carlos looked at each other. "This is gonna be a long night."

* * *

Kendall, James, and Carlos walked into the club. "Hey guys! Thanks for making it to my birthday!" Jordin Sparks smiled at the three boys. Three? "Where's Logan?" Kendall walked away. James frowned. "He's out with an old friend, but he really wanted to come. Sorry bout Kendall. He's just really tired from rehearsals today. Happy Birthday." Carlos and James danced with Jordin for half the night. After a while Jordin went to go sing a few songs. James and Carlos danced with some other girls the rest of the night. They didn't pay attention to Kendall who was in the bathroom all night. They were really annoyed by him. Why was he acting so weird?

* * *

Logan closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He sighed and slid down to sit. That was his first ever kiss. "Wow" he let out with a whisper. Logan got up and walked though the dark apartment into his room. The phone on the night stand rang.

_"Logan do you wanna come over to my place tomorrow after you get out from school? There's someone I want you to meet :)"_

"Yeah, definitely! I'll be over at 3. Seeya then!"

He pulled on some pajamas and collapsed onto his bed. His heart had skipped too many times that day. He was extremely sleepy. He looked at Kendall's bed and instead of wondering what everyone else was doing, 'I wonder what Kendall's up to?'

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**A/N: Well, there it is! I have the perfect idea for the next chapter…which is also where things get angsty! This was surprisingly short despite the title, but I feel like it should have ended there. Don't worry though! I'm already starting on the next chapter! Forget the Algebra. I'll do **_**that **_** in the morning. (do I procrastinate a lot?) PLZ REVIEW! :)**


	5. Chapter 5 Blue Eyes, Green Eyes

**Chapter 5 Blue Eyes, Green Eyes**

**A/N: Here is chapter 5! It took a little thinking and rethinking and changing and rechanging, but it should be perfect. Now all I have to do is type it. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to read it because it's in my head! Lol. Sorry. Kinda hyper. Just had some ice-cream.**

**Thank you reviewers! You are awesome. Um, you might wanna mentally prepare yourself for a few surprises. You've been warned. Lol jk, it's not that bad.**

**Disclaimer: I finally know what a disclaimer is! It's this thing! I do not own anything…but I do plan on becoming famous someday and meeting Logan and from there on who knows?**

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Logan woke up to the sound of his alarm. It was 6am. 'Today is the day I get to see what Adam's place looks like.' He couldn't help, but grin.

The brunette went to get ready for school. He brushed his teeth, showered, and picked out some nice clothes. He wore a red t-shirt under a navy blue sweater vest with some grey jeans. Throughout his routine he noticed something. Where was Kendall? He wasn't in bed, which was strange because Logan always had to wake him up on school days.

He stepped into the living room to find the blonde sprawled all over the couch in his party clothes. Logan looked him up and down and licked his lips. Kendall was pretty hot. 'It's not like I'm like him though. He's just hot. Just like how he probably thinks Camille is hot. That didn't mean he likes her.' Logan had noticed that Kendall was still in love with Jo, but the blonde tried to hide it when they broke up.

* * *

FLASHBACK

Kendall and Logan walked into the pool area to find Jo with her lips locked with her co-star. Logan looked up at Kendall, but he seemed calm. "Hey, Jo! Rehearsing for another kiss scene?"

Jo immediately pulled away and fixed her hair. She looked frantic and surprised. "Um yeah! That's what we're doing!" Kendall looked like he believed her cause he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

Logan watched Kendall with concern as they walked back to 2J. He looked back and saw Jo wiping her face where Kendall had kissed her. Logan gasped at what he saw.

When they entered the living room, Kendall sat on the couch and blasted his iPod. Logan came over and sat on the coffee table across from him. Kendall pulled out the headphones when he saw Logan's face. "You know, she wasn't rehearsing, right." Kendall sighed. "Yeah. I do know." Logan hugged his best friend. Normally it was Kendall who always comforted Logan, but this time Logan knew that it was his turn.

* * *

Logan shook Kendall by the shoulder. He opened his green eyes and saw deep chocolatey eyes staring down at him. "Wake up sleepy. School is starting in half an hour." Kendall sat up and looked confused. Like he forgot something and was trying to remember. "Some party last night, huh?"

Suddenly Kendall remembered what happened the previous night. He got up from the couch and went to get ready. Logan tilted his head and shrugged.

* * *

Logan sat down in the classroom as everybody else scrambled in. He wasn't excited like usual. He wanted school to be over with so that he could go to Adam's. Gustavo had given the day off when Jordin called and apologized for keeping them out so late. She told him they were probably way too tired to rehearse. Gustavo loved Jordin like a daughter so agreed.

Logan turned to the side and noticed that Kendall was sitting on the other side of Carlos and James. Odd. He usually sat next to Logan for help in the class work. Logan shrugged it off, but couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

The bell rang and Logan bolted for the door. He ran up the stairs to the first floor.(1) He stopped in front of Adam's and breathed in and out a few times to calm himself. He didn't want to look too eager. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He knocked again. Nothing. He was about to knock again when he heard something scratching on the door. Just then Adam walked over with some grocery bags and his blue eyes.

"Hey Logan! Can you give me a hand?" Logan grabbed a bag and looked into it. 'Cat food? Oh my god, please don't tell me he eats cat food!' Adam opened the door slowly and kneeled down to pick something up. He placed the bags on the kitchen counter and turned around to see Logan looking around his apartment with the bag still in his arms.

Logan was amazed by all of the art on the walls. They were so beautiful. Landscapes, abstracts, and just simple things like sketches of a spilled wine glass. "You like?" Logan opened his mouth to answer when something jumped onto his head. He looked up and slightly jumped.

There were big green eyes staring at him curiously. Adam took the bad from Logan and backed away nervously. Logan slowly reached up and pulled the kitten down. "This is Maisy." The kitty meowed and licked her nose. Logan "aw"ed. "Hey Maisy, I'm Logan." Maisy licked Logan's hand and meowed. "She likes you." Adam smiled brightly at Logan. "Hey Logan, let's be exclusive. Like boyfriends." Logan looked up into those sparkling blue eyes. "Seriously?" Adam nodded. "Yeah, seriously." Logan grinned and kissed Adam deeply. "Yes!"

The two sat on Adam's olive green couch and played with Maisy while they talked. "So why did you decide to ask me to be exclusive so early? N-not that I want to wait!" Adam laughed. "You passed the Maisy test. None of my dates ever pass test. Maisy always scratches them when she meets them. But she licked you." Logan couldn't help, but feel like they were in a movie. He glanced at his watch.

"Oh fuck! I need to go. It's 5 and I still need to pick up dinner." Adam looked disappointed. "Do you want me to drive you?" Logan shook his head. "No thanks, I can drive." Adam opened the door for Logan who ran out of the room. He ran down the hall and turned back to wave.

Adam waved back with one hand and in the other was Maisy with her green eyes staring cutely at him. Something about those green eyes…-the elevator doors dinged and opened and Logan ran in.

'That cutie is one quick little bastard…_my_ cutie.'

* * *

Logan really needed to carry his phone with him more. It rang on the nightstand again and Kendall had just walked out of the shower. He contemplated whether or not to read the message. He still hadn't figured out his thoughts yet and another text would probably mix them all up some more. Kendall turned and got dressed. He was about to leave the room when he glanced back. He really wanted to know what that text said. He wasn't a nosy person, but he just needed to know. He picked up the phone and opened the text. It was from Adam.

"_Hey boyfriend! Man I jus love sayin that word. Boyfriend. Don't u boyfriend? Lol! ;)_"

Kendall dropped the phone. He was getting a little dizzy and needed some air. He ran out of the room and bolted towards the streets of LA.

James and Carlos were on the couch and just ignored him. James was frowning. "Whatever's going on, he needs to get his shit straight and tell us. Otherwise we can't help." Carlos agreed. "Hey, where's Logan?"

* * *

Logan waited for his order to be ready. He was at a popular Mexican restaurant. It was Mexican Monday. The restaurant was really busy, but Logan was friends with the owner. 'I should bring Adam here. Then again, even though this place is awesome, the neighborhood isn't.' Logan's order was called and he went to go pick it up.

As he reached the counter a man in a ski mask ran in. He pointed his gun at the cashier. "**OPEN IT AND GIMME THE FUCKING MONEY BITCH!**" The cashier slowly nodded and opened the register. "**HURRY THE FUCK UP AND PUT THE MONEY IN THE GOD DAMN BAG NOW!**"

Logan stood there frozen. 'Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit! Crap! Crap! Crap! Fuck! Damn! Damn! WHAT DO I DO?' He couldn't think properly. He always was one to crack under pressure.

The gunman turned to leave when he saw Logan. Logan whimpered and closed his eyes and put his hands up. "Dressed very nicely boy." He pointed the gun right between Logan's eyes. "**LOOK AT ME BOY! I WANNA SEE THOSE EYES!**" Logan opened his eyes hesitantly and looked directly at the gun a centimeter from him. He panicked. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! PLEASE PLEASE! I'LL GIVE YOU MY WALLET! PLEASE. Please." Logan was sobbing as he got the last word out. He was so scared. He thought of all the things that happened that day. He would never get to see his family again. He'd never get to find out why Kendall was so upset with him. He'd never see Adam again. He'd never see Kendall again. He'd never see Adam again. He'd never see Kendall again. He'd neve-

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP BOY! LOOK AT ME AND SHUT UP!**" The order snapped Logan out of his thoughts. Logan looked at the masked man beyond the gun and gasped. There were cold blue eyes staring at him. Unnaturally, natural blue eyes. The gunman smirked. "**GIMME YOUR FUCKIN WALLET!**" Logan quickly, but shakily pulled out his wallet. The blue-eyed man grabbed it.

He growled. "**60 BUCK? FUCKING WORTHLESS CHEAP PIECE OF SHIT!**" He smacked Logan across the face with the handle of his gun. "**GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KILL YOUR ASS AND SPILL YOUR FUCKING PUSSY GUTS ALL OVER THESE WALLS!**"

Logan ran out of the restaurant and ran home. He completely forgot about his car, but that wouldn't have helped anyway since he was so terrified and jumpy. He stopped around a corner. He was in the alley of the Palm Woods. He got into a fetal position against the wall and sobbed.

* * *

Kendall was coming back from his walk. He had needed some air. As he neared the Palm Woods he stopped. He heard sobbing. The blonde walked toward the sound. It was coming from the alley. He poked his head around the corner, but saw nothing. He was about to turn around when he saw something on the floor. He noticed it was Logan.

Kendall instantly forgot about what happened over the past few days and kneeled down in front of Logan. "L-Logan? What's wrong? You're bleeding!" When he realized Logan couldn't answer from all the sobbing he sat himself next to Logan and rubbed his back. "It's ok Logan. Calm down. I'm right here. Tell me what happened." Logan finally calmed down a bit at the comforting words.

"I w-was picking up d-dinner. This g-guy came in and robbed the place. H-he turned the g-g-gun at me, Kendall! I was so scared!" Logan shut his eyes and sobbed into Kendall's shoulder. "Oh my god, Logie. It's gonna be ok. Do you want me to call Adam? He is your boyfriend right?" Kendall had completely gotten over Logan being gay when he saw the blood all over Logan's cheek. Logan looked up at Kendall. His green eyes were filled with fear, worry, and genuine Kendall-kindness. Before he could stop himself he kissed Kendall on the lips.

Kendall was still for a few seconds before he roughly pushed Logan off and ran back to the Palm Woods. Logan was left behind in a dirty puddle in the alley. "What have I done?" Images of himself kissing Kendall rushed around inside his head. Then he began to feel guilty for cheating on Adam. 'Adam.' He thought back to kissing Adam deeply, but then those cold blue eyes at the restaurant and then the gun. The images swirled around in his head. He rolled over and got on his knees and threw up because of the thoughts coming to his head.

**(1) I always thought that the lobby of a place wouldn't count as the first floor.**

**A/N: I'm so sorry Logan! It really hurt to write this. I told you there was going to be angst! Will things get better soon? **_**I**_** don't even know that yet. **

**It was really weird writing all those swear words. I actually finished this yesterday, like 4 hours after posting Chapter 4, but I thought that I should space the chapters apart. I literally wore this story around my neck in a Flash Drive all day. It was the only copy of the story so I was having fun "protecting it". Haha I was sooo goofy today. It was extremely agonizing today because I had a Science Bowl meeting and had to wait 2 hours longer than I should have to post this.**

**On the bright side. I'm ahead of myself. So now my updates should come every week day at around 5pm. I'm eating fish sticks so yeeeeaaaaaahhhh…PLZ REVIEW! :)**


	6. Chapter 6 The Mess I Made Breaking Down

**Chapter 6 The Mess I Made Is Breaking Down**

**A/N: The reviews have been amazing! I never thought I'd see get so many when I started this. Thank you sooo much. The reviews and writing this story are the highlights of my day.**

**The title is more of a mix of two titles. I couldn't decide between the two because they were both big topics in this chapter so I just mixed them together.**

**Please forget what I said in the last chapter. My updates are going to come randomly, but will almost always come every day. I know that it sounded like I meant I was only going to update on weekdays, but that's not what I meant. They WILL come every day. Most likely around 5pm or 6pm on weekdays because I signed up for SOOOOOOOOO many clubs and extracurricular activities. On weekends the time could vary from early in the morning or late at night. Please don't stay up too late or wake up too early. I encourage you to sleep as much as you can. I would hate to think I was the reason why you would be sleep deprived!**

**Sorry I couldn't post this earlier. My neighbor's internet is crap, but my dad says he's not paying for internet that I could just get from my neighbor for free. The only way the internet would work is if I use my laptop, because I can move it around to get a better signal. Problem is, the laptop is full of viruses and the charger is broken. I spent an hour bending the wire in all sorts of ways. Now I just gotta leave it alone. Trust me. I WANTED TO POST THIS! I HAD IT PREWRITEN AND EVERYTHING.**

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Logan wiped his mouth and collapsed on his back. He felt so confused. He was scared, guilty, angry, and confused. All the emotions mixed up together in his chest causing him to curl up in a ball there in the alley. His chest ached from all the emotions mashing against each other and expanding in his body.

He couldn't close his eyes. If he did, those cold blue eyes would be there staring at him. Logan was staring at the ground when he felt something touch his cheek. It was wet and dripped down to mix with his blood and tears. More and more came and Logan finally realized it was rain. He should've gotten up and went inside, but he was too confused to even do that simple task. He lied there sobbing as the rain came down heavily.

It pounded down on him. It pushed him into the ground. As the pressure became too much, Logan sat up and wiped away all the tears and blood from his face. He was soaking wet. After a few minutes he got up on his feet, but fell again to his knees. He groaned at how much it hurt because he was cold. He pushed away all other thoughts as he pushed himself off the ground and walked to the Palm Woods. He entered the building and was met by an annoyed Bitters.

"You're getting the lobby all wet! Hurry up and get out of here!" Logan nodded and walked emotionlessly to the elevator, following the same order twice in one night. He reached the second floor and went inside 2J.

"Logan you're all wet!" Logan ignored Carlos and walked into his room. He entered the connected bathroom and locked the door behind him. He was still pushing away his thoughts as he mechanically pulled off his clothes and got into the shower.

He felt awful. He felt cold. He felt dirty. He turned on the shower as hot as it went. He hissed at the scolding hot water, but sighed heavily when he realized none of it went away. None of the confusion. None of the fear. None of the cold. None of the dirtiness. He picked up the bar of soap and scrubbed himself until the bar was gone. Still nothing.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He groaned at how sensitive his skin was from the heat and rubbing. But that only added to his crappyness. He went into his room and pulled on some pajamas. He climbed into his bed and covered himself with his blanket. He didn't feel as scared anymore in the safety of 2J.

He turned on his side and noticed that Kendall was already asleep on his bed facing away from him. Logan's heart twitched. He felt safer knowing Kendall was there.

Logan looked down and saw his phone on the floor. He pushed a button and unlocked it. The first thing that popped up was the opened message from Adam.

"_Hey boyfriend! Man I jus love sayin that word. Boyfriend. Don't u boyfriend? Lol! ;)_"

Logan gasped as all the emotions came flooding back. The flood hit him hard. He felt nauseous. He dropped the phone and began to silently sob. 'Why?'

'Was Adam really the masked gunman? No he couldn't be.' Logan wanted to refuse it, but those blue eyes just kept popping into his head. 'Could it be true?' Logan looked at Kendall again, but this time he felt differently. 'Kendall hates me. It was already bad enough he found out I'm gay, but why the fuck did I have to go and kiss him?'

Logan quickly lied back down as Kendall shifted in his bed. 'What am I going to do?' He couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted to sleep. Logan shut his eyes and willed himself to sleep. Something he had gotten used to doing.

* * *

Kendall awoke at the sound of the house phone ringing. He was the only one who could hear it because he was the leader. The protector. He had to have sensitive ears. He got up and picked up the phone in the living room. Kendall it's Kelly. Your teacher called and told us that school has been canceled for a few weeks because their doing renovations to that department in the Palm Woods. Gustavo wanted to rush over personally to drag you guys to rehearsal, but he has some family issues that he needs to work out. So you guys are free for the next few weeks." Kendall yawned. "Ok thanks Kelly. Bye."

* * *

Logan woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. He slammed it and rolled back onto his back. He felt a little better, but not by much. Last night's events were still fresh in his mind. He had to talk to someone.

"Who am I kidding? I can't talk to anyone. They don't know I'm even gay, let alone dating Adam. Kendall's the only one that knows and he probably hates me now.' Logan decided he would just keep it to himself. It would eventually go away right? He got up and walked out of his room.

Kendall yawned. "Ok thanks Kelly. Bye." Logan stopped. He didn't count on Kendall being up yet. Kendall turned around about to head back to bed when he saw Logan in the doorway. The brunette looked awful. Bags under his eyes. Eyes puffy. Teeth obviously clenched. Logan took a step forward, but Kendall just turned and went into James's and Carlos's shared room. He flinched as the door slammed closed.

* * *

A week had gone by since Logan and Kendall spoke. Everyone noticed it, but no one had the courage to ask about it. This made Logan even more depressed. He had absolutely no one to talk to.

At first it had been easy to hide, but every now and then he slipped. When he thought no one was looking he would stare at Kendall with a sad expression. He would cry at night and sometimes cry in his sleep.

Logan hadn't seen Adam all week. With each passing day without confronting Adam, he really began to believe that Adam was the gunman who had pointed a gun at his face.

'They're about the same height. He sounded kinda like him. He even sounded amused when he was doing it. What if it was all just some sick game? There were also those eyes. Oh god, those eyes.'

Logan snapped out of his reverie as James and Carlos walked up to him. They stopped in front of the couch where he was sitting and turned off the TV. "I was watching that." Logan pouted not looking at his best friends. "No you aren't Logie. Tell us what's going on." Logan looked up at James with a scoff, the kind you do when you try to lie about something. "Nothing's going on, dude. Why do you ask?" Carlos shook Logan by the shoulders and he jumped slightly at the touch. "Why aren't you and Kendall talking then."

James gulped. Logan was probably going to explode on them, but instead he just said, "Nothin's goin on Carlitos. Relaaaxx. Hop onto the Logan Express to Mellowvilllllle…choo choo." James and Carlos looked at each then to Logan and sighed. James sat down next to Logan. "Look somethin's goin on so when you feel like talkin, come see us. We're just in the next room." Carlos nodded to show that he was with James on this.

Logan was about to crack when Kendall walked in. He glanced at the three on the couch. It looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it. He walked past them into the bedroom. "Don't worry, if something was going on I'd tell you guys ok? You're my best friends." Logan blushed slightly at his own words.

* * *

Kendall was in his and Logan's room. He didn't know what to think anymore. First he wasn't sure if he was going to be ok with Logan being gay, but he _did_ know that he wasn't ok with Logan dating _Adam_. Then when he saw how distressed Logan was, he instantly knew he would be ok with Adam because he was one of the people other than himself that could make Logan happy. But then Logan kissed him. That messed everything up. He didn't know what to think anymore.

'Did something happen between them to make him kiss me? I mean, knowing Logan he wouldn't be a cheater. Maybe something did happen. BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO KISS _ME_?' Kendall groaned at all the shit that was going on. He really hated drama when it happened in real life. 'But I still shouldn't have pushed him like that. And then I ran off. God, he must have felt like shit! And to be honest he _looks_ like shit now-a-days. I feel like such a fucking asshole.'

Kendall looked outside his window and saw Logan sitting alone where they would always do their bonfire jams. 'He's all alone. He's always been alone. All his life. No one to talk to because he was afraid to come out. Fuck, that sounds horrible. I gotta apologize. Even if he likes me, I'm gonna need to put that aside so he has someone to talk to. I'm the only one that knows. The protector. The leader.' Kendall grimaced at the word "leader". He always hated that word.

Kendall smiled slightly. He lied down on Logan's bed, too lazy to walk the few steps to his. It smelled like lemons. He grabbed his iPod off the nightstand between their beds. He pressed play and an unfamiliar song played. Too lazy to change it, Kendall closed his eyes and listened.

_**Should've kissed you there  
I should've held your face  
I should've watched those eyes  
Instead of run in place  
I should've called you out  
I should've said your name  
I should've turned around  
I should've looked again **_

Something inside Kendall clicked.

_**But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away **_

Click. Click. Click._  
__**  
Should've held my ground  
I could've been redeemed  
For every second chance  
That changed its mind on me  
I should've spoken up  
I should've proudly claimed  
That oh my head's to blame  
For all my heart's mistakes **_

Something inside Kendall's brain connected.

_**But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away **_

Connect. Click. Connect.

_**And it's you, and it's you  
And it's you, and it's you  
And it's falling down, as you walk away  
And it's on me now, as you go **_

Kendall started thinking about Logan. Logan, who had always been there for him. Logan, who had always helped him with homework. Logan, who had always taken the rap for his pranks.

_**But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away **_

Logan, whose smile always made him smile. Logan, who shared a room with him. Logan, who kept him from killing himself with crazy stunts. Logan, who was so cute dressed in his preppy clothes. Logan, who was so hot dressed in his celebrity event clothes.

_**And it's falling down, as you walk away  
And it's on me now, as you go **_

Logan, who needed him. Logan, who he pushed away. Logan, who he broke.

_**But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
I'm staring at the mess I made  
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away**_

'Logan, the mess I made.' A single tear slipped down his cheek. He looked in his hand and realized it was Logan's iPod he was listening to. (1)

* * *

The pool area was full, but Logan decided to sit alone where the guys usually did their bonfire jams. It wasn't raining but the air was still rather chilly enough for a fire. As he stared into the fire he felt eyes on him. Who was watching him? He shrugged it off and blasted his iPod a little louder.

The music abruptly stopped and he opened his eyes to see Adam standing in front of him with the headphones in his hands, and a smirk on his face. Logan eyes traveled from Adam's feet up to his face and stopped at his eyes. Those shining blue eyes that flicked in the light of the fire.

"G-get away from me!" Everyone looked at Logan as he backed up against the wall. Adam looked hurt. "What's wrong Logan? I thought you liked me?" Logan couldn't hold back the tears that were streaming down his face and over the healing cut on his cheek. "Y-you know what you did! Stay away from me." Logan ran off sobbing hysterically, leaving Adam behind with an entire crowd of people glaring at him.

* * *

Kendall heard the front door slam and quickly wiped his face. He ran outside to see Logan on his hands and knees crying and shouting. "Logan? LOGIE! What happened? What's wrong?" Logan had his eyes shut tightly. "You know what you did! You know what you did! Stop lying! Just stop! Please! Don't do it. Please don't kill me!" Logan shoved away from whoever it was that was touching his back.

Kendall groaned in pain from the fall. He was on his back supported by his elbows. 'What? I don't wanna kill him? Why would I want to kill him?' Kendall got up and kneeled next to Logan again. "Logan, I would never want to kill you. How could you say that? We're best friends!"

Logan tensed. He was so confused. He stopped sobbing, but the tears were still coming as he opened his eyes to see Kendall. "Kendall. K-KENDALL! I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me." Kendall hugged Logan tightly as he cried into his chest. "Shh, Logie. I don't hate you. I'm sorry I freaked out about the kiss, but you should know that I could never hate you. Not even because of that." Logan didn't here Kendall over the sounds of his own muffled whimpers, so he couldn't tell Kendall what was _really_ upsetting him.

* * *

Adam walked to 2J and stopped in front of the door. Carlos, James, and Katie were standing outside waiting for Mrs. Knight to open the door. "Have you guys seen Logan? He completely freaked out when I saw him a little while ago."

James and Carlos exchanged a look. Mrs. Knight quickly opened the door and they all stumble in to see Logan crying into Kendall's shirt. Kendall looked up and saw everyone standing there looking down at them in concern.

"Uh, Logie? Adam's here. You might wanna talk to him." Logan froze. He looked up at Adam and jumped up. "Stop following me! Get out of here, you psychopath! It was you! Stop l-lying to me. I saw you! You were t-there at the restaurant in Lincoln Heights! Y-you were r-robbing it! You had a g-gun and you pointed it at me! You were wearing a mask, but I know it was you! I saw your eyes…your cold, heartless, blue eyes. How could you do that? Was it all just some sick game? Asking me out? Taking me on that date? Kissing me? Bringing me to your place? … Making me fall in l-love with you?" Logan ran out of the apartment, past everyone and down the hall.

* * *

James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and Katie looked at each other, then at Kendall, then at Adam. Their expressions were all different. James was still shaken from seeing Logan's break down. Carlos's mouth was hanging open from Logan coming out like that. Katie looked eager to see what would happen next. And Mrs. Knight looked sadly worried for Logan. Kendall was livid.

"What the FUCK is wrong with you?" He grabbed Adam by the shirt and punched him in the face. Adam fell backwards holding his jaw. Kendall ran out of the room, not at all satisfied with how little he did to Adam. Before he could register that he had been hit, Adam was picked up roughly by James and Carlos and literally thrown out of the apartment. He landed on his arm and hissed as the bone broke.

* * *

Kendall ran as fast as he could. He had to find Logan. 'I can't believe that jack-ass did that to Logan! Practically crushing him after he fell in love with him. Wait what? Logan said he was in love with Adam. Could he really?' Kendall stopped in his tracks for a second. 'No. That doesn't matter right now. I have to find Logan. He may be a fuckin genius, but pressure always got the best of him. I gotta stop him from doing anything stupid.

* * *

Adam limped to his car. He needed to get to a doctor for his arm. He got there and stopped and looked at his reflection in the tinted window. His own blue eyes stared back at him as if they were mocking him. Only one distasteful word came to mind.

"Dad"

* * *

Logan couldn't take it. He was sad, scared, angry, confused. All the emotions blurred his vision as he opened the door to the roof. His chest hurt and his head throbbed. He felt like he was going to explode. He just came out to his family. What were they all going to think. They were going to hate him. Adam and Kendall kept popping into his head. Adam, who had pointed a gun to his face without any remorse. Kendall, who was his best friend who stuck by him and protected him. Logan couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to not feel anything anymore. He slowly approached the edge of the roof and looked down. The lights of the city were blinding him. The cars honked noisily below him. He didn't want any of it. He didn't want any of the lights or the noise or the emotions. He just wanted blank darkness and peaceful silence and blissful numbness. He took another step forward until he was at the _very_ edge of the roof.

* * *

Kendall ran through the lobby and out of the building. 'Where is he?' He looked around, but the broken boy was nowhere to be seen. He looked up at the sky and prayed that Logan was safe. That was when he saw him. Logan was on the edge of the roof, staring down at him…no not at _him_. Logan was staring blankly past him with emotionless eyes. Kendall's heart sank and panic grew. Something that was never supposed to happen to the leader.

* * *

**(1) I told you this song would be important! I encourage you to listen to it! The Mess I Made by Parachute.  
**

**A/N: Man this is my longest chapter yet! Poor Logan! It really hurt to write this. **

**On a funnier yet more awkward note. Today I went with a couple of friends and coaches to the hospital to get a physical. I really hate hospitals. So I'm all nervous when I walk inside. I'm sitting there in my underwear and hospital gown and everything is going ok until I had to pull my underwear off and turn to the side and cough while the doctor examined my er-ya know..testicles….I came out with a grimace and so did every guy after me haha. But it's not so bad now that I think about it. It gave me a couple of ideas….**_**IF **_**I decide not to kill off Logan.**

**I finally got so fed up with waiting for BTR episodes to come online that I went on YouTube to watch them. Big Time Live was really funny and I liked it...even though everything was backwards. Big Time Halloween was correctly displayed, but I didn't love the plot so much...Kendall was waaay hotter as a human, Logan was hot both ways, and Griffin as the devil seemed inappropriately appropriate.  
**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**Maybe s'mores.**


	7. Chapter 7 Adam's Side

**Chapter 7 Adam's Side**

**A/N: Sorry I couldn't update soon enough! I woke up at 4:30am today and had to run a 10K (6.4 miles) race with my school which we considered training instead of a race. I had to get the physical yesterday in order to continue my marathon training. Then I had to go visit my grandpa because he was in the hospital again. Did I mention I hated hospitals? I was working on this all day on my friend's iTouch though. Yes I deleted it on that. Here you go please enjoy!**

* * *

Adam managed to drive himself to the hospital with one arm. He shut off the car and leaned back in his seat.

Logan now hated him. There was no denying it.

'But he doesn't know. He thinks that it was me, but it wasn't. It was _him_. It _had_ to be him. He said Lincoln Heights and the same blue eyes as me. It can't be a coincidence. It _had_ to be him. The man who was responsible for why I'm so fucked up, the man who ruined my life, the man who raised me like crap. _Dad_.' Adam grimaced at the distasteful name.

Adam got out of his car and limped into the hospital. 'How the fuck does he keep managing to fuck up my life?' Adam walked up to the receptionist. "Excuse me, ma'am, I think I broke my arm." The woman made him sign a few things and had him sit in the waiting area. He did so without a word. He didn't mind waiting. He needed time to think.

The receptionist looked at him quizzically. This guy looked like his broken arm was only a small hindrance that was keeping him that was keeping him from solving a bigger problem. Most people would have been panicking and screaming.

But Adam wasn't most people. He had been to many hospitals many times before. He hated hospitals. His father had been an alcoholic drug addict. An _abusive_ alcoholic drug addict. He would always beat Adam and then take him to the hospital when he overdid it. The hospital employees of his hometown would become suspicious, but never asked anything when Adam's father told them he was on the wrestling team.

Adam's mom had been out of the picture since he was eleven years old as a result of a drive by shooting. No one was ever there to stop the abuse, not that she could have done anything. She had been a prostitute working for Adam's father and was completely obedient. Sometimes Adam wished that his dad wasn't really his biological father. Maybe he was the son of one of his mom's "clients". Anyone could've been better than that man.

But of course his father ruined that little hope too. He told Adam and I quote, "Yo mama was mah favorite hoe and I was the only one she was allowed to have sex with because she was in training until her slutty ass got shot up".

His father wasn't the only one who beat him up. Kids from school gave him a hard time too. He was a white kid in a black school in a racist city. Then he was the "black-washed" kid at a white school in a racist city.

After his father got caught selling drugs when Adam was 17, they were forced to run away to California. This time however he was ready. He was tough. He quickly established himself as a kid not to be messed with and ran away from home.

That was five years ago. Now he was twenty-two and hadn't made any contact with his father ever since. Adam was snapped out of his thoughts by the receptionist when she called him.

* * *

Adam's arm was examined by a doctor and was put in a cast and brace. "You can come back in a month to have that taken off since the bone didn't completely break. My name is Dr. Oswald Till by the way." Adam chuckled darkly. That was the name Logan had used to cover for them the first time they met. Oh the irony.

Adam went back to his car and knew immediately what he needed to do. He started his car and drove at top speed to his destination. Lincoln Heights.

* * *

Adam's car stopped in front of an old dirty apartment. He shut off the car and sat back. "Should I really do this? No, I have to. He's always ruining my life. But I can't. He's my dad. A horrible dad. But _my_ dad. What if he goes after Logan? I know he will if I confront him about it. He always goes after things that are close to me. No. I'll let it go, for Logan. I'll find some other way to solve things. And to explain to Logan."

Adam restarted the car and drove home unaware of the car that was following him.

* * *

Adam walked into 1J and sighed as he picked up Maisy. He didn't bother closing the door since he would be in and out of the room all night. "Hey girl. We gotta move. I don't wanna hurt Logan anymore than I already have. Don't worry, I'll explain to him soon. But I think I just need to give him some space before I explain. He'll probably freak some more if I go right up with it now." He petted the cat softly. "I know he'll understand. I hope he takes me back. I mean, he said he loved me right?" He sighed at the growing doubt in his chest and put the kitten down and began packing the few things he had still unaware of the man outside his half closed door.

* * *

**A/N: Ugh! Extremely short and rushed! Sorry! And yeah I get that you're all probably wondering why I made Logan say he loved Adam in the last chapter. It just seemed like the most dramatic thing and fit so perfectly...well not perfectly, but I liked it...until I realized it. But that was a mistake I can't take back because it's already posted. Luckily my mind went into overdrive and I came up with a good way to make it work. Sorry but this was extremely short and rushed. I'll make the next chapter a lot better I promise!**

**s'mores :)**


	8. Chapter 8 Playing It Safe

**Chapter 8 Playing It Safe**

**A/N: Sorry this came so late! I barely started it today. I normally have half of it already prewritten. I personally like this chapter :). Enjoy! Part of this was a request by EvilValenStrife who asked me to write something with the theme "It Gets Better". I was actually already planning of doing it too, so yeah here it is.

* * *

**

Wade Walker stood in the shadows of the hallway. "So my little Adam's found himself a boyfriend has he? But it seems like they're on break. I'm sure he won't mind sharing with his daddy."

* * *

The two boys in the lobby were looking around frantically for someone. The shorter kid was jumping up and down to calm himself. "We need to find Logan!" The taller pretty boy looked down with a grim expression. "But where? We checked everywhere. His favorite tree, his favorite pool spot, his favorite…HIS FAVORITE STARGAZING SPOT! THE ROOF! HE'S ALWAYS UP THERE!" The two boys ran into the elevator unaware of the man that was standing behind them."Logan." The man said the name slowly with an evil grin.

* * *

Carlos and James both stumbled as the elevator came to a halt. "What the fuck?" James pushed the open button, but nothing happened. "It's stuck!" Carlos began to hyperventilate. "What do we do? We're trapped!" James gripped him by the shoulders. "Don't worry! We'll be outa here soon. Someone will find us. Stay calm." Carlos nodded. He wasn't exactly worried about himself, but he was worried about Logan. He had a bad feeling in his gut.

* * *

Logan stared down blankly past everything below. Just underneath the surface of the ground he swore he could've seen empty blackness. 'Sweet emptiness. No emotions. No noise. No lights.'

Logan stared down again, but this time he noticed something. Something was flying in the air. It was defying gravity and was coming up at him. Before he could react the object hit him in his forehead. He stumbled backwards and fell onto the gravel on the rooftop. He hissed as the pain came rushing to the spot where he had been hit. "What the fuck?" He looked to his side and the last thing he would've have guessed had hit him. Right there on the gravel, glowing weakly and dying, was his iPod.

* * *

Kendall winced as Logan fell backwards. He had panicked. The look Logan had was too disturbing. He needed to do something to get his attention. He looked around for something to throw up to him and realized he was still clutching Logan's iPod. With all his strength, he chucked it upwards. He was on his toes as he waited for the impact.

Logan let out a loud yelp that Kendall heard even from that far below. Kendall didn't have time to regret his decision. He ran inside and up the stairs when the elevators didn't work.

* * *

Logan sat up and rubbed his forehead. It had a rather large cut and was quickly swelling. He groaned. This night couldn't get any worse. He looked around and noticed he was on the roof. 'What am I doing here?' He looked in front of him and realized he was right on the edge. He never got this close to the edge. His body and mind had been completely running on automatic. He couldn't believe he had tried to kill himself. Suddenly he was very grateful that the iPod had knocked some sense into him.

He got up slowly feeling a wave of vertigo smash down on him. He couldn't tell which way was up or down for a few seconds. The door burst open and before he could do anything, Logan was tackled to the gravel and was embraced in familiarly strong arms.

"What the fuck were you thinking? How could you try to kill yourself? Do you know how much everyone would've missed you? How much _I _would've missed you?" Kendall was sobbing by the time he finished. Logan pulled away slightly and looked up Kendall. "I- I- I'm so sorry Kendall! I don't know what I was thinking! I just felt so scared and confused." Logan began sobbing into Kendall's chest for the second time that night.

"I know Logie. I know. And I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. But I'm going to make up for it! That's what best friends are for. I swear, I'll make it up to you. But you can't cheat yourself out of life Logie. Do you hear me? I know things seem really bad, but it gets so much better. You can't just let one thing end your life. I know you'll have a great life. You're smart, kind, and _my _best friend. I'll be there for you alright? We're all gonna make it big with this band, then you'll be the world's greatest doctor, and you'll even meet a guy that doesn't deserve you and knows it."

Logan sniffled. "Thanks Kendall. I promise I won't try to do anything like this again. I still don't know what I was thinking. B-but I really doubt I'll meet a guy like that."

Kendall instantly made the easiest decision of his life. "Maybe you already have." Logan looked up at Kendall. "W-what did you say?" Kendall stared into Logan's sad chocolate brown eyes. "Logan, I know I freaked out before about that kiss, but I've been thinking over this whole week. We didn't talk and I really missed it. We didn't sleep in the same room and I felt so alone. We didn't laugh and I was heartbroken. I finally know why now. It was you, Logie. I missed you, your laugh, your voice, your presence."

Logan sat there quietly. He had never felt this way about Kendall before. He had fallen in love many times before and with many people, but never with Kendall. But this time it seemed different. Logan knew why.

* * *

BACKGROUNDISH FLASHBACK (1)

Ever since Logan was young he fell in love many times. It started out with him finding someone he thought looked hot. Then he would befriend them. Afterwards he would learn things about that person that made them more attractive internally. After a while Logan would like this person very very much. He never got the courage to ask them out, but he was always certain he was in love. After a few months, he would start to get over the person. He would slowly fall out of "love" with this person. Eventually it ends with him feeling nothing, but physical attraction. Sometimes the cycle would go by faster or slower, but no matter what he ALWAYS went through a final stage. Depression. 'Will I ever find someone I can truly love and will love me back? Or will I always just fall out of love and end up breaking hearts and be alone forever?' Those were always the thoughts that went through his mind during the final stage.

* * *

Logan stared into Kendall's eyes and saw nothing, but love. He knew Kendall truly loved him, but what if it happened again? What if he fell out of love with Kendall and broke their hearts and their friendship? He couldn't risk going through the cycle again. No, he had to play it safe.

Kendall began to fear the worst. What if Logan didn't like him back? What if that kiss was just a reaction to the trauma. What if-

"Kendall." He looked down at Logan. "I'm sorry, Kendall, but it's too soon. I…I'm still trying to get over A-Adam. But thanks. Maybe someday I'll be able to return your feelings. Right now, I don't need a boyfriend. I need a friend and family." He lied about the Adam part. He knew he would never feel the same way for Adam again, but it seemed like the perfect explanation for why he couldn't be with Kendall yet.

Kendall nodded, holding back the tears. "O-ok Logan. Let's go back downstairs so my mom can take us to the hospital. You're head looks really bad." Logan could tell something was off. Kendall always switched between calling him Logie and Logan, but this time it seemed wrong that Kendall had said Logan.

* * *

Mrs. Knight and Kendall both stood up as Logan walked out with the doctor. "There you go. Make sure you don't get those stitches wet and don't forget to keep them clean. We don't want any infection right doctor?" Logan chuckled at the doctor's joke. He had told him about how much he wanted to be a doctor in the future. "My name is Dr. Oswald Till. You can come back after a month to get those stitches removed." The doctor walked away and Kendall looked at Logan. He had gotten 6 stitches. Logan seemed upset by something and Kendall realized what it was.

"You're thinking about the day you met him aren't you?" Logan looked curiously at Kendall. "The doctor's name was Oswald. As in your famous "Uncle Oswald"." Kendall put down the quotes he was making with his hands when Logan nodded glumly. He wrapped an arm around the smaller boy's shoulder and began walking. "Don't worry Logan. We're not gonna let that jerk come near you. He won't bother you again." Logan nodded, but then looked around confused. "Speaking of 'we', where's Carlos and James?" At that moment Kendall got a text from James.

"_Stuck in the elevator. Were ok. No worries :)._"

He showed it to Logan who laughed softly. Kendall's heart broke a little at the sound. He was so close yet so far from Logan.

* * *

**(1) I have gone through this soooo many times. Oh, and this is kinda the reason why Logan said he loved Adam. There! I fixed it! Lol.**

**A/N: So yeah. I personally liked this chapter, but I'm starting to regret the whole Adam's dad idea. But then if it wasn't Adam's dad then it wouldn't make sense. Oh well. I can work with it. I was listening to the song Gravity by John Mayer when I was writing about the part where the iPod hit Logan and I was like "whoa, that's weird."**

**My school lets out early on Tuesdays by about an hour so I might be able to make post a new chapter sooner tomorrow if I decide not to go play tennis with some friends. But then I still have a ton of HW so don't get your hopes up.**

**I'll trade you some reviews for s'mores? Lol. :)**


	9. Chapter 9 Acceptance and Betrayal

**Chapter 9 Acceptance and Betrayal**

**A/N: Sorry this took so long! I started at 3pm and finished it 4 hours later. Soooo many distractions. My little bratty brother was shooting me with his new Nerf gun….which I still don't understand why he got it. It wasn't a holiday, or his birthday, he didn't even do anything good in school! I'm the straight A student who does chores and stuff yet what do I get? Nada. Just goes to show you it sucks having parents that favor between their kids. And he can't read yet so I'm not worried that he saw me typing this.**

**Anyway Thank You for all the awesome reviews! You guys are great. And thanks to those of you who are reviewing each chapter. Makes me feel special! Lol. And to those of you who wanna start doing reviewing for each chapter Thank You too! Lol.**

* * *

Carlos and James smiled when they walked into 2J and saw Logan and Kendall sitting at the kitchen island talking. Logan was smiling and so was Kendall. Logan was talking animatedly as Kendall watched. Logan stopped talking when he noticed James and Carlos. "Uh h-hey guys. Glad you got out of the elevator ok." Kendall said as Logan retreated to his room.

James and Carlos looked at each other. Kendall sighed. "He thinks you guys hate him cause he's gay." The two boys "oh'd". They all walked into the room to find Logan solving math problems. "2, 8, 9, 3, carry the 9, divide by four, find the square roo-"

Logan suddenly felt himself being picked up out of the chair by Carlos. Carlos gripped his shoulders and Logan nervously looked at Carlos. Then Logan was being hugged. He was stunned and was still for a moment, before hugging back. "We still love you Logan. You're our brother nothing's gonna change that. I don't care if you're gay." Logan felt tears rolling down his cheeks. "Thanks Carlos."

Carlos released Logan so that he could face James. James looked pissed. "L-listen James, I know that this might take some getting used to, bu-" James cut him off with a sock on the arm. "Why didn't you tell us sooner? Seriously, I needed a gay friend. It's on my list of things to achieve before I'm 20!" Logan wiped the tears from his face and laughed. "Cause I didn't want to be the person you come to when you wanna talk about fashion and hair product!" The four hugged. They pushed together Logan and Kendall's bed and sat down in a circle. They were up until about 4am talking and laughing like old times. Even though he would always say he needed new friends, Logan knew he couldn't have wished for better friends.

* * *

Kendall was laying in bed wide awake. It was about 6am, but he had gotten used to waking up this early. He was on his side staring at the smaller form in the bed next to his. It had been about a week since the roof incident and Kendall was still unconditionally in love with Logan. He followed Logan everywhere and did his best to make sure Logan was happy. He needed to make it up to him for not being there.

'And the sooner I make it up and he's happy, the sooner we can be together. But why? Why didn't he just take me last week? I poured my heart out to him. I love him.' Logan stirred. 'But I guess he's still hung up on Adam. I can't really blame him. What happened was pretty traumatic.'

Logan opened his eyes and saw Kendall staring at him. He didn't realize that Logan was awake until it was too late. Kendall shot out of bed awkwardly and walked into their bathroom blushing. Logan sighed. 'I feel so guilty. He loves me and I lo-like him too.' Logan was trying to avoid using the word "love" when thinking about Kendall. He was afraid he would go through "the cycle" again. 'I really want to be with him, but it's too soon to tell if what I'm feeling is real. But how do I know?'

Logan was pulled from his thoughts when Kendall came in looking refreshed. He plopped himself at the foot of Logan's bed. "So, it's Saturday and once again there is no school and no rehearsals so what do you wanna do?" Logan smiled sadly. Kendall was trying to hide the hurt expression, but Logan could see it in his eyes. "Kendall, I know your trying to hide it."

Kendall's warm smile faltered for a second. "I don't know what you mean Logan. Common, what do you wanna do? Swimming? Reading? Movie? How about a chick flick…like Dear John. I saw it at the video rental place. I'm sure you'll like it." Well, if Kendall wasn't going to admit it, Logan wasn't going to push him. Logan cracked up. "Dude, I'm gay. That doesn't mean I'm a chick. I'm still 100% male." Kendall chuckled too. "I know, but hey I'm gay too, but look at me. I'm the mannest man in LA!" Kendall made a show of flexing his muscles and different poses like a bodybuilder. Logan stared at the muscles in his arms that were being hugged tightly by Kendall's t-shirt when he flexed them.

"No you're not. _I'm_ gay. _You_…you just seem to like _me_. But if it came to any other _guy_, you wouldn't find them appealing at all. Right?" Logan looked slightly worried he may have hurt Kendall a little more when he mentioned that he liked him. Kendall just smiled. "Then what am I, smart-ass?" Logan sighed in relief and got up and walked into the bathroom. "I don't know, you tell me."

Kendall frowned when Logan closed the door. 'Damn, that was painful. And I feel so guilty that he feels guilty.'

* * *

Logan, Kendall, Carlos, and James decided to go see a movie. A scary movie to Logan's dismay. In fact it was the scariest movie of the year according to some horror movie fanatics at the Palm Woods. Paranormal Activity 2. (1)

"AHH!" Logan yelped and accidently threw the popcorn up in the air and held onto Kendall. Logan was practically humping Kendall as the popcorn began to rain down on them. Carlos and James snickered and continued to watch the movie. To Kendall it seemed slightly romantic. "Don't worry Logan. Stephanie said it's completely fake. You're a genius. I'll bet you can see all the things that are wrong with this movie." Logan turned to Kendall. "I KNOW, BUT THE FUCKIN POP UPS ARE SCARY!" Several people shh-ed them which only made Logan more annoyed. It wasn't really the movie that was bothering him the most. He just felt like someone was watching him. He had looked around the theater several times, but no one looked familiar. He thought he saw someone in the control room, but just figured it was an employee.

* * *

The four boys stumbled out of the elevator and raced toward their apartment. They knew the hallways inside and out and didn't even pay attention to the room numbers until they came to a halt in front of the room that was _supposed _to be 2J.

Logan finished first a second before Carlos thanks to his sugar high. He had one of every candy they had at the theater. That boy could not resist the temptation of sweets. He finally caught his breath and then lost it again when he looked the apartment they were in front of.

"K-Kendall, this is Adam's apartment." Kendall sneered at the door. James saw the anger boiling and quickly spoke up. "I guess we accidently pushed the wrong button on the elevator. He said he lived in 1J right? Well the letters on all the floors must be in the same order. That's why we got here. 2J is like right above us then." Carlos accidently pushed on the door and it opened slightly.

"Looks like he moved out. It's empty." Kendall looked even madder. "What a coward. He's prolly afraid we'll turn him into the cops. Good riddance. Why _don't_ you wanna turn him in Logan?" Logan shrugged. "I don't know, I just don't. Can we just go?" They all nodded. Kendall hesitantly lead Logan back to the elevator.

* * *

"Hello? Mr. Garcia? This is Kendall." (2)

"_Oh hello Kendall. What's up? Is something wrong? You usually aren't the one calling me._"

"Well not exactly. You see Logan was at this restaurant in Lincoln Heights picking up dinner and then this guy came in and robbed the place. He turned the gun on Logan and took his wallet. Logan's alright, but he won't come to th police because he knew the guy…as a er-_friend_."

"_I see. Do you have any info on who?_"

"Yeah. His name is Adam Walker. Blue eyes. Medium length black hair. About 23 years old. About an inch or two shorter than me."

"_Alright Kendall. I'll call you if something comes up. Don't worry I'll do what I can. Watch out for the others alright?"_

"Thanks Mr. Garcia, I will. Oh and could you not mention this to anyone. I kinda went behind Logan's back by doing this."

"_Of course, Kendall. Good night._"

"Good night."

Kendall hung up the phone. He felt so guilty for betraying Logan's trust. He turned around to see Logan standing there with his arms crossed and a pout. "What were you just doing?"

* * *

**(1) My friends invited me to see this today, but I am absolutely terrified by these movies. I like horror movies about killers, but hate the ones about supernatural stuff and monsters and utterly disturbing ones like except for Saw. Hate that too.**

**(2) In this story Mr. Garcia moved to LA. Sorry, I just wanted it like that.**

**A/N: So? What do you think? Oh and I know how I'm gonna have Adam's dad in this. I figured it out while lying in bed. Normally thses things come to me quickly, but my laptop charger is broken and now I'm stuck with my desktop. I need to be comfortable to write!**

**Could you all please do me a favor? My best friend who I consider a sister has a little adorable brother who is trying to be a Gap Model. Could you please please vote for him? I t would mean the world to us! All you have to do is go to the th link. Click Fan Vote. Type in your e-mail address twice. And click Submit. Once a day would be great! Thank you so much. This is the link. .?id=747829**

**S'mores! :) (and yes this is gonna be my ending line. And for those of you who don't know. The name s'mores was created by girl scouts who kept asking for "some more" s'mores. Some+More=S'more.**


	10. Chapter 10 Sweets and No Sleep

**Chapter 10 Sweets and No Sleep**

**A/N: This took me forever. I'm kind of losing my motivation, but no worries. I'm sure that things will pick up soon. My mind is in overdrive thinking of ideas. This chapter is more of way to shorten the time leap. If I didn't do this then it would have been too long of a time leap.**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews. You guys are all super awesome! Your reviews add to my motivation. :)

* * *

**

"What were you just doing?"

"Wha-? L-Logan! How long have you been standing there?" Logan scoffed. "You just went behind my back and called Carlos's dad about Adam didn't you? I can't believe you did that! You expect me to trust you with loving me when I can't even trust you about one simple favor? I told you I did _not_ want to call the cops on him!" Logan stormed into his and Kendall's room and slammed the door.

As soon as he shut the door, Logan realized what he had just said. 'Shit! I can't believe I just said that! Oh my god what is wrong with me? Kendall's already hurting about me not taking him and I went and said _that_?' Logan groaned. He hated when he let his anger get the best of him. He was supposed to be the level headed one. The patient one. The smart one. 'I feel more like a dumb-ass than a smart-ass.' He plopped himself down on his bed face down and just lied there.

* * *

Kendall was in shock. Logan had just done something he never did. He exploded. Kendall had never seen the smaller boy say something at that volume with that much anger. But that wasn't all. Logan said something that really hurt.

" _You expect me to trust you with loving me when I can't even trust you about one simple favor?_"

Kendall winced at the memory that happened only 5 seconds ago. Kendall was hurt. He was sad. He was ashamed. But he wasn't angry. He couldn't be angry at Logan. 'He went through a lot. I don't blame him for being mad at me. He's still worked up about the whole situation. But that still hurt.' Kendall sat down and turned on the TV.

* * *

It was about midnight and Kendall was getting tired. He was trying to let Logan cool off before talking to him again. 'Maybe I should wait until he wakes up tomorrow. Yeah that's a good idea.' Kendall opened the door.

Logan looked up from his book from on his bed. When he noticed it was Kendall he quickly looked back down and continued reading. He was too afraid to look at Kendall. 'He's probably so pissed off at me right now.'

Kendall sighed. 'He's still pissed off.' Kendall walked over to his side of the room and turned away from Logan to get dressed. Logan glanced up at Kendall and his jaw dropped. Kendall was standing there with his back to him in just his green boxers. Logan stared up and down Kendall, feeling a twitch in his pants. Logan's throat was dry when Kendall put on his shirt so he began sipping on some water. Kendall bent over slightly to get some pajama bottoms and Logan coughed/choked on the water. He quickly ran into the bathroom before Kendall could say or see anything. 'This is just great. I spent a week not talking to him. Then a week tryingto make it up to him. And just when I thought things were goig good we end up in another fight!'

* * *

Another week passed by and Logan and Kendall still weren't talking. They both thought the other was mad. Kendall was down by the pool with Carlos and James. "So what's goin on with you and the genius. I thought you guys were friends again, but you guys just look really awkward around each other." Kendall sighed and got up. I'm gonna go fix it don't worry." Kendall walked to 2J leaving behind a confused James and Carlos.

* * *

Logan was rummaging through one of the kitchen cabinets when Kendall came in. Kendall stopped in his tracks when he saw Logan's head and arms in the cabinet. His butt was hugged in all the right places by his jeans and was sticking out of the cabinet, making Kendall almost have a nosebleed. 'And he says I'm not gay?' Kendall chuckled at the thought.

Logan jumped at the sound and hit his head. "Ahh" Kendall ran over to Logan who pulled out of the cabinet and was holding his head. "Are you ok?" Logan looked up at Kendall. "Y-yeah. Can you just get me an ice pack?" Kendall nodded and went to retrieve the ice pack while Logan sat down at the table. Kendall handed Logan the ice pack. Logan hissed as the cold stung the spot.

"Listen Kendall. I'm really, really sorry about what I said the other day. I was just so mad. But that's no excuse. What I said was horrible." Kendall just hugged Logan. "It's ok Logan. And I'm sorry for going behind your back. But why didn't you want me to call the cops?" Logan sighed. "I don't really know. I mean, I'm not exactly sure it was Adam. I just saw his eyes. But I'm still not sure. Do you think I was wrong?" Kendall smiled with sympathy. I don't know Logan. Maybe, maybe not. But the important thing is that your ok now right?" Logan nodded.

"What were you doing anyway?" Logan blushed at the thought of how stupid he must have looked when he hit his head. "I was looking for some ingredients to make a snack." Kendall laughed. "Lemme help you. What are you making I'll find the ingredients for you." Logan stood up and checked what he had so far. "Well I already have the chocolate. Could you run downstairs to the convenience store and by some popcorn and chips?" Kendall nodded.

* * *

Logan was waiting for the chocolate to melt when Kendall walked in. "What are you making with chocolate, popcorn, and chips?" Logan just smiled and answered in a matter-of-factly tone, "Chocolate covered popcorn and chocolate covered chips." (1) Kendall raised his eyebrows at Logan who shrugged. "I wanted something sweet, but I didn't wanna eat _just _chocolate." Kendall nodded slowly. "Riiight."

* * *

Kendall and Logan sat on the floor against the wall in their bedroom with their bowl of chocolate covered popcorn and chips. Logan had his head on Kendall's shoulder. He just loved sitting like this. It reminded him of the movies. 'Man, if I were in a relationship I would _so_ be the chick." Kendall popped a chip in his mouth. "Ya know these things are horrible for you Logan. You're the doctor member?" Logan shrugged. "You know I can't resist the temptation of sweets." He didn't blush like the time Adam made a remark about his love of sweets on their first date. He was comfortable around Kendall. "Yeah I know…

* * *

FLASHBACK/STORY IN KENDALL'S POV

…You used to eat like three cookies, a bowl of ice cream, and whatever else you could find every day. Remember when you had to get braces? You figured that it wasn't a big deal since the dentist said you would only need them for a year. We were in eighth grade so you thought you'd have em off by high school. You kept eating sweets and it took longer for your braces to straighten your smile. You ended up going through freshman and sophomore year with braces. I think that's kinda how you got labeled as a dork. No offence! I mean, other than being smart, your braces didn't help your popularity. I always thought they were cute though, but never as cute as I think they are now that I think back. You know what else makes you so cute? You're short. Again, no offence! It was your own fault though. You always stayed up late doing extra credit work and woke up early to turn them in. No sleep equals no growing!…

* * *

…but I don't care. Those are what make you so adorable Logan. You know, you say you want to be a doctor, but you don't take very great care of yourself." Kendall laughed.

Logan stared at him. He couldn't believe Kendall thought all those stupid things about him were cute. He hadn't cared that Logan was the weakest, or the shortest, or the dorkiest. 'He just cares about _me_.' Kendall turned to Logan. "Logan? You're not mad are you? Cause you know I'm just ki-" Logan cut him off with a kiss. He didn't care anymore. He went through 3 weeks of knowing he liked Kendall, but was always too afraid to make a move. He just wanted to touch Kendall. To hold Kendall. To kiss Kendall.

After a full minute of holding their breaths, the two pulled apart reluctantly and stared at each other. "Does this mean that you'll give me a chance?" Logan smiled. "Yes Kendall. I can't resist you anymore. But let's take thing slow. I'm still new at this whole relationship thing." Kendall embraced Logan tightly. "Of course Logan. Anything for you…as long as you take care of yourself." Logan shook slightly with laughter. To Kendall it was the greatest sound in the world.

* * *

Wade Walker put down his binoculars and closed the blinds of the second story window. He looked at the building across the street from the one he was in. "Awww how cute. My little Adam has great taste."

* * *

**(1) My friend made these and brought them to school today. Since I have no shame when it comes to sweets, I ate half of the huge bag. To those of you who are wondering, yes I got the idea of Logan loving sweets from the video of BTR and Ring Pops.**

**A/N: FINALLY! THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER. Yeah I know. I gave in to you guys. I couldn't stand the tension between them anymore.**

**Who else thought the POV thing was weird. I hated it, but it fit better in my head.**

**I already know what I'm gonna do for the next chapter! **

**S'mores are being made. :)**


	11. Chapter 11 Finding Out the Hard Way

**Chapter 11 Finding Out The Hard Way**

Logan woke up at 5am with the taste of chocolate in his mouth…chocolate and something else. 'Damn I forgot to brush my teeth last night!' He turned to his left and saw Kendall in the bed across from him. He suddenly wasn't regretting forgetting to brush his teeth anymore. That other taste was Kendall. It sounded super girly, but Logan swore he could still taste Kendall.

Logan went to go bush his teeth. He looked in the mirror and glanced at his stitches. The cut was almost completely healed, but still looked like it would split open if he messed with it. He finished up and walked back into his room where Kendall was still sleeping on his side. He made soft snores that made Logan just want to kiss him some more.

A mischievous smile came onto Logan's face and he slowly approached the sleeping boy. As stealthily as he could he pounced on Kendall. "W-wha?" Kendall sat up with raised fists and Logan fell off the bed. Kendall turned to his right where Logan was sprawled face down on the floor. Kendall chuckled as Logan groaned. Logan felt a hand pat his but ass which was sticking up slightly in his awkward position. "I hate you." Kendall smirked as he picked up Logan by the waist and placed him in between his legs.

"No you don't." Kendall placed his chin on Logan's shoulder and sighed. "I'm sorry, Logie." Logan smiled. "You just called me Logie." Kendall lied back and Logan cuddled up into his side with his head on Kendall's chest. "Yeah, I did. What? I always call you that." Logan looked up at Kendall. "You didn't notice? You haven't called me that since the night on the roof." Kendall looked guilty. "I'm sorry Logie." Logan shook his head. "No. I'm sorry. I should've taken you when you asked me. But let's just drop it ok? Start off fresh?" Kendall smiled. "Sure."

"Are you ready to go the hospital. They said you can take off your stitches today." Logan got up. "Yeah, but I'm gonna go for a jog first." Kendall frowned. "Logan it's still only 5:30. The sun hasn't come up yet. I don't want you out in the dark alone." Logan scoffed. "Don't worry! I'm the fastest remember?" Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Not when it's a long run." Logan just waved the thought away. "Well you can't stop me even if you wanted too. Sooooo…BYE!" Logan ran out the door and into the early morning. Kendall ran after him, but stopped outside the apartment. "Logan is one quick bastard."

"Ahem." Kendall turned around to see one of their neighbors staring at him. He looked down in horror to see that he was only wearing a pair of blue boxers. He quickly ran inside and closed the door with a fierce blush on his cheeks.

* * *

Logan stepped out of the Palm Woods and began to stretch. "Aahhh, and now to begin." Logan started off slowly running across the street to the Palm Woods Park. As he entered the Park he noticed someone was following him. Thinking it was a fellow jogger he ignored the person. After a few seconds he looked behind him and there was the person again, slowly catching up to him. Logan could see that it was a man. About as tall as James, if not taller. Logan began to speed up. A few seconds later he turned around when a hand rested on his shoulder.

The next thing he knew, Logan was on the ground. "What the-?" The man cupped a hand over his mouth and dragged him off of the path. They were now in a little clearing. The man finally let go of Logan's mouth long enough for him to scream out. "HEEEELP!" Suddenly he felt the cold metal of a gun placed right between his eyes.

"Oh god! Not again!" Logan was slapped by the man's free hand. "Now, let's be a little more quiet. We wouldn't want anyone to interrupt us right? My name's Wade. It's nice to meet you Logan. I enjoy long walks on the beach, sex, and shooting things." Wade laughed at his own cruel joke. Logan whimpered. "H-how do you know my name? Please I have money. J-just let me go. I'll give you all my money." He couldn't believe he was going through this again.

"Oh, I don't want your money Logan. Why do you _always_ assume it's the money I'm after?" Logan began to cry as the realization dawned upon him. "Y-you were the one at the r-restaurant, weren't you?" He looked up at the man and could see clearly for the first time that the man had blue eyes. Cold, bright, unnaturally natural blue eyes. "What d-do you want from me?"

Wade smiled maliciously. "Isn't it obvious?" He was on top of Logan now only a few inches from his terrified face. "I want _you_." Logan realized what he meant. 'He's going to rape me!' Something inside Logan's brain reacted without his permission. He pushed the man off of him and scrambled to get up.

"You little bitch!" The man fired his gun into Logan's right thigh. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!" His scream rang throughout the dark park. Wade grabbed him and threw Logan roughly on his back. "Just for that I'm gonna make it extra painful." He grabbed Logan's sweat pants and yanked them down roughly ignoring his bullet wound. "AH!"

Logan tried to squirm away, but it was no use. The pain was too much. He began sobbing as he saw Wade unzipping his pants. He pulled them down to his knees. Logan still couldn't believe the situation he was in. His manhood was completely exposed and there was a man about to rape him. Logan resorted to begging again. "N-NO! Please, NO!" He started thinking of Kendall. "N-not yours. It's not yours. It's Kendall's! W-Why are you doing this?"

"Because I like you. Because Adam likes you. He always did have great taste in things." Logan gaped in horror. 'What did Adam have to do with this?' Logan was snapped out of his thoughts as another extreme shot of pain from the bullet hit him. "P-please s-stop."

Wade ignored Logan's desperate pleas. "**LOOK AT ME BOY! I WANNA SEE THOSE EYES! SHUT THE FUCK UP BOY! LOOK AT ME AND SHUT UP!**" Logan winced at the order, but obeyed. He looked at Wade in terror. Those were the exact same order's he gave Logan at the restaurant. "You're gonna shut the fuck up and do what I say or I'm gonna fuckin blow your brain out. You understand?" Logan whimpered and nodded. "ANSWER ME!" Logan winced. "Y-yes!"

Wade flipped him over roughly. He stared at the victim in front of him. He couldn't help, but drool. Logan gasped at the sudden pain that shot through his body. It was excruciating. Even worse than the bullet. "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Wade slapped his head. "Shut up!" Logan quieted his sobs, but still kept whimpering. "No. Please. No. It's not y-yours. It's Kendall's. Stop stealing it from h-him." Wade began thrusting harder making Logan cry out a little more.

He hated this. He hated how humiliating this was. It was mortifying. He felt so defenseless. So guilty. So dirty. He hated Wade. He hated the pain. He hated that Wade was his first and not Kendall. It was _supposed_ to be or Kendall. He hated that he was being stripped of his innocence with each thrust. He hated _himself_ for how his body was reacting. 'W-hy?' He knew it was a natural reaction, but he felt ashamed.

Wade thrust in a final time, filling Logan with his fluids. He pulled away from the whimpering boy and zipped himself up. The sun was beginning to rise. The sky was a yellowish color, but all Logan could see was Kendall's hateful eyes in his head.

"IS ANYONE THERE?" Wade turned at the sound. There was someone coming. "Shit!" He fled, leaving Logan sobbing on the floor stripped of his innocence and a bullet in side of him.

* * *

**A/N: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It wasn't Adam, Logan! I'm so sorry you had to find out this way! I really considered Kendall being Logan's first, but it just didn't fit because they were only together for a few hours. I needed this to happen **_**before **_**what happens next. **

**Sorry for the long wait. I'm still trying to improvise my costume! School dress-up tomorrow. My parents bought my lil bro an expensive costume so I wanna try and save money. I'm wearing old ripped jeans and a brown flannel. Gonna be a scarecrow.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry about this horribly evil chapter! :( **

**S'mores. :/-Sorry Logan.**


	12. Chapter 12 Admittance

**Chapter 12 Admittance**

**A/N: Sorry about the last chapter! It was horribly evil! Unfortunately the next few chapters will be also. I'm in an extremely bad mood so this is gonna be extra awful.**

**I really hate the title of this chapter.**

**I said I was gonna be a scarecrow, but I ended up looking more like a homeless person. But I made it work for me. Ripped jeans, brown flannel, worn shoes, gloves with the fingers only up to the knuckles. During the day I was a hobo, but at the Halloween Dance I morphed lol. Roll up the sleeves, button up the shirt, fix my hair, roll down my jeans. I felt like Kendall for some reason lol.**

**The DJ was a bust. Came late, technical difficulties, crappy music. Me being an organized peace keeping leader took it upon myself to collect my friends' iPods and began to DJ. It went pretty smoothly considering how last minute it was.

* * *

**

"Helloo! Is anyone out there?" Logan knew he was going to bleed to death if he didn't say anything. "H-help m-mee." He managed to croak out the words weakly. It was weak, but loud enough. He heard footsteps running towards him. "Oh my god Logan! Are you alright?"

The sun was up now so he could see the man clearly. "M-Mr. Garcia?" Mr. Garcia knelt down by Logan to reassure him. "Don't worry, son. It's gonna be ok." Logan nodded as Mr. Garcia stood up and walked a few steps away to call for an ambulance. He turned back to look at Logan. The poor boy was bleeding immensely from the bullet wound.

Mr. Garcia's eyes widened when he realized Logan's pants were around his knees. There was a suspicious liquid dripping in between his legs. 'Oh dear god. He was raped.'

* * *

Logan was loaded onto a stretcher and placed in the ambulance. The sirens wailed as Mr. Garcia walked across the street to the Palm Woods. He approached 2J and knocked on the door. James opened the door laughing. He saw Mr. Garcia and instantly stopped laughing. "G-good morning Mr. Garcia. What are you doing here so early? It's only 8am?"

Mr. Garcia stepped inside. Kendall, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and Katie looked up from the table. Mrs. Knight stood up and hugged Mr. Garcia. "Ricardo! What a nice surprise. Why don't you sit and have some coffee?" Mr. Garcia shook his head. "Karla, boys, Katie. Logan is in the hospital." Mrs. Knight gasped and held a hand up to her mouth. "Let's go. Into the car everybody!" No one questioned Kendall's authority. (1)

* * *

"HE WAS SHOT?" Mr. Garcia nodded grimly. "I found him in the park on the ground with a bullet in his right leg." Kendall was clutching the seatbelt so hard his knuckles turned white. Everyone was too shocked to say another word.

* * *

Adam sat on the couch of his crappy apartment. It wasn't much, but it was far enough from Logan that they wouldn't run into each other. Logan needed space. He looked down in his lap at the kitten. "Maisy, I really miss him. Do you think he'll take me back?" The kitten meowed and stared at Adam with large green eyes.

There was a knock on the door. Adam sighed. He picked up Maisy in one hand and opened the door with his other. He was met with a gun to the forehead. "W-what do you want with me? How did you find me?"

Wade laughed. "You avoid me for 5 years and that's all I get? Was I such a horrible daddy to deserve this?" Adam glared at his father not even acknowledging the gun pressed to his head. "What. Do. You. Want." Wade frowned. "Easy now, son. I just wanted to ask you for…a _favor_. You see I've recently taken an interest in your little friend Logan. You could say we met in the park a couple of hours ago. Well I shot him, long story short. _You_ my dear son, will be taking the blame if anything were to come up. I also want you to stay away from him. I've grown rather attached to him."

Adam gaped in horror. "And what makes you think I'm going to do that?" Wade smiled maliciously. "Because if you don't-" He swiftly aimed the gun downward and shot Maisy. The small creature screeched in agony as the bullet puncture her right leg. (2) "-I'll do a lot worse than that…to both of them." Wade laughed hysterically as he walked away.

"Maisy!" Adam slammed the door shut and raced to the bathroom. He quickly treated the cat. He had learned how to treat bullet wounds a long time ago when his father shot him when he was 15.

Adam placed Maisy on his bed as she fell asleep. He glanced at his calendar. "Take off cast." Was scribbled messily on the date. He sighed. "Why me?"

* * *

An hour later, Mrs. Knight pulled to a stop. The group all hurried out of the car. "Kendall slow down!" Kendall ignored Carlos. He ran to the counter. "Where's Logan Mitchell?" The receptionist gave him a sympathetic smile and typed the name in her computer. "I'm afraid he is still in surgery. You'll need to wait over there in that area." She pointed to an area near the counter. Kendall walked toward it without a word.

There was another guy sitting in the seat next to him. He looked well built and had a cast on his arm. The guy had his head back with a magazine over his face. His black hair showed slightly from under the magazine. Kendall raised an eyebrow. 'Is he asleep?' Kendall shook the guy slightly and he jumped up into a standing position. The magazine fell from his face and he turned around to see Kendall sitting in the chair slightly behind him. The two gasped at the same time.

"YOU!" Kendall tackled Adam to the ground. "You son of a bitch! How the fuck could you do all that to my Logie? You sick fucking bastard!" Kendall raised his fist to punch Adam, but the his wrist was caught. He turned to see an angry Mr. Garcia staring at him. "What is the meaning of this Kendall? This is a hospital for crying out loud!" Kendall got up and stared down hatefully at Adam who was supporting himself with one elbow . His casted arm was wiping away the tears in his eyes. 'Tears? Why the fuck is this bastard crying?' Kendall shook away the thought and looked to Mr. Garcia. The man looked down at Adam.

He didn't look like the type of guy that would harm anyone. Sure he looked ragged, tough, and bad-boyish, but Mr. Garcia saw something completely different in his eyes. Fear, confusion, grief, pain. Mr. Garcia didn't know who to side with. This innocent looking boy or a boy he knew for years?

He reached down and helped Adam up. "What are you doing here at the hospital?" Adam answered the still uniformed officer. "I'm here to get my cast taken off, sir." Mr. Garcia looked at him. A guy named Adam who called him sir. 'How can you hate a guy named Adam? And bad kids never call me sir.' (3). Let's just get that cast off first and then we'll discuss the issue." Kendall was about to protest when a doctor came forward.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Oswald Till. I was Logan's doctor when he came in for stitches. I'm also his surgeon." Kendall stepped up to the doctor. "How is he? Is he alright?" The doctor smiled warmly. "He was only shot in the leg so he'll live. He's going to have to stay here in the hospital for tonight however. You an visit him if you like." He turned to Adam. "Oh, hello Mr. Walker. Ready to take off that cast?" Adam nodded, but Kendall spoke up making him snap his gaze to him. "Wait you're _his_ doctor too? Un-fuckin-believable!" Kendall stormed off in the direction the doctor pointed them in while Adam walked with the doctor in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Kendall hold on a minute. I need you to stay out here with everyone else while your mother and I speak to him alone first. It's important." Kendall wanted desperately to see Logan, but he nodded. Mrs. Knight looked slightly confused as they stepped into the room.

Logan was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. "Logan. How are you?" Logan turned to them and smiled. "I'm good!. My leg is still numb, but other than that I'm perfectly fine." Logan picked up the remote and made his bed adjust so that he could sit up slightly. Mr. Garcia sat down in the chair beside his bed and Mrs. Knight went on the other side and kissed his head. "Oh Logan. You had me scared to death! What were you thinking going out in the dark?" Logan frowned. "I'm sorry Mama Knight."

Mr. Garcia decided to interrupt. "Logan. We need to talk about what happened in the park. You know that I know what happened." Logan looked nauseous for a second. Mr. Garcia sighed. "I know it's not easy to talk about, but you need to. Please Logan." Mrs. Knight looked at the two confused. "W-what happened in the park, Logan?" Logan looked at his hands in his lap as the memories came rushing back. He began sobbing in his hands. "I was r-running a-and he came up beh-hind me! H-he dragged me to w-where you f-found me! He pointed his gun a-at me and said I had to do w-what he wanted! I didn't want to do it. I told him it wasn't his. It was Ke-someone else's, b-but he wouldn't listen. He made me do it! I didn't want to!"

Mr. Garcia rubbed his back, but Mrs. Knight stood there on his other side refusing to believe it. "L-Logan, what are you saying?" She was holding onto the last bit of hope.

"H-he r-raped me." Mrs. Knight gasped. "Oh honey!" She hugged him and cried silently. Mr. Garcia called a nurse with the little phone. "Excuse me, could you please send Dr. Oswald Till in here. It's important. Thank you."

* * *

Dr. Till came into the room holding a kit. "N-no. I don't want to. I just want to forget it." Logan knew it was a rape kit. Dr. till and Mr. Garcia looked at Logan with sympathy. "I know it's embarrassing Logan, but you need to do this." Logan stared at Mr. Garcia for a moment and turned to Dr. Till. "If you don't, you'll regret it. I made the mistake of not pressuring a victim to do this once before. It didn't end well. Believe us. You need to do this."

Logan alternated glances between the two men. He sighed. "A-alright, but I don't want anyone to find out. It's to humiliating. Please promise me you'll keep it a secret!" the doctor nodded. Mr. Garcia and Mrs. Knight left the room.

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**(1) Mr. Garcia and Mrs. Knights names in this story are Ricardo and Karla respectively. The names won't be used often, because I don't like talking about adults by their first name. Lol.**

**(2) Man, I really AM in a bad mood today. I can't believe I just had an innocent kitten shot! I'm burning in hell, for sure.**

**(3) I really always felt that it was hard to hate a guy named Adam. And I started saying sir and ma'am a lot now. haha**

**A/N: I could've made this chapter a lot longer, but I'm going to end it here. It already took me 5 hours to write this and it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON DAY. Don't worry. I'll get strted on the next chapter as soon as I wake up. Marathon training was moved to Sunday morning.**

**S'mores coming up. (im really getting sick of the word s'mores. Im gonna come up with something else to end my chpaters with)**


	13. Chapter 13 Admittance II

**Chapter 13 Admittance II**

**A/N: I was too tired yesterday to post the entire chapter that I had in mind. So this is more like part 2.**

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Kendall, James, Carlos, and Katie came into Logan's room. Kendall's heart dropped at the sight of Logan in a hospital bed. "Logie! Are you ok?" Logan smiled. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Relax. It was just a shot to the leg. Nothing serious." Kendall came over to his side. "Nothing serious? How could it be nothing serious? You just had a gun pointed at you for the second time this month. And the second time, you got shot! Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill that freak! Ever since he came into our lives he's done nothing, but point a gun at you!"

Logan's brain wasn't working as fast as it usually was so it took him a minute to figure out who Kendall was talking about. "Wait, what? N-no it wasn't Adam. It wasn't him at all. Not even at the restaurant! I got a look at the guy. He looked like Adam. Same eyes and everything, but it wasn't him." Kendall looked at Logan as if he had grown another head. "But you said- A-are you sure it wasn't him?" Logan nodded. Carlos chuckled. "That means you gotta go apologize for tackling him Kendall. You should try to go find him before he leaves."

Logan sat up immediately. A shot of pain raced through his body at the sudden motion. He hissed in pain causing Kendall to panic. "Are you ok? Katie go get a nurse!" Katie ran out the room in search of a nurse before Logan could protest. "N-no! I don't need a nurse. I just sat up too quickly. Sorry about the panic." Kendall sighed with relief.

A nurse came into the room dragged by Katie. "Is something wrong?" Logan shook his head. "Sorry, I just sat up too quickly and my friends panicked." The nurse turned to leave, but Logan stopped her. "Wait. While you're here, there is something I need." He turned to James. "What did you say Adam was here for?" James thought for a second. "He was gonna get his cast taken off." Logan turned to the nurse. "Could you please bring Adam Walker here when he's finished taking off his cast? It's important." The nurse nodded and left.

"Logan why are you calling him here for?" Logan looked at Kendall. "So that you can apologize. And there's something I want to talk to him about." Kendall pouted slightly at Logan. "I don't wanna apologize to that jerk. I don't care if it wasn't him. I still don't like him." Logan frowned."It doesn't matter. I still need to talk to him."

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There was a knock on the door of Logan's room. "Come in!" The door opened and in walked Adam. Logan tensed suddenly. He still wasn't used to seeing him. He hadn't gotten over the shock of thinking he was the masked gunman. Kendall who was sitting on the bed with Logan placed a hand on his shoulder for reassurance.

Adam noticed all the looks focused on him. Logan looked hurt, guilty, and also relieved. Kendall was glaring and he could tell that he was downright murderous. Adam didn't blame him. James and Carlos looked awkward about the whole situation , but still tried to look tough in case Adam were to "cause trouble". Katie glanced at everyone and left the room. She hated drama.

"A-Adam. Listen I-" Adam cut him off. "What the fuck do you want? To yell at me some more? Go ahead. I don't regret what I did. Yeah that's right. I admit it. I was the one in the restaurant. I was the one who shot you." Logan stared at him. 'What is he saying? We both know it wasn't him. Why is he saying this?'

"No. I know it wasn't you. I'm s-sorry I blamed you before, but I need to talk to you about something. The man who a-attacked me s-said-" Adam raised his voice. He was now practically shouting as if not only to make Logan believe it, but himself also. "It _was_ me! It was me this morning! It was me a month ago! It was ALWAYS me! You didn't get a good look, but it was me! I can't take it anymore. My conscience is killing me!" Adam abruptly ran for the door and out of the room. Logan and the others were left stunned.

They recovered from the shock after a few minutes. Logan was the first to speak up. "B-but I was sure it was someone else. This doesn't make any sense." Kendall jumped off the bed and looked at Logan angrily. "Of course it makes sense Logan! He _was_ the one who did all those things. Why else would he confess? It was dark in the park when you were running right? Maybe you just didn't get a great look at him. I mean who else could it be?"

'But the guy had said that Adam had good taste. If it _were_ Adam, why would he be talking in the third person? But I can't tell them that. They would wonder what "good taste" meant. Then they'd wanna know what happened after I got shot. I can't tell them that.' Logan sighed in frustration. "I just know it wasn't him." Kendall frowned. 'Logan can be so stubborn sometimes. "Can you guys just leave? I wanna be alone for a bit. I'm really tired." James and Carlos nodded and left Kendall there with Logan. "Logan, I'm sorry I yelled. I just really don't trust that guy." Logan sighed. "It's ok." He leaned up and kissed Kendall. Kendall slid his hands to Logan's waist and pulled him closer. They deepened their kiss, tongues fighting for dominance. After a few minutes they pulled apart and Kendall left hesitantly.

Logan lied in the hospital bed staring at the ceiling again. He was so confused. He hated being groaned at how much guilt he felt. He didn't deserve Kendall anymore. He wasn't pure or innocent anymore. He was damaged goods.

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**A/N: ****Ugh I hate this chapter so much. ****This was extremely short, but just think of this and the last chapter as one big chapter. I might post another chapter later today if I have enough energy to. Otherwise it'll come tomorrow. **

**I'm deeply annoyed by how much my brain is lagging on this story. I feel ike I should just give up on it, but at the same time I'm too stubborn to.**


	14. Chapter 14 We're All Out of the Closet

**Chapter 14 We're All Out of the Closet**

**A/N: Thank you for all your reviews. I love reading them. They truly make my day. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! I KNOW I HAVEN'T MENTIONED A THANK YOU IN A WHILE, BUT I JUST FORGET TO BECAUSE I WRITE THE AUTHOR'S NOTES AT THE END OF MY WRITING PROCESS. I am very GRATEFUL FOR THE REVIEWS! DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I'M NOT!**

**It has come to my attention that some of you out there still don't know whether or not I'm a male or female...the answer is...MALE! Lol.**

**I wrote part of this yesterday, but finished it today so it might not be as good as it could've been if I finished yesterday. Sorry I couldn't do that. I needed to get as much rest as I could last night. I woke up at 5am today and ran 9 miles! I know right? Marathon training….what did I get myself into? I came home and immediately passed out. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!…for now:)

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_Logan stood there in the alley in the middle of the night. Kendall was standing in front of him. "Kendall!" He tried approaching him, but with each step Kendall only looked at him with more disgust and anger. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Logan pulled back slightly. "But w-why?" Kendall just spat at him. "You're disgusting!"_

_Logan turned around. There was someone standing behind him. It was hard to tell who it was. As the person drew near Logan began to see who it was." Adam. Wade. Adam. Wade. No, Adam. No, now he's Wade." The person just kept changing back and forth from Wade and Adam. Wade walked up to Logan smiling maliciously. Adam reached Logan. "It _was_ me." Adam turned back into Wade. "And I'll do it again."_

_Logan ran for Kendall, but was quickly grabbed by Wade. Adam pulled him towards him. Logan grabbed onto Kendall's legs as he was being dragged."K-Kendall! Help me! Please!" Kendall just looked down and kicked away Logan's hands. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! You're not pure. Disgusting. Damaged goods. Dirty. You belong with that dirtbag." Kendall looked up at Wade. "Go ahead you can have him. He's worthless to me now."_

_Logan began to sob as Adam dragged him away from Kendall. "KENDALL! PLEASE! I'M SORRY!"

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_

Kendall walked into Logan's hospital room to find him tossing and turning in the bed. He was fighting with the covers, which were only entangling themselves around him more. He was about to wake him up when he heard something. "K-Kendall! Help me! Please! I'm sorry! Dirty. Not pure. Damaged." Kendall didn't have time to say think about what he just heard because Logan woke with a start.

"What? Kendall?" Kendall sat on his bed and hugged him tightly as Logan sobbed. "It's alright Logie. It was just a dream. Logan's sobs quieted and soon he was regretting letting himself crack like that in front of Kendall. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Logan knew it was a rhetoric question. Kendall was gonna get something out of him some way or another. "I just had a nightmare about what happened in the park."

Kendall nodded skeptically. He knew that wasn't all the dream was about, but he didn't want to pressure Logan too much. "Ok Logie. You know you can tell me anything right?" Logan leaned his back against Kendall's chest. He looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah. I know…Where is everybody else?" Kendall adjusted the bed so that he could sit up with Logan in between his legs. "They're still at home. My mom's gonna come pick us up in like an hour. I took the bus." Logan nodded. He tried adjusting himself a little and realized he was only wearing a hospital gown. He blushed and quickly grabbed the back of it to cover himself.

"Um- Kendall? You wouldn't happen to have brought any clothes did you?" Kendall smiled. He got off the bed and pickd up a paper bag. "Here. I brought your underwear, a shirt, and some sweatpants. I don't want you wearing skinny jeans with your leg still like that." Logan smiled gratefully. "Thanks. He pulled the covers over his bottom half and proceeded to dress. He hated being naked in front of other people. The covers were able to give him slight comfort.

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Mrs. Knight came and collected Logan and Kendall an hour later. Logan had to use crutches because the doctor didn't want him putting weight on that leg yet. As she drove she kept glancing back at the two boys in the back seat. There was something different about the two of them. Obviously there was something different about Logan. He was shot and raped. But Kendall, there was something off about him. He sat in the backseat with Logan when the passenger seat was empty. She noticed they sat a bit closer too. And why did he go see Logan so early? Sure they were best friends, but even Carlos and James didn't go.

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Logan and Kendall were sitting on Logan's bed. "Hey Logan? Can I ask you something?" Logan glanced at him curiously. "I wanna tell them." Logan smiled. "I thought you were gonna say something serious. Not that this isn't serious, but you know what I mean!" Kendall chuckled. "So you want to too?" Logan kissed Kendall. "Yes. They already know I'm gay. But the question is, are you ready for them to know that you're dating me? It's actually up to you." Kendall smiled. "Of course I'm ready. I wanna be able to kiss you in front of our family."

Mrs. Knight popped into the room. "Boys it's time for dinner." Kendall got up and helped Logan get a hold of his crutches. They all sat at the dinner table and began eating. "So how's your leg Logan?" Logan smiled. "Don't worry James. It's fine." Carlos turned to Logan. "So did they let you keep the bullet?" James smacked him. Logan chuckled. "No Carlos. They need to keep it for evidence." The rest of dinner was filled with small talk about Logan's leg and his forehead. He need to get new stitches because the wound completely opened again from how rough Wade was. It was back to square one, but this time with a shot leg.

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After dinner Kendall and Mrs. Knight cleared the table. Kendall took his seat next to Logan as Mrs. Knight brought out dessert. Chocolate cake. She sat down and began cutting the cake. Logan was staring at the cake when Kendall cleared his throat, snapping him out of it. "I have something to tell you all."

He stood up and clasped Logan's hand. "Logan and I have been dating for the past month." No one spoke. They were all in shock. Katie was the first to speak. "Well, it's about time you guys told us. You've dated for a _month_ without telling us? Sheesh!"

Kendall stared at her. "So you guys are ok with this?" James laughed. "Dude, the more gay friends I have the better! Now I can check it off my list twice." Logan laughed at that. Carlos stood up and hugged Kendall. He always was a hugger. "Kendall, like I told Logan, I don't care. We're brothers and nothing will change that."

Logan and Kendall turned to Mrs. Knight who still hadn't said anything yet. Logan began to blush at the fact that he was this woman's son's boyfriend. "Boys, you should have told us sooner. Kendall, if I was ok with Logan being gay, what makes you think I wouldn't be the same for you? Even if I wasn't ok with Logan, you are my son. I will always love you." Kendall smiled and kissed his mom on the cheek. She turned to Logan. "But I have one rule. You two need to keep your beds seperated."

Katie scoffed. "Like that'll stop 'em." Logan blushed even deeper. Kendall was quick to defend Logan's honor. "Katie! Don't worry mom. We're taking things slow." Everyone laughed and presumed with dessert.

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Logan was reading in his room while Kendall was showering. He put the book down when Mrs. Knight walked through the open door. "Hey Mama Knight." Mrs. Knight smiled. "Hey Logan. I'm glad you two decided to tell us you were dating." Logan blushed as he realized where this was going. "You don't have to worry. We really _are_ taking things slow. Kendall's putting up with it for my sake."

Mrs. Knight nodded knowingly. "So does that mean you told him?" Logan frowned. "No I haven't. Could you please not tell him?" Mrs. Knight sat down next to him. "Honey, you can't keep this from them forever." Logan looked down at his hands and began playing with the hem of his shirt. "But why not, Mama Knight?" Logan knew the answer, but he wanted Mrs. Knight to seal the deal. "Because Logan, if you don't tell your family, how are you going to deal with it? And think about Kendall. Relationships are based on trust, honey." Logan felt tears sliding down his face as he looked up at Mrs. Knight. "But what if he hates me? I know he will. He wasn't my first. He will never get that opportunity. I don't deserve him. I'm not pure. Dirty. Disgusting. Damaged goods."

Mrs. Knight hugged him tightly. "You can't think like that Logan. He won't hate you. It wasn't your fault. You were robbed of that, but Kendall will understand. I know my son." Logan sniffled. "A-alright. I'll tell him, but not yet. I need time." That was good enough for Mrs. Knight. She squeezed him a little tighter before letting go. "Now cheer up. How about another slice of that cake before you go to bed?" Logan nodded vigorously through his tears at the sound of another slice of chocolate cake. "Don't tell the others though." Logan gave Mrs. Knight his signature half frown, half smile. "I won't if you won't…yet."

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**A/N: Well I personally liked this chapter. It was angsty at the beginning, funny/angsty in the middle, angsty near the end, and happy at the end. **

**Is anyone else craving chocolate cake? Or maybe some apple pie with ice cream. :)**

**Well this is it for now. It's Halloween night so I'm probably gonna go take my little brother trick-or-treating, cuz my friends are HORRIBLY UNORGANIZED PLANNERS! ;)**

**Be SAFE! HAVE FUN! PARTY, TRICK-OR-TREAT, READ, REVIEW! Lol :)**


	15. Chapter 15 No More Sweets Before Bed

**Chapter 15 No More Sweets Before Bed**

**A/N: Well I missed a new episode of 90210 for this, but it was ok. I'll catch it online tomorrow.**

**Thank you for all of your reviews! OVER 100 REVIEWS! AMAZING! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK !

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_Logan was standing in a long hallway. He began taking small steps down it. The walls were lined with green velvet making them look fancy and luxurious. As he walked down the corridor he unconsciously brought his hand up to slide along the wall. It felt soft and warm and the green color reminded him of Kendall. _

_At the thought of Kendall's name, the walls suddenly became wet and cold. "Logan." He froze. 'No not again. Please!' Logan slowly turned around and there was Adam grinning at him. Logan blinked and there was Wade. "Common Logan. Let's have some more…fun!" His head fell back as he laughed maniacally. Logan looked at his hands and then at the walls. No longer were they soft and warm and velvety green. Now they were cold wet and red. Deep red. His hand was covered in blood and he screamed._

_Logan didn't have time to think. He immediately ran away from Adam. "What's wrong Logan? Don't you want some more?" Logan covered his ears as he ran, smearing blood all over the side of his face. He didn't want to hear it. It was terrible. The man chasing him was changing back and forth from Wade to Adam, but the voice stayed the same. It was strange. Like two voices speaking at once._

_Logan kept running until he saw a door at the far end of the hallway. He was close. The door was open and there in its doorway was Kendall. "KENDALL!" Kendall was looking at him with a warm smile. The blonde reached his hand out and Logan ran faster. He ran and ran. It was almost within reach. Just a little more._

_Logan's heart dropped as the door twitched. It twitched again and began to move. It moved agonizingly slowly to a close. Logan couldn't make it in time. He reached for the knob, but it didn't work. There was no knob to reach for. The door suddenly became glass. He slammed his hands against the door hoping to break the glass. "Stop it Logan."_

_Logan looked up at Kendall through the glass. His voice should've been muffled, but it rang clearly in his ears and echoed through the hall. "W-WHY?" Kendall frowned. "Because I don't love you. You're not good enough anymore." Logan looked down and noticed there was a door knob on Kendall's side of the glass. "Kendall I'm sorry! Please! Let me back in! I'm sorry!_

_Kendall looked at Logan with disgust. "Shut your fuckin mouth! I don't wanna hear it." Logan was shocked by the sudden rage coming from Kendall. He turned back. Adam was coming at him even faster. He turned around to look at Kendall who was glaring at him. "You're disgusting. Evil. NOT PURE. NOT INNOCENT! __**NOT GOOD ENOUGH. WORTHLESS!**__" Kendall became louder and louder. Logan was sobbing now. He turned around. Wade seemed to be coming at him faster. Logan turned back around and began banging and kicking against the glass again. He screamed and shouted, but Kendall wouldn't hear it. "PLEASE! I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT TO! PLEASE KENDALL PLEASE! LET ME BACK IN! GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE! I'M SORRY!" _

_Adam finally caught up to him. Wade turned him around and grinned maliciously. "Why'd you run away?" Adam pulled out a gun and pointed it in Logan's face. "Now we're gonna have to do it the hard way." Logan turned his head to Kendall. "I'm sorry." He said with the last of his strength. Kendall held up his own gun. The glass shattered as the bullet shot through it. It came slowly, but surely. Its destination already determined. Logan's heart._

_BANG!

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_

Logan sat up in bed and gasped for air. He was in a cold sweat. After a few minutes of deep breathing he ripped the blanket off of himself and placed his head in his hands. This was the fifth nightmare in a row since he came back from the hospital. 'No more sweets before bed. That's what's causing these stupid nightmares.'

The days always went by fine. He laughed and joked and kissed Kendall, but sleep was what he feared the most. He couldn't bear to see Kendall looking at him with such hate. Just when he thought he was as ready as he could ever be to tell Kendall the truth, another nightmare increased his paranoia. They were always the same. Logan would fall asleep late at night, then he would dream about being somewhere in between Kendall and the figure who kept alternating between Wade and Adam, he would try to apologize to Kendall, beg him to forgive him, beg him to help him, and every time Kendall would just look at him with disgust and leave him to be taken by the man.

Logan turned to his left and saw Kendall on his side, facing away from him. He couldn't help, but feel as if Kendall hated him even outside of the dream. He began to feel the sting of tears. Logan pulled a pillow and placed it on his knees that he pulled up close to his face. He began to cry into the pillow. He tried his best to stifle his cries so Kendall wouldn't get suspicious.

Little did he know, Kendall had his eyes open as he was laying on his side. He had heard Logan moaning and talking in his sleep every night since the day he visited him in the hospital. It was always the same thing.

_"No! Please! I'm sorry Kendall. Please forgive me! Dirty. Not pure. Not innocent."_

Kendall's heart broke as listened to the sound of tears coming from his best friend, boyfriend, love of his life. He knew Logan was hiding something from him, but what? 'It can't be something _that_ horrible. I mean, could he really believe I wouldn't forgive him in a heartbeat? Right? No of course I would forgive him.' But Kendall feared that maybe he couldn't. What if he couldn't forgive Logan? What would happen then? 'He needs to tell me on his own. He'll only lie if I pressure him. He'll think I won't forgive him even more. I gotta start being super nice to him. Get him to believe he can confide in me.'

The two took in a silent, but deep breath. Both feeling nothing, but unconditional, painful love for the other.

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**A/N: I personally liked this chapter if you don't mind me saying. It took a while to think up, but it was definitely worth it in my opinion. Good news is I'm getting my inspiration back. I've had the nastiest writer's block of my life!**

**On a completely unrelated note, I gotta do this research report on someone historical or something. I wanted to pick someone who no one else would think of doing. Preferably someone who had a crappy life full of angst. Maybe even raped. BUT THEN BECAME SUCCESSFUL! I'm thinking Maya Angelou. Any suggestions?**

**Hope you enjoyed! :)**


	16. Chapter 16 Stripped of Innocence

**Chapter 16**

**A/N: Sorry this couldn't come sooner! Today was a hectic day. I came home early because it's a Tuesday and school lets out at 1:30, but went straight to the orthodontist. Got stuck in traffic. Came home and went with my grandpa to go vote. Anyway it's here now so please enjoy! Thank you for all of your awesome reviews!**

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Logan and Kendall were sitting alone on the orange couch of 2J. Mrs. Knight had gone with Katie to some movie, James was tanning, and Carlos was out with Stephanie. Logan sat with Kendall's head in his lap as the blonde napped.

Kendall couldn't help, but nap. He had been woken up every night by Logan's nightmares. He didn't complain, but after a week of all the nightmares he was extremely tired. Logan was no better. After five straight nightmares he began to not sleep. So far he pulled two straight all nighters and was now reaping the consequences. His eyes were slowly drifting downward and his head tilted forward. He quickly sat up straight. Slowly, he tilted forward again. Eventually, he just rested his head on the back of the couch and gave into his body's sleep craving.

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Kendall's eyes fluttered open as something wet fell on his face. He rubbed his eyes trying to clear his vision. Logan realized Kendall was awake and quickly stood up and ran into his room. Kendall's head hit the couch. "Hey. Logie?" The brunette had disappeared. Kendall touched his face and felt the teardrop on his fingertip. "Was he crying again? This is ridiculous. I'm gonna find out what's going on now."

He stood up and walked into their room. Kendall was shocked to see Logan reading a book. Logan looked up and grinned. "Hey Kendall! I didn't notice you wake up." Kendall was getting annoyed. Logan was obviously hurting and hiding something from him. He walked over to Logan's side and crossed his arms. "Logan what's going on? Don't say that there's nothing going on, cause I know that that's bullshit."

But Logan wasn't going to give up that easily. "I don't know what you're talking about." Kendall began to get even more annoyed, which only made Logan not want to tell him more.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything."

"I heard you. You were having nightmares for the past week and have been crying and moaning in your sleep. Something about being sorry, and something dirty, and unpure, and stuff like that."

Logan froze. He didn't know what to say to that. Kendall saw this and began to push a little further.

"What is it that you did that makes you think I won't forgive you instantly?" Logan just looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Did you break something of mines?"

"No."

"Did you take some money?"

"No."

"Did you hit my sister?"

"Don't be stupid. I wouldn't hit Katie." Kendall was slightly taken aback. Logan never called him stupid. This had to be serious.

"D-did you ch-cheat on me?" Kendall was on the verge of tears.

"What? N-NO!"

"Were you lying about being gay?"

"NO!"

"TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON LOGAN! I CAN'T TAKE IT! EVERY NIGHT I WAKE UP AND YOU'RE SOBBING! I can't stand to hear you like that again Logan! It kills me. Please just tell me so I can help you!" Logan looked up through his tears at Kendall. He was seething now. Tears were coming down the taller boy's face as he clenched his fists. Logan winced at how angry he was. Just like in his nightmares.

Kendall began to guess wildly again when Logan wouldn't answer. "Do you still have feelings for A-Adam?"

"GODAMNIT KENDALL! NO!" Logan was now sobbing into his hands.

"WELL THEN WHAT IS IT LOGAN? YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE! WHAT IS IT? JUST TELL ME!"

"I CAN'T YOU'LL HATE ME! JUST LIKE YOU DO NOW!"

Kendall's anger was doused completely by those words. "Logan I can never hate you. I love you." He knelt down and lifted Logan's chin to look him in the eyes. "Do you understand? I don't care what it was that you did. Just tell me. I want to help you. I kills me to see you hurting. I hurt when you hurt. I want you to be happy again, Logan. So we can both be happy…together. I won't hate you. Just tell me. I love you."

Logan couldn't hold it in anymore. He wanted to get it out so badly. He made a snap decision and just began blurting out everything. "I DIDN'T WANT TO KENDALL! I TOLD HIM NOT TO! I TOLD HIM IT WASN'T HIS! IT WAS YOURS! BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN! HE JUST STOLE IT FROM YOU! I'M SO SORRY!"

Kendall furrowed his eyebrows. "Th-that's ok Logie. I don't care. It's just an object, right? Totally replaceable." Logan sobbed even louder. "N-NO KENDALL! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! HE HAD A GUN! H-HE FORCED ME TO THE GROUND AND TOOK IT! DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT! I DON'T WANT TO SAY IT!"

Kendall looked at Logan. 'What is he talking about? What did this guy take that "belongs to me"? Wha-' It hit him. 'No. No way. Not my Logie. Not that, not to him.'

"Logan did he…r-rape you?" Logan looked at Kendall with the most fear-filled eyes. "Yes," he whispered.

Kendall gasped. "Oh Logan." He sat down next to Logan and embraced the smaller boy. "I'm so sorry Kendall! I'm so sorry! I don't deserve you. I'm dirty. Not pure. Not innocent. Disgusting. Worthless. The lowest form of life." Kendall's heart broke at what Logan was telling him. He pulled Logan away from him and held him by his shoulders. Logan wouldn't look him in the eyes. He just stared to the side.

"Logan. Look. At. Me." Logan hesitantly turned.

"I love you. I don't care if you're a virgin or not. I don't care if I wasn't your first. Don't ever think for a second that I would ever hate you. I could never hate you. I'll hate everyone else in the world before I hated you."

Logan shut his eyes and collapsed into Kendall, fisting his shirt and sobbing. "Shh. Common. Just get some rest. And don't you dare dream of me hating you." Kendall lied Logan down and began petting his head. Logan began to relax at the touch and soon fell asleep.

Kendall quietly stood up and walked out of the room. He sat down on the couch and stared at Logan through the cracked open door. He was finally sleeping peacefully. Deeming no one would see him, Kendall placed his head in his hands and broke down. He had been able to hold it in for Logan, but not a second longer. He cried into his hands as he thought of what Logan went though. 'What kind of a fucking boyfriend am I? I couldn't protect him. I could've stopped him from going out on that run, but I didn't. Fuck. Stupid me!' Kendall would never admitted it, and now he never would, but he always wanted to be Logan's first.

He knew that Logan was still a virgin when they got together. Logan would've told him if he did lose his virginity.

But now, everything was different. Logan had been raped. He was traumatized. 'He needs me.' Kendall wiped his tears away and stood up. He walked into his and Logan's room and sat down on his bed staring at Logan. "Logan, I swear. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you again. From now on, I will never let anything hurt you. I'll protect you, because you trusted me with loving you. You gave me a chance. And I won't let you down again."

He got up after he said what he had to say to the sleeping Logan. Kendall walked over to the mini refrigerator they had in the room and pulled out a secret can of beer. He never thought he'd need it or even want it, but now he just wanted to get away from everything. He walked out and sat at the kitchen island and sipped heavily from the can. The cool liquid tasted disgusting on his tongue, but as it settled in his stomach he began to feel warm. He sipped some more and more until half of the can was gone. He felt better, slightly.

His senses were dulled by the beer so he couldn't react fast enough when he heard a door being opened. He scrambled to hide what he was doing and ended up dropping the can, spilling its contents all over the floor.

"What are you doing?"

* * *

**A/N: …I don't even know what to say about this chapter. I didn't really think it through. It was more of a write as it came to me thing. I couldn't plan anything ahead all day today. Completely rushed.**

**On a side note, are there any Californians out there reading this? Did you vote today? I went to translate for my grandfather. It looks a lot less complicated than I thought. I'm voting when I'm 18 for sure.**

**So today I went to the orthodontist to get my bottom braces. I can already feel the pain slowly coming. Tomorrow when I wake up, you'll probably hear a blood-curdling scream around 7am. I already went through the unbearable pain when I got the upper ones. Over the next week, one of two things will happen. One, I will either be in too much pain and too distracted by the pain to write anything (or anything good). Or Two, I will end up writing super fantastic chapters as a way to distract myself from the pain. Just thought you should know. Sorry!**


	17. Chapter 17 You Need Them

**Chapter 17 You Need Them**

**A/N: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AWESOME REVIEWS!**

**Also, I recently made a very Kogan related discovery. I was watching a video called "the City is Ours (making of)". In the beginning the guys are practicing a dance routine and Logan is wearing a shirt that I remember seeing Kendall in. I finally found the picture of Kendall wearing the shirt. They were exactly the same. Although they both have their own shirt, it's nice to think that they shared it. :) I WANT THAT SHIRT! I'm gonna beg my parents for one. :)**

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Kendall turned to face the kitchen entrance. "I- er- uh. I-it's not what it looks like!" Camille walked up to him and slapped him. Kendall stumbled back and held his hand to his face. It stung much more than when Camille usually slapped him. "Ah!" Camille began to shout. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're supposed to be the leader! Don't you know what alcohol does t-"

Kendall cupped his hand over her mouth. "Shut up! Logan's finally sleeping!" At the sound of Logan's name, Camille immediately quieted down, but kept a strong disapproving glare at Kendall. Kendall turned and walked past Katie, James, and Carlos to the couch. They all followed him.

The four stood in front of Kendall with their arms crossed. James spoke first. "What were you thinking? Beer, Kendall?" Kendall looked up at them and shrugged pathetically. He couldn't tell them. It was Logan's secret to tell, not his. 'But Logan needs his friends right now.' Carlos shoved Kendall and he fell back against the couch bewildered. "You better tell us what the hell is going on Kendall. If Logan found out about this, he'd freak. He's already been through enough." Kendall frowned. "You don't even know the half of it." He said under his breath.

Katie had heard it though. "What was that?" Kendall looked at his younger sister. He couldn't believe she caught him drinking. "You don't know the half of it." He said a little louder. James and Carlos both saw the grief in his voice and slowly began to feel sympathy. The girls sat down on the coffee table, Carlos sat down next to Kendall with worried eyes, and James sat on the other side. "What's going on Kendall?" Kendall noticed the instant change in the taller boy's tone. "I just needed to relax. I didn't think I would need to resort to that, but nothing else worked. I just needed to clear my head. There's been too much going on lately." Carlos placed a hand on his blonde friend's shoulder. "We know man, but Logan needs us. He needs you especially. What he doesn't need is you becoming a drinker."

Camille thought it was strange that Carlos had said Logan would especially need Kendall, but decided it wasn't the best time to ask about that. Kendall looked at all of them with pain filled eyes. James placed his hand on Kendall's other shoulder. "Just tell us what's going on then Kendall." Kendall glanced through the crack in the door to see Logan still peacefully asleep. 'He's going to need all of his best friends. They need to know.'

Kendall sighed. "Something else happened to Logan the day he got shot. It was killing him inside, but he tried to hide it. Every night since then, he began having nightmares. They made him wake up and sob late at night. I was always woken up by it. I never told him I knew about his nightmares though. I figured he'd tell me eventually. A couple of hours ago I got tired of it. I began to pressure him. He wouldn't tell me, but I kept pushing. He ended up breaking down and blurting it all out. Now I wish I didn't know. It was horrible."

All four of the listener's looked at Kendall with sympathy. They never knew about what Logan was going through. Katie spoke up. "What happened on the day he got shot?" Kendall put his head in his hands and began to cry for the third time that day. Carlos and James rubbed his back to comfort their leader who never cried in front of them. They were too shocked for words at seeing Kendall like this. "H-he was raped."

All four gasped. James was the first to regain the ability to form words. "W-what?" Kendall began to get angry. He stood up abruptly. "You all wanted to know didn't you? Well now you know. Are you happy now?" He stomped into the kitchen to clean up the mess he made before his mom got back.

* * *

After several minutes everyone began to regain their composure. Camille turned to the other three still in the room. "Wait…why would Logan Kendall the most? I know their best friends and all, but aren't you guys also his best friends." James and Carlos looked at each other then at Camille. James sighed. "Camille sit down." She sat down on the couch and looked at James curiously. "You see…Logan came out to us a couple of weeks ago."

Camille, being a born actress in LA, knew exactly what they were trying to say. "Logan's gay?" They nodded. "And he's…with Kendall?" Again, they nodded. Camille felt hurt. She really liked Logan, but she knew nothing could be done. In fact, she kind of suspected it whenever they hung out. Logan would always be little closer to Kendall than the others, whether he knew it or not. "Oh." they nodded.

* * *

Logan woke up feeling completely refreshed. He didn't have a nightmare this time. "I can't believe this happened to him." Logan sat up and got out of bed. He opened the door to find Kendall, James, Carlos, Camille, and Katie sitting at the dinner table. They all looked up as he came into view. Katie got up from the seat and hugged Logan. "I'm sorry Logan." Logan stared at her with a confused look. "O-ok?" Camille and James got up and just placed a hand on each of his shoulders with grim expression. Carlos got up and hugged Logan after Katie was finished. "I-it's gonna be ok Logan. We're here for you." Logan pulled away from Carlos and looked at Kendall.

"You told them? Kendall how could you?" Kendall looked up from his water. "You need all of your friends Logie. I had to tell them. You can't deal with this alone." Logan turned around to face his family. "He's right Logan." Carlos stepped a little closer. "You need us. We want to help you." Logan looked at all he faces around him. "T-thank you guys. I really love you all."

James thought of something. "Are you going to do something about it?" Logan turned to James. "What do you mean?"

"Are you going to go to the police? Press charges? Stuff like that." Logan shook his head which made everyone look at him as if he'd gone insane. Kendall stood up and placed his hands on the table. "Why not? You already know who did it and you can't just let them get away with this!" Logan looked at Kendall. "That's just it. I don't know who it was. I was sure I got a good look at who it was, but then Adam said he did it. Now I'm not sure. In my nightmares the guy kept changing from Adam to someone else. I don't know what to think anymore."

Logan felt the overwhelming urge to cry again, but it disappeared when Kendall came and wrapped his arms around Logan. "It's ok. We'll figure it out." Everyone joined in and surrounded Logan with their support. "We'll get through it…together."

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**A/N: Ok so I noticed that this story makes Kendall seem really stupid doesn't it? Yeaaahh, HE'S NOT! Lol. :) He really does love Logan, but hey even the best leaders can crack sometimes ok? Don't be so harsh on him. Anyway, this chapter was "eeeehhhh" in my opinion. The next chapter should be a little better. Already have some ideas about it.**


	18. Chapter 18 A Different Kind of Dream

**Chapter 18 A Different Kind of Dream**

**A/N: I didn't really know how to start off this chapter, but finally did it by putting Gustavo and Kelly back into the picture. Enjoy!

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**

Kendall's phone rang. He sighed and picked it up without looking at the caller ID. "What?"

"_Whoa, what's with the hostility?_"

"Kelly? Sorry, there's just been a lot going on lately. What's up?"

"_Well, Gustavo is back in town. He just finished up all of his business and wants to start rehearsals immediately. By now your winter break should have already started, so even if the Palm Woods School renovations were finished, you guys wouldn't be going to school for another month anyway._"

"It's winter break? Jeez, California winters are nothin compared to Minnesota. The worst it is here, is like 10 days of rain a year."

_Kelly laughed through the phone. "Gotta love that California huh?_"

"I'll tell the others, bye Kelly."

Kendall hung up and walked over to James and Carlos who were sitting on the couch watching TV. "Guy's, Gustavo's back. We gotta go to Roque records for rehearsals…now." The two boys groaned. "Oooohhh. I was enjoying the break…well most of it." Kendall chuckled at James. Carlos got up to go find a sweater, but turned to Kendall. "Where's the Ms.'s?" Kendall cracked up at that.

"He's sleeping. And don't call him that when he's around. He really hates it." Kendall walked into their room to wake up Logan.

* * *

_Logan and Kendall walked hand in hand through the Palm Woods Park. Logan looked up at Kendall who stared back down at him with love. "Oh how sweet is this?" The couple broke their gaze and turned behind them to see Adam standing a only at only an arms distance away from them with a maliciously smile. Before the two could do anything, Adam suddenly was replaced by Wade. "Don't you wanna have some more fun Logan?"_

_Logan whimpered and stepped back. Kendall quickly got in front of him. The brunette put a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "No Kendall. Don't. He's dangerous." Kendall ignored him. "Leave him alone you bastard." Adam laughed. "Or what?" Kendall pulled his arm back and drove it into the air in front of Wade. He pulled his hand back as a crack formed in the air between Adam and the couple. The crack grew and grew. It spun it different directions and forked into separate cracks._

_Then there was the sound of shattering glass. Logan stared as the picture in front of him fell apart. Shards of Wade fell to the ground. When all of the pieces were gone Logan gasped. There stood Wade and Adam, side by side.

* * *

_

Kendall leaned over Logan's sleeping face. He was going to wake him up with a kiss to start the day off on a good note. Logan had been through too much lately. Just as he was about to place his lips on Logan's the genius decided to wake up. Logan sat up straight gasping. Suddenly there was a loud thud and his head began to throb. "Ugh, ow! W-what the-?"

Kendall chuckled as he rubbed his forehead. "Morning to you too sweetheart." Logan noticed the sarcastic tone. "S-sorry. I just had a nightmare. Um, what were you doing anyway?" Kendall sighed and sat himself next to Logan while the smaller boy rested his head on Kendall's shoulder. "I was gonna wake you up with a kiss. Figured I'd start the day off on a good note. Especially today."

Logan lifted his head from Kendall's shoulder, moved to sit in front of him with his legs crossed, and tilted his head to the left with a confused expression. "What's so horrible about today?" Kendall grimaced. "Kelly called. Gustavo's back. We need to go. Now." Logan huffed. "I was finally beginning to relax."

Kendall smirked. "So what was your nightmare about?" Logan thought for a second before he remembered. "I-it wasn't Adam. Me and you were walking through the park when suddenly Adam showed up behind us. In all of my dreams he always turned into this other guy, then he'd morph back, back and forth. But this time, you did something and suddenly they were both standing there side-by-side." Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"What I'm trying to say is, they never did that. The always changed back and forth, but I never saw them at the same time. It made me unsure if Adam was the one that…did it. But now I know it wasn't Adam. It was the other guy." Kendall nodded with comprehension. "So now what? How do we find out who this guy is?" Logan didn't answer.

"Logan, we need to find out. We need to go to the police. You need justice. That creep needs to get what he deserves!" Logan sighed. "But I'm scared. What if I find him and he takes it the wrong way somehow and thinks I wanted … m-more and then he does it again?" Kendall put his hands on Logan's shoulders and stared into his chocolate eyes. "Logan, I swear to you. As long as I am alive and well, I will never let anything hurt you ever again. I swear…because I love you." Logan smiled slightly. "O-ok. First we need to find Adam. I think he knows this guy. The guy mentioned that "Adam had good taste". I think he might be blackmailing Adam or something. I don't see why else he would falsely admit that he was the one who did it." Kendall nodded.

He grabbed Logan by the hand and ran out to the living room. "JAMES! CARLOS! GET OUT HERE NOW! WE HAVE WORK TO DO!" Logan protested. "But Gustavo-"

"Gustavo can wait. This is more important Logie." James and Carlos appeared from their room. "Ok ok. We're coming. Who woulda thought you'd be the person who looked forward to Gustavo-time." Kendall just grabbed the car keys and tossed them to Logan. "Not now Carlos. We're going to go find Adam. He knows who did it." James and Carlos quickly nodded and they all ran out to the hallway.

"Crap! I forgot, he moved remember?" Kendall turned to Logan. "Do you still have his number?" Logan nodded. "But I don't think he'll answer if he knows it's me."

"Dial it on my phone." Logan dialed the number. Kendall held it up to his ear and waited anxiously. "_Hello?_" He passed the phone to Logan.

"A-Adam. It's Logan. Don't hang up! I need to talk to you. What's your address?" He could hear Adam sigh.

After a few seconds Logan was about to hang up thinking that Adam had already hung up, when he replied hesitantly, "_I'm at 542 N. Crescent Street…apartment 17. It's about 5 miles from the Palm Woods._"

"We'll be there soon…thanks Adam."

Logan hung up and they all ran to the car. Logan drove quietly as the others began planning.

"Alright, so what's the plan?"

"First we get there. Carlos I want you to give Logan the helmet. James may be the face, but things are different. Logan is the one that is at the most risk…that and I love him." Logan blushed, but let Kendall keep speaking."When we get there, I'll knock on the door. Logan will be directly behind me. James and Carlos, you two stand on Logan's sides. If anything goes wrong, Carlos, you grab Logan and run back to the car. James and I can handle that jerk."

Logan stopped the car and walked up to Adam's apartment. He didn't wait for the others. He didn't really like the sound of their "plan". He knocked on the door nervously.

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**A/N: I wanted to write more, I truly did. I pictured this chapter at least another 2 thousand words longer, but I need to go so I hope you enjoyed!**


	19. Chapter 19 You Don't Pick Your Dad

**Chapter 19 You Don't Pick Your Dad**

**A/N: the last chapter was cut off short because I had some business to take care of so I made this a bit longer to compensate. :) PLEASE ENJOY!**

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Kendall, James, and Carlos caught up to Logan and quickly assumed their defensive positions as the door opened slowly. The four boys stared as the door finally opened all the way, revealing an uncomfortable looking Adam. "What are you doing here?" Kendall snarled. "You have answers so let us in so we can get this over with. Trust me, I don't want to see you as much as you don't want to see me." Adam just walked back into his apartment as the boys followed him.

Logan looked around the apartment. It was such a huge contrast to his old apartment. The walls were a dirty white and completely bare. They didn't have the pictures or sketches Adam had in his old apartment. There was hardly any furniture in the dingy apartment and there was trash everywhere. Logan began to feel guilty. 'Adam's living here because of me.'

Adam sat down on the dirty couch and Logan sat next to him against Kendall's protest. Kendall, James, and Carlos stood in front of them with their arms crossed. Kendall nodded toward Adam. "Start talkin."

Adam looked up at him with narrowed eyes, an expression Logan never saw on him. "I don't know what the fuck you're talkin bout. I already told you everything. I was the one at the restaurant and the one who shot you in the park."

Logan looked at Adam closely. He looked so different. His hair was a mess. His clothes were wrinkled. His eyes didn't have that little shimmer anymore. 'When we first met, he had only looked like Liam from 90210, but now he's acting like him too. So dark and brooding.' (1) Logan's guilt began to grow. "LOGAN!" Logan snapped out of it and looked up at Carlos who had been calling him for a good 2 minutes.. "W-what?" James sighed. "Tell him about what you found out." Logan turned to Adam.

"I know it wasn't you Adam. I saw who it was. It wasn't you. Why are you taking the blame?" Adam propped his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. He stayed in this position and wouldn't meet Logan's eyes. "It. Was. Me." He said through gritted teeth. "No it wasn't. You're lying. I know it wasn't you." Adam turned to Logan. "How do you know? How do you know it wasn't me?"

"Because I saw who it was. It was someone that looked _like_ you. But I know it wasn't you. Because I know you wouldn't do that. Because-" Something caught Logan's eye. A small dirty golden kitten crawled around his legs. He bent down and picked up Maisy. "Because Maisy trusted me to be a good person. I can't imagine someone who raised this kitty could be bad." Adam scoffed darkly. "That's a stupid reason."

Kendall had had it with Adam. He grabbed Adam by the shirt and pulled him up so that they were face-to-face. "I've had it. Fine. If you want us to think you're the one who did it, then we will. We'll go call the cops and have them take your ass to jail." Logan stood up and placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder. Kendall let go of Adam and stepped back slightly. "Adam, I'll prove that you weren't there that day I got shot. Tell me what happened exactly when you supposedly shot me."

Adam seemed to be caught off guard, but he wasn't going to cave in. "I grabbed you and pulled you onto the side of the road. I pulled out my gun and I shot you." Logan's eyes began to tear up as he prepared himself for the next part of the conversation. "Then what happened Adam? What happened after _you_ shot?" When Adam didn't answer Logan continued. "A-after he shot me-" Kendall stepped up to Logan's side. "You don't have to say it Logan." But Logan ignored him. "After he shot me…h-he raped me."

Adam looked at Logan in the eyes for the first time. Tears were coming down his face. "W-what? N-no. He didn't. He couldn't have." Adam was speaking to himself, but Logan heard."Yes, he did, Adam. And he mentioned you. He said something about you having good taste. Please Adam. How do you know him? Please just tell me. I need to know."

Adam sunk down onto the couch and put his elbows on his knees, and hands in his hair. "H-he's my-father." Tears began to fall from his eyes. He had no idea what his father had put Logan through. "L-Logan, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault!" Logan sat down and rubbed Adam's back. "No it's not. It was just a coincidence right?" Adam shook his head in his hands. "No it wasn't Logan. The night you broke up with me, I knew it was my dad that you ran into in the restaurant. He has the same eyes as I do and lived in that area of the restaurant. I was going to confront him, but I just thought he would hurt you if I did. He always took a fucking sick interest in people I get close to. I had driven all the way to his apartment, but I turned around. H-he must have followed me and found out about you somehow. Oh god Logan! I'm so sorry!"

Logan didn't know what to say. He was still in shock from finding all of this out. Kendall, to everyone's surprise, was the first to speak up. "H-hey, it's not your fault man." Kendall looked like he wanted to say some more, but he decided against it.

Logan turned to Adam. "It isn't your fault Adam. He did what he did on his own. You didn't force him to do it. He was the one who shot me. He was the one who raped me. Not you. I don't hold anything against you. It isn't your fault." Adam nodded through his sobs, but Kendall knew that this guy still felt horribly guilty. Kendall sat down next to Logan. "Let's go home. We'll all get some rest and do some thinking. Tomorrow let's meet at our place to discuss what we'll do alright?" The other two boys nodded and got up. Logan turned to Adam who just began walking into his room with Maisy in his hands. "We'll show ourselves out." Adam just nodded and closed the door to his bedroom.

* * *

The four boys walked into 2J and let out a sigh. Mrs. Knight came from the kitchen and put her hands on her hips. "Gustavo called. He's really mad. You guys ditched rehearsals." She stopped speaking when Logan and Kendall just walked into their room. James and Carlos sat down with her at the kitchen counter with some coffee and began explaining all of the day's events.

Logan sat in his pajamas pants and a shirt on Kendall's bed. 'What now? I found out it wasn't Adam at all…it was his dad. What do I do?' Kendall came out of the bathroom in some basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He sat down next to Logan and put his head on the smaller boy's shoulder. "What are you thinking about?" Logan sighed. "What do I do next?" Kendall thought for a second. "You mean, what do _we_ do next. You're not alone Logie. You have me, James, Carlos, my mom, Katie, Carlos's dad, Camille, and now Adam I think." Logan smiled weakly. "Speaking of Adam, why were you suddenly so nice to him? I thought you hated his guts?"

Kendall shrugged. "I guess I can really emphasize with him ya' know?" Logan nodded knowing exactly what Kendall was talking about. "I noticed we're not all that different. We both fell for you. We both got rejected by you, even though I ended up winning you. We both have horrible dads."

* * *

FLASHBACK (4 years ago. Logan and Kendall should be…13.)

Andrew Knight and his wife, Karla, were fighting again. Andrew had come home late and drunk again. Kendall sat in the kitchen secretly listening and watching the fight.

"What the hell Andrew?"

"This has nothing to do with you bitch! Get the fuck outta my face!" He pushed her.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She slapped him. He grabbed her and threw her onto the floor.

"Fuck you! I do whatever the fuck I want!" He kicked her twice in the stomach.

Kendall ran out and tackled his father. "You son of a-!" His father couldn't finish his sentence as Kendall's fist connected with his jaw. "Don't you dare touch my mom!"

The police soon arrived and took away Kendall's father. The neighbors had called about loud screaming and breaking objects. He was then sentenced to 5 years in prison.

* * *

"I guess I just hated him because he was trying to steal you away from me." Kendall said with a smirk. Logan knew he was just trying to change the subject and went along with it. "Oh really?" Kendall nodded. "I may not have known that I was gay, but I knew he was still gonna take you away from me, and I wasn't gonna let that happen." Logan seemed satisfied with the answer. "The only weird thing is that he has a cat. I mean sure, they're cute and all, but dogs are way cooler." Logan rested his head on Kendall's. "You know, that cat is probably what made me realize I liked you. I don't know. I guess I liked Adam because he reminded me of you, but then I met his cat and she just reminded me of you. Green eyes, same dirty blonde hair/fur." Kendall got up and kissed Logan deeply. Their tongues danced and lips mashed together perfectly. "You are so corny!" Logan pouted as Kendall left the room.

Seconds later, Mrs. Knight came in and raised an eyebrow at the sight of Logan on Kendall's bed. "Don't worry Mama Knight. I'm just sitting." He got up and plopped himself down on his own bed. Mrs. Knight sat down across from him on Kendall's bed and smiled softly. "I'm glad you told them. You really do need your friends and family to get through this." Logan nodded. "Yeah, I realized I should've told them a long time ago." Mrs. Knight chuckled. "It's ok sweetie. The main thing is they know now and they are going to help you through this. Now go get some rest. I hear you have a big day ahead of you. Be safe okay honey?" Logan nodded. Mrs. Knight left the room.

Logan rolled onto his side and shut his eyes hoping tomorrow would go well.

* * *

**(1) Yeeeaaahhhh, Logan is a 90210 fan in this. Lol. Not huge fan, like myself, just a spectator :)-so he says.**

**A/N: Yay this chapter is a little longer than the others I've written lately. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review! :)**


	20. Chapter 20 Confrontation

**Chapter 20 First Confrontation**

**A/N: In the last chapter I wrote about Kendall emphasizing with Adam. My mistake, I meant empathizing. **

**Umm…! Thanks for all of your reviews. I really look forward to reading them. **

**Yes, I understand that I may have lost many of you readers by putting in the rape, but I stand by what I wrote. I understand. I used to hate rape too and I refused to read anything with rape, but over time I accepted it as something that just happens. I hope those of you who stopped reading, will continue and give it a chance.**

**Sorry, I haven't updated in like 2 days, but I was in a pretty crappy mood. I couldn't bring myself to write. Sorry. This chapter was rather long to make up for it. PLZ FORGIVE ME! :)**

**Hooray! 20 Chapters! I didn't think I'd make it this far!

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Kendall closed the door to the bathroom and leaned against it. Everyone was already asleep, but him. He was too upset for sleep. Today had brought up too many memories and emotions he thought he had locked away. 'Dad.' He looked in the mirror. Green eyes stared back at him as if they were mocking him. Kendall sighed. 'He's gone. I don't need to worry about him. What I need to worry about is how I'm gonna protect Logan. Wait-worry? No, no worry. I WILL protect him.'

Kendall walked back into his room and lied down on his bed. He glanced to his left at Logan sleeping peacefully for the first time in days. 'I'm doing a good job so far, I guess.' He shut his eyes and dozed off.

* * *

Kendall felt something warm on his lips. His eyes fluttered open and he was met with Logan's chocolate-y brown eyes. Kendall smiled into the kiss and opened his mouth allowing Logan's tongue to slip inside and mingle with his own. After a whole minute of silent kissing, they broke apart hesitantly. "What was that for?" Logan crawled backwards so that Kendall could at least prop himself up with his hands. "Well, considering I messed up your plan to wake me up with a kiss yesterday, I just thought I owed you." Kendall smiled. "What time is it?" Logan frowned. "It's 8. We should be getting ready to go to the studio. Gustavo's probably gonna kill us if we don't show up on time today."

Logan's phone beeped signaling he had gotten a text. Logan picked it up and opened the message.

"_What time do I come over?_"

"It's Adam. He wants to know what time he should come over." Logan glanced down again. He could tell that Adam felt extremely uncomfortable as he wrote it, even though it was a text. It was too straightforward. Kendall snatched the phone away from Logan and began to reply.

"Hey, Adam. It's Kendall. You can over now if you want." Logan read the message upside down and frowned at Kendall. "We can't skip practice again Kendall." Kendall scoffed. "Yes we can, and we will. This is way more important." The phone rang again.

"_Ok._"

* * *

Adam carried Maisy in one arm and knocked with his free hand.

Mrs. Knight answered the door and smiled warmly at Adam. "Hi honey. Come in. The others are in the kitchen." Adam was caught off guard by the sweet tone of this complete stranger. He nodded and awkwardly stepped inside. Mrs. Knight led him into the kitchen where the four boys sat at the dinner table.

Kendall walked up and held out his hand to Adam. "Hey man. Thanks for coming." Adam looked at the outstretched hand and nervously shook it. 'Why is he being so nice to me? I thought this guy hated my guts.' They all sat down. Adam and Kendall sat on either side of Logan.

There was uncomfortable silence. No one knew what to say or what to start with. Logan finally gathered all of the will power he had and spoke up. "Adam, w-what's the um-situation between you and your-" Adam cut him off. "_Wade Walker_, isn't my father. He never was. Maybe by blood, but nothing else. He was a horrible man. He was a drug dealer and a sex trafficker back in our old town. My mom was one of his prostitutes. He impregnated her, and here I am, unfortunately. She's long gone now, dead. The cops found out about him, but we escaped to California when I was 17. I couldn't take it anymore and ran away. I haven't seen him since that day until…until…until that day he did that to you. He came to my apartment and shot Maisy saying if I didn't cover it up for him he'd not only hurt her, but you too…"

Adam drifted off as a thought came to him. "Oh fuck! What if he's watching right now?" He began to panic, but James calmed him down. "Don't worry. All the blinds are closed and Carlos's dad is in the bathroom. He's a police officer." Adam calmed down, but he still looked paranoid. "I'm so sorry Logan." Logan smiled. "I-it's ok. I told you, it's no one's fault, but his." Kendall smiled knowing Logan was directing this to him too.

"Now what?" Kendall turned to Carlos. "Now, we go find the son of a bitch." Logan, Adam, and Mrs. Knight stood up and exclaimed simultaneously, "WHAT?" Kendall remained calm. "We find him and we take his ass to jail. Adam, you know where he lives right?" Adam nodded. Mrs. Knight knew where this was going. "Absolutely not! You are _not_ going to go on some wild-goose chase for a psychopath!" Kendall protested. "Mom! We have to! This ass-hole needs to pay for what he did!" Mrs. Knight wouldn't have it. "Don't you take that tone with me Kendall! You are not going. We are leaving this to Officer Garcia and that's final." Kendall threw up his arms in defeat and walked into his room and slammed the door.

Logan turned to Adam. "Listen, it's not your fault alright. Don't beat yourself up over it." Adam nodded and Logan walked into his room to calm down Kendall. Adam turned to everyone else. "I should go." Mrs. Knight nodded and led him out.

* * *

The rest of the day went by silently. Kendall was sulking while Logan followed him around trying to make him cheer up, failing miserably. James and Carlos were following the two around enjoying the comical show. Mrs. Knight and Katie went out for several auditions. Little did anyone know, Kendall had a plan and that plan was going to be carried out in a few hours.

Logan groaned as he slammed his hand down on the alarm clock. He knew that he was always tired when waking up, but this was ridiculous. It felt like he only had one hour of sleep. He finally opened his eyes to find a pitch black room. He turned to the clock.

10:00pm

'What the hell? Who set the alarm clock to 10 at night?' He turned his head and finally noticed Kendall dressed in all black. Black jeans, black long sleeve, black gloves, black beanie. "What are you doing?" Kendall turned. "I'm going to Adam's to pick him up. Then I'm going to his dad's." Logan nodded and was about to go back to sleep. "Wait-WHAT?" Kendall ran over to him and clapped his hand over Logan's mouth. "Shhh, my mom and Katie are wearing their soundproof headphones because of the construction downstairs, but they'll still here you if you scream _that_ loud." Logan glared. "Well what am I supposed to do? I can't just let you go and get yourself killed!"

"Relax. James and Carlos are coming with me. I just woke them up, their getting ready. You, however, are staying here." Logan pouted and jumped out of bed. "No way, I'm going." Kendall crossed his arms and watched Logan search for clothes. "Logan, I don't think that's a good idea." Logan pulled on some jeans. "Listen, if you went by yourself, it would kill me to just lie around here. I need to go." Kendall sighed in defeat. "Fine."

* * *

Kendall knocked on Adam's door. He waited for a while and was about to give up when the door opened slightly. Adam peered through the crack and gave a relieved sigh. He shut the door again to remove the chain lock and reopened it. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We want to go to your fathers. " Adam paled. "What?" Kendall nodded. "We need to confront him." Adam looked at the four boys and finally sighed in defeat. "I'll get my keys."

"I'll go with you. There's some stuff we need to talk about." Logan gaped at what Kendall just said. "W-what?" Kendall just began walking to Adam's car. "I need to talk about some stuff, don't worry." Logan swallowed. 'Great. My boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are going to go talk about me while we drive to my ex-boyfriend's dad's place to confront him about raping me.'

* * *

Adam stared straight ahead as he drove. The others were in the car behind them. "Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you hated me?" Kendall didn't look at Adam. "I guess I just realized that we have a lot in common. Especially in the father department. My dad was a total jerk. He beat my mom when I was 13. The neighbors called the police. My dad got arrested. My mom told me he got sentenced to 5 years, but I doubt it." Adam nodded slowly. "What do you doubt?"

"That he got 5 years."

"Why?"

"Logan is a genius. He told me that domestic violence usually only got you three years at the most."

Adam didn't know what to say. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"I don't care though. If he only got 3 years then that means he had a whole year to come back for me or something, but he didn't. I've just given up on that hope already. It's his problem, not mine."

Adam remained silent so Kendall took the initiative. "Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let's just start over ok? Friends?" Kendall turned to Adam as he awaited for a response.

"Yeah, friends." Adam smiled slightly for the first time in days. "Thanks." Kendall shrugged. "No problem. Listen, don't beat yourself up about what happened to Logan alright? I know how you feel. I used to beat myself up because I couldn't prevent my mom from being beaten by my dad. It took a while, but I realized that it was not my fault. It was my dad's. And it's no different in your situation."

Adam nodded slowly. "O-ok."

The rest of the drive was spent in silence. Despite their newly found friendship, they both knew it would take a while before they would actually be close.

* * *

The two cars pulled up to the apartment complex. Kendall and Adam got out and met up with Logan, Carlos, and James. Kendall seeing how nervous and scared Logan and Adam were began to recite his plan. "Alright. Adam, I want you to guard Logan. Carlos and James stand on either side of them. I'll stand in front. Got it?"

Everyone nodded except for Logan. "Wait, what are you going to use? Your hands? That guy has a gun!" Adam stepped forward and up to Kendall. "H-here. You'll need this if you're gonna be up front." Kendall stared down at the gun and swallowed as he took hold of it. Logan paled. The gun looked extremely similar to the one his dream where Kendall shot his heart out. "K-Kendall?" Kendall put the gun away inside his jacket. "Don't worry. I don't think I'll need it."

The five boys walked slowly towards the apartment and knocked on the door urgently. Logan and Adam stiffened as they heard heavy footsteps come toward the door. Several locks were heard turning and clicking.

Finally the door opened and Wade Walker was standing in front of them. "What do you wa-" He stopped short as Logan and Adam came into view. "Why hello, Logan. Son. How have you two been." He smiled maliciously and turned to Kendall who was seething. "How fucking dare you? You have no right to speak to them! Fuck you! We just came to say that we knew it was you and we're taking your ass to the fucking cops!"

Wade seemed to be caught off guard by Kendall's anger, but quickly composed himself. "I have no idea what you are talking about." He turned to Logan again and winked. Logan whimpered and began to step backwards. Tears were coming down his cheeks now as he looked at the man who attacked him. Adam noticed this and his fear disappeared. In its place, anger began to form. He stepped up to his father.

"We know you were the one at the restaurant. We know you were the one in the park too." Logan took in a sharp breath of air as he realized just how similar Adam and his dad looked. Same messy black hair. Same height. Same unnaturally natural blue eyes. Wade merely glanced at his son and chuckled. "So you told them did you? You know what that means." Wade reached behind his back. "HOLD IT YOU FUCKING JACKASS! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" Everyone turned to Kendall who was pointing the gun straight at Wade's chest. Logan forgot about all of his fear and put a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "No Kendall! Don't please!" Kendall lowered the gun slightly, but didn't back down. "I won't…if he won't."

Wade grinned at Kendall in admiration. "I'm impressed. How did you know I had my little gun?" Kendall just glared. "Well, I don't know about you, but it's getting late. And about your little accusation, be prepared to fight. I've cleaned up over the last few years. I have friends in high places with money now. I _will_ get away. And when I do, you can kiss your fame and fortune and lives…goodbye." He smiled maliciously and shut his door. He made sure to let the boys get a good look at his apartment to prove his point.

The inside of the apartment was filled with luxurious furniture. Paintings decorated the walls. The floor was a shining sea of marble. No one would've expected such glamour from looking at the apartment from the outside.

The door slammed shut leaving the group in disarray. Kendall was still seething. Adam was shocked to see how successful his father had gotten since he ran away. Carlos and James looked at each other and tried to comfort Logan who was crying now.

Kendall wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulder and walked him to the cars while the others followed. Kendall turned to Adam. "You can't stay home alone. Let's go back to your place and pack some of your clothes and stuff. You can stay at your old place. You still have the key right?" Adam nodded, but turned to Logan. "Is it ok with you if I come back?" Logan nodded.

Adam felt a spark of joy go off inside of him. Logan really did forgive him. 'Maybe…'

* * *

Kendall and Logan walked towards 2J. A floor beneath them, Carlos and James were walking Adam and Maisy to 1J. Logan and Kendall entered their room and began to change into their pajamas. Logan approached his twin-sized bed, but then turned to Kendall. "Kendall? I don't wanna be alone." Kendall turned to Logan who was staring at him sheepishly.

"Let's push the beds together." Logan choked on his own tongue. "What? We can't! We promised your mom!" Kendall ignored Logan and moved the nightstand from between the two beds. "We won't do anything. I mean, we won't do anything until you're ready. Common, if you and I weren't going to take things slowly, that promise would have been broken a long time ago anyway. So what's stopping us from just sleeping together? Like, literally?" Logan had to admit, Kendall had a point. "Ok, but if your mom comes in and kills us, it'll be your fault." Kendall laughed. "At least we'll be in the afterlife together. We'd be able to do _anything_ we wanted." Logan blushed and just smacked Kendall's arm and proceeded to the side of his bed. Kendall went his bed's side.

The two began to push their beds together and climbed into bed. After they were both cuddled up together under the blankets Logan looked up at Kendall. "He's right. There's no point. He's gonna get away." Kendall stared down at Logan as if he had just turned into a dog. Tears were coming down the smaller boy's face. "Don't think like that Logie. You'll get justice. I promise, I'll get you justice. He may have his supposed friends and money, but so do we…and then some." Logan giggled at the joke, but then quieted down and became serious. "But we have nothing that will prove that he was the one who did it. The rape test could fail."

"It won't"

"It might not tell us _who_ did it."

"It _will_."

"He could-" Kendall cut him off with a kiss. Logan couldn't resist Kendall and began to reciprocate. Their lips moved perfectly together. After a few seconds Kendall pulled away and stared at Logan in the eye. "I swear, Logan, that I will do whatever it takes to bring you justice and make you happy…because I love you." Logan nodded shakily, still recovering from the kiss they just shared.

The two fell asleep that night wrapped in each other's arms.

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**A/N: sigh…I wish I could comfort you Logan! You too Adam! You too Kendall!**

**Who's happy that Kendall and Adam are friends?  
**

**I feel like this should have been like 3 chapters, but I owe you guys a lot! So I just put it in as one big chapter :)**

**Btw, don't forget to set your times an hour back! I always make the mistake of not changing the time. I ended up too early or too late to school. The school understood and excused the tardy, but my parents still grounded me…but I didn't this time! I was totally on time...a minute before the final bell haha.  
**

**I hope you enjoyed this enough to review! I promise, I'm working on writing better!**


	21. Chapter 21 Regret

**Chapter 21 Regret**

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! I hope you enjoy!**

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Kendall and Logan were sleeping peacefully in each other's arms. Kendall was on his back. Logan lied on side with his head on Kendall's chest. Their breathing and heartbeats were completely synchronized as they slept. The only things that could be heard in the room were the sounds of their soft snoring and Logan's occasional, cute mumble about llamas and whatnot.

Kendall woke up, but kept his eyes shut. He had never felt so comfortable in his entire life. He and Logan had just spent eight beautiful hours completely attached to each other. He smiled contently and listened to the sweet sounds coming from the boy he was cuddled with. He wanted to stay like this forever, but of course the universe couldn't let him have that.

He heard the sound of someone clearing their throat and opened his eyes to see his mother standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. Mrs. Knight looked terrible. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had bags under her eyes. She looked as if she had been crying. "Get out here!" She mouthed, not wanting to disturb Logan. Kendall knew he was in trouble, but for what? 'Sure, we're sleeping together, but that couldn't be why she's THAT mad.' He just carefully maneuvered out of bed so that Logan wouldn't wake up and walked toward his mom.

Mrs. Knight pointed to the kitchen and Kendall marched silently. She shut the door to the room gently and went to chew her son's head off. She entered the kitchen and gave Kendall a disapproving look that he didn't even notice. He was still too sleepy. "Kendall."

Kendall sat up straight abruptly at the strict tone. "Yeah?"

"Yeah? Yeah? Kendall Francis Knight(1)! You deliberately went out of your way to go against my will. I strictly told you NOT to go to that man's house, and what did you do? You went!"

"Look mom, I'm sorry, but I couldn't take it. I was just so mad!"

"I don't care! Do you know how terrified I was when I woke up for water and found all four of you gone? I nearly had a heart attack!"

"Mom, I'm sorr-"

"DON'T even start. Sorry doesn't cover it! Not ONLY did you endanger your OWN life, but you also endangered the lives of your THREE best friends! And you, of all people should know how much danger you put Logan in! He was the one who should have stayed home the most! Do you have any idea how much you risked by simply going to confront that man? You could have gotten yourselves KILLED!"

Kendall remained silent. The realization of his actions began to dawn upon him. "I-I had no idea."

"Of course, you didn't Kendall! Of course you didn't. Because you didn't think! You were too wrapped up in getting revenge! How many times have I told you that revenge will only get you nowhere! Kendall you need to think! You are the leader! I know Logan usually is the one who keeps you boys out of trouble, but he's not doing great right now." Mrs. Knight was now in tears as she sat herself across from Kendall.

"I know you Kendall. You wouldn't do something this wreckless if it weren't for something important. But you gave into your anger. We've been over this. You need to learn to control your temper. I need to be able to trust that you can do that."

Kendall stared down at his hands on the tables. He couldn't believe what he had just done. It took his mother to knock the sense into him. He risked the lives of his best friends and his boyfriend who he was supposed to protect. Tears began to come down his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much danger I put them in. Especially L-Logan."

'God! I'm so fucking stupid! I'm supposed to protect him, but all I do is make things worse.'

Mrs. Knight's heart broke at the sight of her son's tears. She hadn't seen Kendall cry since her ex-husband was taken away by the police. She began to speak gently. "Kendall, I just need you to keep your anger under control. Tell me I can trust you with this. I _want_ to be able to trust you with this. I need you to be the leader. Logan and the others really look to you for guidance and you need to keep a cool head to make sure things don't go out of control. Please tell me you can do that."

Kendall wiped his tears, but they kept coming. He looked up at his mom. "I don't know if I can do that mom. It's too hard. Why do _I_ have to be the leader? Why can't I just let go and cry or blow up or yell when I want to? It's not fair."

Mrs. Knight smiled with sympathy. "I know it isn't honey, but you have to try. Your friends depend on you to be their leader. It's difficult, but look how far you boys have gotten with your leadership. I'm proud of you. You just need to keep yourself in check. Control your temper. I know it's been difficult since your dad left, but you need to be strong. I know you have been for a long time ad I thank you for that. But now I'm not the one who needs you to be strong. It's Logan. Ok honey?"

Kendall nodded. "O-ok mom." He got up and left the kitchen, but turned back to his mom. "I'm really sorry, I put you through all that." Before Mrs. Knight could say a thing, he disappeared into his room again.

"Kendall? What's wrong?" Kendall looked up to see Logan rubbing the sleep out of one eyes with a fist. He couldn't help, but smile a little at how much Logan looked like a baby. The same Logan whose life he had just endangered. Kendall walked to the side of the combined bed and stayed there. He felt as if he got too close to Logan he would endanger him. "Logie, I'm so sorry."

Logan looked up at Kendall with a puzzled expression. "For what? You didn't do anything." Kendall just shook his head. "Logan, I put you in so much danger last night." Kendall balled up his fists as more tears began to flow. Logan realized what he was talking about. "Kendall, you didn't put me in any danger. I was the one who insisted on going with you. Don't blame yourself."

Kendall shook his head again. "It _was_ my fault. If I hadn't wanted to go to Wade's place so badly, you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway. Logan I'm so sorry. I keep screwing up and breaking my promise."

Logan tilted his head in confusion. "What promise?"

"I promised myself I wouldn't let anything harm you anymore. I would protect you, but all I've done is make things worse." Logan grabbed Kendall's wrist and pulled him into bed. He put his hands on Kendall's chest and stared into his eyes. "Kendall. You. Did. Not. Put. Me. In. Any. Danger. Look at me. Do I look hurt to you? I'm perfectly fine. I just had the greatest few hours of sleep in my entire life because of you. If anything, I should be thanking you."

Kendall looked into Logan's eyes. Logan continued. "And we found out what we have to prepare for. If we had gone and pressed charges without knowing Wade had money, we would have lost. But now we know, and we'll be prepared." Kendall nodded slowly.

"Common, let's get some more sleep." Kendall smiled at Logan and they got back into their original position on the bed."Thanks Logie."

Just as they were about to fall asleep again there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Knight opened the door and Logan fell out of bed tangled in the sheets in his attempt to separate himself from Kendall. "Boys you better get out here." Mrs. Knight left the room leaving Logan and Kendall puzzled.

* * *

**(1) So Kendall's middle name is Francis because that's his middle name in real life. I din't want to make up a name that people would dislike so I went with the real thing.**

**A/N: So what could be wrong? Find out next time on "HOPLESSLY OPTIMISTICLY HEARTBROKEN"! -blah random moment.**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I LIVE FOR THE STUFF. LOL I'm addicted to your feedback.**


	22. Chapter 22 I Forgot, We're Famous

**Chapter 22 I Forgot, We're Famous**

**A/N: Sorry I couldn't post anything yesterday. I was just about to start writing, but my best friend who I haven't seen or contacted in 2 years added me on Facebook and we spent 3 hours catching up. **

**Thank you for the reviews! They are really fun to read. I love feedback. Positive or negative. I'm working on being a better writer so it helps!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Logan and Kendall slowly rose from bed and walked out into the living room. James and Carlos came out of their room yawning. "What's going on? I need my beauty sleep!" Kendall shrugged. "I don't know, James. My mom just said to get out here."

"What's going on, is that **YOU DOGS HAVE SKIPPED OUT ON ME FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW! WHAT THE HELL?**" The four boys cringed at the sudden and very _loud_ outburst. They slowly turned to see Gustavo standing in front of them. He was completely livid. The only thing that was keeping him from murdering the four boys was probably Kelly, who stood next to the wide man. She turned to him. "Common Gustavo, I'm sure they had a good reason. She turned to the band with a hopeful expression.

They all nodded vigorously. "**WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN _SOOOO IMPORTANT_ THAT YOU COULDN'T RESOLVE IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS I'VE BEEN GONE? I GAVE YOU _WEEKS_ OFF!**" Mrs. Knight ran into the room. "Um, why don't you all come to the table for some coffee. The boys will explain. And if you keep shouting like this, we'll definitely get our third strike!" Gustavo stalked into the kitchen grumbling with Kelly close behind.

James, Carlos, and Kendall turned to Logan. "Are you going to tell them?" Logan nodded at James. "I have to. He could help." Kendall looked down at Logan. "You don't have to. If you aren't ready yet Logan. We could just make something up." Logan smiled at Kendall. "I know, but it's just something I wanna get outta the way."

The four boys walked timidly into their kitchen and sat down at the table across from Gustavo. Even in the safety of their own home, Gustavo wasn't afraid to yell at them. "So what's going on?"

Logan sighed. "I-it's a long story." Gustavo scoffed. "Well make it short! We have hours of make-up work to do! You dogs owe me a lot of singing and dancing!"

Kendall felt the anger beginning to boil, but quickly remember what his mother just talked with him about. Instead of just making a sassy counter, he just took a few deep breaths. "Gustavo, just give him a chance. It's really important." Gustavo looked at Kendall in slight shock. 'What happened to the snappy comments?' He nodded unsurely and turned his focus back to Logan.

Logan stared at his hands which he was fiddling with on top of the table. "I-I was raped." It was so quiet Gustavo didn't catch it. Kelly thought she heard, but couldn't be sure. "**WHAT? SPEAK UP LOGAN? YOU'RE TOO FRICKIN QUIET!**" Kendall snapped. "HE SAID HE WAS RAPED!" Kelly gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth. Gustavo raised his eyebrows and turned to Logan. Logan nodded. He felt the tears trying to force their way out, but he held them in. 'No more crying. I've already cried too much lately.'

Gustavo's expression instantly softened. "H-how?" Logan took a few deep breaths and looked up at Gustavo. "I made a new friend named Adam a couple of weeks ago. He was cool. One day I got mugged and I thought it was him so I yelled at him for it. It wasn't him though. It was his dad. He confronted his dad about it and his dad took an interest in me. Then one day I went jogging and…it happened. He threatened Adam. He said that if he didn't take the blame then he'd hurt me. So Adam tried to take the blame, but we finally got the truth out of him. Last night we went to confront him, and he said he would deny it. He said he had money and powerful friends now, so he'd win."

Logan took in a deep breath. He had said it all in one breath. Gustavo took a few minutes to register what Logan said. "Logan, I-I'm sorry. Look, what that guy did was horrible. He may have money and power, but so do I. We'll get you everything you need. Lawyers, private investigators, whatever. No one messes with _my dogs."_ Logan looked up with wide eyes. "R-really? Thank you Gustavo."

Kelly nudged Gustavo and showed him something on her notebook. He nodded hesitantly and turned to the boys. "Look, your next concert will be in a couple of months, so I'm going to give you 3 months to get all of this settled. I guess your fans won't notice anything as long as you have at least 2 months of practice."

Logan literally face palmed when he heard this. 'How could I have forgotten this? No, I can't go through with it if it might ruin everything.'

"Gustavo thanks, but what about the fans and the publicity? Won't they hate me if they found out? And I know they are going to find out. We're really in the spotlight now that we just had the tour and Rocktober Fest. The paparazzi will find out for sure! I can't go through with this if it hurts the band."

James placed a reassuring hand on Logan's shoulder. "Don't worry Logan. I don't care. I'm the one who wants this the most, but I'll give it all away if it means helping you out man." Logan smiled. "Bu-"

Gustavo raised his hand up for silence. The boys looked at him. Gustavo had a confused look. "Why… would the fans hate you?"

Logan swallowed. He turned to Kendall. Kendall took his hand under the table and gave it a light squeeze showing he was approved. "B-b-because I-I'm…." Logan blushed furiously and looked down. He squeezed Kendall's hand. He realized that he had never really willingly come out. He had only told Adam in a text and to everyone else as a break down. Camille didn't even find out from him. Kendall took the initiative and finished Logan's sentence. "Gustavo, I respect you. So this is why I'm going to tell you the truth. Logan and I….are gay and we are dating each other."

Gustavo's jaw dropped and he turned to Kelly who almost fell out of her chair. They both turned to Logan and Kendall. Gustavo massaged his temples as he got up and left the apartment. "**KELLY!**" Kelly got up quickly and ran after him.

Logan stared at the gaping door and finally let the tears he had been holding back come. He wept silently and just walked away to his room. Kendall's anger was peaking, but he had promised he wouldn't let it get the best of him. He held it down and went after Logan, instead of what he normally would have done, go after Gustavo.

Kendall closed the door to their room and turned to see Logan sitting in the middle of the two beds with his knees drawn up close to him. He was hugging a pillow, silently crying into it. Kendall sat on the bed next to him and Logan leaned against him, still crying into the pillow. They sat in silence. Kendall didn't want to risk letting his anger make him say something stupid; and Logan just couldn't form words. After a few minutes Logan looked up and they both stared ahead almost blankly. "Are you getting annoyed by my constant crying?"

Kendall shook his head.

"I am."

Kendall tilted his head as if to ask why. Logan understood. "Because. I don't even know why I'm crying now. I knew Gustavo was gonna react badly, but this time I didn't even feel anything. I just felt nothing. The tears just came for no reason? Does that make sense?"

Kendall turned to Logan and shook his head with a small smile. "So are you ok then?"

Logan smiled. "Y-yeah, I think." Kendall smiled. He leaned down and kissed the top of Logan's head. He inhaled deeply taking in Logan's sent. He smelled like lemons. His hair was slightly damp, like a baby's who just woke up from a nap. Not stinky and soaked, but damp and pleasant (1).

"You're too cute for your own good. You know that?"

* * *

**(1) Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I babysit a lot. And my little baby cousins wake up with damp hair and it's so pleasantly cute.**

**A/N: Um, yeah there's really not much to say. I hope you enjoyed this chapter more than I enjoyed writing it. It was ok, but I'm looking forward to writing future chapters than the next few. I'm weird like that, I know. 0.o**

**Please REVIEW! :)**


	23. Chapter 23 Three Years!

**Chapter 23 Three Years?**

**A/N: SORRY I DIDN'T POST ANYTHING YESTERDAY! UGH I FEEL SOOOOOO GUILTY ABOUT THAT. PLEASE DO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER THOUGH!

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Kendall woke up with a strange feeling in his gut. It was strange. He felt completely out of order. He wasn't like himself. For the first time in years, Kendall was nervous and scared. He couldn't shake the feeling. It was as if the universe was trying to tell him something. His throat felt dry.

Kendall slowly and carefully got out of bed so that he wouldn't awaken Logan. He crept out of their room and shut the door silently. The only sound in the apartment was the occasional swish of the heels of his sweatpants as he walked through the apartment to the kitchen.

After getting a glass of water from the fridge Kendall leaned against the counter. 'Why do I feel so crappy and shaky? Maybe it's just because of what happened with Gustavo and Kelly yesterday. Yeah that's probably it.' Even in his head, he could hear the doubt. 'Dammit! Why am I so fuckin weird today?'

Mrs. Knight came into the kitchen and poured herself some coffee that Kendall didn't even realize was there. "Morning Kendall." Kendall grunted to acknowledge that he had heard. "What's wrong sweetie?" Kendall sighed. "I don't know. I just woke up feeling all tense. Like I know something's gonna happen today…but what?" Mrs. Knight gave him a concerned look. "I'm sure it's nothing honey. Probably from what happened yesterday." Kendall shrugged. "Yeah…maybe."

"I have to go to work early today alright? Take care of your sister and keep the others in check. Stay out of trouble and remember what we talked about okay?" Kendall nodded. He kissed his mother on the cheek and she was off. He stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out what it was that could have been making him so tense. Kendall shrugged and made his way back to his room.

* * *

Mrs. Knight walked down the hall and entered the elevator. She couldn't help, but keep worrying about her children. They would be home alone today, like every other day when she worked, but for some reason today felt different. She woke up feeling just the way Kendall did, but kept it to herself, not wanting to worry her son anymore.

She got off the elevator just as a familiar looking man walked in. She turned around to look at him, but couldn't place her finger on how she could have known the man. The man looked as if he was about to say something to her, but the elevator doors closed on him.

* * *

He had his hand on the knob when the door bell rang. Kendall cursed. "Fuck, I hope that didn't wake up Logie. Who the hell could be ringing on our door at 6am?" Kendall made his way to the front door and opened it.

"Uh- hi, can I help you?" The man just stood there in silence staring at Kendall. Kendall stared back in equal silence taking in the man's appearance. He was wearing a brown flannel and some faded jeans. He had shaggy dirty blonde hair that partially covered his oaky green eyes and a 5 o'clock shadow.

Kendall looked at the man up and down again. "Uh…I'm sorry, have we met?" The man's features curved into a slight smile. "I guess I'm not surprised you would recognize me." His voice was too familiar. Kendall took a step back. His expression changed to anger, but the man could see the fear. He frowned. "Kendall-"

"What the fuck are you doing here." The question contained no emotion.

"I thought I'd visit you. I haven't seen you in years. You've grown so much." The man stepped forward to try to hug Kendall, but he stepped back. "Get away."

"Kendall-"

"Get. Out. Of. Here. I. Don't. Want. To. See. You." Kendall made to close the door, but it wouldn't shut properly. He looked down and saw a shoe. The door opened again. Kendall looked up at the man, but this time the man had a pleading expression.

"Please son. Let me explain." Kendall tensed at how he was addressed. He looked at his father for a few seconds and turned to walk into the kitchen. Andrew Knight followed him while glancing around at the abstract apartment. He entered the kitchen and sat across from Kendall.

"You've become so successful. I'm proud o-"

"When did you get out?" Kendall didn't look at his father in the eyes. He couldn't.

"Three years ago. Kendall-"

"Three years ago? Three fucking years? What the hell took you so long to visit us?"

"Kendall I-"

"How hard could it have been? All you needed to do was get a cab and come back home. It's not like I was in LA all that time ago."

"Son-"

"Did you ever think that I missed you? That I needed you? And what about Katie? She grew up almost half of her life without a dad!" There were tears forming in Kendall's eyes now.

"I know Kendall. Please just let me explain. I couldn't just come back. I needed to get myself cleaned up first. I went to rehab for a year. After that I went to work on getting my life back together. I couldn't come back Kendall. Not as a failure. Please. Just give me a chance to show you I've changed."

Kendall shut his eyes and shook his head. His hands were clenched into fists under the table. "I can't. Do. That. I can't. You hurt us. All of us. You could have called. Visited sooner. But you didn't. I spent four damn years thinking that you wouldn't ever come back. That you didn't care about me anymore."

Mr. Knight looked down in shame. Kendall opened his eyes when he felt like the tears wouldn't escape. "I think you should go now." His father got up and walked toward the exit of the kitchen. He stopped beside Kendall. "JUST GO!" Mr. Knight fished out a card from his shirt pocket and placed it on the table in front of his son. With that he left.

As soon as the door shut, Kendall broke down. Kendall crossed his arms and rested his head on them, staring into the darkness that the walls of his arms provided. He sobbed silently. He couldn't let the others see him like this. If anyone found out about what just happened then his mom and Katie would find out. He couldn't let them go through what he was currently going through.

"Daddy." Kendall whispered to himself. He felt a hand light being placed on his back. He didn't know who it was that was rubbing circles into his back, but it comforted him none the less. He began to sob a little louder.

* * *

**A/N: This was really sad to me. I think I could have made it better though, but I went on YouTube and started listening to this song that made me all happy, which really distracted me from writing. I had to reread what I wrote so far like 5 times to get back into the mood. But, I'm pretty pleased with it. I hope you were too!**

**So who could be the comforter? I don't even know. I'm still trying to decide.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	24. Chapter 24 Because You Love Me

**Chapter 24 Because You Love Me**

**A/N: Um, the last chapter had a few grammar mistakes, but they weren't huge so yeaaaah.**

**The title came from a song by Mariah Carey I think. My mom used to play it aaaallllll the time on the car, until I finally became old and big enough to sit shot-gun. That was the day I gained control of the travel music. Haha :).**

**Uuuum, yyyeeeeaaaaah, THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS! THEY ARE AWESOME! I came home from a 15k (9.2 miles) race today completely tired. Read the reviews and immediately felt better and began typing away.**

**PLEASE ENJOY!**

* * *

Logan stirred in the combined bed to the sound of the doorbell. "Kendaaaaall. Can you get the door? Kendall?" He sat up and turned to find that his boyfriend was nowhere to be found. He was about to go back to bed when he heard voices. One of them he figured was Kendall, but the other…he couldn't recognize how he found it so familiar.

Logan got out of bed and crept out of the room. He silently approached the sounds that were now in the kitchen.

"How hard could it have been? All you needed to do was get a cab and come back home. It's not like I was in LA all that time ago." Logan stopped before he was exposed. He stood in the doorway and continued to listen. 'Who is that? Whoever it is, he's makin Kendall lose his temper. Oh god, I hope everything's o-'

"Son-" Logan gasped. 'Kendall's dad?' His thoughts and Mr. Knight were interrupted by Kendall again.

"Did you ever think that I missed you? That I needed you? And what about Katie? She grew up almost half of her life without a dad!" Logan felt his heart break. 'Oh, Kendall. I never knew.'

"I know Kendall. Please just let me explain. I couldn't just come back. I needed to get myself cleaned up first. I went to rehab for a year. After that I went to work on getting my life back together. I couldn't come back Kendall. Not as a failure. Please. Just give me a chance to show you I've changed." Logan felt his blood boil. 'How could he just come back out of nowhere and just ask for another chance?'

"I can't. Do. That. I can't. You hurt us. All of us. You could have called. Visited sooner. But you didn't. I spent four damn years thinking that you wouldn't ever come back. That you didn't care about me anymore." Logan was shocked when Kendall didn't take his father back immediately after saying how much he missed him.

Logan couldn't believe it. In all those year that he knew Kendall, he never mentioned that he missed his father. Not to anyone, not even his best friends. Logan felt a pang of guilt. He felt as if he had failed Kendall as not only just a friend, but also as a boyfriend.

"I think you should go now." Logan pressed his back against the wall, praying that he hadn't been found. "JUST GO!" He flinched at Kendall's tone. He heard the door shut and chanced a peek from his hiding place. Kendall was at the kitchen table with his head in his arms shaking with the force of his sobs.

Logan slowly approached his boyfriend. He was just about to place his hand on Kendall's back to comfort him, but then he heard something that made him stop in mid-reach.

"Daddy."

Logan felt tears sting at his eyes as he placed his hand on Kendall's back and rubbed slow circles. Kendall tensed for a second, then began to sob a little louder. Kendall tried to contain himself a little harder as he realized how loud he was getting. He stifled his sobs and turned to see who it was. Kendall wasn't surprised to see Logan, but felt a little disappointment. He had hoped it was his father.

'No. Logan will always be better than that man. In any situation. In any universe. At any time.' He wiped his tears with the back of his arm and took Logan's hand in the other. He pulled them out of the door of 2J. Logan had a vague idea of where they were going so he managed to grab the blanket that was on the couch.

Kendall dragged the two of them into the elevator. He stared at the doors with a grim expression. Logan squeezed Kendall's hand and Kendall visibly loosened up a bit. The door opened and Kendall pulled Logan out a door.

Logan was right. They were on the roof. Kendall let go of Logan's hand. The shorter boy stared at him quizzically as he walked…to the edge of the roof. Logan's eyes widened and he was about to run to Kendall and stop him, but sighed in relief. Kendall turned around and sat down on the gravel, leaning on the ledge instead of climbing on to it like Logan thought.

Logan came over and sat down next to Kendall. He wrapped the blanket around the two as Kendall stared off into the distance, still trying to remain calm.

The sun had risen partly and was peeking over the other side of the roof. Kendall stared into the sun for a minute. His eyes began to water and he wiped away the tears quickly, but they kept coming. It was as if his eyes were a dam with a crack in them. A few tears came, and the crack grew bigger. Just like that Kendall was sobbing again.

He twisted his body toward Loan and hugged him, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "L-Logan. H-he c-came back. My d-dad." Logan nodded and hugged his boyfriend trying to comfort him. "I-I know. I heard you guys talking." He stopped to see if Kendall was angry, but the blonde head just remained where it was, pouring out years worth of tears. Logan went on. "Kendall, if you m-missed him so much, w-why didn't you…give him a chance?"

Kendall pulled away and looked down. "I c-can't Logan. I can't. He already abandoned us once, I wouldn't be able to take it if…if…if he l-left again!" Logan reached up and caressed Kendall's face. "You'll never know unless you give him a chance to prove himself."

"But, what if I let him back in and things go downhill? What if he relapses into alcohol or what if my mom doesn't want him around? And Katie? How would she react?" Logan held Kendall's face in both hands and pulled their foreheads together. "It'll work out. Just like you told me."

"Bu-"

"But nothing Kendall. It _will_ be okay…because I love you, and I'll do whatever I can to make sure it does." Kendall stared into Logan's deep chocolate brown eyes. "You…love me? You just said you love me." Logan smiled.

"Yeah, I did. I've been holding those words back for a long time Kendall, but now I know that they're true. I love you, Kendall Francis Knight."

"I love you, too, Logan Phillip Mitchell." (1)

They leaned in impossibly closer and shared a light kiss. A peck. They pulled away, but came back again for another small peck. Again and again, each time the pecks grew longer. They became full out kisses. Kendall inhaled Logan's sent deeply through his nose and lashed his tongue at Logan's. Logan shut his eyes and just held onto Kendall's shirt as tightly as he could. Their breathing became synchronized. Inhaling each other's scents. Their lips moved together perfectly as if they were two halves made up of the same whole. The world was frozen around them and nothing mattered anymore.

* * *

James and Carlos entered the kitchen in search of breakfast. James plopped himself down on the island and Carlos raided the fridge. He pulled out a box of toaster waffles and threw them at James's head. "Cook those, will ya?"

James yelped and dodged the flying waffles as they flew by, landing at the dinner table a few feet away. "Don't do that! I just combed my hair!" James stalked over to the table and dragged the box of waffles off the able, too lazy to pick it up.

A small white card fell and caught Carlos's eyes. "What's that?" James picked up the card . He rubbed his eyes and looked it over. His jaw dropped as did the waffles.

* * *

**(1) Again, this is Logan Henderson's real middle name. I didn't wanna make up one that people wouldn't like so I went with this.**

**A/N: AWWWW! Logan finally said the L word!**

**NOOO! HE DROPPED THE WAFFLES! POR QUE?(yelled out dramticly like in soap operas/novelas) Haha my Spanish is improving! Thank you Hispanic friends! Haha. Random. Who says Asian's can't speak Spanish?**

**Forget the algebra, I'm starting on the next chapter NOW! I AM IN THE ZONE!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**MORE A/N: I'm thinking of changing the story name and my screen name. I'll let you guys know and everything and even write the former names in my description and summary. What do you guys think? Would it be inconvenient? Please let me know in your review!**


	25. Chapter 25 Decision

**Chapter 25 Decision**

James and Carlos were sitting on the couch when Logan and Kendall walked through the front door. Kendall was chuckling about something when he noticed James and Carlos sitting surprisingly still on the couch. They seemed to be staring at something.

"Hey guys! What's wrong?" James looked up at Kendall and weakly pointed his finger at something lying on the coffee table. Kendall turned to where his finger was pointing. On the table was a small white card. It read:

_**The MinneShack!**_

_**Minnesota's BEST Burgers!**_

_**1-123-123-1234**_

_**Manager and Proud Owner: Andrew Knight**_

Kendall quickly snatched up the card holding it to his chest as if it were a lifeline. James saw this. "D-did he come back?" Kendall nodded. "This morning."

"You aren't gonna actually call him are you?" Kendall started to feel the anger coming back. "Of course I am, Carlos." James rose. "You can't be serious! The guy hurt your family!" Kendall clenched his fists. "Look, he explained to me okay? He got out three years ago, and he's been working on getting his life back together so that he could come back. He didn't wanna come back as a failure."

James couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Dude, what if things go wrong? Then what? It was already hard enough the first time. For all of us." Kendall lost it. "YOU THINK I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW THAT? DAMMIT JAMES! YOU DON'T FUCKIN KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD! YOU DON'T GET IT! _YOU_ HAD A DAD! _I_ DIDN'T! YOU REALLY DON'T THINK I KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF I FINALLY LET HIM BACK INTO MY LIFE AND THINGS GO BAD?"

James was taken aback. "Kendall-" Kendall interrupted. "Save it." He stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door. Logan tried to run after him, but the bigger boy was faster. Logan turned around and stared at James. "Look, Kendall just went through a lot. The last thing he needs is for you to be up in his face like that James." Logan left the apartment before James could say anything. Carlos turned to James.

"We're really bad friends." James nodded in shame.

* * *

Kendall stormed into the elevator. 'Great, _now_ what?' He wanted someone to talk to. Sure there was Logan, but he was dealing with too much already. He stared at the elevator buttons. Who to go to? 'Fifth floor, Camille? Fourth floor, Guitar Dude? Third floor, Jo? First floor- Adam." Kendall pushed the button without thinking.

Logan ran down the stairs and into the lobby, still in just his sweat pants and shirt. He searched the lobby and spotted a dirty blond head across the lobby. He ran to the blonde and turned them around.

"Whoa! Uh-hey Logan. What's up?" Logan sighed. It wasn't Kendall. 'Great. My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.' It was Jo, Kendall's "twin". "Sorry Jo. I thought you were Kendall." Jo tensed a little suddenly. "O-oh. What's wrong? Is he okay?" Logan shook his head. "James said some things and Kendall stormed off." Jo nodded. "I-I'm sure he's okay." Logan nodded. They were suddenly interrupted by loud and obnoxious shouting.

"What the hell? You need shoes to be in the lobby! You're stinking up the whole Palm Woods!" Logan turned around and glared incredulously at Bitters. "My feet do NOT smell!" Logan huffed and walked back into the elevator in search of Kendall again.

* * *

Adam sighed as he looked into the mirror. He had even darker bags under his eyes today. "Ugh. I hope these things go away." He shrugged at himself and walked to his front door to retrieve the news paper. He opened the door to find the last person he expected to see.

Kendall stood there with his fist raised to knock on the door. "A-Adam. Hey what are you doing up so early?" Adam peered at Kendall suspiciously. "I haven't been sleeping much lately. I could ask the same to you."

Kendall sighed. "Can we talk? I don't know anyone else who could understand right now." Adam raised an eyebrow, but stepped aside for Kendall to come in. Kendall walked inside and Adam closed the door behind him. "Let's go into the kitchen. I'll make some coffee." Kendall followed Adam into the kitchen. It looked similar to his own.

After they both got their coffee Adam sat down across from Kendall. "So what's going on?" Kendall looked up at Adam. "My dad came back." Adam said nothing and continued to sip his coffee. "He told me he had been out of jail for three years. At first I was really angry. He left me his number when I kicked him out. Logan said I should go ahead and give him a chance. I want to, but…James kept reminding me of how things could go wrong. I got so pissed, I stormed out. I guess I was just angry cause James was just telling me exactly what I was afraid of. Logan told me everything would be okay, but he can be pretty naïve sometimes."

Kendall looked up at Adam. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm pouring all of this out on you. You probably are in a way worse situation with your dad than I am. Here I am complaining about my dad wanting to came back. I'm sorry, I'll go." Kendall began to rise out of his chair, but Adam stopped him.

"No, it's ok. I get it. Don't worry, it's perfectly understandable." Kendall sat back down. "So what do you think I should do?" Adam sighed and put down his coffee. "To be honest with you Kendall, I don't know. This is your decision. It's your risk. Just take everything into consideration. How badly do you want your dad back in your life?"

"Really badly."

"How much has he changed?"

"A lot."

"I guess you have your answer then." Kendall smiled slowly. "You're right. Thanks Adam." Adam chuckled. "Anytime."

There was sudden pounding on the front door. Adam got up and answered the door. "Hey Adam, have you seen Kendall? I can't find him anywhere?" Adam chuckled. "He's here." Kendall came into view. "Hey Logie." Logan hugged Kendall tightly. "Dude! Don't do that! You scared the hell outa me!"

"Aw shucks, Logan chill!" He turned to Adam. "Thanks man. I really needed someone to talk to." Adam shrugged and pushed the two out of his doorway playfully. "No problem dude. I get it. You guys can come by anytime."

* * *

Kendall paced back and forth in his room. He held his phone up to his ear waiting for the ringing to pick up. Logan sat on their bed moving his head to follow Kendall. "Relax. It'll be fine, babe."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because. I-"

"Love me. I know I know." Kendall chuckled at his boyfriend. Logan really was the perfect boyfriend. He kept pacing for another few seconds, then stopped in his tracks.

"Hello?"

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know I said I was in the zone, buuuut I'm not too proud of this chapter. I hope you enjoyed this somewhat. I was sooo distracted when I was writing it. Sorry. And yes, we're getting back to Logan's angst in a few chapters no worries. I wouldn't deprive you guys of Logan's suffering. Uhhh….okaayyy.**

**Well that's it for this chapter. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter a little more than I was for this one. PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	26. Chapter 26 Chance

**Chapter 26 Chance**

**A/N: Um, first of I'd like to say THANK YOU TO 'JillEsterNapier91' FOR DEDICATING THAT WONDERFUL CHAPTER OF 'Kendall, Are You Queer?' TO ME! THANKS SOOO MUCH! THAT'S THE FIRST STORY I EVER HAD DEDICATED TO ME!**

**Umm….oh! Remember in Chapter 24 Because You Love Me, when I said the title was a Mariah Carey song? Yeah I was wrong. It was Celine Dion! Sorry Celine!**

**Thank you for ALLLLL of the reviews! They were really fun to read and totally made my day even better!**

**Please enjoy! R&PR! ( I think that means read and review right? If it does, then I added the P as in read and please review XD)**

* * *

"_Hello?_" Logan noticed him stopping abruptly from his pacing and knew his father had picked up the phone. The brunette got up and took Kendall's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Kendall swallowed. 'It's now or never.'

"I-it's me. Kendall." Kendall shut his eyes and waited for the response.

"_Son, I-I-I didn't expect you to call so soon._" 'Crap, is it really too soon? Even _he_ said it was!'

"C-can you come over at around 2? We need to talk."

"_Yeah we do…Of course Kendall. I'll be there._ _And Kendall?_"

"Yeah?"

"_Thank you._" 'Don't thank me yet.' "Yeah, bye."

Kendall hung up the phone and let out a loud sigh. He turned to Logan. "You really think this is a good idea?" Logan nodded and wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck. "Yes." He tip toed slightly and pecked Kendall.

Kendall was about to start a whole nother make out session when there was a light knock on the door. Kendall exhaled, irritated. "Come in!" The door opened after another moment and James and Carlos looked into the room timidly. Kendall pulled away from Logan to turn to them. "Can we talk?" Kendall gave them a look, but nodded.

James and Carlos took a few steps and were now a few feet away from Logan and Kendall. James looked at Kendall hesitantly. Carlos, seeing James about to back out, elbowed him. James took another step forward. "Kendall, I'm sorry. I was being really inconsiderate. I just woke up and was cranky, but that doesn't give me the right to get in your face. I was just really concerned. I didn't want you to go through what you did the first time." Carlos stepped forward after James finished. "And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have questioned you like that. It's your decision."

Kendall stood with his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed at the two boy who came to apologize. James and Carlos began to squirm under the intense staring and glaring. They looked at each other and turned back to Kendall…only this time, Kendall's expression had changed. There was a small smirk. He finally smiled and punched the two of them on the arm.

They knew they were forgiven, but didn't want to risk being wrong. "Sooo…" Kendall hugged the both of them. "I can't stay mad at you guys. It's impossible." James and Carlos let out a sigh of relief simultaneously. "Thanks Kendall."

"Don't thank me yet, Carlos. You two owe me." Carlos groaned. James peered at Kendall cautiously. "What is it?" Kendall walked past them and opened the door. "Katie! I'm making James and Carlos take you to that Tycoon Expo you wanted me to take you to, so there! I don't owe you anymore!"

There was a response from the kitchen. "Fine! JAMES! CARLOS! HURRY UP! I DON'T WANNA BE LATE!" Logan raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend. James groaned. "Duuuude!" Kendall just smirked. "Look, I need you and Carlos and Katie out of the house for the day. I already called my dad. He's on his way. We're gonna talk." Carlos cupped a hand over James's mouth and dragged him out. "We got it. Good luck."

James and Carlos shut the door on their way out. Kendall turned around to Logan. "What?" Logan sat down. "How come I get to stay?" Kendall lied down next to Logan's sitting form. "Because you love me, and because I need you." He leaned up, propping himself on his elbows and kissed Logan's temple. "Good answer. I'll just stay in my room though in case you need me. I think this should be a moment for you and your dad."

Kendall shook his head. "No, I want you there. Or at least, I want you to hear everything, in case things go wrong. I'm not gonna want to repeat every detail."

Logan looked at Kendall in mock disbelief. "You are such a pessimist. It'll be fine!" Kendall chuckled. "Oh yes, _I'm_ the pessimist." Logan heard the sarcasm, but simply gave up and lied down next to Kendall and sighed. "I'll listen from the hallway, okay?"

"Perfect."

* * *

Kendall was sitting at the kitchen table mentally preparing himself for his father's visit. He was staring at the grain in the table as he put up his emotional walls of defense. 'Don't cry. Don't lose your temper. Don't let him back in too easily.' Logan watched him from the living room couch. He had decided to give Kendall some space to prepare himself. He knew that his father's visit would be difficult.

The doorbell rang. Logan rose from the couch. "I'll get it!" Kendall nodded. Logan placed his hand on the door knob, not knowing what was awaiting him. 'Common Logan, be strong. Kendall needs you!' He opened the door and was met with Andrew Knight.

Mr. Knight stared at him slightly confused. Logan stared at him equally confused. He had never found himself in a situation like this before. So he did what he would have done if it were any other adult. "Mr. Knight, sir. It's me, Logan Mitchell." He held out his hand and Mr. Knight took it. "Oh! Yes, Logan, I remember you now. It's good to see you again." Logan nodded. "Kendall's in the kitchen."

Logan let Mr. Knight in and shut the door behind them. "I'll leave you two, alone." He walked away into his room before Mr. Knight could say a thing. Sighing, Mr. Knight walked into the kitchen, not noticing that Logan was watching intently from the hallway.

Kendall heard a chair being pulled back and looked up to see his father sitting across from him. '_Déjà vu_.' The two sat for a minute in awkward silence.

"You've grown so much since I last saw you. So strong, independent. I'm proud."

"I guess that's what happens when you become the man of the house at thirteen."

Mr. Knight cringed. "Kendall, I know I can't expect you to forgive me right away, but I just want you to give me a chance."

Kendall looked at his father partially in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because I've changed Kendall. I need to show you that. I can't go on with my life if I don't have your forgiveness. I screwed up, I know. But shouldn't everyone get a second chance? Please Kendall."

Kendall was just about to give in right there. He desperately wanted his father back. But he held it back. 'Not yet. Don't let him in too easily!' "Is that all?"

Surprisingly, Mr. Knight had another answer. "No, it isn't. You need to give me a chance, Kendall, because I know that _you_ want to give me a chance also."

Kendall's eyes widened a little. "I do, but it isn't that simple."

"I know it isn't, but please Kendall. I'm begging you. Just one chance."

Kendall was taken aback. He had known his father to be a man who never pleaded or begged. 'Maybe he did change. But for better or for worse?' "F-fine.

* * *

Logan gasped lightly from his hiding spot in the hallway. He knew Kendall missed and loved his dad, but he never expected Kendall to forgive his father so easily. 'But wouldn't I do the same for Kendall?' Logan didn't need to think very long. 'Yes, I would.' It scared Logan a little to think that he was so in love with Kendall that he would unconditionally always forgive Kendall. 'But Kendall isn't that person. He'd never do anything to hurt me intentionally.' And Logan believed it. There was not a single doubt in his mind. He snapped out of his thoughts and continued to strain his ears to hear the conversation.

* * *

"Thank you Kendall-"

"Don't thank me yet. I'll forgive you, but if and only if Katie and mom do too." Kendall shot look at his father that showed, he wasn't kidding.

"Th-that…is fair." Kendall nodded. "Come back tomorrow night at around eight. Everyone should be home by then."

* * *

**A/N: Well, I didn't think I could do it, but here it is! I'm actually really proud of myself for this chapter. :)**

**I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AS MUCH AS I DID WRITING IT! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	27. Chapter 27 Broken Promises

**Chapter 27 Broken Promises**

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! They are awesome as usual and I love them!**

**Umm…I'm just gonna put this out there even though it's pretty obvious…THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE KOGAN CHAPTER STORIES! I LOVE ONE-SHOTS, BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA INDULGE IN SOMETHING LONG WITH A HUGE PLOT AND SUB-PLOTS! I LOVE THE FEELING OF WAITING FOR A NEW CHAPTER(, BUT NOT FOR TOO LONG! LOL)! Hehehe I love the ones there are now, but I need MORE! Lol. I sound like such a Kogan-slut. Does that make sense?**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Kendall let out a loud exhale when he heard the door shut. "Logie, you can come out now…please." Not a minute later, the genius came running in, nearly tripping on his own feet. He regained his composure with the help of his boyfriend. Kendall propped Logan up in a standing position. "So…how are you um…gonna tell your mom and Katie?" Kendall chuckled. "Relax babe, I got it. Don't worry I got it."

Kendall pulled Logan into a tight embrace. "Thanks for being here." Logan smiled into Kendall's chest. He put his hands on his chest snuggled into it as much as he could. "Always."

* * *

Logan, Kendall, James, Carlos, Katie, and Mrs. Knight were all sitting at the dinner table. The air was tense and everyone could feel it. There was something going on. James and Carlos thought it was probably because Kendall was still thinking about his dad's visit the previous day. Logan thought it was because Mrs. Knight and/or Katie didn't take it very well, that Mr. Knight would be coming. Katie couldn't really care less, but something inside of her was telling her that she should care and that something was coming. Mrs. Knight decided to not pry and to just let her son come to her when he was ready to say what he wanted.

The door bell rang and Logan turned to Kendall. Mrs. Knight got up to get the door, but Kendall stood abruptly. "No, let me get it." Mrs. Knight nodded slowly and sat back down. Kendall turned to Logan. "Did you tell them?" Logan mouthed. Kendall shook his head and mouthed back, "I panicked!" He left to get the door.

Logan groaned. 'Let's see…there's an 87 percent chance that this is gonna get messy." Logan got up and collected James's and Carlos's dishes, as well as his own, and placed them in the sink. "I'm still hungry!" Logan shot a look at Carlos who shut up. "Let's go into my room. Now." James and Carlos followed Logan, leaving behind a confused Mrs. Knight and Katie.

* * *

Kendall opened the door. He gaped at how much his father had cleaned up. He wore an sapphire blue dress shirt with age-appropriately fitted grey slacks and shining brown loafers. "Good evening, Kendall." Kendall snapped out of his staring and let his father in. They walked toward the kitchen.

"Mom! I invited someone over for a um-talk!" Mrs. Knight looked up at her son entering the kitchen once again. "Who is it h-" She stopped short as Mr. Knight came into view. "Hello Karla. Hello Katie." It was the man she had seen in the lobby the other day, but now Mrs. Knight knew how she knew this man. Mr. Knight looked at the two faces at the table looking up at him.

Katie raised an eyebrow. 'How does this dude know my name?' "Who-" Mrs. Knight cut her off. "Katie, Kendall go to your room." Katie protested, but her mother gave her a stern look and Katie left grumbling. Kendall stepped forward. "Mom, this is-" Mrs. Knight interrupted Kendall. "I know who this is. What I don't know is how he got here and why you let him in."

"He came to the apartment yesterday. Said he changed and that he wanted to be back into our lives." Kendall gave his mother a pleading look that nearly broke her heart. She sighed. "Kendall go to your room." Kendall gave his mother one last look before he walked out.

* * *

Kendall exited the kitchen and headed to his room. Entered his room to find the other residents of the apartment sitting on the bed. Katie looked up at her brother. "Who was that?" Kendall sat down next to her and sighed. "That…was our dad."

* * *

Mrs. Knight turned to her ex-husband. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Karla, I've changed. After prison, I went to rehabilitation. I got help. After that I got my life back together. I want to come back and be a part of my son and daughter's life. I owe them that much and more."

Mrs. Knight looked at her ex-husband in disbelief. "Do you have _any_ idea of how much damage you've already caused those kids? I'd be insane to let you back into their lives. No, absolutely not!"

"Karla. I understand that you are upset-"

"Upset? No I'm not upset. I'm livid! You destroyed everything Andrew! You destroyed our marriage, our family, our home. You are not coming back! Just go home, back to your new life!"

"I can't do that Karla! I need to be back in their lives! I need to get their forgiveness! I need yours too!"

"_MY _forgiveness? You might be able to get Kendall's and Katie's easily, but not mine. No, it won't even be hard. It'll be impossible! I am not letting you back into our lives."

"You can't do that! You can't keep them from seeing me! Their my kids too! I raised them! I made a mistake, but is that one mistake going to take away my kids? My blood? Please Karla! I'm sorry!"

* * *

Everyone in Kendall and Logan's room could hear the arguing. James and Carlos sat awkwardly on different sides of the room against the wall n the floor. Logan was pacing. Kendall was sitting with a crying Katie. Logan looked at the two siblings and his heart broke. Katie couldn't take it. Although she had only been seven at the time, the arguing still brought back memories.

* * *

FLASHBACK

After Kendall and Mrs. Knight's wounds had been treated they realized something. Where was Katie? They began to search the house. She wasn't in her room, the kitchen, the basement, the living room, Kendall's room, her parent's' room. Kendall was becoming frantic when he heard his mother burst into tears.

He ran throughout the house again to double check. He couldn't stand to hear his mother in pain, especially after what just happened. He didn't want to hear her crying. He ran past a closet and heard the crying get louder. Only it wasn't his mother's crying. It was Katie's.

Kendall opened the closet door to find is baby sister sitting in a fetal position on the floor crying her eyes out. "Kendall! Make them stop! I don't want mommy and daddy to fight anymore!" Kendall sat down next to his baby sister and hugged her. "Don't worry Katie. They're not gonna fight anymore."

* * *

Kendall was hating himself at the moment for breaking his promise to Katie. They _were_ fighting again. 'Because I let dad back in.'

* * *

An hour into the fight…

"I don't care if you take out a restraining order! I won't be able to come to them, but I know that they would try to come to me!"

"You're lying!"

"I'm not! I know that Kendall would. I saw it in his eyes yesterday. He _wants_ me back. Please Karla. It's not even about us anymore, not about what _we_ want. We're done remember? It's about them, what _they_ want. Please!"

Mrs. Knight stared at her ex-husband. She didn't want to believe what he was saying, but it was all true. Katie went through nearly half of her life without a father. Now that she knows how to find him, she would no doubt try and succeed even if she were to forbid her. And Kendall. She knew Kendall needed his dad. The pleading look he had given her had said that much. She sighed, exasperated.

"Fine. I'll let you talk with them. If they truly want you back in their lives, then I won't stop you from coming back."

"Thank you Karla."

"Don't thank me. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for the them."

* * *

**A/N: I'm gonna end it here because I'm just plain out and simply tired and irritated with my dad so I won't be able to write the next scene without wanting to kill of Kendall's dad. Yeaaaahhhh.**

**YES, I know that this story has been lacking Kogan, but can you really expect them to get all lovey-dovey in the current situation? Don't worry, I'll let them get love-dovey soon.**

**Umm...yeah this is really spinning off into Kendall's problems. No worries, I'll have both of their problems clash soon!**

**Hope you enjoyed this! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	28. Chapter 28 Father Forgiven

**Chapter 28 Father Forgiven**

**A/N: Ok this is extremely short and I'm kicking myself for it. Please enjoy it nonetheless.

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**

Logan paced back and forth in the room as Kendall comforted Katie and James and Carlos fell asleep on the floor. 'Oh man, this is bad. This is so bad! Crap, what's gonna happen to Kendall and Katie? How are they going to deal with this? Their parents just saw each other after three years and they're fighting already!' Logan was so caught up in his thinking that he hadn't noticed the arguing had ceased.

There was a knock on the door and Logan snapped out of his reverie to answer it. He opened the door and poked his head out of the partially opened door expecting Mrs. Knight, but instead, there stood Mr. Knight. "Hi Logan, are Kendall and Katie in there?" Logan nodded as a sense of relief washed over him. 'Maybe this could work!'

"Yeah they're in here. James and Carlos fell asleep in here though. I'll just get Kendall and Katie to come out to the living room." Mr. Knight nodded and retreated to the living room. Logan went over to the bed. "Hey Kendall, Katie. Um- your dad wants to talk to you guys in the living room." The siblings looked at Logan then to each other and nodded and hurried to the living room.

Logan followed suit, but walked past the living room and went straight into the kitchen of 2J. He entered the kitchen to see Mrs. Knight at the table with her eyes closed, rubbing her temples. Logan went over to a cabinet and pulled out a little bottle and poured a glass of water. "Hey Mama Knight. How are you doing?" She opened her eyes and smiled weakly. "I'm fine. Just a little shocked I guess. I'm more worried about Kendall and Katie though." Logan placed the bottle and the water in front of Mrs. Knight. "Here's some aspirin. You're probably gonna need it." Mrs. Knight took the pills gratefully.

* * *

Katie and Kendall walked up to their father slowly. Mr. Knight rose from the couch and stared at his two children. They had grown so much. He turned to Katie and frowned when he realized that she had been crying. "Katie? Why are you crying honey?"

Katie sniffled. "You and mom were fighting again." Mr. Knight frowned even harder. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. Me and mom were just talking, but it got a little loud is all. Common." He crouched down and held out his arms.

Katie ran into the arms and began to cry a little harder. "I missed you dad!" Kendall smiled at the two reuniting. Katie was a strong girl, for a ten year old, but right now she looked so vulnerable in her father's arms. It was strange to him.

After a few minutes Mr. Knight glanced at his watch. "Katie, you should be going to bed now. It's already ten o'clock, and I wanna talk to your brother okay?" Katie nodded and reluctantly went to bed.

Mr. Knight turned to his son. "So what do you say Kendall? Can I come back now?" Kendall nodded and took a step toward his father. Mr. Knight hugged Kendall tightly. "Thank you, son. I swear, I won't leave you like that ever again." Kendall nodded over his dad's shoulder, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

* * *

Logan and Mrs. Knight looked up to see Kendall and Mr. Knight enter the kitchen. Mrs. Knight stood. "Boys, it's late. Go to bed okay?" Kendall nodded reluctantly and Logan followed him to their bedroom. Mrs. Knight turned to her son's father. "Sit."

* * *

**A/N: I'm SOOOOOOOO EXTREMELY SORRRY FOR THIS SHORT CHAPTER! I already know what I'm gonna have in the next chapter, but I just couldn't bring the two together into one chapter. I just couldn't! Sorry!**

**Please review? It's short, but please?**


	29. Chapter 29 Clash

**Chapter 29 Clash**

**A/N: Um…yeah nothing to say, just please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Haven't written a disclaimer in a while. I feel overdue for one. I do not own anything except the plot, Adam, and [unfortunately] Wade.**

* * *

Logan and Kendall retreated back to their room. As soon as they were inside Kendall shut his door and wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, pulling him toward him. "We did it!" Logan smiled. "We didn't do anything. It was all you." Kendall shook his head. "No Logie, you were the one who helped me make my decision. Without you, I wouldn't have called him back ever again. Thanks. I love you." Kendall closed the distance between their lips and they began to tongue wrestle. Logan's eyes drifted shut, and he began to get into the kiss. It went on for a minute when Logan let out a moan into the kiss.

They pulled away and Kendall smiled at his blushing boyfriend. "Sorry, couldn't contain myself." Kendall chuckled. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy."

"Ahem" Logan and Kendall snapped their heads to see James and Carlos standing to their side with their arms crossed. "Um…how long have you guys been awake?" offered Kendall. "They smirked and looked at each other then turned back to the couple that was still in a tight embrace. "Logan's moaning woke us up." James laughed. The two left the room. Carlos poked back inside and grabbed a sock and put it on the doorknob, earning a laugh from Kendall and a deeper blush from Logan.

Logan went to the door and pulled off the sock. Kendall frowned a little, but smiled when Logan said, "Not _quite_ yet, but maybe soon." Logan smiled and kissed Kendall again before running into the shower. Kendall sat down on the bed and turned on his iPod.

* * *

"Sit."

Mr. Knight complied, not wanting to risk angering his ex-wife and having to argue with her again. Mrs. Knight poured another cup of coffee for Mr. Knight and sat down across from him. "Look, I may not want you back in their lives, but they want to. As much as it bothers me to say, I can't stop them from _wanting_ to see you. So instead, I'll be keeping a close eye on you. I swear, Andrew, one more slip-up and you are never seeing us again."

Mr. Knight nodded, slightly in fear of her demeanor, and also in respect for her mother-bear attitude. "I understand. That is completely fair. And again, I'm sorry, Karla…for everything." Mrs. Knight nodded once, stiffly. "Now that you are going to be back, you'll need to know some things. The kids are going through a lot right now and you need to know so that you can either help or stay out of the way. I don't want you making things worse. You've already done enough.

Mr. Knight cringed in guilt, but it immediately faded when he realized what she had just said. "Wait-what? What's going on? Is it Kendall? Katie? Is something wrong?"

Mrs. Knight shook her head grimly. "No it's not them. It's Logan."

Mr. Knight looked confused. "Logan? That genius kid? What happened? He seemed like such a nice kid?"

Mrs. Knight's eyes teared up. "He is. He's a very great kid. I'm afraid it's always the good ones that bad things happen to. About a month ago, Logan was out for a jog early in the morning. He was running through the park when a man attacked him. He shot him and…and…" Mrs. Knight let out a choked sob. She took a few deep breaths.

When she finally calmed herself, Mr. Knight spoke. "He shot him? Oh god, that must have been tramatic. You said and. What else happened?" He asked this, not knowing for sure if he really wanted to know.

"He shot him…and then he raped him." Mrs. Knight began to cry as Mr. Knight let out a loud exhale, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. "D-do the other kids know?" Mrs. Knight nodded. Mr. Knight got up and reached over the table to place a comforting hand on Mrs. Knight's shoulder. "Don't worry, Karla. I'll do everything I can to help them."

* * *

Logan came out of the bathroom in sweat pants and a t-shirt. The November air was nothing compared to Minnesota, but it was still chilly. "Kendall, the bathroom's free." Kendall looked up from his IPod and nodded. "Thanks babe." Kendall walked into the restroom, patting Logan's ass on the way. Logan blushed. "Kendall!" Kendall shut the door chuckling.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in." The door opened and Mr. Knight stepped inside. "Oh! Hi Mr. Knight, Kendall just went to take a shower. He'll be out in like ten minutes."

"Actually, I'd like to talk to you, Logan." Logan raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Oh, ok. What about?" Mr. Knight sighed. "Mrs. Knight told me about what happened in the park a month ago."

"O-oh."

* * *

Kendall shut the door to the bathroom and smiled at himself in the mirror. For the first time ever, he didn't frown in disgust at his resemblance to his father. 'Things are finally right again. The family is back together…sorta. Logan's my boyfriend-'

Kendall face palmed. 'Shit! Logan! We still need to deal with his problems! Crap, I've been such a crap boyfriend. Ugh, things got so busy when dad came and-'

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of conversation. Kendall leaned his ear against the door to listen.

"Mrs. Knight told me about what happened in the park a month ago."

"O-oh."

* * *

"Listen, son, what that man did to you was horrible. Have you thought about what coming to the police?" Logan nodded. "I already have, sort of. Carlos's dad already knows, and he's a police officer." Mr. Knight looked like he was trying to remember something. "Right, that's a good first step. Have you thought about lawyers? Evidence?" Logan shook his head. "No, I haven't actually. Things have just been a little busy, that I haven't really thought about what happened."

"It's ok. I'm sure we'll get everything sorted out. Don't worry, we'll bring you justice. What that man did to you was just horrible."

Logan nodded. Mr. Knight looked at him and felt sympathy for the boy. "W-was it your first time?" Logan winced, but nodded. "My god, that must have been horrible. I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have felt."

Logan felt tears coming as he realized where this was going. Mr. Knight didn't notice and continued. "I mean, your first time? Taken away from you? That's just disgusting."

A tear escaped, but not even Logan noticed it. Mr. Knight went on. "And by a man! That's just unnatural. Wrong. I'm sorry, Logan." Logan felt his stomach tighten, as if his guts were being bound together.

"W-what?"

Mr. Knight finally looked at Logan and looked at him confusedly. "I said it was unnatural and wrong. Isn't it? Your first time, and anytime, should be with a woman, but this sick man just-" Mr. Knight was interrupted when Logan let out a wry laugh. He stared in confusion at the boy.

Logan's laugh quickly became sobs. "D-do you really believe that, Mr. Knight? That it's wrong for a man and a man to be together? Sure, a man raping a man is wrong, but a man with a man consensually? Is that wrong?"

Mr. Knight stared at the sobbing boy. "Logan, what are you saying?"

* * *

"I said it was unnatural and wrong. Isn't it? Your first time, and anytime, should be with a woman, but this sick man just-"

"D-do you really believe that, Mr. Knight? That it's wrong for a man and a man to be together? Sure, a man raping a man is wrong, but a man with a man consensually? Is that wrong?"

Kendall couldn't believe what he was hearing. His father was…homophobic. Kendall couldn't think straight. He didn't know what to do. 'What do I do? What do I do? Logan's crying. Dad's homophobic. What do I do?' The voices in his head only deepened his indecision.

'I gotta get out there and help Logan.'

'_How am I going to help him? I'd have to tell dad, I'm gay, too!_'

'So what? He'll understand!'

'_He'll understand? No he won't! He just said that being gay was wrong!_'

'Logan needs me!'

'_I need dad!_'

'I love Logan! I just got him to finally trust me!'

'_I just got dad back! I can't lose him again! I just can't!_'

Logan's sobbing broke through his thoughts and then he heard, "Logan, what are you saying?"

That was enough to clear his thoughts. Kendall opened the door to see his father and Logan standing a few feet away from each other. They both turned to Kendall. Kendall's heart shattered at the sight of Logan crying again. 'Damn, another broken promise.' Kendall turned to his father. "What he's saying is that-"

"No Kendall! You don't have to tell him yet!" Kendall stared at his boyfriend. 'Even now, he'd keep it a secret for me.'

"Yes I do Logan. I was gonna have to tell him sooner or later, might as well do it now. I don't want to see you crying."

Mr. Knight turned to Kendall, then to Logan, and back to Kendall. "What is going on?"

Kendall took a deep breath and exhaled. "Dad…I'm gay...and I'm dating Logan.

Mr. Knight stared at Kendall and Logan. His eyes finally caught the joined beds and his eyes widened, causing Kendall to shrink back to doubt. "Dad, please just hear us out."

But Mr. Knight just backed out of the room. He backed completely out the door and bolted out of the apartment. "Dad! PLEASE!"

* * *

**A/N: Poor Kendall and Logan! I told you I'd have their problems clash! Hence the title! I made it a little longer to make up for the last chapter that was extremely short.**

**Anyway, I just caught up on the three latest episodes of Glee! WOW! Glee never disappoints. :). It actually inspired a few ideas for a few new stories. But those ideas won't be brought to life until this story is done so yeeaaaah. Can only focus on one story at a time.**

**I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! PLEASE REVIEW! IT'D BE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW! EVEN BETTER THAN THE CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THE OVEN! XD**


	30. Chapter 30 Apologies

**Chapter 30 Apologies**

**A/N: 30th CHAPTER! HOORAYYY! *sets off confetti cannons with Sue Sylvester***

**Thank you to all of those who reviewed! I haven't gotten that many reviews for a single chapter in a while! THANKS! *sets off more confetti cannons with the BTR boys***

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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**

Kendall stared at the gaping door in shock. 'How could he do this? I thought he changed! I thought he was gonna stay!' Kendall's knees buckled beneath him and he sat down on the bed. Logan moved closer to him on the bed. "Kendall, you didn't have to do that. I was perfectly fine with keeping it a secret." Kendall shook his head. "No, I did. I had to tell him. It was sooner or later. You needed me, so it was now." Kendall climbed up the bed pulling Logan by the hand with him. "Common, let's go to bed."

Kendall lied on his back with Logan's head on his chest. Logan looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Kendall. This is my fault. I should have just pretended I was straight." Kendall frowned. "No Logan. Don't say that. I don't regret what I did. He needed to know anyway. Don't blame yourself."

Logan sighed and rested his head on Kendall's chest again. "You don't have to put up a front. I know you're hurting." Kendall let out a huff at the irony. "Same goes for you. I know you're still hurting about what happened, but you put up a front so that you could help me with my problems. Dammit, Logie, You're not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to be the one who's solving your problems. Not the other way around."

"No, that's not how it's supposed to be. We're in love. We're both supposed to be there for each other. Not just you for me, or me for you. So stop putting up a front. I haven't. I've been too distracted lately that I haven't even thought about it. Kendall, you don't have to be strong for me. You deserve to let out your emotions." Kendall contemplated Logan's words for a minute. "I-I just can't lose him again, Logan. I just can't. I just got him back, and he's gone again. I can't lose him again, Logie!"

Logan rubbed soothing circles on Kendall's stomach. "I know. It's hard, but he'll come around. You just gotta give him time to cool off." They lied in complete silence, Logan with his tears drying, and Kendall with his tears finally escaping silently.

After a few minutes Kendall spoke. "Do you really think he'll come back?" Logan tensed and it didn't go unnoticed by Kendall. Logan was a reasonable person. He knew the odds of Mr. Knight coming back weren't great. Logan sighed. "If he doesn't, that's his loss. You are the most wonderful guy in the world and if he can't see through your sexuality then it's his loss." Kendall smiled a bit. "I'll still have you."

Logan closed his eyes and nodded on Kendall's chest. He muttered an "I love you" before finally drifting off to sleep. Kendall petted Logan's head. "I love you, too."

* * *

Kendall woke up with an empty feeling in his gut. He looked around the room and saw the gaping door of his bedroom. The previous night's events finally replayed in his mind. He sat up slowly and turned to his side. Logan was lying there with him and the dull ache in his chest completely disappeared. 'Logie, you really are amazing.'

Kendall got up and decided to go take a shower. He went into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. Just last night he was finally able to look at himself without feeling disgust, but now he felt something new. Longing. It was longing for the person his features came from.

* * *

Logan's eyes fluttered open. He whined at the loss of warmth that he'd fallen asleep next to. He heard the shower turn on. 'Oh, he's in the shower. Logan stretched out on the bed and finally got up.

He entered the kitchen to find two notes on the counter.

_Went out to the pool. Didn't wanna disturb the cute couple._

_-James and Carlos_

Logan blushed. 'They must've seen us sleeping like that…jerks.' Logan smiled. He picked up the next note and read it.

_Logan, I went out with Katie to some auditions. Should be back around 4._

_-Mrs. Knight_

_P.S. You two should have at least closed your door last night. I'm sure you two wouldn't have wanted Mr. Knight to find out that way._

Logan groaned. 'Too late for that. Ugh, this is not good. Katie's gonna be devastated and Mama Knight will be soo pissed! This is bad. This is really bad!'

Kendall came out of the shower in some sweatpants and a shirt over his shoulder. He came into the living room to see Logan sitting at the island. "Hey." Logan looked up. "Morning. How you feeling?" Kendall shrugged. "I felt little empty, but that went away when I saw you sleeping next to me." Logan blushed.

The door bell rang. "Who could that be?" Logan shrugged, though he had a vague idea of who it could have been. Kendall put on his shirt and went to go answer the door. Logan decided to stay in the kitchen, keeping himself at a distance, in case it was Mr. Knight and the two needed a private talk.

Kendall opened the door to find none other than his father standing awkwardly in clothes similar to those he wore when they first encountered. Kendall glared, but if anyone were to look deep enough, they could see the spark of hope in his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Mr. Knight finally mustered the courage to look at his son. "I-I came to apologize." Kendall kept his glare on, but it had softened. His father went on. "Kendall, I'm so sorry for what I did yesterday. I shouldn't have run out like that."

"No, you shouldn't have. Do you know how much that hurt? After everything that's already happened?"

"No, Kendall, I don't know, and I can't begin to imagine how much damage I've caused. I'm sorry."

"You're a liar."

Mr. Knight looked at Kendall with a confused expression. "W-what?"

"I said you're a liar. I guess it's a Knight trait, that we can't keep our promises. You broke your promise. You swore, you'd never leave again."

Mr. Knight hung his head in shame. "Kendall…" He looked up again. "Kendall, I'm sorry. I know what I promised, but you have to understand. It was just a shock. I didn't know how to react, so I did what I always do. I ran. I'm sorry, son."

Kendall couldn't bring himself to look at his father at the moment. He stared off to the side. Mr. Knight continued. "I ran away because of the shock. I ran away because I didn't want to say anything that could've ruined my chance, Kendall. I didn't want to blurt out something I'd regret. I couldn't think. Words just wouldn't come….so I ran."

"But I recovered from the shock Kendall. I realized that…I didn't care if you are gay. If Logan makes you happy, then I'm happy. It'll take some time to get used to, but first will you give me that time?"

Kendall turned to his dad. 'This is the biggest decision of your life Kendall. If you let him in, he could hurt you again. But if you don't let him in, you'll never get the chance again.' Kendall looked at his father in the eyes. "Yes."

Mr. Knight immediately embraced Kendall. "Thank you, son. I won't let you down."

Kendall pulled away and looked at his father expectantly. Mr. Knight almost chuckled at the irony that his son would be reminding him. "Is Logan here? I'd like to apologize to him, too." Kendall nodded and led the way into the kitchen.

Logan looked up from the fridge as the two came in. "Oh, good morning Mr. Knight." Mr. Knight sat down at the dinner table. "Good morning Logan." Kendall pulled Logan by the hand and they both sat down at the table. Mr. Knight spoke. "Logan, I'd like to apologize for what I said yesterday. It was very stupid of me. Even if you aren't gay, or even if I hadn't known that you are gay, what I said was wrong. I'm sorry. It may take some time to get used to, but I'm happy for you and Kendall. You make him happy."

Logan blushed and smiled. "I'm glad you feel that way Mr. Knight, because I really do love Kendall. Thank you."

Mr. Knight nodded slightly uncomfortably, but smiled when Kendall smiled. "Can I get you some coffee Mr. Knight?" He nodded. Logan got up to pour him some coffee.

The phone rang and Kendall went to go answer it. He looked at the caller ID and groaned. Instead of picking up the phone, he just pressed the speaker button. "_DOGS! COME TO THE STUDIO NOW! AND BRING THAT ALAN KID!_" In the background Kelly could be heard. "_I'm sure, the name was Adam."_

"_WHATEVER! JUST GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE!_" Kendall and Logan let out a simultaneous groan. "Oh, joy."

* * *

**A/N: Well, there it is. I got started on this at around 10am and finally finished now around 6:30pm. Blaaahh. I hope you enjoyed it! In my opinion, it was so-so.**

**On a side note: HARRY POTTER! Yeah….I just felt that was necessary. *shoots confetti and fireworks from wands with Harry Potter gang***

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	31. Chapter 31 First Order of Business

**Chapter 31 First Order of Business**

**A/N: I'm so so so so sorry I didn't update yesterday! I just couldn't bring myself to write. Major writer's block! Blahhh! I hate writer's block! HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!**

**Um…I changed my Pic, but the thing says it takes 24 hours to change. Just a head's up, it's a drawing of Logan and Kendall in hockey uniforms and Logan is like jumping on Kendall. I just found it today online! IT'S SOOOO CUTE!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! I made it longer to make up for yesterday's complete lack of chapter.

* * *

**

Kendall ended the call and glanced at Logan and his dad. "Dad, we gotta go." Mr. Knight nodded. "Why don't you boys get dressed, I'll go get James and Carlos from the pool on my way out." Kendall and Logan nodded and made their way to their bedroom as Mr. Knight left.

Logan pulled on a sweater vest over his t-shirt and turned to Kendall. "What do you think he wants?" Kendall pulled on a shirt and sighed. "I don't know, Logie. It'll be fine." Logan raised an eyebrow at Kendall's optimism. "I doubt it."

"You know, you're such a hypocrite." Kendall announced. Logan tilted his head. "W-what? How am I a hypocrite?"

"Because Logan. When it's my problems you're all 'everything will work because I love you', but when it's your own problems you become all pessimistic and skeptical and doubtful."

Logan stared at Kendall for a moment. Finally a retort came to him. "Same goes for you."

* * *

"_Hello?_"

"Adam, it's Logan. Um, is this a bad time?"

"_No, no! What's up?_"

"Well, I told my producer about what happened and now he wants to talk to the band…and you."

"_Oh, yeah sure of course, anything to help! What time?_"

"He wants to see us now actually. Sorry about the inconvenient timing. He's always like that."

"_No problem, I'm all set anyways. Should I just ride with you guys?_"

"Yeah, you should since you don't know where the studio is."

"_Alright I'll meet you guys down in the lobby._"

"Seeya then."

* * *

Everyone finally met in the lobby after James finished getting ready. The group made their way to the Big Time Rush Mobile. Logan drove, Kendall sat in the passenger seat, and Adam sat awkwardly in between James and Carlos.

They drove in relative silence, with the exception of Carlos, who was never silent. "What do you think he wants to talk about?"

James was becoming irritated with Carlos's yammering. "What do you think he wants to talk about? Jeez, dude you are so clueless."

Carlos was usually a chill guy, but everyone had buttons that were push-able. "You didn't have to be so mean!"

"Yeah, well you didn't have to be so ugly!"

"That has nothing to do with this!"

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't!"

Logan chuckled at the two fighting in the backseat. They were always throwing sissy fits, but in the end they would go on like nothing had happened. He glanced at the mirror and noted Adam's discomfort. Logan slammed the brake at the stoplight, causing James and Carlos to slam into the front seats. Adam, luckily was wearing a seat belt. "You two better stop fighting, or so help me, I will TURN THIS CAR AROUND! Gustavo didn't ask to see you, but I decided to let you guys go. Do you _want_ me to change my mind?"

James and Carlos leaned back into their seats and grumbled a "No."

Logan turned back around and continued driving, inwardly chuckling. He was usually a quiet person, but that didn't mean he couldn't be loud. He wasn't really mad at them, he just liked to do that sometimes to see their faces. People who weren't being yelled at usually laughed at this, which was why Logan did it. He glanced at the mirror again to see that Adam had loosened up a bit.

James thought of something. He whipped out his phone and texted Carlos, not wanting to risk Logan over hearing.

"_I guess we know who's the chick/mom! LMAO!_" Carlos cracked up and high fived James.

* * *

The boys walked through the waiting area towards Gustavo's office. Kendall walked straight up to his office and knocked fearlessly. The door opened and everyone, but Kendall, stepped back. Fortunately it was just Kelly. "Gustavo just wants to see Logan and Kendall for now. The rest of you wait out here." Logan glanced at everyone and shrugged when they gave him questioning looks.

Logan walked into Gustavo's office nervously next to Kendall who couldn't have a care in the world for what Gustavo had to say. As soon as they were inside, Kelly shut the door. A little too loudly apparently, because Logan jumped.

Kendall took Logan's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's ok. I'm right here." Logan stared into Kendall's eyes and nodded. The two approached the desk and sat down.

The chair on the other side of the desk spun in a very cliché fashion to reveal Gustavo. He placed his elbows on the desk and began rubbing his temples. They all sat in silence for a good long minute before Logan couldn't take it anymore. "G-Gustavo? You w-wanted to t-t-talk?"

Gustavo slammed his hands away from his head and onto the desk, causing Logan to flinch again. Kendall squeezed his hand again and he visibly relaxed. Kendall smiled and turned to Gustavo. "Look Gustavo, I don't care if you drop us from the band. Logan and I are in love and we are together and-" Kendall was interrupted mid-speech.

"I'm not going to drop you." Kendall's mouth dropped. "Come again?" Gustavo sighed. "Look, I'm not going to drop you guys. I'm not even mad about you being gay." It was Logan's jaw that dropped now. "You're not?"

"Let's just say that being the producer of past boy bands means you'll almost always have a gay one in the band." Gustavo stated.

Kendall started getting angry again. "If you were okay with us being gay, then why did you storm out like that? You scared the hell out of Logan!"

"Because I never had more than _one_ gay guy in my bands. And the fact that you two are dating only made it more of a shock. Look, I'm s-s…" Kelly nudged Gustavo. "I'm _sorry_ I put you through that. Let's just move on to more important things."

Logan recollected himself and nodded. "Thanks, Gustavo."

Gustavo nodded. "Now, Logan have you decided whether or not you want to press charges?"

Logan tensed. "I-I don't know. I thought I wanted to, but then I thought about it. What if no one believes me? Or what if somehow this backfires? This could hurt the band. Or what if he wins? He'll get out and then he'll try to hurt me, or even you guys!"

Kendall turned to Logan. "Logan, we've been over this. It'll work out. We'll win the case, he'll go to jail, we'll live happily ever after. Even if he does get out, I'll protect you."

"I-I don't know…"

Kelly sighed. "Logan, if you can't do this for yourself, at least do it for everyone else."

Logan looked up at Kelly in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Logan, what he did was horrible. He needs to go to jail. You need to at least try. If you don't that man will be out there and free to do whatever he wants. He could do this to someone else, too. Can you do that, Logan? Can you live with yourself? Knowing that he did this to someone else, because you were tot afraid?"

Tears were streaming down Logan's face by now. Kendall became more enraged. "Stop it! Can't you see this is making him uncomfortable?"

Kelly glanced at them apologetically. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. You needed to hear it."

"You could've tried something else! But no, instead you GUILT HIM INTO IT?" Logan wiped his tears with one hand and slipped his other hand back into Kendall's, who had risen from his seat sometime during his yelling. Kendall sat back down with a glare. Logan held onto Kendall's hand securely. "It's ok. She's right. I did need to hear that."

Logan turned to Gustavo. "Yes, Gustavo, I wanna press charges."

Gustavo nodded. "I'm not going to lie, I was hoping you wouldn't, but what's done is done."

Kendall rolled his eyes at Gustavo and Logan just chuckled slightly through his tears. "So what do we do now?"

Gustavo sighed. "Alright, first order of business is we need to decide how to go about this without damaging the band. I know it sounds inconsiderate, but now that you are famous we need to take precautions."

Logan nodded and Gustavo went on. "Now, we need to decide which to do first. Have you come out to the public or have you press charges."

Kendall scoffed. "How the hell is that so important? Obviously we need to press charges first!"

Kelly shook her head. "It's not that simple guys. There are risks to both. If you decide to press charges first and _then_ come out, there's a chance that the public will turn their backs on you. They'll think that the rape turned you gay. If they think that, they might also think that you shouldn't have pressed charges because the incident made you realize your sexual preference and that you should have been 'grateful'." She made air quotes around the word "grateful".

Logan turned to Kelly. "What might happen if I come out first and then press charges?"

Gustavo answered this time. "They could think that you're falsely claiming that he raped you."

Logan looked offended. "Why would they think that?"

Kelly answered. "Because there are ignorant people out there that could think that you liked the experience because of your sexuality."

Kendall's temper flared again at the mention of such ignorance. "That's bull shit! A guy could rape a straight girl! That doesn't mean she liked it! That doesn't mean it wasn't rape!"

Gustavo sighed. "We know that, but it's just how the world is. There are people out there who can't see things from all perspectives. That's why we need to be so careful about this!"

Kendall turned to Logan. "What's your say on this, Logan? You haven't said anything."

Logan looked up. "I honestly don't know. I didn't think it would be this complicated. What do you think, Gustavo?"

Gustavo thought for a moment. "I think you need to come out first…well actually around the same time. I'll work out a little speech for you to tell that you can rephrase."

Logan nodded slowly still not completely understanding what Gustavo meant. 'And I'm supposed to be the genius.'

"That isn't all though. Kendall, I'm afraid you coming out as gay or as Logan's boyfriend isn't necessary, so I don't want you to."

Kendall stood up again. He remembered what his mother told him about controlling his anger. 'Fuck that.'

"WHAT? WHY NOT? I NEED TO BE THERE FOR LOGAN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE I'M WITH HIM? THIS IS COMPLETELY BULL SHIT, YO!"

Logan couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips whenever Kendall got a little gangster. Gustavo looked like he wanted to choke Kendall. Instead he shut his eyes and began rubbing his temples again. Kelly spoke for him. "Kendall, calm down. The reason why you can't come out is because is because it'll jeopardize the band. It's already hard enough with one gay member, but two? Two would just send the people into shock-overload. It'd just knock us off the charts and into the has-beens list."

"She's right, Kendall." Kendall turned and stared down at his boyfriend. "What?" Logan wouldn't look at Kendall. "I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want people to know, but if that's what's best for the band then I'll accept it. Please Kendall, you gotta understand."

Logan finally looked up at Kendall pleadingly. Kendall couldn't take it. Even though, Logan's pleading look could never beat the Knight signature puppy-dog-eyes, it was damn close. "Fine, but the second people start losing interest in BTR, I'm coming out. That'll sky rocket us back to the top of the gossip and charts." Logan hugged Kendall. "Thank you for understanding."

"Shh. It's okay, babe."

Gustavo seemed impressed with Kendall's idea. "Alright, on to our second order of business."

* * *

**A/N: I personally liked this chapter. I know I say that a lot now, but it's true! I like this one. It's…weird. While writing this, soooo many more ideas came to me and I look forward to using those ideas!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	32. Chapter 32 Second Order of Business

**Chapter 32 Second Order of Business**

**A/N: YAY! Turns out, my relatives aren't staying over so I can write!**

**I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I did!**

**This chapter is pretty long to make up for the scare via hiatus. -That sentence didn't make sense to me.**

**Also, there is a new feature to this story and will be further explained in the end author's note. **

**Thank you for all of your awesome reviews! Keep em comin! :)

* * *

**

"Alright, on to our second order of business."

Everyone nodded and turned to Gustavo. "Now that we got out of the way, we need to plan out our actions. Get that Adam kid in here."

Kelly opened the door and a few seconds later Adam came in and sat down next to Logan. Logan did his best to smile. "Hey." Adam nodded. "Hey."

Kelly shut the door, and Gustavo proceeded. "Alright, now that all the important people are here, I want to hear what happened. Everything."

Logan sighed. "Okay, um….we all went to the beach about a week before what happened. That was where I met Adam here. We er-flirted and then he asked me out." Logan glanced at Kendall who seemed neutral. This seemed to calm him down a bit, but he was still blushing deeply.

Gustavo grew impatient. "Go on."

Logan nodded. "Well, we started dating. A week went by, and he asked me to become exclusive and I said yes." Another glance at Kendall. The blonde seemed neutral still.

Logan went on. "I left his apartment that night to go pick up dinner. I was waiting in line when this guy came in. He was wearing a ski mask and had a gun. He robbed the register then turned to me. I guess I was dressed pretty nicely or something, cause he assumed I was rich or somethin. I gave him my wallet, but he still kept the gun pointed at me. That was when he told me to look at him. I couldn't see his face, but I could see his eyes. They were blue. Really blue…"

Logan trailed off, not wanting to go on to the next part. Adam told it for him. "He thought it was me." Adam looked at Logan and gave him a small smile showing that he wasn't too offended. Logan smiled apologetically. Kendall cleared his throat a little. Logan chuckled nervously and turned back to Gustavo.

"He told me to get out. So I did. I ran all the way back to the Palm Woods. Surprisingly, the adrenaline and shock carried me five miles. I finally stopped in the alley of the Palm Woods and broke down."

Logan paused for a bit as some of the emotions came rushing back. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes, before starting again. "A week went by, and I still hadn't told anyone about what happened. I didn't see Adam since the night he asked me to be exclusive. I was at the pool trying to calm myself down. I was on the verge of exploding when Adam approached me. I started panicing and crying and I ran back to the apartment. Kendall saw me and was comforting me."

Logan smiled at Kendall. Adam continued for Logan. "I was kinda shocked when he ran off like that and was pretty worried. I went up to their apartment. As soon as he saw me, Logan started breaking down."

The mentioned boy continued. "I couldn't hold it anymore. I had been holding in all my emotions for a week and it was eating me alive. Seeing him was the breaking point. I spilled out everything when I yelled at him to go away. Then I ran out of the apartment."

"I ran after him since I had already known that Logan was gay and everyone else was too shocked." Kendall put in.

Adam looked down at his arm. "I don't remember it clearly, but I think James and Carlos literally threw me out. I landed on my arm and broke it, resulting in me going to the hospital. After getting my cast, I realized something. Logan had said that the guy had the same eyes as me. Unnaturally really blue. He also said that it happened in Lincoln Heights. That's when I put it together. My father. He lived in Lincoln Heights and is the only I person I've ever seen with the same eyes as me."

Gustavo held up his hand for silence. "So, your father…"

"Wade Walker."

Gustavo nodded. "Right, Wade. He was the one who raped you Logan?" Logan nodded. Gustavo scribbled down the name. "Go on."

Adam continued. "I was really pissed. That son of a bitch _always_ found a way to ruin my life. I drove to his apartment and was gonna confront him, but stopped myself. If I confronted him about Logan, then he would only go after him to get to me. He's sick. Always doing whatever it took to make me miserable ever since I ran away."

Logan placed a comforting hand on Adam's arm. A tingle went up Adam's spine and he fought to control himself. "I drove home, but I guess he must have followed me. Somehow he found out that Logan was my boyfriend."

Logan continued. "Then a month later, it happened when I was jogging in the park." Tears came to his eyes as he tried to retell the events. "It was still dark outside, but I went anyway. He dragged me off of the path and shot me in the leg. And then- he- an- and- he-" Logan burst into sobs and put his face in his hands.

Both Kendall and Adam reached out and placed a hand on his shoulders in a fruitless attempt at consoling him. Gustavo was sitting awkwardly, not used to dealing with this type of situation. Kelly sniffled and was almost crying in sympathy.

Logan calmed down a little bit and tried to continue. "C-Carlos's dad found me and took me to the hospital. T-the d-doctor gave me the r-rape test."

"Well? What did it say?" Gustavo asked when Logan paused.

"I don't kn-know. The hospital never called."

"Well then, that's what we need to do. We need to get to the hospital and get the results."

Kendall looked up. "Why do we need it? What, you don't believe him or somethin?"

Kelly sighed. "We believe him, but we need that record as evidence for the court. I'm gonna go call a lawyer. You boys need to find out what the results were. They could be the key to winning this entire thing. The lawyer should be here in about ten minutes. He'll meet you at the hospital."

* * *

Logan, Kendall, Adam, James, and Carlos all entered the hospital. They approached the receptionist and Logan spoke with her.

"Excuse me ma'am, is Dr. Till here. I need to discuss something with him, it's urgent."

She nodded and picked up the phone and made a call. "He'll be right down."

"Thank you." Logan turned and approached the group. "Dr. Till will be here in a few minutes."

Everyone nodded except Carlos, who had been looking down ever since they left the studio. "Logan? What happens if the test results say you weren't raped?"

Logan looked at Carlos. 'That's what he was thinking about? Poor Carlos. He's really worried about this.' And it was true. Carlos was like the kid of the group. He may have been buffer than Logan and stronger than him, but he had always been a kid at heart.

Before Logan could answer the doctor had arrived. "Ah, Logan Mitchell. How are you doing?"

Logan shook his hand. "I'm doing better. Um, Dr. Till I came to ask you about the um-test results?"

Dr. Till looked at him quizzically for a minute before it came to him. "Oh that's right! I am so sorry! Things have been crazy around here, that I never got the chance to call you. Why don't you come to my office."

Everyone followed him. When they entered, Dr. Till sat down behind his desk. Logan, Kendall, and Adam sat in the chairs in front of his desk while Carlos and James stood behind them. Dr. Till searched around on his desk before finally finding a thin manila folder. "Ah, here it is."

Logan tensed as he opened the folder. In it was a few sheets of paper stapled together. "Logan, the test results-" There was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

The door opened and in walked a clean shaven man in an expensive gray suit. "Hello everyone, I'm John Darrow. I'm the lawyer sent from Gustavo Rocque. Is there a Logan Mitchell here?"

Logan stood. "Hello sir, I'm Logan." Mr. Darrow shook his hand. "It's an honor to be working with you, though I'm truly sorry for what happened."

Logan smiled politely. "Thank you. We were just about to get the test results for the um-rape test." Mr. Darrow nodded.

Dr. Till continued. "Well, the test results show that Logan you indeed, were raped."

Logan let out a whimper. This caught Kendall's attention. "Logie, what's wrong?" Logan looked at him. "Nothing. I knew I was raped, obviously, but now that it's on my medical record, it just seems so…so…I don't know, but it just made me nervous."

Kendall frowned. "Hey, you shouldn't be nervous or anything. This actually helps us, Logan! With this, we can send that guy to jail! Right, John?"

Dr. Till cleared his throat. "Boys, I'm afraid there's some bad news." Kendall's face fell and everyone snapped their heads back to the doctor. "I'm afraid that the results show that you were raped, but we were unable to get any DNA to identify the culprit. Without that, you can't pin this on anyone."

Mr. Darrow sighed. "He's right."

Logan tilted his head in confusion. "B-but, what about s-semen? I know there was semen."

The doctor shook his head. "Our nurse couldn't find any semen."

Kendall's temper flared. "What do you mean the nurse couldn't find any? If Logan says there was, then there was!"

Logan placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder to try and get him to calm down. Dr. Till looked down at the file and grimaced. He picked up the phone on his desk and muttered some things into the receiver.

A minute later a nurse came in. "What? I was on my lunch break." the nurse asked and the proceeded to blow bubbles with her pink bubble gum. Logan recognized the nurse as the one that gave him the rape test. She had complained about not wanting to do it and was giving im a hard time throughout the entire test.

Dr. Till sighed. "Ms. Jones, how many times have I told you that bubblegum is strictly prohibited in this hospital?" She groaned and spat her gum out into a trash can near the door. "There, happy?"

Dr. Till looked aggravated. "No, Ms. Jones, I am not. Do you know why?"

"No, why?"

"If you recall, this is Logan Mitchell, the patient you performed the sexual assault test on about a month ago." She turned to Logan and grimaced in disgust. "Yeah, I remember. Totally gross. Why?"

"Did you find any semen during the test? My patient here, insists that there was semen. And quite frankly, I believe him, so how do you explain that there was no semen."

"I don't know? I couldn't find any sheesh. What's so important about some jizz anyway? What, does the fag over here want it for memories?"

That did it for Kendall. He shot up from his chair and was about to go slap the nurse, but was held back by Adam and James. "THAT'S IT! LEMME AT HER! THAT STUPID, HOE! SHE PROLLY JUST DIDN'T RECORD THE SEMEN CAUSE SHE'S A HOMOPHOBIC BITCH! LEMME AT HER! LEMME AT HER!"

Everything was chaotic. James and Adam were struggling to get Kendall to be still. Kendall was yelling profanities and flailing around trying to get out of their holds to claw out the nurse's eyes. Carlos and was trying to console a crying Logan.

Mr. Darrow and Dr. Till both yelled out at the same time. "**SILENCE!**" Everyone quieted down. Dr. Till rose from his desk. "Ms. Jones, we will talk later. Get out of my office." She left smirking. Dr. Till sighed. "That girl is…" he muttered under his breath. He looked up at everyone in his office. "I must apologize. She's a new nurse and a very spoiled bratty one if I should add. She was the only one available at the time of your test. Unfortunately, she just cost you the key to your case."

Mr. Darrow let out a deep breath. "One step forward, two steps back. Well, this is going to be a challenge, but I know it can be done. Don't worry, Logan. I've got this."

Logan nodded at the lawyer. "Thank you, Mr. Darrow." Logan turned to Dr. Till. "Thank you Dr. Till, you've been really helpful."

"Not a problem, son. Anytime."

* * *

As they were headed towards the parking lot, Mr. Darrow pulled Kendall aside. Kendall turned to the lawyer. "Kendall, I understand that this is a very hard time for you, but you need to work on our temper. If you keep this up, you won't be any help to Logan."

Kendall nodded. "Sorry, that nurse just really got on my nerves and I had to protect Logan."

Mr. Darrow nodded in understanding. "Kendall you remind me a lot of myself. I used to be just like you. The protective leader with the anger management issues. I get it, but you gotta keep your cool. If you don't, it'll only hurt Logan more. He needs you to be calm and level headed alright?"

Kendall nodded. "Alright."

* * *

**A/N: So…how was that? I feel like I didn't make any progression. I think that thing's will heat up in the next chapter though. Maybe.**

**So yeah I have another OC John Darrow. This brings me to another important topic. I've decided to start a thing called Question of the Chapter. I got the idea from Philip DeFranco on YouTube. Basically, I'm gonna have a special question at the end of each chapter that is about the chapter. I'd really like your feedback!**

**The answer format is simple! Just write your regualr review. Then skip a line with the enter key! Then the format is**

**QOTC: answer**

**Simple yes? Lol.**

**So today's Question of the Chapter is: Who do you picture John Darrow as?**

**I picture him as maybe around 35 with greying sides….but in that sexy way. Fit build.**

**Actually, for this chapter I have two questions.**

**QOTC2: What would you like to do to Nurse Jones? **

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	33. Chapter 33 Papa Can You Hear Me?

**Chapter 33 Papa Can You Hear Me?**

**A/N: Ok so in case you haven't seen it. The real chapter 32 was put up, so if you haven't read it yet, don't read this one! Sorry for the confusion. For those of you who already read the last chapter, hope you enjoy!**

**Thank you for all of your wonderful and funny reviews!

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Logan, Kendall, and Carlos all stalked into 2J. James, being the second toughest of the group, was escorting Adam to his apartment. Carlos plopped down on the couch and turned on the television. Kendall went into his room followed by Logan.

Kendall fell face first onto the bed with a huff. He muttered something unintelligible. Logan sat down next to him. ""What was that? The bed was muffling you." Kendall looked up with a glare. "Today went horribly." Logan frowned. "Yup."

Kendall hadn't expected that. He had expected Logan to say something along the lines of: "No, it didn't. We made progress.", but instead he just got a "yup"? Kendall's glare went away and was replaced with guilt. "I'm sorry, Logie. I guess I was just in a pretty crap mood."

This caught Logan's attention. "Why?" Kendall shrugged. "I dunno. I guess cause of the news we got from Gustavo. That started it off." Logan's expression saddened. "You're not still mad about not being able to tell people about our relationship, are you?"

"How can I not?"

Logan pouted. "Kendaalll, you know why we can't!"

"But I don't care about the band! I care about you, Logan! I care about us!" Logan kept up his pout, but it completely shattered when he heard the next thing Kendall asked. "Don't you?"

The look in Kendall's eyes displayed so much hurt that Logan was taken aback. He didn't expect for Kendall to feel this way. "I-I do, Kendall. You know that. Trust me, I want nothing more than to tell people about us. I don't want to hide you. But we can't. We'd be putting everything we've worked for on the line. The concerts, the practices, the tours, everything. I'm sorry Kendall. I'm s-sorry."

Kendall looked up when he heard the crack in Logan's voice. The brunette was choking on his words, trying to hold back the tears. Kendall was immediately consumed with guilt. He sat up and pulled Logan into a hug. "I'm sorry, Logie. I shouldn't have said that. I know, you care. I just got upset, okay?" Logan nodded.

"Let's get some sleep, we need to report back to Gustavo tomorrow." Logan chuckled. "You make it sound like we're spies or something."

"It got you laughing, didn't it? That's all that matters."

* * *

The next day, Gustavo only wanted to see Logan and Kendall. The two walked into Gustavo's office to be greeted by Mr. Darrow, Gustavo, and Kelly. They sat down in front of Gustavo's desk and he immediately started.

"Alright. While you were all out yesterday, I made some calls. Griffin has agreed that you should keep your relationship with Kendall quiet." Kendall exhaled and Logan nodded glumly. Gustavo went on. "I also arranged for your parents to come out to LA free of charge so you can tell them before the public." Logan's eyes widened. "Wait, what? Oh crap! My parents! I completely forgot about them!"

Kelly spoke. "Yeah. We thought they might not want to find out from TMZ or anything. You should tell them yourselves, Logan." Kendall took Logan's hand. "Don't worry, I'll be there." Logan swallowed and nodded hesitantly. "F-fine."

Gustavo nodded and moved on. "After you tell your parents, we have arranged for you to be on Oprah to come out and tell the public what happened." Logan and Kendall nodded. Mr. Darrow stepped up. "Your court appearance should be a week after that, so we'll need to work fast to find some legitimate evidence. So while you talk with your parents, I'll be around town. Possibly at the hospital, the scene of the crime, anywhere. Just call if you need anything." Logan nodded.

Mr. Darrow left, and everyone redirected their attention to Gustavo. "Gustavo? When are my parents going to get here?"

"I booked them a hotel near the Palm Woods for a week."

"Um…ok? But that doesn't answer my question. When are they getting here?"

"Today…around 6."

"WHAT?" Logan and Kendall exclaimed at the same time. Gustavo put his hands up for silence. "Look, the sooner we get all of this over with the better alright?" Logan looked at the clock on the wall.

4:00pm

He shot up and grabbed Kendall dragging him out the door. "We gotta go! I have to get ready! I don't even know what I'm gonna say!"

They reached the parking lot when Kendall stopped him. "Logie, calm down."

"How? My parents are coming in about 2 hours and I'm supposed to tell them that I'm gay! How can I calm down?"

"Relax! I'll be right there next to you. We'll get through it. Your parents will understand."

Logan looked up at Kendall with doubt, but the blonde just stared back at him with love and optimism.

* * *

Logan paced around the living room nervously. Kendall just sat on the couch half in amusement and half in concern. It was hard to be serious with Logan always fidgeting and glancing at the clock. Speaking of which, Logan glanced at the clock again.

5:58pm

He continued pacing back in forth. Kendall grabbed his wrist and pulled him onto the couch. "Kendaaallll!"

"Relax! It'll all work out…because you love me, right?" Logan smiled at the joke. "Nope." Kendall instantly frowned. "Kidding!" Logan recovered quickly.

Before Kendall could do anything, the doorbell rang. Logan glanced at the clock.

6:00pm

'Of course the doctors would be right on time.' Logan got up and nervously approached the door. Kendall placed a hand on his shoulder and Logan let out a breath. He placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. With a squeeze of encouragement from Kendall's hand on his shoulder, he opened the door.

"Mom! Dad! How are you?" There in the door way was his mother and father. Mrs. Mitchell hugged her son. "Logan, oh I've missed you so much baby! You never call anymore!" Mr. Mitchell pulled his wife off gently. "Common, Claire, give him some space. He's a grown boy." He hugged Logan quickly. Logan beamed. 'This is going pretty okay so far.'

"Come inside. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" Before they could answer Logan ran off to the kitchen in search of refreshments. Kendall chuckled. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell." Mrs. Mitchell hugged him and Mr. Mitchell shook his hand. They all followed Kendall to the couch. Logan soon came with a tray of cookies and Mrs. Knight's tea.

Mr. Mitchell glanced around the apartment. "Wow. This is a lot more…different than I expected your home to look like." Logan chuckled nervously. "Yeah, it's great isn't it."

"That's not exactly what I meant."

Mrs. Mitchell decided to change the subject. "Kendall, dear, where is your mother. I haven't seen her in ages since you boys left." All of the boys' parents had been friends back in Minnesota. "My mom took Katie out for a movie and Carlos and James are still at the pool. We actually didn't expect you guys to be coming until Gustavo told us earlier today."

Mrs. Mitchell seemed satisfied with the answer and continued sipping her tear. Mr. Mitchell turned to his son. "Logan, your producer said there was something you needed to discuss with us? Something important?"

Logan swallowed. "I- uh- y-yeah! I needed to tell y-you about s-something." The pale boy looked even paler as he stuttered, trying to find the right words. Kendall scooted a little closer to him so that their legs were touching. Logan's parents didn't seem to notice as they kept their eyes on Logan. Logan, feeling Kendall's leg, relaxed a bit.

"Mom, D-Dad. This might come as a sh-shock to you, but I'd like for you to keep an open mind." The Mitchell parents looked at their son with confusion on their faces. He went on. "I-I'm g-gay." Mrs. Mitchell nearly dropped her tea cup. There was a sudden tension in the room and it felt colder suddenly. Logan grew nervous again, but he was determined to keep going.

"I know that you might not be comfortable with me being gay, but being gay doesn't change who I am. You need to understand that I am still the same person I always have been. Being gay isn't the most important thing about me. You also need to understand that being gay wasn't a choice for me. I was born this wa-" Logan was interrupted by his father.

"Enough." Logan looked up at his father. "D-dad, please let me finish, I-"

"GOD DAMMIT I SAID ENOUGH!" Logan flinched at his father's yelling, but he kept trying. "Dad-"

"Don't call me that! You aren't my son anymore. I could never have raised a faggot!" Logan tensed even more at the last word. Kendall's anger began to grow. "Mr. Mitchell, please let him finish."

"You shut your mouth! This does not concern you! This is between that faggot and my wife and I!" Mrs. Mitchell finally recovered from shock. She turned to her standing husband. "JONATHON!"

Mr. Mitchell ignored her and turned back to Kendall. They were both seething now. "This _does_ have to do with me! Because-" Kendall stopped himself short. He didn't want to tell them that he was dating Logan, for fear of it making things worse.

"Because what? Why the hell does this involve you?" Logan stood up to defend his boyfriend's honor, like Kendall had done for him countless of times. "Because Kendall is my boyfriend dad. And we love each other!" As soon as the words left his mouth, Logan's fear multiplied.

"Shut your mouth! Don't you dare speak of love! Love can only happen between a man and a woman! Not for faggots like you!" Logan was now on the verge of tears.

His mother stood up and turned to her husband. "Jonathon!"

"Shut up Claire! Go wait in the car. We are leaving!" Mr. Mitchell yelled. Logan couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let them leave until they understood. "Dad-"

"GO!" He pointed at the door. Mrs. Mitchell glanced at her son and walked toward the door. "Mom? You can't be seriously leaving? I need you?"

She turned back, but didn't stop. She kept walking until she was out of the apartment. Logan, who had been holding back his tears, finally let them fall. He couldn't take it. His mother just left him. "Dad! Please don't go! This wasn't a choice! I was born thi-" Again, he was interrupted.

"Don't you dare say you were born like that! I have no gay in my blood! I couldn't have raised a faggot!" Logan began sobbing. Kendall, who had been trying to keep his temper in check, exploded. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HE'S YOUR SON! YOU'RE HIS FATHER! WHAT DOES IT MATTER THAT HE'S GAY?"

""Don't speak to me, faggot!" He turned and left the apartment.

Kendall stood there stunned until Logan's sobs finally pulled him out of it. He rushed to Logan's side. The smaller boy was sobbing uncontrollably, his whole body shook with the force of his sobs. "Common, Logan, he'll come around. Remember what happened with my dad? It'll be okay. Don't worry. It'll be okay."

Kendall continued to comfort him. Eventually Logan was half asleep there on the floor. Kendall picked him up like a baby and carried him to bed. As he turned around to change, Kendall heard something that broke his heart.

"Papa."

* * *

**A/N: Ugh, I didn't really know how to write Logan's dad's reaction so I kinda winged it. Poor Logan. It'll get better soon!...I think….or maybe not. Stupid indecision.**

**Yes, the title is that song in Yentl. I kinda ignored all the religious stuff in the song and then after that the song actually fits with this chapter. Well, it actually is gonna fit for the next few chapters, but I'll put it for this one.**

**Well here's today's QOTC: Do you think Logan's parents will come around, like Kendall's dad?**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	34. Chapter 34 Spark

**Chapter 34 Spark**

**A/N: SOOOO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG! LET ME EXPLAIN! I PROCRASTINATED AN ENTIRE MONTH'S WORTH OF HOMEWORK FOR NOVEMBER! I ENDED UP PULLING TWO STRAIGHT ALL-NIGHTER'S TO CATCH UP! THEN I HAD MARATHON TRAINING ON THE DAY AFTER THAT AND LITERALLY CRASHED FOR THE REST OF THAT DAY! SORRY! BUT I'M GLAD TO SAY THAT I'VE CAUGHT UP TO EVERYTHING AND CAN NOW UPDATE REGULARLY! ONCE AGAIN SORRY!**

* * *

Kendall rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow as the annoying tune continued to sound throughout the entire room. After a good minute of endless ringing, he decided to pick up his cell phone. He blindly tapped around the nightstand before finally finding his phone.

"Hello." He muttered groggily.

"_Kendall! It's Kelly! What happened! How did it go?_"

Kendall, still sleep-deprived, couldn't figure out what she was talking about. "How did what go?"

"_How did it go with Logan's parents?_"

Kendall inwardly groaned. "It didn't go so well, Kelly. His dad blew up on him and his mom just sat there and listened before she walked out on us completely."

"_Oh…that's horrible. Is he okay?_"

Kendall sighed. "He was crying. It's wasn't pretty."

"_Jeez, how could they be so awful after their son got raped?_"

It finally came to him. "Wait…we didn't get a chance to tell them! Logan only came out and then his dad went all ape-shit, but he never told them about the rape! Kelly, I gotta go. This might work!"

"_Alright, but make sure you guys are back at the studio at noon!_"

"What time is it now?"

"10:30."

"Alright, we'll be there."

Kendall hung up the phone and finally noticed he was in an empty bed. He turned around, but Logan was nowhere in sight. The blonde made his way out of bed and out of his room. Even the living room and kitchen were empty. 'Where did he go? He shouldn't be walkin around alone like that.'

Mrs. Knight walked into the living room in a robe. "Honey? What's wrong? You should be sleeping, you don't have to be at the studio until noon." Kendall ignored the question. "Have you seen Logan?" Mrs. Knight frowned. "No, I just woke up to make breakfast. Why? Is something wrong?"

Kendall grimaced. "His parents came yesterday and he told them about us and then they freaked out and then he cried and then they left and then he cried a lot more." Mrs. Knight gasped. "What? How could they do that? Did you boys tell them about the rape?" Kendall shook his head. "We didn't get the chance to. They left before we could get the word in."

Kendall's mother rubbed her temples. "How could they do that? I can't believe this. Jonathon maybe, but Claire?" Kendall nodded. "I know. His mom kinda tried to defend him when his dad dropped the f-bomb, but he told her to go wait in the car and she did." Kendall fell on the couch. Just telling her about what happened was making him tired.

He reached blindly around him for the blanket, but couldn't find it. 'Hmmm…wasn't there a blanket on there last night?' "Mom, did you put away the blanket or somethin?" Mrs. Knight shook her head.

'Maybe…' Kendall didn't finish the thought. He just automatically went into action. He pulled on a hoodie and left 2J, leaving Mrs. Knight behind with a migraine.

He jogged down the hall and into the elevator. The anxious boy jabbed the button and the small space rose. It finally came to a halt and he exited the elevator to enter a small janitor's closet. He climbed the ladder into a small room with a door. Hand on the door, he prayed that he'd find his boyfriend there on the other side.

Without another moment's hesitation, he opened the door to be blinded by the sunlight. After shielding his eyes and recovering from the harsh daylight, he noticed a small lump near the ledge. He crept closer, heart pounding, step by step, until he was only a few feet away.

Kendall scanned the lump before noticing a tuff of brown hair sticking out of the blanket. Then he noticed the slow pulsing, which meant the lump was breathing. Kendall crouched down and pulled the blanket away to find Logan, bent in a fetal position, fast asleep.

Kendall let out a sigh of relief. He lightly shook the smaller boy. Logan muttered unintelligibly before finally waking up. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Kendall kneeling over him. "Hey, babe, wake up. What are you doing up here?" Logan didn't answer.

He sat up and leaned against the ledge looking down at his hands in his lap. Kendall lifted his chin with his hand and looked into his eyes. What he saw startled him. At first, they were the same deep rich brown, but then they almost shaded over, as if a little light in his eyes died. Then he could've seen a little spark. Before he knew it, Logan was glaring at him…or rather, through him.

"L-Logan? Logan. Logan!" Kendall began shouting frantically.

"WHAT?" Logan shouted back irritably. Kendall flinched. Logan never yelled at him like this for no reason. "Logan, you're scaring me. W-what's wrong?" Logan's eye's narrowed ever so slightly. He scoffed coldly.

"What's wrong? What's. Wrong? What's wrong is my parent's just fucking walked out on me! I told them I was gay and they fucking left me like that! After everything I've ever done for them! After seventeen years as a family! After fourteen years of my hard work to make them proud! I thought I meant more to them, but I guess I was fucking wrong! What's wrong is that they fucking left me because I'm a fag!" Logan's breathing had become slow, but loud. Seething.

Kendall couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. Logan, who rarely cursed or yelled, was cursing and yelling and looking so furious. And more importantly, he was cursing, yelling, and looking furiously at _him_. Kendall was at a loss for words. He couldn't find anything else to say other than "I'm sorry."

Logan's eyes softened. Kendall never apologized unless he really was at fault or unless he had nothing else to say. The smaller boy knew it was the latter. "K-Kendall, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was just so angry at them. I still shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Logan looked up again to see that Kendall wouldn't look at him. He had his face turned to the side, looking down, eyes watering. Guilt took over Logan. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Kendall's torso, burying his face in his hoodie. "I'm sorry, Kendall."

Kendall's body relaxed and he let out a breath. "It's okay. I get it. You're mad." Kendall petted Logan's hair with one hand and reached his other arm around his waist. He tightened the hug just a bit before they pulled away and leaned against the ledge together with the blanket wrapped warmly around them. The late November, early morning air impressed Kendall a bit. It was nothing like Minnesota, but it was close.

"So why were you up here?" Kendall questioned cautiously as they cuddled together. Logan let out a visible misted breath. "I woke up and started thinking about what happened yesterday. It really hurt. But then I realized that they had walked out on seventeen years of being a family. I started to get mad. I kept thinking and kept on getting angrier with them. I came up here to scream. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just yelled at the top of my lungs. I just needed to get it all out. None of it could've been said with words, but it made perfect sense when I was screaming. Do you know what I mean?"

Kendall shook his head with a chuckle. Logan smiled and slapped his chest playfully. "Anyway, now I'm not sad anymore. I'm just really, really angry." Kendall nodded slowly. Logan continued. "I know my parents. They're not gonna come back. My dad's too stubborn and my mom's too afraid of him to do anything. But even if they weren't like that, they still wouldn't come around. They're too afraid of what people back at home would say. That's what they always cared about. Keeping a clean image is really important to them. Having a gay son…that would only cause rumors and gossip and stain their image."

Kendall felt a surge of anger. He didn't want Logan to forgive his parents, but maybe if they knew about the rape, they would let Logan back in and Logan would be happy again. It was worth a shot. "But you didn't get to tell them about what happened. Maybe if you tell them, they'll forget about all that and help you."

Logan turned to Kendall. "Do you really think that would work?" Kendall nodded despite his slight doubt. "Yeah, I mean how could they not?"

Logan contemplated the option for a bit. "M-maybe…" Kendall looked at him hopefully. "Alright, I have nothing to lose since they already hate me." Kendall pulled him even closer. "No they don't, they just don't understand. But you wouldn't know what that feels like would you? You're too smart."

Logan rolled his eyes and Kendall just kissed his temple.

* * *

**A/N: Sooo…what did you think? I didn't like the ending so much cause it felt like a loose end, but I gotta go so yeah… Again, sorry I haven't reviewed in so long!**

**Ummm a couple of things I need to say.**

**I listened to the entire Big Time Rush song for the first time and I can't believe I never heard the bridge before! It's definitely the best part!**

**Also I recently discovered that Famous wasn't an original song. It was a cover of a song called Famous by a Swedish Girl Band called Play. I listened and I admit it was pretty awesome. They were both awesome in their own ways. I like both. I just thought I'd mention this because a lot of people accused BTR of plagiarism which really upset me…I mean common, who's that stupid to think they could get away with that? It was a cover!**

**Watched 90210 today. YAY! TEDDY KISSED IAN! INSPIRATION FOR A NEW STORY! I have a whole list of new story ideas, so expect more after this one ends!**

**Wow…long A/N…sorry!**

**QOTC: Do you think the Mitchell parents will come around after hearing about the rape?**


	35. Chapter 35 Lovers

**Chapter 35 Lovers**

**A/N: Sorry I couldn't update yesterday. I just had no motivation, but here is the next chapter! :)**

**Thank you for all the reviews! :)**

**Hope you enjoy! :)**

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It had been about two days since Logan's episode on the roof and Kendall was growing worried. Ever since that spark on the roof, Logan had become rather distant. He only spoke when spoken to, and when asked about his sudden lack of amusement, he would just put up a façade.

Logan and Kendall never cuddled or kissed or even held hands since that day. At first, Logan wasn't aware that he was ignoring everyone. He'd just carry out through the day thinking to himself. He was planning. He was putting up protective barriers, so he wouldn't get hurt again. He was neglecting Kendall, he realized. He felt horribly guilty as they lied in bed. Both on different ends of the bed.

Kendall rolled over on the bed and huffed. 'He's all the way on the other end of the bed…again.' Kendall was being patient, though. He knew it was hard for him. His parents just left him and he completely broke down, now there was a small chance that things could be right. 'But if they don't…' Kendall couldn't finish the thought because someone called out his name.

"Kendall? Are you awake?"

He realized it was Logan. "Yeah, I am." Logan's body stiffened as if he had been hoping that Kendall was already asleep. But Kendall _was_ awake, so he _had _to say it now. "I'm sorry." Kendall's eyebrows knitted together. "For what? You haven't done anything?"

Logan still wouldn't turn around to look at him. He remained where he was, on his side, back to Kendall. "That's just it. We haven't done anything. I know you have needs, but-" He didn't finish his sentence when he felt the bed shift again.

Kendall was supporting self with one arm and stared down at Logan, who _still_ wouldn't turn around. His voice was soft and soothing as he spoke. "Hey, don't say that. I don't care about sex. If you aren't ready, then I'll wait."

"You make it sound like I'm a virgin…" Logan returned almost too quietly. _Almost_.

"Is that what this is about? Is that why you've been so distant over the last few days?" In the low city light shining through the window, he could make out the paler boy's head nodding. His heart broke.

"Logan, I don't care if you aren't a virgin. In my eyes, you're still the same innocent, cute, amazing Logan from Minnesota." Kendall frowned a little. He had just lied. At the moment, Logan wasn't like himself, but Kendall knew why and he was patient. Logan's head lifted ever so slightly off the pillow.

"A-are you?" Kendall was caught off guard by the question. "Am I what?" Logan swallowed and finally sat up. He placed his hands in his lap and stared down at them. "Are you a virgin?"

Kendall knew what he meant the first time, but he just needed to stall to figure out how to tell Logan. He needed to be careful with his words. Logan was already too vulnerable. After finally giving up on trying to find the right words, he gave up. After letting out a sigh he answered with the simple answer that his mind had provided..

"Yes." And he was telling the truth.

"Oh…" Kendall watched Logan cautiously, searching for any indication of anger. Instead he just saw the same expression he had on all night. Scared and guilty.

Logan sat there with one word running through his mind over and over again. _'Yes. Yes. Yes._" Tears fell onto his hands when the realization of what Kendall had said settled in. He put his face in his hands and wept. Kendall was mentally kicking himself as he sat there watching Logan cry. He looked down, guilt sweeping over him.

He reached out to hold the weeping boy, but Logan pulled away. "Don't! Please don't! I don't deserve it!" Kendall frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't deserve you! I'm dirty!" Kendall's frown grew and he reached out again, only to have Logan pull away even further. He didn't realize how close he was to the edge and ended up falling out of bed.

"Logan!" Kendall crawled over and peered over the edge of the bed to find Logan in a fetal position. Kendall immediately flew off the bed and tackled Logan so that he wouldn't try to pull away again. He pulled them into a sitting position and hugged Logan tightly, speaking over his shoulder. "Logan, I don't care that you aren't a virgin! I don't care if we don't have sex! I love you! Okay? I. Love. You. That's all that matters."

"B-but-"

"No, Logan! Listen to me. What he did to you was rape. Rape doesn't count as sex in my book! You're still a virgin to me. Don't argue with me, Logan!"

Logan hiccupped a few times and his crying finally ceased. Kendall stroked his back in long soothing motions.

After a moment of silence, Kendall pulled away and placed his hands on the smaller boy's shoulders, staring into his eyes. "Logan, in my eyes, you'll always be the same precious, innocent person that I will always love and protect."

Logan nodded. But he still felt guilty about one other thing. "But that still doesn't give me a reason for not giving you sex…"

Kendall sighed again. "Logan, I love you. You love me, right?" Logan nodded. "Then that makes us lovers! We don't need sex to love each other. I told you, only when we're _both_ ready."

Logan smiled. He latched himself onto Kendall in a huge embrace. "Thank you, Kendall." Kendall chuckled. "You don't have to thank me. I didn't do anything." Logan, tired of arguing, climbed back into bed, followed quickly by Kendall.

For the first time in a few days they cuddled together, again. Kendall was on his back as Logan rested his head on his chest. Kendall knew it was late, but he still had another question. "Was that all that was upsetting you?"

Logan shook his head gently. "Not really."

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

Logan let out a sigh. "I've decided that I'm not going to cry." Kendall's expression showed his confusion. "Logie, everyone cries. Even me."

"Yeah, but I mean I'm not gonna cry if they don't let me back in tomorrow. You were right. If they want to give up on me, that's their loss. We've been through seventeen years as a family, and if they want to throw it all away, I won't cry."

Kendall was glad to hear that Logan was being strong, but he couldn't shake his uneasiness. Something in his tone just didn't sit right with Kendall. He prayed he was just being paranoid.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I was listening to Just a Dream by Nelly while writing this, which really helped!**

**Darn it! BTR performed today at the Citadel Outlet Mall a little south from LA! UGH! It was at 5pm which was like…30 minutes ago! Darn it! I frequent that place all the time, but I couldn't go today cause my parents work and I don't own a car…or a license…plus it'd look weird for a guy to be there in the crowd of girls…yeah that totally would've outed me. But I still wish I could've gone! I'm gonna regret this forever…or at least until I become famous and end up dating Logan:) LOL Gotta stay optimistic, OptimisticlyHeartbroken that is! See what I did there? Lol!**

**QOTC: Did you think Kendall was a virgin BEFORE reading his answer?**

**PLEASE REVIEW! THANK YOU! :)**


	36. Chapter 36 Errands

**Chapter 36 Errands**

**A/N: Okay first off I'd like to thank DNOBSESSED for dedicating the first chapter of Scars to me! And thank you to JillEsterNapier91 for dedicating that sexy chapter of Kendall Are You Queer to me! These thank you's are a little late, I know, but THANK YOU!**

**THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE REVIEWING! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!**

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"_Hello?_"

"Mom, it's Logan. "

"_Logan…_"

"Look, don't say anything yet. I want you and dad to come by later today. We need to talk. You didn't let me finish. There's some stuff that you need to hear."

"I_-I don't know…your father is still very upset about what you did._"

Logan's blood boiled. 'What I did? What the hell is that supposed to mean? All I did was tell them the god damned truth!'

"Mom, please. I don't want us to be like this. You're my parents! You need to let me explain!" His words were filled with so much emotion. His mother couldn't turn him down.

"_I'll do what I can…but don't expect a miracle. You know how your father is._"

Logan let out a relieved sigh. "Thanks, mom. Listen, I don't wanna tell you any of this over the phone so I'm gonna hang up now. I'll see you in a bit."

His finger on the end button, he stopped himself when he heard more. "Logan wait!"

"Yeah mom?"

"I- I just want you to know that I love you."

'Ouch_._' Logan almost didn't know how to respond. He felt betrayed. If his mother loved him so much, why didn't she just defend him? "Y-yeah ok mom. L-love you, too. Bye."

Logan hung up the phone before his mother could get another word in. He set down the phone and let out a sigh. The genius boy walked into the bathroom and gave himself a hard look in the mirror. "Remember Logan, you are _not_ going to cry. You are _not_ going to get there won't be a reason to cry or get hurt…right?"

The reflection in the mirror did nothing to reassure him. It only displayed his clear doubt. Logan sighed and just left the bathroom. Kendall was downstairs at the pool, and he wanted him to be there.

* * *

Logan walked through the lobby and finally came to the doorway leading to the pool area. He glanced around not wanting to have to walk around the pool to find Kendall. He just wanted Kendall…no one else. He spotted the blonde boy lying on the sun bed next to Carlos.

Logan was about to go up to them when he realized Kendall was asleep. Guilt hit Logan as he realized how much he was draining from Kendall. And it wasn't even in that sexual way. Kendall was always staying up late, waking up early, running around, carrying.

Any other person would've been dead by now, or have dropped Logan thinking he wasn't worth it. But Kendall…that boy was amazing. Logan turned to leave. 'Maybe I should let him rest. I can probably get through this on my own.' Logan began to walk away from the pool.

Carlos had noticed Logan standing in the door way. It was pretty obvious he was looking for Kendall. Carlos turned his attention to his sleeping leader. "Kendall!" Kendall bolted upright. "What? What's going on? Where's Logan? Is he okay?" He turned his head frantically searching for said boy.

Carlos chuckled. "Dude, he was just standing in the door way. I think he was looking for you, but he saw you sleeping so he left."

Kendall stiffened. "He's looking for me? What time is it?" Carlos checked his red G-Shock watch (1). "It's…4pm. Why?"

Kendall sighed out in a little relief. "His parent's should be coming around five so that Logan can tell them about the rape."

Carlos immediately sobered from his cheery mood. "He went into the café I think. You go talk to him. I'll get James. We'll wait in the apartment for the shit to hit the roof. Then we can all swoop in to comfort Logan."

Kendall's raised an eyebrow. "You make it sound like his parents still aren't gonna come around after hearing about it."

Carlos shrugged. "His parents are doctors. They're not stupid. They know that getting rape usually doesn't turn you gay. If they didn't like the idea of him being gay in the first place, they won't change from hearing about this."

Kendall stared at Carlos for a minute. "I hope you're wrong." Kendall got up and made his way to the Palm Café. Carlos yelled after him, "I hope I'm wrong too!"

* * *

Carlos sighed and got up to look for James. It wasn't hard. He just scanned the pool for a small crowd of swooning girls and even some guys. Carlos pushed through the crowd to find James in the center, like he knew he would. "Dude, we gotta go. Logan's parents are gonna be here in an hour." James immediately stopped his story and they rushed off to 2J, leaving behind a small crowd of disappointed people.

* * *

Kendall turned down the hall and entered the dim café. He scanned the room searching for his boyfriend. H wasn't hard to find. Logan was standing there in line, his body vibrating slightly. It had been a warm day, so Kendall knew it wasn't from temperature. He slowly approached his jittery boyfriend.

"It's a bit warm for coffee, don't you think?" The smaller boy jumped at the voice. Logan whipped around to find Kendall with hands stuffed in his pockets. "Don't do that! I nearly had a heart attack!" Kendall chuckled. "Why are you getting coffee?"

Logan shrugged, forgetting he was annoyed by Kendall's surprise. "I had some free time so I figured I'd go check up on Adam. Haven't seen him in a few days." Logan redirected his attention to the line in front of him. It moved up by one person. They took a simultaneous step forward. "That still doesn't explain the coffee." Logan stared at him like the answer was obvious. "I needed an excuse to go see him. I can't just go for no reason."

Kendall chuckled. "Such a girl." Logan pouted. "Such a…a…I hate that I can't say anything mean to you." Kendall smirked. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." They reached the counter and Logan ordered three orders of coffee.

* * *

The two headed up to the first floor. IT was silent as they walked down the corridor. Logan tried to find conversation, but couldn't find anything appropriate for the moment. Kendall just walked on, unaware of the silence. He figured Logan just didn't want to talk. The two finally came to apartment 1J.

Kendall knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Another knock, no answer. This occurred as odd to Logan. Where could he be. Kendall knocked again. And again, there was nothing. Not even the sound of Maisy scratching at the door.

Logan sighed. "I guess he's not home. What a waste of coffee." Kendall, not being able to stand seeing Logan sad, grabbed the cup of coffee and chugged the whole thing. It had cooled down enough for chugging while they walked up the stairs to the first floor.

Logan stared at Kendall curiously. The protective boy just grinned cheekily and began moving. 'Just stay optimistic. Logan doesn't need a tired, grumpy, douche right now. He needs optimistic, happy, fun Kendall.' Kendall thought to himself.

* * *

Logan and Kendall entered 2J and walked to their room. Logan lied down on the bed and shut his eyes. Kendall glanced at him worriedly. Before he could say anything, however, James and Carlos popped in.

"Guys, Adam came by and dropped off a note for you." Carlos held out a folded sheet of paper. Kendall took the paper and unfolded it. He sat down on the bed where Logan had sat up so that he could read the note.

_I went out of town. Had some things to take care of. Don't worry. I'll be back in time for the trial. John's already told me the date and time. Don't worry about me, I just need to run some errands._

_-Adam_

The two stared at the note with confusion. "I wonder what he's doing?" Kendall asked. Logan shrugged. The entire room was suddenly filled with a tension. They all remained still, awkwardly.

The doorbell rang.

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**A/N: Okay so yeah, cliffie I know! But I am waaay to distracted to write anymore. Not my best work. Sorry. Next chapter should be up tomorrow. Finally have my schedule worked out!**

**This chapter was totally going somewhere, but I ended up with a filler...**

**And yeah I wrote Adam out of the story for a while, but it's all part of my plan! EVERYTHING. IS. UNDER. CONTROL!**

**QOTC: What do you think Adam's doing? I already know what he's doing, but I wanna know what you think :)**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	37. Chapter 37 Maybe So

Chapter 37 Maybe So

**A/N: Sorry, I know I said I'd have this up by yesterday, but my schedule went haywire again.**

**Anyway…THANK YOU TO ALL MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS! THIS STORY HAS REACHED OVER 200 REVIEWS A FEW DAYS AGO! THIS IS A LITTLE LATE, BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY! YOUR REVIEWS ARE AWESOME!**

**I made sure this chapter had extra "umph!" to it! It's the best I've done in a while! HOPE YOU ENJOY! THANK YOU THANK YOU!

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**

The doorbell rang.

Logan's body went still. His fingers went into fists, knuckles turning even paler. Carlos and James glanced nervously at each other. James rested a hand on Logan's should. Logan flinched, but stayed where he was. "Logan, we're here for you. Do you want us to stay in the room with you guys?" Logan shook his head. He stood up. "Can you guys stay in hear? This'll be quick."

James and Carlos, already walking on egg shells, nodded compliantly and sat down on the bed. Kendall got up and started walking toward the door. He was in the door frame when he felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him back.

Kendall turned around. "What's wrong, Logie?" Logan willed himself to look at Kendall in the eyes. "C-cn you stay, too? I just need to do this alone." Kendall wasn't as compliant as James and Carlos. "Logan, I want to be there for you. You don't need to do it alone."

Logan shook his head. "Yes, I do. I need to do it alone."

Kendall tried again. "But I want to be there for you."

"And you will…when I get back." Kendall huffed. Logan took it as an "okay". The door closed behind him and Kendall sat down on the bed, pointedly. With another groan he let the rest of his body fall onto the bed. With his eyes still closed, he felt something thump his stomach. Picking it up, he opened his eyes to find that he was holding a walkie talkie.

Kendall knew exactly who to look to. Carlos shrugged. "We figured he was only gonna let you go, but join the party." Kendall stared down at the walkie talkie. 'Could I really invade in his privacy like that? Yes. He needs me to.' Just as he was about to turn on the little device, he realized he didn't need to. Yelling and screaming erupted through the apartment.

* * *

Logan opened the door after a few deep breathing exercises he read about. There outside his apartment, was his father. "What did you want, faggot?" Logan remained still. He was _NOT_ going to show any fear. "Where's mom?"

Jonathon Mitchell's mouth twisted with disgust. "_Claire_ is already back in Minnesota. I made her go back. She shouldn't have to come here and look at what a failure you are. In fact, I shouldn't either, so hurry up so I can leave."

Logan turned around and walked back into the apartment. He didn't know what to do now. His entire plan was messed up! He thought he'd at least be able to guilt his mom and then have her stand up for him, but now everything was messed up. Logan walked slowly into the living room, his head trying to tinker up a plan.

They reached the living room and just stood there. "Well?" Logan turned around to meet his father. The man had his chin up, looking down at him, even though he was only a few inches taller than Logan. This did nothing to help Logan's inability to come up with a plan.

"I was raped." He let out, when he realized there was no way his mind could come up with a plan.

"…"

"Last month, I went out for a run. This guy, he grabbed me. I tried to get away, but he shot me in the leg. And then…he raped me." Logan retold the incident for what seemed to be the millionth time, trying to hold back tears.

"…"

"Dad, please say something." Logan looked back up at his dad who was…chuckling.

Logan tilted his head in confusion. Something that didn't happen very often. "W-what are you laughing at? Th-this isn't funny! Did you hear what I just said? I got raped!"

His father finally sobered himself. "Of course it's funny. Well, more like ironic. The faggot got raped by a man! I bet you liked it didn't you? You're disgusting."

Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He just told his dad that he got raped and the man was fucking laughing! His blood began to boil. The tears he was holding back, completely vanished. "I can't believe this. I just told you I got raped, and you're laughing? What kind of father are you?"

Mr. Mitchell sneered. "I told you, NEVER TO CALL ME THAT! You are not my son! No son of mine would ever be a faggot!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're still fucking mad about that? After I just told you I got FUCKING RAPED? I can't believe you! Do you even feel ANY PITY? ANY SYMPATHY? ANYTHING? Does me being gay, really bother you that much?" By now, Logan's fists were balled up again and he longer felt any sadness or anxiety. Just anger. Ferocious, white-hot anger.

"OF COURSE IT DOES! FAGGOTS LIKE YOU ARE WRONG! THEY GO TO FUCKING HELL! I COULD NEVER, _NEVER_ FEEL ANY LOVE FOR A FUCKING QUEER LIKE YOU!" This only increased Logan's anger.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT!" The argument eventually reached screaming point.

"DON'T CALL ME YOUR FATHER! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!"

Logan scoffed. "YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE ALMOST RIGHT! YOU WERE NEVER THERE! YOU WORKED ALL THE TIME AS SOON AS MOM QUIT HER JOB TO TAKE CARE OF ME! YOU CAME HOME LATE EVERY GOD DAMN NIGHT WHEN I WAS ALREADY ASLEEP!"

Logan was livid as he remembered how life was like back in Minnesota. "But you know what made me think you still loved me? You'd come in every one of those nights to check on me! Sometimes I woke when you closed the door on your way out! That's how I knew you loved me! Even though you were never home! Even though we fought a lot! But, _why dad_? Why did it all change?"

He didn't even realize it, but tears were streaming down his face now. Whatever chance that speech had at changing his father's mind was completely blown away as soon as the tears came. "THINGS HAVE CHANGED! YOU FUCKING LEFT FOR OVER A YEAR! YOU LEFT AND WENT TO THIS GOD DAMN HELL HOLE THAT TURNED YOU INTO A FUCKING FAG!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL GOING ON ABOUT THAT! GOD DAMMIT! DADS ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEIR SONS NO MATTER WHAT! FOR GOD'S SAKES! _KENDALL'S_ DAD ACCEPTED _HIM_!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO COMPARE ME TO THAT SCUM BAG!"

"NO DAD! I CAN'T COMPARE YOU TO HIS DAD! NOT BECAUSE HE'S A SCUM BAG! NO! IT'S BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE DID TO KENDALL AND HIS FAMILY, HE STILL ACCEPTED KENDALL! HE CAME BACK FOR FORGIVENESS AND THEN HE ACCEPTED KENDALL FOR WHO HE WAS!"

This was the reason why he didn't want Kendall there. Using Kendall's dad in the argument was his last resort. He didn't want Kendall to hear him talking about his dad, especially what he was about to say.

"HE DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE! HE REGRETTED IT! HE CAME BACK AND WAS DESPERATE FOR KENDALL'S FORGIVENESS! HE WAS PROBABLY SO DESPERATE, THAT HE WOULD'VE DONE ANYTHING! I GUESS THAT FUCKING INCLUDED ACCEPTING HIS SON! IS THAT WHAT IT TAKES? IS THAT WHAT IT _FUCKING_ TAKES?"

Logan stared at his father. His face was a mix of anger, grief, guilt, and desperation. The man just turned. Mr. Mitchell walked all the way over to the door. He opened it and twisted his head to look at Logan. "Maybe so." With that, he left the apartment.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Logan…**

**So? How was that?**

**QOTC: What did you think was more wrong? Kendall eavesdropping (he was planning on doing it with the walkie talkie anyway, but didn't need to)? Or Logan saying that about Kendall's dad?**

**Hope you enjoyed! :) Please review! :) Just in case you didn't know, anonymous reviews are also accepted! :)**


	38. Chapter 38 The Wildfire That Was Logan

**Chapter 38: The Wildfire That Was Logan**

**A/N:SOOORRRRRYYYY! I haven't updated in almost a WEEK! SO BUSY! Well…I was pretty busy, but I'll admit I had some free time…but I spent that time watching the first two seasons of Skins…THANKS TO "Ranorexic" for introducing me to it!**

**This had extra extra "UMPH!" to make up for my crap schedule! SORRY! HOPE YOU ENJOY!...but I didn't get to edit so there may be a few mistakes grammar-wise.

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**

Logan was frozen in his place in shock. His usually quick mind, just wouldn't cooperate. He stood there in the living room staring at the front door. Seconds became minutes, as he continued to do absolutely nothing. He could hear the sounds of the people down at the pool, laughing and cheering. It slightly irritated that they were so happy, as if they were mocking him.

That tiny little spark of irritation, however, was enough to light the fuse leading to his fury. As his mind finally registered what happened, his hands clenched into fists and his teeth gritted. 'He left…again. _Again_. This was the second time he fucking _left_! The _last_ time.'

His entire form was trembling now with the force of the furious waves coming over him. He needed to let it out. He needed to yell! Scream! Break something! Anything! Blinded by his anger he ran around the room, leaving destruction in his path. Coffee table overturned, couch kicked surprising strongly to the other side of the room, picture frames smashing on the ground.

He felt a hand on shoulder. Before anything else could have the slightest chance at happening, he swung around and struck the person behind him.

* * *

James, Carlos, and Kendall sat anxiously on the bed. They hadn't needed to turn on the walkie-talkie when Logan was his dad were yelling, but now things were quiet. 'Too quiet.' Thought James. Carlos seemed to have read his mind because then he said, "Maybe they're starting to work it out."

Everyone wanted to believe it, but they knew it was hardly the case. James glanced at Kendall who hadn't said a word. "Kendall, you okay, man? You know Logan only said that cause it was like a last resort right?" Kendall nodded. "But that's not what I'm worried about. Logan's been-"

_CRASH! SLAM! SHATTER!_

Kendall shot up from the bed and ran towards the catastrophic noise that would lead him to what he was most worried about. James and Carlos followed behind.

The trio burst into the living room to see their best friend on a rampage. This was exactly what Kendall was worried about. He had noticed that Logan's demeanor since his spark on the roof. Ever since that day, the glint of anger never left his eyes. After hearing what Logan had said yesterday, he knew Logan was a ticking time bomb. All he needed was a reason to light himself. Here came his father. What better reason? Now that bomb went off and stated the wildfire that was Logan.

"Logan!" Carlos cried out. But the rampaging boy couldn't hear him. James tried also, but to no avail. Kendall ran over to Logan and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder just as he was about to flipping a side table.

Logan, blinded with white hot anger, swung around and punched Kendall on his cheek. Blood flew from his mouth as his head swung to the side, no doubt from a lost tooth or two. The sound was utterly spine chilling.

James and Carlos could only watch as Kendall fell backwards, almost in slow motion. They hurried to his side, kneeling down to inspect the damage. Logan was now seething and breathing extremely heavily. James looked up at him in pure horror. He had never seen his friend like this. Teeth and fists clenched, mouth pulled back in a terrible snarl, face red with anger, such hostility in his usually kind and gentle brown eyes. Now those eyes were shaded over, dark…almost black.

James shrunk back as Logan seemed to make a move to hit him. James kneeled with his eyes squeezed shut, waiting for the impact. But it never came. He slowly looked back up. Logan seemed to soften slightly, as he watched his best friends cowering away from him. _Slightly_.

He made a mad dash for the front door and just ran. Ran and ran, he just had to get away before he hurt anyone else.

* * *

Kendall slowly opened his eyes. "W-what happened? Agh!" Pain shot to his right cheek. Mrs. Knight pushed back down so that he'd be lye still on the bed. James stepped in and sat down beside Kendall. "Logan freaked and punched you." Kendall nodded slightly in understanding. "Where is he?"

James glanced at Mrs. Knight. She nodded, figuring he should know. "He ran away after he hit you. Still hasn't come back." Kendall shot up again, ignoring the pain from the sudden movement. "WHAT?" Mrs. Knight tried to push him back down, but he stood up. Ignoring his mother's protests he pulled on a sweater and grabbed a blanket. Without a word, he ran out the door.

He didn't have to wonder where Logan would be. Kendall ran as fast as he could. Logan needed him. He had to hurry. Who knows how long he'd been out, while Logan was alone?

Up the elevator.

Into the small room.

Up the ladder.

Out the door.

Kendall burst into the night sky. "Logan!" No answer. "Logan!" No answer. "Logan! It's me! A-are you here?" Again, no answer.

Kendall doubled over with his hands on his knees breathing heavily. 'Was I wrong? Crap, what if he's not here?' Kendall was about to come back the way he came when he heard something. The noise was miniscule. Too quiet to be heard when he was breathing so heavily, but he heard it now. He stopped in his tracks, straining his ears for another noise. Soon enough, there was another. Kendall walked around the roof until he was on the opposite wall from the door. There leaning against the wall was Logan.

Kendall slid down the wall to sit next to Logan. The brunette just continued what he was doing. He picked up another pebble and threw it at the ledge, enough force to make it hit the ledge, but not enough to go over and hit someone. After a few minutes, Kendall cautiously spoke. "Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing." Logan still had a light glare, but it was nothing compared to the full on snarl from earlier.

Kendall continued to push. "Doesn't look like nothing."

Logan stopped throwing rocks and just sat there. "There. I'm not doing anything." The smaller boy still looked forward, not daring turning to Kendall. "Look, I just don't wanna talk about it right now."

Kendall shrugged. "Okay." Kendall sat in silence. '3,2,1…'

"It's just that he left again. He didn't come around. But I wasn't sad about it! I was just so fucking pissed! I didn't know I could get that mad before! I started breaking things and throwing things and-…sorry about your face."

Kendall chuckled. He wrapped an arm around Logan and wrapped the blanket around them. "I get it, you were mad and you wanted to take it out on something or someone. I would've volunteered if you hadn't done it already."

"I'm really sorry."

"It's fine."

"But I'm really sorry."

"I mean I'm really, really, really –"

"Sorry!, I know!"

The two stared at each other seriously for a few seconds before they both cracked up. Logan laughed and Kendall tried to, but stopped immediately when the pain came back. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Logan stopped and examined Kendall's cheek. There was already a nasty purple bruise. It wasn't swelling, but it was a dark purple shade. A corner of the bruise was also slightly bleeding. Apparently, the punch tore some skin. "Kendall! Oh my god! I didn't mean to I swear! I'm-"

Kendall just leaned over and kissed the blabbering genius. "Sorry."

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**A/N: Horrible ending to this chapter, but yeaaahh…**

**Again, sorry for the delay! Been busy like hell though! I'm performing in my school's winter concert tomorrow and have been rehearsing A LOT!**

**SORRY!**

**QOTC:…I don't have one for this chapter…**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	39. Chapter 39 Comic Relief

**Chapter 39 Comic Relief**

**A/N: Oh my god! Is it really 2pm? Man…I got like 14 hours of sleep! I am so so so so sorry sorry for not updating in a week! I was gonna post this a few days ago, but there was power outage here and the file was completely lost! It'll take me a few hours to get it exactly like the way it was…and even so…it's still a filler. Just need some comic relief. Things were too depressing to me.**

**Still hope you enjoy this filler.

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**

Logan and Kendall made their way back down to 2J silently. Kendall opened the door and they slipped into their room without being noticed by the other occupants of the apartment. "We'll deal with it tomorrow. Let's just get to bed." Kendall had said.

And so they went to bed. Logan, still feeling guilty for hitting Kendall, tried to stay a bit away from him, but Kendall just grabbed him and cuddled. Logan allowed himself to relax and sleep came upon them.

The annoying ring sounded throughout the room. 'Ugh! Where is that damn phone?" Logan pulled himself out of Kendall's arms and scrambled around the room in search for the source of the racket. By the time he found Kendall's phone it, the call had already gone to voicemail.

"_Kendall, it's Kelly. We're only a few days from being on Oprah so you guys need to get to the studio so we can work out what you'll be saying. Be here by 11am!_"

Logan groaned again. He had completely forgotten about their appearance on Oprah. Not feeling up to talk, he sent Kelly a quick text.

"Kelly, its Logan…Got ur voicemail. Will be thr."

Putting the phone down, he climbed back into bed and just watched Kendall sleep. The bruise had dramatically healed over night. It was no longer swollen or bleeding. There was a small scab and the coloring was still the same ugly purple, but the size had reduced to that of the circumference of a soda can. Ever so gently, Logan touched the bruise, in awe at how much damage he had done.

Kendall's eyes fluttered open at the touch. "Morning, Logie." Logan smiled shyly. "Morning Kendall." Kendall propped himself up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his hands. "How you holdin' up?" He turned to look at Kendall through half lidded eyes when he got no reply. The brunette just sighed. "Better. Not angry anymore. Not sad either, fortunately. Just casual I guess. Not gonna go around feelin' sorry for myself am I?"

Kendall smiled. "Good. I'm glad your handling this well. But you know it's ok if you feel upset. And you can always come to me when you do. I'll let you hit me again any day." Logan frowned at the joke. "_Kendaaall!_ I'm not gonna hit you again! That first time was an accident by the way!" Kendall chuckled. "I'm just sayin'!" Logan giggled. To Kendall it was like listening to angels sing. He missed the sound of Logan's happiness. "Whatever, Kendork. Kelly says we gotta go to the studio at 11."

"Got it. Let's go get some food, I'm starving!" Kendall leapt out of bed dragging along Logan by the wrist. "Yeah, I know. We completely skipped dinner last night, didn't we?"

"You bet your ass we did! Common! Hurry up!" Kendall exclaimed as he opened the door.

"Alright, alright! Jeez, you and your-" Logan stopped abruptly as they entered the living room. He remembered going on a rampage, but he never knew he was capable of such damage. The couch was all the way on the other side of the room. The coffee tables were over turned. Picture frames littered the floor, their shattered glass everywhere. Hell, he even punched a small hole in the wall!

"Oh my god! Did I really do all of this?"

"You sure did." Logan jumped, practically into Kendall's arms, at the voice. "Mama Knight! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! I'll pay for all of it to be fixed I swear! That's it! I'm grounding myself! No more books, no more T.V., no more video games! Aw man! I'm so sorry M-"

"LOGAN!" The aforementioned boy stopped groveling, half-way from falling onto his knees and begging. With his arms still in the air, from frantic emphasizing, he looked up. Kendall snickered from his posture. It was if the scene had come straight out of a comedy show.

He pulled his boyfriend up straight. Mrs. Knight smiled with sympathy. "Logan, sweetheart, it's alright. You're going through a lot. James and Carlos told me about what happened yesterday. You don't have to punish yourself. It's perfectly understandable. Just make sure you clean it up, that's all. Why don't you boys get Carlos and James up while I make some breakfast, hm?"

Logan nodded and hugged Mrs. Knight. "Thanks, Mama Knight. You're the best!"

"I know honey."

Kendall cheered at the sound of food. "Pancakes, mom?" Mrs. Knight chuckled. "Of course. Chocolate chip, Logan?" Logan beamed and nodded vigorously. Kendall opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted. "Plain pancakes, I know, Kendall. Now go get the other two!"

The two nodded and walked back down the short hallway, only about 10 feet. At the end of the hallway was their room, on the left wall was Mrs. Knight's and Katie's, and on the right wall was James 's and Carlos's room. They looked at each other seriously and nodded.

Slowly, they opened the door. Stepping closer and closer, they turned to each other again. Logan smiled. They hadn't done this in a while. He missed it. Kendall smiled back, with that mischievous glint in his eyes. They turned their backs to each other and gripped the bed sheets under the sleeping boys. "3,2…"

"ONE" Logan yelled. They both yanked causing Carlos and James to fall off the bed. Logan turned and grabbed Kendall's hand. "RUN!"

And run, they did. James and Carlos quickly recovered and ran after them. The four ran into the kitchen giggling and yelling. Mrs. Knight turned around, holding six plates full of food, just in time to save Kendall and Logan from being pummeled. James and Carlos both stopped in their tracks when they realized Mrs. Knight was there.

They punched the couple on the shoulder as they made their way to their seats, Logan and Kendall just snickering away. Mrs. Knight peered over their heads to see Logan and Kendall's bedroom, door wide open, beds (or rather bed). "I thought I told you boys to kept your beds separated?"

It was now James's and Carlos's turn to snicker as Logan choked on his juice and Kendall flushed. "MOM!"

Mrs. Knight put her hands on her hips. "Don't you 'mom' me. I told you I wanted those beds separated." Logan finally recovered from his coughing fit with the help of Kendall. He shot James and Carlos a look, who lowered their snickering. "Mrs. Knight, I swear, we're not…we're not…please don't make me say it."

James decided to crack a joke. "Do what, Logan? I don't understand." His mock innocence was incredibly obvious. Kendall shot him a look, but when he saw his mother's amused expression he relaxed slightly. Logan however did not see her expression.

"Mrs. Knight, I'm really really really sorry! I know you told us not to, but Kendall and I figured it'd be ok if we just didn't…didn't…do anything so we went behind your back and pushed the beds together. I'm really sorry and totally understand if you ground us or make us switch rooms! Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

The room was silent for a minute. Kendall looked at Logan as if he were mad. He did _not_ want to switch rooms. James and Carlos burst back into laughter. After another minute, Logan looked up cautiously at Mrs. Knight. To his surprise, she was smiling. "Logan, it's ok. I know you boys aren't doing anything. You aren't grounded and you can leave your beds like that."

Logan let out a sigh of relief. Kendall slumped back in his seat. Unfortunately, Mrs. Knight was still a mother. "But _if_ you boy's do decide to do something, at least be safe."

"MOM!"

More laughing fits from James and Carlos.

Logan flushed again.

"I'm just saying. If you decide to do something…and I'm not saying what…just be safe." Then she scanned the room to make sure Katie wasn't listening. She leaned forward and looked seriously at Logan and Kendall. Quietly she whispered. "Use a condom."

Logan nearly fainted.

"MOM!" Kendall yelled.

James and Carlos fell out of their chairs and laughed on the floor.

Mrs. Knight continued. "I'm serious! If you need money, just ask. Or if you're too embarrassed to buy them, I could always just go and-"

"EW! MOM! I'm _not_ gonna have you go buy condoms for us!"

"Why not? All I need to know is which size-"

"MOM!"

"Hmmm, who's going to be wearing it? I want to make sure I get the right-"

"!" Everyone turned to Logan. The poor boy was bright red. "We'll be fine thank you."

Mrs. Knight shrugged. "Ok. I'm off to work. You boys behave…and remember what I said."

She left the kitchen. Logan and Kendall face palmed as James and Carlos sobered themselves.

"That was waaay too awkward." Logan muttered.

"No kidding! My _mom_ just told us she'd buy us condoms!"

Logan shuttered. "Can you believe what she was asking?"

James grinned. "Speaking of which, who's the top and who's the bottom here?"

"I bet Logan's bottoming." Carlos snickered.

"JAMES!" "CARLOS!" They both yelled at the same time.

"What? I'm curious." He smirked.

Logan composed himself quickly. "First of all, that is none of your business. Second of all, even if we had already decided, we wouldn't tell you. And finally, WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX!"

They all looked down at their food displeasingly. It wasn't so appetizing anymore…except for Carlos who had a mouthful as he mutter, "Yet."

James burst back into a laughing fit as Kendall and Logan just got up and left.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, ok,I know. This was complete shit. Shitty, shitty, filler. No worries, I'm back on track for real this time! Just really needed some comic relief. Been raining non-stop here in Los Angeles and it's really depressing. Plus the story was really depressing where it left off too. Didn't want everything to be too depressing.**

**Next chapter will be up tomorrow, I promise! I have a lot of time now that I'm on Winter Break so I'll update regularly. I have a couple of major projects and tons of Math HW, but that can wait. I'll make sure I get a chapter up each day!**

**QOTC: Who do you think would top and who would bottom? No explanations please, just a simple answer ;P**

**Hope this made you laugh! If the weather is crappy in your area I hope this cheered you up!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**AAAGGGHHHH My neighbor's internet sucks and my dad won't get us our own! The storm is really not helping the already weak signal either! If I had a better internet source this could've gotten to you an hour ago!**


	40. Chapter 40 Hopelessly Optimistic

**Chapter 40 Hopelessly Optimistic**

**A/N: Yeah…see the title for this one? No idea why I did that…lol!**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! THEY WERE IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER! OMG! HAVEN'T DONE THAT IN A WHILE! YOU GUY'S ARE SOOOOO AWESOME! XD**

**Hope you enjoy! :)

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**

Logan, Kendall, James, and Carlos were silent as they entered Rocque Records. James and Carlos walked away from them giving them some space. Logan and Kendall sat down on the couch. Kendall could see that Logan had become uncomfortable. James and Carlos were busy chatting on the other side of the waiting room. He turned back to Logan.

"Hey, relax, we're just practicing. It's not the real thing yet."

Logan took a deep breath. "I know. It's just…I almost forgot about this. I mean, I guess I was too distracted with my parents and everything. But now that we're going in to practice what I'm gonna tell the world, it just…just…"

"Feels real again?" Kendall inquired.

"Yeah. I don't want to do this Kendall. I don't want to deal with any of it. Just…no more."

"Logan, you know why you need to do this." Kendall wrapped a comforting arm around the smaller boy's shoulder.

Logan leaned into Kendall. "I know…but look at how bad things already got. So far I've cried more than I have ever cried in my life in the last few weeks, we had to stop all of our band work, my parent's abandoned me..." Tears began to slip down his cheeks again. "I-I just want it all to go away."

Kendall kissed his hair. "I know, Logan, I know. But you gotta tough it out a little bit more, okay? I promise, it'll all be over soon."

The door to Gustavo's office opened and Kelly appeared. "Guys, we're ready."

Everyone walked in. As Logan stepped through the door Kelly asked him. "Logan, how are you holding up?"

Logan did his best to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. "Better, I guess."

Kelly nodded and smiled with genuine concern. "That's good to hear."

They all sat down and Gustavo started. "Alright, so we've already decided that Logan would be the only one coming out." He turned to Kendall. "_Right?_" Kendall crossed his arms and grumbled. "Right."

Gustavo nodded. "Now as for your appearance on O-"

There was a knock on the door. Gustavo let out an exasperated breath. "What?"

The door opened and in walked Mr. Darrow. Gustavo's mood lightened. "John, did you find anything we could use at the trial?" Mr. Darrow nodded, but his expression was grim.

Before he began, Mr. Darrow pulled out a laptop from his brief case and proceeded to type things on it. "I'll need a minute to set this up. In the meantime, Logan how are you doing?"

"Fine…well, not fine. A little less than average. Hope you got good news." He didn't mean for it to sound as depressing as it did.

Mr. Darrow only frowned harder. "I'm afraid it isn't good news." Everyone frowned. Logan couldn't bring himself to speak anymore. Kendall bit his lip, trying to hold back the curses. Carlos just didn't know what to say. James spoke. "W-what is it?"

Mr. Darrow sighed. "After looking into this case I thought Wade Walker looked familiar. I was sure I'd seen him somewhere before. I just couldn't place him until I found this." He held a DVD case in his hand. "It's the first season of a television drama series. This was my ex-wife's. Anyway look at cover." Kendall took the case and peered down at it. There on the cover of the case was Wade staring right back at them.

Carlos was the first to speak. "Wait, so he's an actor?" Darrow nodded. "A very popular one too, during this show's time. The show was cancelled however two years ago and Walker never appeared on T.V. ever again."

Logan finally recovered from shock. "So what you're saying is that he's famous too right? As in there'll be people who will take his side?"

Mr. Darrow nodded. James remembered something. "That would explain how he afforded that apartment. I guess Adam didn't know about this either since he was so shocked when we saw the apartment."

Mr. Darrow nodded, taking in the information. "Speaking of Adam, is he here? There's something he could help us with."

Logan shook his head. "He left town a few days ago to run some errands. H-how could he help us?"

Mr. Darrow sighed. "Before finding this, I spoke with Adam about his father. He told me he and his father moved to California after his father was caught dealing and using drugs, sex trafficking, and child abuse. I tried looking for this on his file, but that's just it. I couldn't find his file."

Gustavo decided it was time to join the conversation. "Wait, how could he not have a file? Everyone has a file."

Mr. Darrow nodded. "Exactly what I thought. I found the DVD and saw something. There's a list of cast members on the inside of that case." Kendall opened it. "His not isn't on here."

"That's because he must've changed his name. Adam told me that they used to live in a small town. I'm assuming that town might have his file in their police station, but unfortunately Adam never mentioned where that town was."

Logan finished or him. "So now we're at an even bigger setback."

"Without Adam here, yes."

Logan got up abruptly and walked out of the office. Everyone stared at the closed door in shock. Kendall got up. "Kelly, can you drop off James and Carlos? I'll make sure Logan's okay." No one protested.

* * *

Logan walked out of the office and down the hallway. He rounded the corner before finally leaning against the wall and sliding down into a sitting position. He couldn't take it. It felt like there was no hope left. 'There's no way to win this.' He didn't know when it started, but he was crying. Logan didn't try to stop it anymore. He just sat and cried. He cried and cried and cried.

'What's the fucking point of all this? I'm gonna lose the damn case. Who the hell would believe me? _I_ wouldn't even believe me! There's no DNA to trace it back to him! There weren't any witnesses! To top it all off, he's famous too! Fuck!'

Logan was completely absorbed in his crying he almost didn't feel the dull thud that hit his leg. He looked up to see none other than Kendall sprawled face down beside him. The blonde groaned. "Logie, you have _got_ to watch where you put your feet." Kendall pulled himself up and sat beside Logan on the floor for what seemed like the millionth time.

Logan looked down. "Sorry." Kendall didn't have to ask to know why Logan was upset. He merely chuckled and went straight into the cheer-up-Logan-phase. "It's okay, I told you, if you ever feel upset, take it out on me."

Logan didn't look amused by the joke. "Please stop saying that. I don't like hurting you. It just happens. Sorry." Kendall rolled his eyes with a smile. "I know, Logan, I know. You're sorry."

Logan continued to look at his hands as he cried silently. Kendall slipped his hand in Logan's and pulled them up. He said nothing as he dragged the weeping boy though the building. "Kendall, where are we going." Kendall didn't say anything, he just pulled them out of the building and into the car.

"Where are we going?" Kendall shrugged. "Nowhere. I just figured we should try sitting in seats instead of the floor again." Logan nodded. "Look...I know I've been really weird lately and you're probably really fed up with it by now-"

"Logan, I'm not fed up with you. I can never be. I know you're going through a rough time. I wanna be here for you." Kendall smiled warmly.

Logan wrapped his arms around Kendall's torso, trying to get as close as he possibly could. They just stayed like this in the backseat completely silent, the only sounds were their own breathing and the rain pouring down on the car.

After a moment, Logan's tears finally stopped. "What's the point of all this? I'm only hurting myself and everyone around me. It's not like I'll win. No one would believe me. _I_ wouldn't even believe me."

Kendall sighed. "You really gotta stop putting yourself down like that. I believe you, Logan. So does my mom, Katie, Carlos, James, Camille, Kelly, Gustavo. All of our friends will believe you. All of our fans will believe you."

"That doesn't mean the court will. They can't just side with me because everyone else does. They need evidence. We have _none_."

"Don't worry, we will. Somehow, we will. I'll make sure of it."

"I'm hopeless."

"That's why you got me."

"Cause you're hopelessly optimistic."

"You bet your ass."

* * *

**A/N: Crap chapter, crap ending, I know…I didn't know how to end it so I just stopped.**

**Still hope you enjoyed it.**

**Yeah I'm gonna stop the QOTC's unless I really have something I need to ask you guys.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	41. Chapter 41 Edge of Desire

**Chapter 41 Edge of Desire**

**A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews! You guys are amazing!**

**Forgot to mention this yesterday: 40 CHAPTERS!**

**Hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

**

Despite Logan being the better driver, Kendall insisted on driving. He figured Logan was in no condition to drive, especially when it was pouring outside. The rain already made it difficult to see, add in Logan's post-crying blurred eyes and they just wouldn't make it home. Kendall on the other hand, although being not as skilled as Logan, could still see just fine. Logan didn't mind. It was nice to not drive for once. And so Kendall drove them home.

* * *

They entered 2J to find it empty. Logan glanced at the clock.

3:00pm

"You're mom's still working."

"Katie's probably off tormenting Bitters and James and Carlos probably took the limo on a joy ride." Kendall guessed.

Logan nodded. "Are you hungry? I'll make some lunch." Kendall's stomach growled at the sound of food. "Starving. Can't believe we skipped dinner _and _ breakfast!

* * *

Kendall and Logan sat in silence as they ate their clam chowder. It wasn't an awkward silence like one would think it was. There were just no words needed to be said. Soon they both finished their lunch. Logan washed the bowls. Kendall dried. Logan put them away.

The silence continued as they made their way to their room. They both changed into relatively similar outfits. Logan wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Kendall wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Kendall sat down in the middle of the bed holding out a hand to his beloved boyfriend. Logan smiled and took his hand.

Kendall pulled them into a sitting position with Logan leaning back against Kendall's warm torso, their fingers still interlocked. Kendall rested his chin on Logan's shoulder and they continued to sit in silence, listening to the rain hitting their window.

Silence. Sweet, comfortable, warm silence…

Kendall loved moments like these. Moments where Logan would just sit in his arms and they'd just stare blankly at the wall ahead of them. It was at this moment he realized how lucky he was to have Logan, even if Logan wasn't such a lucky person.

Kendall couldn't help, but wonder how he got so lucky. Logan was his best friend and love of his life. His friends and family accepted them. Things couldn't be any better if it hadn't been for that one incident. But Kendall wouldn't let himself think about that. He wouldn't spoil the moment with that thought.

Then it came to him. _That _was how he realized his love for Logan. That song he had heard on Logan's iPod. Kendall reached beside him with his free arm and fished out his iPod from the nightstand. Logan noticed the motion.

"What are you doing?" Kendall said nothing as he searched his iPod for the song. He had downloaded it after that life-changing moment. When he finally found it, he held out an earpiece to Logan. Curious, Logan put it in his ear. Kendall pressed play.

_**Should've kissed you there  
I should've held your face  
I should've watched those eyes  
Instead of run in place  
I should've called you out  
I should've said your name  
I should've turned around  
I should've looked again**_

Logan turned to Kendall. "I didn't know you liked this song?" Kendall smiled. "How could I not. This was the song that made me realize I love you." Logan blushed. They continued to sit in silence, listening until the song finished.

Kendall spoke. "We need a song." Logan furrowed his eyebrows and sat up, turning his body sideways to look at Kendall. "What?"

"We need a song. All couples haves songs. What's ours? This one?"

Logan contemplated it. "I think it's really sweet why you like this song, but…"

Kendall finished for him. "You're right, sounds too depressing. Let's keep looking."

Logan leaned back against Kendall as the taller boy held out the iPod in front of them. Kendall scrolled down the list of songs. "Wait, go back! How about that one?" Kendall scrolled back up. "Which one?" Logan touched the name of the song and the music began pouring out of the earpieces.

_**Young and full of running**_

_**Tell me where's that taking me**_

_**Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity**_

Kendall immediately recognized the song. "Edge of Desire?" Logan nodded. "Y-you don't like it?"

Kendall smiled. "It's perfect. This is definitely our song."

They lied back down. Kendall on his back, Logan snuggling into his side. Kendall restarted the song.

_**Young and full of running**_

_**Tell me where's that taking me?**_

_**Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity**_

Kendall smiled at the last line. He knew for sure Logan wasn't a figure eight. Their relationship was definitely a tiny infinite, lasting as long as they lived.

_**Love is really nothing**_

_**But a dream that keeps waking me**_

_**For all of my trying**_

_**You still end up dying**_

_**How can it be?**_

Kendall tighten his hold on Logan as if to say, 'I'm not letting you die.'

_**Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me**_

_**'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see**_

_**I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe**_

_**There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me**_

Logan couldn't believe how much this song meant to him. It made him realize how much he really did love Kendall. He really would go back on his beliefs just for him. It scared him how much power Kendall had over him. How much power Kendall had over…_him_. Kendall could've had anyone else, but he chose Logan. 'What if he forgets me?'

_**So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire**_

_**Steady my breathing, silently screaming,**_

_**"I have to have you now"**_

Logan propped himself up on his hands and stared down at Kendall, who stared back. Taking in a few deep breaths, Logan leaned down. One arm fisting Kendall's shirt, the other holding him up. Logan leaned down.

_**Wired and I'm tired**_

_**Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor**_

_**Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours**_

Kendall supported himself up with his elbows and met Logan's lips, knowing the shy boy wouldn't take the full initiative. They shut their eyes and let themselves become devoured by the want. Kendall's sucked on his lower lip, and then with a small nip, Logan parted his lips allowing Kendall's tongue to roam inside.

_**Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me**_

_**'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see**_

_**I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe**_

_**There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me**_

Kendall reached an arm up to pull Logan closer by the back of his neck. Logan, being completely inexperienced, just allowed his tongue to be led by Kendall's. Their tongues danced together. Kendall's, strong and leading. Logan's, nervous and following. And it worked. The kiss was perfect in that it was imperfect. Completely opposite forces colliding, attracting, melting into each other.

_**Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me**_

_**'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see**_

_**I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe**_

_**There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me**_

As the song ended, Kendall ripped the headphones and iPod away and tossed them aside where they fell off the bed onto the carpet. Logan tugged desperately at the hem of Kendall's shirt. Kendall propped them up into a sitting position and pulled off his shirt as Logan marveled at each inch of skin that came into view.

Logan looked down to pull off his own shirt and realized he had at some point straddled Kendall's waist. Kendall noticed Logan staring down at his hands with a death grip on the hem of his shirt. Kendall caressed his face with both hands, thumb rubbing his cheek. "Hey, we don't have to do this if you're not ready. Don't push yourself. I can wait." His voice was soft and hushed, soothing.

Logan shook his head, flustered. He felt embarrassed to have been the one starting things, only to have them end like this. No, Logan refused to let it end like this. He wanted Kendall, needed to be closer to him, as close as the universe would allow.

"No, I want to. I want to go farther. I want to be as close to you as possible. I just…I just…" Logan didn't know how to put it in words without ruining the moment any further. He wanted to make love to Kendall, but just couldn't relive the feeling. The feeling of being invaded, of being used.

Kendall seemed to have read his mind because then he said. "How about you uh…ya know…do me?" Logan blinked. "What?"

Kendall smiled. "I know how you feel about this, I get it. You don't wanna go through that again yet. So, just take control."

He hadn't expected that. By being with Kendall, he assumed he'd have to be the bottom. But here Kendall was, just offering to let him dominate. It only made Logan love him more…and feel more guilty. "Kendall, I'm sorry. I know you're nothing like-"

Kendall quieted him with a quick peck. "Hey, don't worry about it. Just don't think."

Logan nodded. Kendall took a hold of the hem of Logan's shirt. His eyes flickered up to Logan's and the smaller boy raised his arms to allow Kendall to pull off the shirt. Kendall leaned forward to recapture Logan's lips. His mouth traveled down his jaw line and finally rested on the paler boy's neck.

Kendall sucked and lapped at the skins, placing small nips on the pulsing artery. Logan whimpered at the sensation. Kendall shivered as he felt small, cold fingers on his warm, bare chest. After one last nip Kendall pulled away, blowing on the bruised skin causing goose bumps for the smaller boy. It was a deep contrast against such pale skin.

Logan, recovering from the initial embarrassment, started to take some control. He push back on Kendall, causing the blonde to lie back down. Logan entangled his fingers through Kendall's hair and began kissing him again. This time, however, Logan took charge. His tongue fought for dominance, eventually winning.

Kendall was becoming more and more turned on by Logan's control. His erection poking Logan's stomach. At first he worried that Logan would freak about it, but then he felt something poking against his thigh. He broke off the kiss and ground his hips against Logan's. The boy on top gasped.

Wanting to make Kendall his, Logan nipped on Kendall's collarbone, eliciting a moan from the taller boy. Kendall's hands made their slow journey down Logan's sides, finally coming to the waist band of his sweatpants.

Before he took it any further, Kendall managed to let Logan finish the work he was doing on his neck. Logan pulled away looking satisfied with the mark he left. Kendall stared up into his eyes. "Are you completely sure about this?"

Logan nodded. "But I should be the one asking you."

Kendall placed a peck on his lips and whispered. "I'm sure. I'd do anything for you Logan."

Logan shut his eyes. Kendall's hot breath on his lips was almost too much. "I love you, Kendall."

"I love you, Logan."

Kendall pulled down Logan's sweatpants along with his boxer-briefs, tossing them to a random corner in the room. Logan, not wanting to be the only one naked, tugged at Kendall's shorts. Kendall raised his hips, allowing Logan to pull them off with his boxers.

Then Logan remembered something that made his eyes go wide. "D-do you have a condom?" Kendall shook his head. "W-we don't need it." Logan frowned. "But-" Kendall interrupted him. "Logie, there only two main reasons for a condom. To prevent pregnancy and STD's. Both of which aren't possible here. I'm not a girl, I've never had sex, and they already tested you for STD's remember?" Logan nodded. "O-okay."

"D-do you have any um…lubrication?" Kendall shook his head. "I didn't think we'd be doing this yet. You were the one who started it by the way." Logan flushed.

"It's okay, just go slow alright?" Logan nodded.

Logan backed down Kendall's body, kneeling between Kendall's legs. Leaning forward he entwined their fingers and kissed Kendall again. Kendall spread his legs a little wider, allowing Logan more access to his entrance.

Logan pressed his tip at Kendall's entrance. He glanced back up at Kendall. The taller boy just nodded. "Do it." With that, Logan began to push himself into Kendall. He managed to get the head in before Kendall let out any noise.

"Ahh." Logan stopped. "Sorry! Are you okay?" Kendall did his best to smile. "Yeah, just a little slower." Logan began pushing in, slowly. "Don't stop, no matter what noises I make. Just go." Logan kept pushing himself in. He reached up and gripped Kendall's cock, trying to distract him from the pain. It seemed to work. Logan pumped Kendall slowly, until he finally got his entire length inside of him.

Logan looked up at Kendall. "A-are you okay?" Kendall smiled and kissed him. "Yeah, just gimme a sec." Logan waited. He tried to stay perfectly still, not wanting to hurt Kendall. After a moment, Kendall's expression and hole began to relax. "Logie, you can move now."

Logan nodded. Slowly he pulled back, biting back a moan. He was almost all the way out when he began pushing back in. After a few more pumps he looked up at Kendall. His face was contorted with discomfort, but at the same time he was trying to keep a smile on. Logan frowned. He wanted this to be good for Kendall, too. Remembering what he read in his medical books, Logan tried angling his hips differently as he pushed back in again.

Nothing.

He re-angled and pushed back in.

Slightly _more_ discomfort for Kendall.

He re-angled and pushed back in.

Kendall gasped.

_'Bingo._'

Logan pulled out gain and pushed back in at the same angle hitting Kendall's prostate dead-on. "Logie, more." Logan smirked, but complied. He began thrusting faster, every time making sure he hit Kendall's prostate.

Kendall couldn't believe the sensations he was feeling. One moment he was in pain and discomfort, the next…_WOW_! Logan seemed to be hitting some magical spot inside of him. He wrapped his legs around Logan's hips pulling him closer. "Ahh, Kendall, I'm close!"

"M-me too! Faster, Logie!"

Logan's thrusting became erratic as he began to lose control. He gripped Kendall's cock and began pumping, determined to make Kendall cum first.

"Ahh, Logie! Harder! So close! Ahh!" Kendall was moaning loudly.

After a few more thrusts and pumps, Kendall erupted shouting Logan's name. "_Logan, I'm cumming_!" Ribbons of white came shooting from his cock, painting himself and Logan white.

Logan couldn't hold it any longer. Seeing Kendall orgasm plus the sensation of his inner walls clenching and unclenching was just too much. Kendall knew his lover was close. "Logan, inside. I wanna feel you cum inside me!" Kendall moaned, his orgasm being extended by Logan's dead-on thrusts. With one last pump he released inside Kendall, moaning his name, filling him with volley after volley. "_Kendall_!"

Coming down from his orgasm, Logan collapsed on top of Kendall. The bigger boy welcomed him with strong arms wrapping around him.

Exhausted, Logan pulled out of Kendall and plopped himself back down beside Kendall, cuddling into him. After some deep pants, Kendall caught his breath. "Logan, that was amazing!"

No response. "Logie?" Kendall turned to his side to see Logan fast asleep cuddled into his side. Kendall kissed his head and pulled the comforter over them. 'I'll tell him he was amazing tomorrow.'

* * *

**A/N: So how was that? I figured I'd have the sex scene now, cause I don't think Logie would be emotionally able to have sex after what happens in the next few chapters. If it didn't happen now, it probably would ever have.**

**I feel so dirty lol. First sex scene ever! First thing I've ever written that was even remotely erotic!**

**I hope you guys enjoyed it! :)**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	42. Chapter 42 Post Euphoria, Preshow Nerves

**Chapter 42 Post Euphoria and Preshow Nerves**

**A/N: SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! One, two, three…ok that's seven! One for each day I didn't update. And here's an extra so you'll REALLY want to forgive me: SORRY!**

**I couldn't Update on Christmas Eve cause well…it's Christmas Eve! Oh and my family decided to go to Las Vegas…on Christmas Day. And it's not like I have relatives there. I was only born there, but nothin else. My family just likes to gamble. Spent Christmas in a car for five hours. Oh joy. I've been in Vegas since so sorry! I'm back now so I'll be able to update! ONCE AGAIN SORRY!**

**PLEASE ENJOY :)**

* * *

Kendall woke up the next morning with Logan still cuddled into his side. He sighed contently, replaying last night's events in his head. He turned once more to his beloved boyfriend and kissed the top of his head. His messy sex hair tickled Kendall's chin. Looking down Logan's body, Kendall saw the evidence of their love making. Both he and Logan were covered in dried splotches of Kendall's semen.

Kendall stepped out of bed wincing as soon as his feet touched the floor. His backside was still a bit sore. Toughing it out, Kendall moved to their bathroom. After cleaning himself up, he brought a wet washcloth back to bed. Lifting the covers off of Logan's torso again, he gently wiped away the traces of dried cum.

Logan's eyes fluttered. He awoke, feeling absolute bliss. After a few seconds he finally registered something cold sliding around his body. Logan turned to his left where Kendall was lying on his side, head propped up by one arm, his free hand wiping slow circles on him. "What are you doing?"

Kendall smiled. "Just cleaning up. I made a pretty big _mess_ yesterday." Logan blushed as his fogged up mind made sense of the joke. Kendall finished up and pulled the blanket up to cover Logan's cold chest. Logan lifted his head for Kendall to put his arm under and around his shoulder.

"D-did we really…have sex last night?" Kendall's eyes widened. 'Crap! He's regretting it!' He turned to Logan. "Yeah…we did. Do you regret it?" His voice was soft and un-accusing. Logan immediately slapped himself mentally for his poor choice of words. "No, no! It's just…I can't believe it."

Kendall sighed with relief, leaning back down. "I can't believe it either. _You_," he emphasized with a little shake and a kiss, "were _amazing_!" Through his blush, Logan smirked. "Really? I didn't take you for a bottom…and a loud one at that."

Kendall pretended to scowl. "I know right? And yes, you were." Logan beamed with pride. They stayed silent for a few seconds, reminiscing the passionate night. Soon, however, the silence was cut by Kendall's overwhelming curiosity.

"Who'da thunk butt sex would have been so…so…so awesome!" Logan snorted, but allowed Kendall to continue. "I mean, seriously! One second it was like really painful and uncomfortable, but the next…_WOW_!(1) I can't explain it. It's like you hit some button inside of me that unleashed all the pleasure!" Logan chuckled. "_That_ would be your prostate."

"My what now?" Logan gaped in disbelief. 'This is basic seventh grade health!' "Your prostate. Every guy has one. It a bundle of nerves. Super sensitive. It's, like, behind your penis." Kendall was amazed. "No way! Do you know what this means?"

Logan decided to humor him. "What would this mean, Kendall?" Kendall sat up. "Who says gay sex is wrong? If the prostate is located up your ass then that means nature intended us to have butt sex!" Logan snorted and began cracking up on the brink of tears. "Kendall, are you serious? I thought you were just kidding! We learned all of this in seventh grade!"

Just as Kendall was going to retaliate, James popped in with his hand over his eyes. "Are you guys decent in here?" Logan yelped and pulled the covers closer to himself. Kendall just stayed put with a huge grin on his face. "Yeah, we're good." James uncovered his eyes. He looked up at the two, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Kendall's grin curved into a smirk. "What's up, buuuuddy?"

"Jeez, you guys could at _least_ put a sock on the door next time." Logan flushed a bright pink. "You guys walked in on us! WHEN?" James put up in his hands in defense and grimaced. "What? Ew! Gross! We just came home and saw you guys cuddled up all naked."

"Oh."

"I think Kendall's mom took a picture of you guys. She said it was 'too cute'."

They bolted upright. "WHAT?" James nodded. Logan groaned and Kendall just shook his head.

It was silent for a minute. "So…you guys _did_ have sex last night?"

Kendall was still grinning like an idiot. "Yup!" This earned him a smack on the chest from Logan who had become an even brighter shade of pink. "James! What did you come in here for _other_ than to harass us?"

James chuckled. "Gustavo said to spend the day thinking and possibly writing down what you're gonna say tomorrow on Oprah." Logan recovered from his embarrassment. "What? I thought he was gonna do that?" James shook his head. "Apparently, there were some problems down on the set of Opera so he and Kelly are over there working it out. So you need to do it."

Logan sighed. "Alright. Anything else?" James smirked. "Who topped and who bottomed?" Before Kendall could answer, Logan clasped a handle over his mouth and through his pillow at James who was able to run out the door before it could make contact with his hair.

Logan turned back to Kendall. "Kendall, you _cannot_ just go around announcing that we just had sex!" Kendall put on his innocent face. "But why not? I just wanna tell the whole world, 'I just had sex with my boyfriend Logan Mitchell and I loved it!'"

Logan face palmed. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

Kendall's face lit up. "Can I come?"

"NO!"

"But Logiiiieeee, why not?" Kendall whined, giving Logan the infamous Knight puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, no you don't. I'm showering. _Alone_." Logan shut the door to the bathroom.

Kendall huffed. Pulling on some boxers and shorts, he made his way to the kitchen. James and Carlos looked up and snickered. "Laugh all you want boys, but _I'm _the one that got laid last night."

James and Carlos rolled their eyes at the statement. "Where's my mom?" Carlos shrugged. "Left before we got up. Katie's down at the pool." James leaned forward. "So dude, who topped and who bottomed?"

Kendall glanced over his shoulder. Logan was still in the shower. "Logan topped. I bottomed." Carlos nearly choked on his cereal. "No way!" James just cheered. "You owe me five bucks." Kendall raised an eyebrow. "You guys bet on that? More importantly, James, you bet that I'd bottom?"

James shrugged. "Logan's got you whipped, dude. Easy money." Kendall chuckled. "Can't argue with that. That boy's got me wrapped around his finger." Carlos's curiosity got the better of him. "So what was it like?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic! I'm tellin' ya, Butt sex is awesome. I mean sure, it was weird at first, but then it gets _good_! You should try it." Carlos grimaced. "No thanks, dude. I was just curious, but I'm not _that_ curious."

"Curious about what?" Everyone turned around to see Logan enter the kitchen. Kendall hopped up from his seat. "I'm gonna shower now. Bye!" With that, he ran for the bathroom. Logan turned to James and Carlos. "He told you guys, didn't he?" They nodded. Logan just flushed and slumped in his seat, hiding his face in his folded arms.

James and Carlos just laughed at his embarrassment. Carlos patted the smart boy on the back. "Didn't know you had it in ya, buddy!" Logan just groaned. After a few seconds, he lifted his head. "What's that supposed to mean?" Carlos feigned innocence. "Nothing." James, however, threw him under the bus. "He bet me that you'd bottom. I bet that you'd top though."

Logan punched Carlos in the shoulder. "Thanks, James." James shrugged. "Easy decision, easy money. No need to thank me." Logan chuckled through his blush. His face was a bright pink and his ears were a deep crimson. Carlos tried to defend himself. "Hey, I only bet on Kendall, cause he just seemed more likely to be the top. Nothing against you, Logan. It's still really weird to think of Kendall as 'submarine-ive'." Logan raised an eyebrow. "It's 'submissive' doofus. And I know, I was shocked, too. I wanted to have sex, but I still didn't wanna go through that again. Kendall understood completely and offered to take that part. He's really the best." James and Carlos nodded and everything was silent as Logan made himself some cereal until...

"So how was it?" Logan nearly did a spit take. He flushed deep crimson again as he turned to Carlos. "That's none of your business." Carlos pouted. "Awww common, Logie! _Kendall_ told us what _he_ thought of it!" Logan snapped his head back up to Carlos. "Really? What'd he say?" James responded. "He said it was 'fan-fucking-tastic'. Nice work, bud!" Logan beamed with pride as well as embarrassment. Kendall had already told him that he was amazing, but Logan (being his paranoid self) just wanted to make sure.

* * *

Logan, James, Kendall, and Carlos were hanging around in Logan and Kendall's room. Logan was sitting at his desk trying to figure out what to write. Kendall, Carlos, and James were sitting on the bed playing a friendly game of poker. Logan's eyes shifted from the blank piece of paper to the clock beside him.

11:00pm

"Damn it. I'll never get this done." Kendall took a look at his boyfriend. The poor genius was slumped in his chair, hands running through his hair. He turned back to his hand. 'Crap cards.' "Guys, can you give me and Logan some privacy. Let's just call it a night. We got a big day tomorrow." The two looked over at Logan and nodded.

"Night guys!" They called as they exited the room, closing the door. Kendall got up from bed and strolled over to Logan, wrapping his arms around the smaller boys neck from behind him. "What's wrong babe?" Logan sighed and held up the blank sheet of paper. "I'm too nervous about to tomorrow."

Kendall put down the piece of paper. "Forget the writing. Just speak straight off the top of your head. It'll be more honest and realistic. You don't wanna sound too rehearsed." Logan shook his head. "But-" Kendall grabbed his hand. "Common, I'll help you relax so you won't be so nervous and get some sleep."

With that, he pushed Logan down onto the bed and crawled behind him. Before Logan could protest again, Kendall had begun his work. His hands rested on Logan's shoulders and began rubbing and squeezing. Logan let out a little moan. "Ahh, Kendall…you have-ah-magic-sssh-fingers. Ohhh." He couldn't help the little moans and hisses that were elicited from his mouth, he was ticklish. "Shhh, stop talking and just relax."

Logan did as he was told and shut his eyes. After a few minutes he opened his eyes when he felt the magic fingers leave his shoulders. "What're you-" He was cut off by Kendall's lips. "Helping you relax. Now shh." Kendall dove for Logan's neck, aiming straight for the hickey he had left last night. As he sucked and gnawed on the already bruised skin, Kendall's finger's trailed down Logan's body.

He quickly undid all the buttons on Logan's button down shirt. His hands began stroking his sides, then continuing their descent. Down they went until they met the waistband of Logan's jeans. Kendall went to button them, when Logan's hands managed to stop him. Confused, Kendall pulled away from Logan's neck and stared at him with concern. "What's wrong?"

After finally regaining his breath he spoke. "We can't. You've been limping all day and Gustavo'll kill us if you do it tomorrow on Oprah." Kendall chuckled. "I know that…but there's more than one way to relax you." Kendall winked. "But everyone's home." Kendall went back to taking off Logan's pants. "Then we'll have to be quiet."

Before Logan could say another word, Kendall pulled down his pants and underwear. He blushed and turned away. Kendall cupped his cheek and stared into his eyes. "You don't have to be so insecure. _You're beautiful._" Logan turned an even darker shade of red. "You do realize that you're using a Twilight quote to reference my penis." Kendall laughed, glad to hear Logan was loosening up. "Just shut up and enjoy the blowjob, dork."

"The wha-" Kendall took Logan into his mouth causing the boy underneath him to choke on his words. "Ahh, K-Kendall." Kendall pulled off with a little audible pop. "Logie, you're gonna have to be quiet unless you want James and Carlos, or even worse my _mom_ and Katie, barging in here." Logan glanced at the door and frowned when he saw that it was unlocked. "Lock the door." Kendall shook his head. "Nope, it'll be more exciting. So be quiet."

Kendall went back down on him before Logan could protest again. Taking in as much as he could, Kendall hollowed his cheeks and began to suck as he came back up. There was a sharp intake of air from Logan as he placed one hand on Kendall's back and the other entangled in his hair. Kendall reached the tip and swirled his toungue around the head causing Logan to whimper. "Ohhh, Kendall…s-so good. Ahh."

Kendall head began bobbing up and down in Logan's grip. "Ahh, Kendall...oohhh...ugh...aahhh...ngh!" His hands traveled up Logan's body, one rubbing his stomach, the other reaching for a nipple. At the sudden pinch, Logan gasped and his hips bucked upward causing Kendall to choke a bit. "Ahh, Kendall…you're...oohhhh…driving me…_insane_!" Kendall moved the hand from his stomach to his hip, preventing Logan from bucking again as he resumed tweaking his nipple.

Logan's moans became louder. His hips bucked even harder. Kendall was barely able to keep the smaller boy down. 'Horny little bastard.' "Ngh, K-kendall, oohhh I'm s-s-ssooo c-close. P-pull off!" Kendall pulled off again. "No, I want to taste you. Cum for me baby." Logan fell onto his back, clutching the bed sheets for dear life as Kendall finished him off. The blonde dove right back on, going deeper then he had before. Kendall relaxed his throat and forced himself farther down on Logan's cock until he felt Logan's pubic hair tickling his nose.

Logan's eyes shot open at the sensation of Kendall's hot, wet, pulsing throat. "Aaaahhhh!" Kendall inhaled as he came up again. "Oooohhhhh!" It was too much for him. Logan grabbed a pillow and bit into it as he came, but even that wasn't enough to muffle him. "_K-Kendall!_" Kendall continued to suck on the head, completely draining the smaller boy. Pulling off, Kendall swallowed the entire load.

Kendall crawled over to Logan's face with a little smirk. "Relaxed yet?" Logan nodded. "But now I'm too tired to move." Kendall chuckled. "No worries, Logie. I got you." Kendall removed Logan's shirt all the way and put his boxer-brief's back on. Stripping down to his own boxers, Kendall picked his boyfriend up bridal style and carried over to his side of the bed.

Carefully tucking him in, Kendall then climbed into bed with him. "Thanks Kendall." Kendall chuckled. "It was _my_ pleasure, Logie. You're delicious," he said, kissing his fingertips for emphasis. Too tired to even blush, Logan cuddled into him falling asleep peacefully.

* * *

**(1) I wrote that sentence then felt like it was familiar. Went back to the last Chapter and _BAM! _there it was!**

**A/N: Yes I know…filler. The beginning was my attempt at comedy and the second half was my attempt at a blowjob scene…yeah…I actually found that I quite enjoy adding in all of Logan's noises! Lol!**

**OMG JUST SAW THE TRAILER FOR BIG TIME GURU! Nothin Even Matters is in this one! And might I say: Logan looks pretty damn hot. It's kinda predictable, though, that Kendall is probably gonna saty himself…you probably don't know what I'm talking about. Go watch it on YouTube now!**

**Just watched a few clips of the un-aired pilot of BTR. Curt Hansen was in Kendall's place. He was alright…but seriously? Skaters from Wisconsin…no Kendall…AND HE TOOK LOGAN'S WRAPPING PART IN "FAMOUS"! He's better off as Dak Zevon. **

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	43. Chapter 43 Oprah

**Chapter 43 Oprah**

**A/N: I apologize for not updating yesterday! I forgot my house keys and couldn't get back inside to write a single thing! Luckily my grandmother's house was a few blocks away. Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAMMA! (Nov.31)**

**I have no idea how the Oprah show works or what kind of attitude Oprah has. I don't watch her show. I just wrote what I assumed would be her.**

**The first half of this is just kindaa comical. Not hilarious, just light-hearted. The second half is more serious.**

**Disclaimer: Feel over-due for one. I own nothing! Not BTR, not Oprah, NADA!**

**PLEASE ENJOY!

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**

Logan woke up feeling as if he were on cloud nine for the second time in a row. "Hey, common Logie. We gotta get ready to go to the set." Upon hearing those words, Logan plummeted from his euphoric state. "Do I have to?" Kendall began shaking him. "Yes you do, now common. We're gonna be late. Don't wanna keep the great Oprah Winfrey waiting." The smaller boy groaned, but proceeded to get up. "Ok, I'm up. Let's go meet Oprah."

James burst into the room fully dressed and ready. "So who topped this time?" Kendall chuckled. "Just cause we had sex once doesn't mean we're do it every night." Logan nodded quickly. James scoffed. "My ears beg to differ. I think it was Kendall this time." Logan flushed a deep shade of red. "You guys heard me?" James's face turned serious. "Yup, and we couldn't get a wink of sleep even after you finished. I swear, if I have bags under my eyes when we're on Oprah I'll castrate the both of you with a butter knife...a very dull butter knife." Logan and Kendall shuttered at the thought.

James chuckled. "No seriously, who topped this time?" Kendall got up and began pulling on his clothes for the day. "Like I said, we didn't have sex." Logan sat on the bed praying Kendall wouldn't go on. 'Please just stop there. Please just sto-' "I just gave him a blowjob."

"Kendall!"

The blonde smirked. "It's not like you didn't enjoy it." James also smirked. "It definitely sounded like Kendall did a great job. Maybe you should reward him." Logan threw a pillow at him, which James was barely able to dodge, hair still perfect. "James!"

* * *

Mrs. Knight looked up to see her son and his boyfriend entering the kitchen. "Morning boys. Have some pancakes. You don't wanna be hungry later." They glanced at each other in relief. "Thanks." Everyone sat down and began eating.

After everyone finished, the four band members said their goodbyes. Mrs. Knight smiled. "Katie and I will be there in time to watch from the audience. We'll meet you boys later on." Just as they were headed out the door she called. "Oh, and Logan and Kendall, could you boys please try to keep the noise down at night?" Kendall nearly tripped, while Logan actually did. 'So close!'

* * *

As they stepped into hair and make-up, Gustavo found them and began giving instructions. "Dogs, today is uber important_**. DO NOT**_, fool around! I want you to be _polite_ to Oprah! I want you to say things that _**WON'T offend people**_! And remember _Kendall_! _**I DO NOT WANT YOU coming out today.**_" Kendall rolled his eyes. Gustavo went on. "Now, Logan, what have you written?"

Logan chuckled nervously. "Well, you see, I was really n-nervous yesterday so I couldn't think of anything, b-but I think we should just i-improvise. It'd make it seem more honest and-"

"**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…**like it." Logan blinked. "R-really?" Gustavo and Kelly looked at each other then back to Logan and nodded. Kelly spoke. "I think that's a good idea, too, Logan. The audience will definitely believe it if it comes straight from the heart."

Logan beamed. "Thanks Gustavo. Thanks Kelly." Before they could say anything else, the stage manager came in. Big Time Rush, you guys are needed on stage. We're about to start." They nodded and followed her down the hallway and onto the stage. "Alright, you guys just sit here on the couch. Ms. Winfrey will be here to explain the rest soon." They all nodded and took a seat on the white couch. Kendall sat at the end where another seat ,for one, was placed. Logan sat next to him. Carlos sat between Logan and James.

It wasn't Long before Oprah came and greeted them. "Hello boys, I'm Oprah Winfrey. You must be Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James. It's a pleasure to meet you, though I'm terribly sorry it has to be under these circumstances." Carlos was the first to speak…or rather take action.

He jumped up and wrapped Oprah in a tight hug. "Oprah! I'm a huge fan! Thanks for having us on your show! Logan's going through a really rough time so you're really awesome for helping!" Oprah seemed to be taken off guard by the hug, but soon hugged back. They pulled apart and she sat down. Everyone turned to Carlos with raised eyebrows. "What? Mama Knight made me watch Oprah with her one time and now I like the show."

Logan turned to Oprah. "Thank you for helping us out Ms. Winfrey. I really appreciate it." Oprah smiled warmly. "Please just call me Oprah. And don't mention it. Gustavo has told me all about the situation and what that man did to you was just awful." Logan thanked her again.

"So how is the show going to go?" Oprah turned to Kendall. "First we're going to show a video about who you boys are. It will lead into Logan's problem. From there we will introduce you. Then you'll get the chance to tell our audiences what's going on." They nodded in understanding.

A voice came on the intercom. "Show will begin in 5 minutes. Audience, please take your seats."

* * *

The show began as Oprah said. A video was played on the large screen behind them. Famous was played in the background as Oprah's voice narrated in the video. The video showed clips of Big Time Rush on tour, at concerts, and also showed pictures of them at meet and greets.

"_These four boys were hockey playing best friends from Minnesota until the famous Gustavo Rocque signed them as his newest pop sensation. The four boys moved to Los Angeles to pursue the American dream as a boy band. Big Time Rush soon became a success as the boys began touring and performing concerts, recording music, swooning fans upon endless fans, attending celebrity events. Life was set for these boys._"

The music changed to something a bit more dramatic and chilling. There was a slideshow of pictures of all four of them.

"_But what happens when all of it comes crashing down when one of the boys suffers from a traumatic event?_"

The video ended with Oprah's ominous words and a picture of them all smiling happily at the camera.

Oprah turned to the audience. "Please welcome to the show Big Time Rush. We have with us Kendall Knight, Logan Mitchell, Carlos Garcia, and James Diamond." She turned to them. "Would you please tell our audience why you are here today boys?"

Kendall was the first to speak. "We're here today because one of us went through a terrible incident." Carlos picked up where he left off. "We're here for our best friend-no, our brother." James picked up after him. "We're here today to support him through one of the hardest steps in solving his problem." Finally Logan spoke. "We're here to tell you, our fans, friends, and family, the truth in hope that you'll also support us through this struggle."

Oprah nodded. "Logan, I understand that you are the one that went through the event. Would you please tell us what happened?" Logan swallowed and nodded. "B-before I get to that, I'd like to tell the world something, if you don't mind." Oprah nodded and Logan continued. "In late of recent events, I think it's best that I tell you all my biggest secret. One I've been hiding all my life…I'm gay."

He winced at the gasps and murmuring coming from the crowd. He turned to look at them and noticed that over half of them happened to be teens, most of which were obviously fans. His stomach flipped as he imagined what they could have been saying.

The whispering finally came to a stop when Oprah had one of the light operators turn on the "Quiet" sign. She turned to Logan. "Please go on dear." He looked at her and took in a few deep breaths before nodding and continuing.

"Earlier this year…I met a guy and we started dating. Things kinda blossomed nicely. B-but then one night I went to go pick up dinner. It was a small restaurant in Lincoln Heights. I was standing around waiting to pick up my order when this man ran in. He had a gun and a ski mask on. He took the money from the cash register and turned on me. He pointed the g-gun at me and I gave him my wallet. When I looked at him…I thought it was the friend I had met."

"How did you know it was him?"

Logan sighed. "That's just it. I thought it was him, but I later found out it wasn't. At the moment, I really thought it was him. He had the same eyes, they were about the same height, he even sounded like him.

"I didn't speak to my friend for a week. It only made me believe it was actually him even more. But at the end of the week he approached me while I was alone at the Palm Woods pool. I completely freaked out and ran to our apartment. I was in hysterics and sobbing. Kendall was there and comforted me even though he had no idea what was going on. Carlos, James, Mrs. Knight, and Katie came in to find me sobbing. They had no idea what was going on so when my friend asked to be let in they allowed him to come in."

"Did they know that you were gay at the time?"

"N-no, I still hadn't come out. I also hadn't told them about the incident at the restaurant. So when my friend came in, I broke down. I just couldn't hold anything in anymore. I told him to go away. I asked him why he did it. I asked him why he dated me if he was just going to do that to me."

"And that was when they found out about what happened and your sexuality?"

"Yes. Carlos and James literally threw him out when they heard about this. He ended up with a broken arm."

To Logan's surprise the audience clapped at this. 'Maybe, this _won't_ go so badly.'

"How did everyone react to this news? It sounds like James and Carlos approved."

James spoke up. "We didn't care if Logan's gay. We've been best friends for a long time. We weren't going to let something like that get in the way of our friendship."

Carlos continued. "But Logan ran off before he could see us throw out his friend. Kendall had already run after him, while James and I got stuck in the elevator."

Kendall continued. "I think I was the only one other than Logan's friend that knew Logan was gay before that night. I was reading his texts one day and well…that's how I found out. Anyway, I found Logan and we went back to our apartment."

Logan nodded. "I didn't get their reactions until the next day. Mama Knight and Katie ,who are in the audience right now, fully supported me. James told me he was perfectly fine with it. And Carlos told me we'd always be brothers."

The audience awww-ed. Logan smiled at how well they were taking his coming out.

Oprah smiled. "That's wonderful that you have all these wonderful people supporting you…but that isn't the traumatic incident was it?"

The audience gasped when Logan shook his head. Oprah nodded and turned to the audience. "We'll find out more on this after the break."

Logan sighed in relief as they went on to break. Oprah turned to them. "Boys, you're doing a great job. We're going to take a break right now and we'll be back on in about three minutes." They all nodded and stood up to go over to Mrs. Knight and Katie.

Mrs. Knight hugged them all. "You boys are doing great. Logan do you think you can handle telling them what happened? Because if you do-"

"Don't worry Mama Knight. I'll be fine. I gotta get used to this. I can't keep crying over it." Mrs. Knight smiled at him. "Honey, it's okay to be upset sometimes, but if you really think you can do it then alright. Good luck." Logan hugged her again. "Thanks Mama Knight."

As they started walking back to their seats, Kendall pulled Logan to the side. "Hey, are you sure you can handle this?" Logan smiled. "Yes, Kendall! Don't worry, I'll be fine. A few tears here and there maybe, but that'll help us win the fans' side." Kendall nodded. "Fine. Let's go, they're about to start again."

* * *

"Welcome back everyone. So, Logan, tell us what happened after all of that."

Logan took a deep breath. "Well, I think this next part of the story is more in my friend's point of view. After hearing what I had said, he correctly assumed that the man who robbed me was his father. Enraged, he drove to his father's apartment in Lincoln Heights. He wanted to confront his father, but realized that he would probably be putting me in more danger so he just drove away. Unfortunately, his father must have followed him and found out about our relationship somehow.

"Anyways, it was late October when the um i-incident happened. I went on my morning run around 5:30. It was still dark outside and Kendall warned me not to go, but I didn't think anything would've happened. In hindsight, I really regret not listening."

Logan glanced at the audience and was somewhat glad that many of them were on the edge of their seats.

"I…I began running through the Palm Woods Park. After a while I looked behind me and saw this…this man. I thought it was just another jogger so I didn't really pay much attention. But when I looked again, he was even closer to me. I…god, I should have known right there that something was going on!"

Kendall wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Carlos rubbed his back. Oprah put a hand on his knee, rubbing it soothingly. "Logan, there was no way you could have known. Don't blame yourself for this." Upon hearing all this the audience grew wary of how serious the situation really was.

Logan closed his eyes and took deep breaths before continuing. "I kept on jogging until…he grabbed me and dragged me off of the path. H-he pointed his g-gun at me." Tears began falling from Logan's eyes. He quickly wiped them away with his fist.

"H-he said something. Said…my friend had great taste. Th-that was w-when I realized it wasn't my friend after all."

Oprah nodded, her own eyes beginning to tear up. "Logan, if you don't want to finish, I could tell them." Logan shook his head. "N-no, I have to do this."

"I don't know why…I think it I just panicked, but I tried to run. H-he shot my right leg. I knew I couldn't run anymore, s-so I begged. I begged him not to. I pleaded. I told him I had money, but he didn't want it. H-he only wanted one thing."

"What happened that day, Logan?"

"H-he raped me." Tears were flowing freely now, but he wasn't sobbing. The audience gasped. Some had even started to cry.

Oprah rubbed his knee again as she wiped away her own tear. "We'll be right back."

* * *

COMMERCIAL BREAK

* * *

"Welcome back. We just learned that Logan Mitchell of the band Big time Rush was shot and sexually assaulted." She turned to Logan who had stopped crying over the break. "Logan, I am terribly sorry to hear this. You are a sweet and very polite boy and this shouldn't have happened to you."

"Thank you." Logan did his best to smile.

"So tell us how you coped with all of this."

"Well, Carlos's dad was patrolling the area when he heard my screaming. The man ran away when he heard someone coming. He found me and took me to the hospital. Later on, he and Mrs. Knight came into my room. He told Mrs. Knight what happened and called the doctor in. It took both him and the doctor to convince me to take a rape kit.

"I still couldn't tell anyone else. It was just too humiliating. So I kept it a secret. Since Kendall and I share a room, the nightmares would wake him up too."

Kendall picked up where he started. "At first I didn't want to pressure him into telling us. I thought he'd eventually tell us. But he never did. He just kept quiet and grew distant. I finally had enough one day. I confronted him about it."

Logan spoke. "I wouldn't give up that easily though. I kept denying that something was wrong."

Kendall continued. "I finally managed to break him and he spilled everything. I comforted him enough for him to sleep."

James added his words. "That's when Carlos, Katie, a friend of ours named Camille, and I came in."

Kendall nodded. "I didn't want to tell them. It was Logan's secret, but it was already hard enough for him to tell me, one person. Logan needs his friends. So I told them."

Carlos spoke up. "I couldn't believe it. We all couldn't. I though, 'How could someone do this to our brother…to anyone?'. It was just horrible."

Oprah nodded. "You all seem to be very supportive of Logan. He's very lucky to have friends like you. Logan, I assume you've already told your parents about all of this. How did they react?"

Logan visibly flinched. He did _not_ expect to be asked about his parents. "I…they…I told them that I was gay and they exploded. Mostly my father. He took it the worst. They left and I was really depressed for a while. I just couldn't believe that they'd leave like that. I finally convinced them to come back so that I could tell them the rest. Only my dad showed up, though. My mom already went back to Minnesota. So I told my dad, hoping that when he knew that I was raped, he would come around. He didn't. He just laughed and called it ironic."

"I'm so sorry. That's horrible." Oprah apologized.

"It's alright. The second time they left me, I wasn't sad. I was actually really mad."

James piped up. "He wasn't just mad. He was livid. Started throwing things, kicking things, breaking everything in sight, he even punched a hole in the wall!"

Carlos continued. "Kendall tried to stop him, but when he touched Logan, he just ended up with a really nasty bruise."

Logan winced. Kendall saw this and smiled. "It was an accident. I took him by surprise and he just swung in self defense."

Logan nodded apologetically. "I don't need my parents to support me, though. It would be nice if they did, but they don't. Instead, I have Mrs. Knight, Katie, Kendall, James, and Carlos…they're practically family."

The audience awww-ed. Oprah smiled warmly at the boys and turned back to the audience. "Rape is a very serious issue. It's a terrible act that should never happen to _anyone_. If you have any information regarding this case, please call the number below."

And with that, the show was over.

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**A/N: Yeah…sorry this came so late, but I figured it's New Year's Eve so you'd all be up anyway. Still only 11pm here in LA. Just another 1 more hour to go!**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	44. Chapter 44 For You, Baby

**Chapter 44 For You, Baby**

**A/N: *dodges miscellaneous objects being thrown at him* Hehehehe (nervously). H-hey guys? Y-you wanna put down the sharp pens and pencils so I can explain? *whew!* Thanks!**

**Ok, so I haven't updated in over two weeks, I know! Honestly, it pained me too! But my neighbor's internet was NOT working! So I had to get my dad to get us OUR OWN internet! Finally, he did! Took two damn weeks! Please forgive me!**

**Anyway: HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!**

* * *

The bell sounded through the building, signaling that it was the end of the show. The boys remained seated as the audience was lead out of the building. Mrs. Knight and Katie approached them up on stage. "Boys, Katie and I are going to head out first. We need to do some grocery shopping on the way. Kelly will give you boys a ride back, but nowhere else okay?" They all nodded. She turned to Oprah giving her a good bye and a thank you before Katie pried her away.

Logan let out a deep exhale. "Wow." Kendall turned to his boyfriend. "What's wrong?" Logan shook his head and smiled. "Nothing. I…I just can't believe I finally did it." James and Carlos chuckled. "Told you it'd be okay. Now let's go already. I wanna go home and take a shower." Logan turned to James with a furrowed brow. "James, you just took a shower before we left." James shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but I'm all sweaty." Kendall smirked as he realized what was going on. He decided to prolong the fun. "The air conditioning is on full blast, dude. Why are you sweating?" James flushed lightly, but his rosacea caused it to become a deep red. Logan finally caught on. "You were nervous weren't you?" Carlos giggled. "James? Nervous? That's a first. And you were telling _Logan_ to not be nervous?"

James frowned. "Yeah, yeah. Common, let's go." The guys finally let up on him after a few more pokes to the ego. Logan smiled his crooked smile widely. Maybe things were going to be okay after all.

Kendall waved over to Kelly who was already approaching them. "Kelly, is the limo ready?" He asked, still smiling brightly at how accomplished Logan looked. Kelly didn't look too happy though. "Um, guys? There's an incident." Logan's face fell. Too good to be true. "What's wrong?" Kelly looked completely helpless. "There's a bunch of paparazzi outside….and some people that weren't um…very enthusiastic…about the show."

Kendall's jaw tightened as did his grip on Logan's waist. Logan only stared down at his feet. He had expected this. He knew it couldn't have gone well. "So what do we do now?" Kelly turned to Carlos. "Freight Train is outside. He'll clear a path through the crowd for you guys to get into the limo. Then we go home." Oprah stepped forward. "I'll have my own security help you. Logan, I'm terribly sorry about this. Some people just won't understand, but you have to stay strong." Logan nodded.

"I guess…I guess I just thought that maybe…just maybe…people would just take it easily and things would go back to normal. I mean, the audience were really supportive. Why not everyone else, ya know?" Oprah nodded in understanding. "I understand why you would think that, but my audience usually consists of open-minded people. You can't just judge a bunch of people by just looking at a few people."

Kendall spoke. "Yeah well they shouldn't either." He was talking about gays. Oprah nodded sadly. "Common, let's get you boys home." They all made their way through the building to a pair of glass double doors. Loud ranting and camera flashes emanated from the other side. Freight Train and two other body guards popped through the door. "You guys ready?" Logan sighed. "Ready as we'll ever be." With that they ventured into the crowd.

"Logan! Logan!"

"Logan, over here!"

"How do you feel about coming out?"

"What's going to happen with the trial?"

"When is the trial?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"How long have you known you were gay?"

The paparazzi bombarded them with questions as they filed past them.

"Kendall! How do you feel about Logan being gay?"

"James! Are you gay too?"

"Carlos! Does it bother you that your room mate is gay?"

They all did their best to remain silent. The questions were just coming at them too fast to be answered. Logan didn't really mind the questions though. The people were just curious. Harmless.

But the harmless questions soon became malicious comments as they trekked deeper through the crowd to get to the limo. The paparazzi were all at the beginning of the crowd, but as they drew closer to the limo, there were more protesters and hateful people.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Was the first one that Logan's ears could register and it caused him to wince.

"How could you be gay? I loved you!" That was from some crying girl at the front of the crowd. Her mascara was completely smeared as she yelled at them. Her eyes were now filled with hate and what looked like...betrayal.

More and more comments and even some threats came.

"I hate you!"

"You're all nothing but faggots!" That one wasn't even fair! James and Carlos weren't gay. Kendall noticed James and Carlos about to turn around to confront the man, but he quickly pushed them forward.

""How could you do this to me?" Another sobbing girl.

""You don't deserve to live! You're abominations to nature! To God! Go die!" That was from some man holding a crucifix at them as if they were possessed.

Tears had already begun to fall from Logan's eyes as they all boarded the limo. James and Carlos both looked equally pissed as they glared ahead of them at nothing in particular. Kelly finally shut the door to the limo and began rubbing her temples. The noise was minimized by the metal that separated them from the crowd's vicious remarks. Freight Train proceeded to clear away the people who were standing in front of the limo. They all sat in silence, just waiting to finally get home.

The only sounds were of the muffled crowd and Logan's soft whimpering. James and Carlos offered sympathetic glances and began rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. Carlos turned to Kendall who still hadn't said a word. Kendall, sensing his gaze, looked up to look him. Carlos nodded his head toward Logan, who had his head buried in his hands. Kendall let out a slow breath and shook his head, remaining in his seat.

James had seen the interaction. James looked at Kendall, who returned his gaze. James gave Kendall a "what's up?" gesture with his head. Kendall just shook his head and began rubbing his temples, breathing slowly.

Kendall desperately wanted to fight. He wanted to yell. He wanted to comfort Logan. But he couldn't. He had to keep himself calm…for Logan. Getting angry would only cause more trouble for him. Kendall had to remain calm. He shut his eyes and tried to block out the noises of the hateful crowd. He couldn't even comfort his poor boyfriend. He feared that the need to protect him would drive him to do something stupid. The risk of getting angry was currently still too high. And if he got angry, he knew that he'd come out. Right then and there. To the entire world. That _he_, Kendall Francis Knight, was in love with Logan Phillip Mitchell and they could all go fuck off.

_Thump. Thump. THUMP!_

Kendall's breathing increased as he listened to the idiot that began to bang on the window. Eventually more thumping began on all sides of the car. Kendall was now seething. Then, just as quickly as it had begun, the thumping and banging stopped. Logan and Kendall raised their heads out of curiosity. Could it really be over?

_CLASH! SHATTER!_

Logan let out a scream and jumped across the limo into Kendall's embrace. Kendall wrapped his arms tightly around the shaking boy. Logan began sobbing into his chest. Kendall rubbed his back soothingly until he finally recovered from the shock. Everyone turned towards the back of the limo. There on the floor of the automobile, was a rather larger than usual brick lying among several shards of dark, tinted glass.

James pulled down the window that separated them from the driver. "**Why aren't we moving? They're starting to THROW things!**"

"We can't, sir. There are still too many people in front of the car. I'm afraid we can't drive unless you want to run over these barbarians." The driver replied as politely as he could. James huffed. "Okay, but drive as soon as there's an opening." The driver nodded. "Yes, sir!" James sighed. Sometimes he just really missed Sebastian. _He_ could've gotten them out of here.

Kelly's phone rang. "_**KELLY! MY LIMO! I'M LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? MY LIMO HAS A HOLE IN IT!**_"

"Gustavo, there's nothing we can do! The crowd's going crazy!" This seemed to get Gustavo to think. He finally let out a sigh into the phone. He had to use his last resort. "_Get Kendall to fix it._"

Everyone turned to Kendall who shook his head at them. "I can't guys. I'll end up getting pissed and do something stupid."

Carlos couldn't believe what he was hearing. Since when does _Kendall_ start thinking before he acts? "Kendall! They threw that brick at the _back_ of the limo! Meaning they _wanted_ to hit us!"

_CLASH! SHATTER! _

Another brick came through, but this time it came through the back window and rolled across the floor of the limo until it stopped against James's feet. Logan jumped and buried himself into Kendall's chest again, whimpering.

James picked up the brick and turned it over, his expression darkened as he read what was scrawled on it in black marker. He turned it around for Kendall to see. _**"To Logan: Big Time Fag!"**_ Kendall felt his blood boil. It slowly bubbled up to the surface as he turned to Kelly. "Tell Gustavo, I'm coming out and he can't stop m-"

Gustavo was on speaker phone. He sighed. "Do it." Kendall nodded. He tenderly pried Logan away from himself. The whimpering boy instantly attached himself to Carlos who in turn began rubbing his back. Kendall grabbed the brick from James and opened the sun roof. Turning back to the others he smiled genuinely at Logan. "For you, baby." With that, he stood straight up so that only his waist down was still in the limo.

The crowd seemed to have taken Kendall's appearance by surprise because they all quieted down and stared up sat him. He held back a smirk and threw on his best glare and snarl.

"**WHO THE **_**FUCK**_** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?** Logan went through all of that and had the _fucking_ guts to tell all of you _ASSHOLES_, _**hoping **_he could get some support, considering his own _**parents **_are giving him _**SHIT**_! BUT what do you _**PRICKS**_ do? You _fucking _go and throw _**bricks **_- he held up the brick -at him! What does this say? _**TO LOGAN: BIG TIME FAG? **_Logan isn't the fag here! You _**bitches**_ are! Actually, YOU AREN'T _BITCHES_! CUZ THAT WOULD BE _**INSULT**_ TO _**FEMALE DOGS**_! **YOU'RE WORSE THAN THAT, YOU'RE WORSE THAN **_**SCUM**_**! LOGAN! IS! NOT! A! FAG! HE'S TWICE- NO, A BILLION TIMES THE MAN ALL OF YOU _AND I _WILL EVER BE!**"

Kendall finished, seething and breathing heavily and slightly growling. The crowd was completely stunned by him…until one idiot came up with some words.

"THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD BE MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU, KENDALL! YOU'RE STRAIGHT AND HE'S A NOTHING BUT A FAG!"

People in the audience murmured in agreement.

"YEAH! HERE YOU ARE, KENDALL, STANDING UP TO ALL THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU'RE STRAIGHT! THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU CAN!" Some idiot babbled.

Another Neanderthal called out. "WHY ARE YOU EVEN DEFENDING HIM? HE'S A FAG!"

Kendall let out a humorless and almost hysterical laugh that chilled the crowd to the bone. He spoke with a sarcastic smile. "Is that what you all think? Logan _**IS **_more of a man than me! It doesn't matter if he's gay or straight! You all think that I'm more of a man because I'm straight and can stand up to ALL of you? _Well, guess fucking what_? I'm not!"

The crowd all gasped. "W-what is he saying?"

"What does that mean?" They murmured amongst each other.

Kendall laughed that same laugh again. It had the same effect on the crowd as it did the first time, if not even more. "**It means, dip shits, that I'm **_**gay**_**! That's right! Kendall **_**Fucking**_** Knight is **_**gay**_** and **_**in love with LOGAN MITCHELL**_**! AND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, THAT FELT GOOD TO SAY! SO YOU CAN ALL _FUCK! OFF!_**"

Kendall turned to the front of the limo. "**AND IF **_**ANY**_** OF YOU WANNA GET BEEF WITH _MY_, LOGIE? YOU GOTTA GET THROUGH _ME_!**" He raised his arm and chucked the brick as hard as he could at the crowd at the front of the limo. He watched as it soared through the air with intense and almost insane-looking fascination. It was a huge risk, but as predicted, the crowd quickly dispersed from the front of the limo. The brick smashed onto the ground and actually shattered from the force.

From inside, James yelled to the driver. "NOW!" And the limo took off at full speed with a smirking Kendall flipping off the crowd behind them with both hands.

**A/N: Soooo….how was that? Am I rusty? What'd you think of bad by Kendall? I think Kendall was a bit OOC. Hehehe, but I like the image of him flipping off a crowd of ex fans with both hands while driving away lol!**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**Oh and can someone help me out? I've realized that there are alot of Kogans out there that are under _just_ Logan instead of being under Logan _and _Kendall. I was wondering if there were any under _just_ Kendall? And if so, could you please let me know? THANKS :)**


	45. Chapter 45 Alliance In The Aftermath

**Chapter 45 Alliance In The Aftermath**

Kendall quietly retreated into the limo with a smirk. Carlos and Kelly gaped at him while James smiled. Logan finally stopped shaking and turned to attach himself back onto Kendall. Kendall rubbed his back soothingly while shushing into his hair. Logan finally looked up at him. "K-Kendall...that...that was really sweet, but don't you think it was a bit much? What would our fans think?" Before Kendall could answer, James thumped him on the back. "Nice work, man! Didn't think you could be such a great actor!"

Kendall chuckled. "I wasn't acting. Well, not really. I meant everything I said out there." Carlos recovered from his shock. "So you really meant it when you were cussing them out and flipping them off?" Logan frowned. "You flipped them off?" He hadn't seen the speech, only heard it because he was busy sobbing and hugging Carlos. Kendall merely shrugged. "Yeah...with both hands. But I guess I _did_ overdo it with that...but at least it got the point across." Logan sighed. "And what point is that?"

"That no one messes with my Logie." Logan blushed. "Thanks, Kendall." Kendall pressed a kiss to his temple. "Anything _for you, baby_."

Kelly cleared her throat and picked up a remote and turned on the television screen in the limo. It was a news channel...or rather, a gossip channel.

"_In very recent news, two of the members of the famous band, Big Time Rush, have come out today as homosexual. During a special live show of Oprah, Logan Mitchell came out to the world. Word spread quickly as a mob of haters and protesters had already formed outside of the recording studio where Oprah is filmed and broadcasted. The band attempted to push through the crowd to get into their limo. However, when the boys entered the limo, the mob decided to surround it and began pounding on the limo. But pounding wasn't enough for these protesters. Two bricks were then thrown through the windows. Only moments later, the band's leader, Kendall Knight, appeared from the sun roof and began shouting profanities before coming out himself. Here's a clip of the scene."_

The video was surprisingly in very good quality. Every word and motion made by Kendall was captured and displayed in high definition.

"_WHO THE__**-BLEEP-**__DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Logan went through all of that and had the__**-BLEEP-**__ing guts to tell all of you ASS__**-BLEEP-**__, hoping he could get some support, considering his own parents are giving him__**-BLEEP-**__! BUT what do you PRICKS do? You__**-BLEEP-**__ing__go and throw bricks at him! What does this say? TO LOGAN: BIG TIME__**-BLEEP-**__? Logan isn't the__**-BLEEP-**__here! You__**-BLEEP-**__are! Actually, YOU AREN'T__**-BLEEP-**__! CUZ THAT WOULD BE INSULT TO FEMALE DOGS! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THAT, YOU'RE WORSE THAN SCUM! LOGAN! IS! NOT! A!__**-BLEEP-**__! HE'S TWICE- NO, A BILLION TIMES THE MAN ALL OF YOU AND I WILL EVER BE!"_

"_As you can see, the once golden boy definitely has a colorful vocabulary and a horrid temper. He then goes on to come out after crowd members yelled that he only stood up to them because he was straight._

"_Is that what you all think? Logan IS more of a man than me! It doesn't matter if he's gay or straight! You all think that I'm more of a man because I'm straight and can stand up to ALL of you? Well, guess__**-BLEEP-**__ing what? I'm not!_"

"_He then goes on and clarifies this as the audience is still confused by what he is saying._"

"_It means, dip__**-BLEEP-**__, that I'm gay! That's right! Kendall__**-BLEEP-**__ing Knight is gay and in love with LOGAN MITCHELL! AND GOD__**-BLEEP-**__ing__**-BLEEP-**__, THAT FELT GOOD TO SAY! SO YOU CAN ALL_**-BLEEP-**_! OFF!_ AND IF _ANY_ OF YOU WANNA GET BEEF WITH _MY_, LOGIE? YOU GOTTA GET THROUGH_ME!_"

"As the video continues, Kendall then throws the brick in his hand at the crowd in front of the limo nearly hitting several crowd members, where the crowd then disperses. The limo is shown driving off through the clearing with Kendall 'flipping the bird' at the stunned crowd." The video ends with a stilled frame of Kendall and his censored fingers.

Logan turns from the television to Kendall. "Oh, Kendall...I love you." Kendall kissed his temple again and they turned back to the television.

"_Now you may be wondering, what provoked Logan to start all of this in the beginning? Today on Oprah the boy claims that he was allegedly assaulted and raped last month and that he wanted to come clean to his fans before moving to legal actions. Sounds like a sad story..._"

Kendall smiled. 'Finally some suppor-'

"_But can we _really_ believe such an accusation…especially one made by such an unstable person? That's right. According to our sources from within the Palm Woods, Logan Mitchell and his bad are nothing but troublemakers. Many know that Logan is definitely the brains of the band, but according to our sources, he can definitely use those brains to cause trouble. His friends, no doubt, obviously fuel his unstable manner. James Diamond, the band's pretty boy, has been known to be a narcissist and Carlos Garcia…can we really trust someone who walks around with a helmet on for no reason?_"

James and Carlos gaped incredulously. "WHAT?" James fumed. "I am _not_ a narcissist! You know as well as I do, that I always try to help you guys other people out!" Carlos nodded in agreement. "And I _do have a reason _to wear Sasha! She protects me from the hurt!" Everyone turned to Logan wondering why he didn't make a retort. "M-maybe I _am_ kinda unstable. I mean I get mad, sad, happy, sad, mad…so easily. Maybe they're right." Kendall shook him by the shoulders. "Logan, you're not unstable. These jerks have no idea who you are. You've been through a lot, who wouldn't be so easily ticked off?" They all turned back to the television screen, Logan still not very convinced.

"_And don't forget Kendall Knight. He was known as the golden boy of the group. Handsome, charming, polite, but as we all saw today, that was just a façade. It seems to our sources, that Kendall is rather ill tempered, rude to his producer, and is the mastermind dare devil behind all of the misfortunes that fall upon the Palm Woods._"

Before the reporter could say anything else, Kendall shut off the television and sat back in his seat holding Logan tightly. They drove back home in silence.

* * *

As they pulled up to the front of the Palm Woods, Logan's grip on Kendall's waste grew tighter. "What's wrong, babe? Is this about that reporter? Don't listen to the-" Logan cut him off. "No, it's not that. It's just….what if everyone inside feels the same way as that mob?"

Kendall sighed. "Don't worry, Logie. They're not gonna do anything. We've been friends with tem for a pretty long time. They know us. They're not gonna start treating you any differently."

"But what about that inside source?"

The tension in the air rose. Kelly cut it. "Don't worry, Gustavo and I will find that jerk. You don't deserve any of this, Logan. We're all here for you and I'm sure your friends inside are, too."

"Thanks, Kelly." They exited the limo and Kelly drove off as they approached the looming doors of the Palm Woods. After a breathe, James pulled open the doors. Carlos stepped in first, then Kendall, then Logan, and Finally James who closed the door behind them.

The vicinity was quickly silenced by some unknown force as they began walking toward to the elevator. Carlos did his best to not look at anyone as he lead the group, following him were Kendall and Logan who were holding onto each other for dear life, and at the back was James watching everyone around them as if daring any of them to say anything.

And no one dared to say a thing. Some of them just continued what they were doing. Some of them just glanced at them every now and then, but other than that, they were completely casual. But most of them were staring, not discreetly either. The stares seemed to bore holes into the boys as they continued their trek to the elevator faster.

* * *

As they approached apartment 2J sullenly. The hallway was completely deserted as most people were downstairs awaiting their arrival. However, on the way they heard voices coming as they drew nearer to their destination.

"You guys can't be here. They'll be back soon and you guys aren't even their friends." It was Camille.

"But we wanna know what's going on! It's just so juicy!"

"Completely scandalous!"

"Like, totally!" The Jennifers.

"We don't care how juicy it is. You guys can't be here. Now." That voice…was Jo.

The boys came around the corner to see Jo and Camille standing in front of the door to their apartment with their arms crossed over their chests. In front of them, were the Jennifers. As they came into view, the Jennifers immediately abandoned the guarded door and ambushed them.

"Logan, oh my gosh! Who was it?"

"Kendall! You're so bad!"

"James, are you gay too?"

"Girls. Leave them alone." The charming, but stern voice came from…Jett?

The Jennifers obeyed under the power of his charm and left immediately. The boys however, were too dismayed to even be shocked. They entered the apartment quietly, leaving the door for Camille, Jo, and Jett.

James went straight to the shower, Carlos plopped himself face down on the couch and was asleep in minutes, and Kendall and Logan just lead the rest of them into the kitchen. They all sat down around the table. Camille was the first to speak. "Logan? How are you doing?"

Logan smiled weakly. "A lot better, thanks to you guys." This brought Kendall to his sense. "Why'd you help us, Jett?"

The star merely shrugged. "I figured, if you were gay then I really have no other competition when it comes to Jo. And since you're her friends, I guess I'm your friend."

Kendall nodded warily, though he doubted Jo was the only reason for him to help them. Jo spoke up. "Logan, you know we won't treat you any differently right? You have our full support and we'll all do whatever we can to help." Logan smiled at her, croaking out another "Thank You."

She did her best to smile, but it seemed like she had also been crying earlier. "I know that we were never that close because of Kendall and mine's relationship and break up, but I'm really happy you found each other. You two really deserve each other. I just wanted you both to know that. And I hope we can be friends." That last one sounded more directed to Kendall. The two hadn't spoken since the break up, not even at movie night when James and Carlos insisted on inviting her.

He looked up at her. "Of course. I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you. It was really stupid. I'm glad you and Jett are happy now too. And I'm especially glad we're all friends again."

Before anyone could say anything, Carlos came in with a bright smile. "You guys come in here!" He rushed back towards the television as everyone followed behind and turned up the volume. It was another news station.

"Carlos, I really don't wanna watch another new story about us. And I don't think Logan does either, right babe?" Logan nodded, but Carlos shook his head. "Guy, this is the same channel Oprah is on. And it's also the same news station we performed on! It's a positive view! Look!"

"And finally, in recent news, two members of the famous boy band, Big time Rush have come out today. In a live interview with Oprah, Logan Mitchell came clean telling the world about how he was assaulted and raped not only a month ago. Tears were shed by the young singer as he retold the sad and horrific tale. Shortly following the interview, Big Time Rush was confronted by a mob of homophobes, ex fans, and paparazzi."

At this moment, James came out of the shower. "What's going-" Everyone shh-ed him and pointed at the screen. He turned to follow their fingers to the television.

"It was reported that two bricks were thrown at the window landing inside. In an urgent attempt to escape the mob's wrath, Kendall Knight, the leader of the band, came out to the mob and confessed that he was in love with fellow band mate, Logan. In the heat of the moment, Kendall launches one of the bricks to successfully clear away the mob and the vehicle safely drives away.

The refocused on the reporter. "Just months ago, we had Big Time Rush here in the studio with us. We know from personally interviewing the band that they aren't the cold-hearted, maniacal, diabolic people have cracked them up to be because of their members' coming out. Rather, they're fun loving, polite, and sweet boys. Boys, if you're listening, just know that everyone here fully supports and you and so do many of our viewers. Don't be discouraged by what all the naysayers think. You're all very great people."

Carlos shut off the television. Everyone was silent for a second before James, Carlos, Camille, Jo, and Jett began cheering. Kendall finally smiled and turned to his boyfriend. "This is great, Logie! See? There's a lot of people on your side!" Logan beamed.

This entire day had been completely crazy. First their coming out. Then the mob. And the nasty gossip report. But now, Logan was beginning to think things were looking up. Jo and Jett were now their friends and they gained the support of two large audiences of very popular shows. Despite how horrid their coming out had been, there was still an alliance in the aftermath.

* * *

**A/N: Sooooo 6pm became 10pm…sorry, but I didn't expect things to go the way they did.**

**Hmmm, this chapter…not my best, not my worst…just….there. And yes, I decided not to make Jo and Jett bitches in this haha! :)**

**You should probably know that there isn't going to be an update until Tuesday. I'm really sorry, but at least this time I didn't just randomly disappear off the radar. I have tons of homework due on Monday. A ten page research report and poster for the report that I haven't even started on yet, a moth and a half's worth of math homework, and some research I have to do for my History class's debate thing.**

**So yeah, Tuesday. Sorry.**

**Hope you enjoyed this! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	46. Chapter 46 Mother Forgiven

**Chapter 46 Mother Forgiven**

**A/N: Ok so I ended up turning in all of my homework today instead…meaning it was all like 2 days late. But I do lots of extra credit work so it's all good! I'm still kinda busy with other things so I thought I'd put this up. It's a tad short, but I needed to write **_**something**_** instead of disappearing.**

**THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR MAKING THIS STORY ACHIEVE OVER 300 REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET THIS MANY REVIEWS!**

**Oh, and I though I ought to tell you that this story only has about 10 more chapters left. I'm not sure about a sequel. I have a whole bunch of better ideas though! Maybe I can do a sequel someday after I get all these ideas out of my head.**

**Hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

Logan awoke, missing the warmth he had fallen asleep next to. Kendall was nowhere to be seen. Willing his sleep-heavy body, Logan stood up and walked to the living room. The television could be heard as he approached.

"A_nd finally, it's been two days since Logan Mitchell and Kendall Knight's coming out and still no word from either of them. According to resident's and friends, the two have not left their apartment at the Palm Woods since coming back. However, it has been leaked that Mitchell's court appearance will be on this Sunday. We still have no clue as to who his alleged assailant is, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want this man brought to justice. Good luck, boys. This is Ted Garcia, signing off._"

Logan plopped down on the couch and cuddled up next to Kendall, smiling. It's been like this for the past two days since they came out. Kendall would wake up early to watch the news in the living room. Logan would always wake up to find him there on the couch and they would listen to the supportive comments of their loyal friends from the news station. Never, had a single negative comment reach Logan's ears.

This, of course, was Kendall's doing also. He completely banned gossip shows and anything else that could have upset his Logie from the apartment. No dared to question his authority or his need to protect the smaller boy.

"Hey Logie, let's go out to the pool today. It's surprisingly really hot for a December." Kendall leaned down to kiss his boyfriend's soft, messy hair. Logan stiffened at the mention of leaving the sanctuary that was 2J, but instantly relaxed under Kendall's kiss.

"I…I don't know…" Kendall's shoulders slumped. "Logie, no one's going to say anything. You've been in this apartment _waaaay_ to long. Common, I won't let _anything_ hurt you." Logan was frowning, but nodded in consent.

* * *

The hairs on the back of Logan's neck prickled. Underneath his shades, Logan's eyes shifted from clique to clique. Every now and then he'd spot someone who was careless. They were all watching him. Some weren't even discreet about it. They simply stared at him as he squirmed uncomfortably on this lounger.

"Kendall, they're…staring." He whispered it to Kendall who was lying on a lounger adjacent to his. The blondes eyes snapped open and everyone quickly shifted their gazes elsewhere. Kendall huffed. Carlos saw their interaction. He rose out of the pool. "Logan, I'm going back inside. You wanna come with?"

Kendall began to rise from his comfortable position, but Logan gently pushed him back down. "No, stay. I'll be fine with Carlos." Kendall looked extremely conflicted, but reluctantly nodded. "I'll only be here for another hour." Logan smiled. "Just relax and stay as much as you want. You need it."

* * *

Logan and Carlos entered 2J silently. Carlos closed the door behind them as Logan picked up his book from the coffee table and sat down to read it. Carlos rubbed his arm, still in front of the door. "Logie, you hungry?"

Logan looked up. "Not really." At that precise moment, Carlos's stomach grumbled. Logan chuckled. "On second thought, how 'bout some mac and cheese?" Carlos's eyes lit up. "Thanks Logan."

Logan set for the kitchen to make the food. Carlos sat at the counter watching as Logan made sure he was doing exactly as the box instructed. James came out from his room as he began serving the lunch. "Is that mac and cheese?" Logan nodded and pulled out a third bowl for him.

They ate quietly, the only sounds in the apartment was their forks clinking against the bottom of the bowl. "This is great, Logan." Carlos threw out. James nodded in agreement. "Thanks." A few more minutes of silence. James stopped eating. "Logan, how you feelin'?"

Logan swallowed. "Honestly, really fine." Carlos smiled. "That's great." James nodded. "If you need anything, just call us okay?" Logan smiled. "Okay. Guys, really! I'm fine. There isn't really a single reason for me to be upset about anything. I mean the last few days have been pretty nice."

As he said this his fork happened to flick a piece of macaroni at Carlos as he swung it around for emphasis. The misfortunate piece of pasta flew though the air and hit Carlos in the forehead. A grin crept up Carlos's face. "FOOD FIGHT!" As soon as those words left his mouth he began flinging his food haphazardly at the other two. James ducked for cover with a squeal, but fate just wasn't on his side as three chucks of the cheesy ammunition hit his hair.

By now Logan was rolling on the floor laughing. It felt so great to laugh this hard. Carlos stopped pelting James and redirected his attention to Logan. "What are you laughing at? You're next!" Carlos flung a hand full at him barely missing. Reaching for more, Carlos realized he was empty. Logan quickly crawled to his feet and ran away as Carlos picked up the other forgotten bowls.

Just as Carlos was about to launch another volley of the yellow mess, the doorbell rang through the apartment. Logan, still giggling, went to open the door. As it opened to reveal the visitor, his giggling was replaced with. "W-what are you…what are you doing here?"

* * *

Kendall sighed. Logan really was the best. He laid back and closed his eyes again. "Hey, dude." Kendall peaked with one eye. "Sup, Jett?" The actor shrugged and sat down next to him. "Nothin'…just thought I'd hang out." Kendall eyed him warily.

"Is something wrong?" Kendall shook it off. "Nah man, just really paranoid of everybody…that and…it's pretty weird bein' friends with you." Jett laughed his movie star laugh. "Yeah, same here. Jo really likes the idea of us being friends so I'm just trying to keep her happy."

Kendall chuckled. "I remember what that's like." Jett's smile slightly faltered. Kendall noticed. "Sorry. Must be weird, huh? Me bein' her ex? But don't worry, I'm all Logan's." Jett nodded and his full smile returned.

After a moment of awkward silence, Kendall's guilt began to kick in. "Hey, I'm gonna go back upstars to Logan. Nice chatting with you, dude." Jett nodded. "Same here."

* * *

Kendall rounded the corner of the hallway to find a women standing in front of his door. She looked hesitant as she raised her hand to ring the doorbell, only to clutch it closely back to her chest. She seemed to be middle-aged and about a head shorter than him. Realization kicked in as he came closer.

"Mrs. Mitchell?" She turned to face him quickly. "O-oh, Kendall. Hello dear."

"What are you doing here?" His patience was quickly depleting.

"I…I heard about what happened. I'm here to-"

"To what? Give Logan more grief? To say he's even more worthless? To tell him I shouldn't-"

"Kendall, I'm here to make things right. To apologize." Her tone was sad and her eyes looked extremely red as if she had been crying. His temper simmered down.

"Okay." Before she could stop him, Kendall pushed rang the doorbell. The door opened to a laughing Logan. He stopped laughing as soon as he saw his mother.

"W-what are you…what are you doing here?" Kendall could hear the doubt, paranoia, and worst of all: hope, that filled his voice.

"Logan, can I come in? We need to talk." Logan turned to Kendall. Kendall slowly nodded in encouragement.

Logan nodded and stepped aside for her to enter. Everyone followed as Logan led his mother to the couch. Logan knew they weren't going to leave him alone with his mother, so he merely let them stay in the room. "You can sit if you want." His tone was…slightly robotic. It shattered Kendall's heart.

Mrs. Mitchell did her best to hold her posture. "No…I think I'll stand, thank you." Logan nodded slowly. "I guess I'll stand too then." The exchange was so…lifeless. Carlos, James, and Kendall shifted their weight warily.

Logan observed his mother. They had the same deep dark brown hair. The same chocolate colored eyes. At the moment, they were also at the same height. He stared for what seemed like hours, waiting for her to speak before finally letting out a sigh.

"Why are you hear?" His annoyed tone was easily perceptible. The corners of her mouth tugged into a small smile. "This is good, Logan. I don't blame you for being upset with me."

"I'm not upset." He answered almost too quickly.

"Yes. You are. And it's understandable. I've been a terrible mother. Honey, please let me explain."

"Then explain." His annoyance was definitely clearer.

Mrs. Mitchell frowned, the lines of her face were overly stressed. "I- I didn't know. I didn't know that you were-. Your father-. I'm sorry, Logan. I should have been there for you." She stopped herself several times, holding back what seemed to be a flood of tears and sobs.

"You should have been there regardless, _mom_! Even when you didn't know I was raped." In the heat of his fury, Logan was able to utter the word without hesitation. His mother flinched at the accusing words. "Logan, I know that now. Please, you have to believe me. I wanted to be there. I really did."

"Then why? Why didn't you stay? Why did you leave? Do you know how much that hurt? I'm your son! You're my parents! This isn't what normal families do! You can't just...just-" At the sight of his mother's tears, Logan broke. He completely dropped everything he wanted to say and clung to her.

He sobbed into her shoulder, cling for dear life. "M-Mama, I m-missed you!"

"Shhh, shhh. I know, baby. I know." His mother cooed as she petted his hair. She held back her sobs, but she couldn't stop her tears.

"I th-thought you were r-really g-g-gone!" Logan clung to her even tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't let her go again. He thought he could just forget them, but he was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Logan, I'm so sorry."

"Please…d-don't leave again." The simple, but stuttered words rang loudly in everyone's ears and broke all their hearts.

Kendall clenched his fist, hating that he couldn't be comforting Logan. He knew what he was feeling was completely selfish of him, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to see Logan like this. He hated seeing tears on that beautiful face. He wanted it to be bright and smiling, never mad nor frowning nor crying.

James was at his side, smiling at the reunion. Sure, it didn't go tear-free, but it was going to end well. It needed to.

Logan finally pulled away, wiping his face with the back of his arm. "Mom? Where's d-dad?"

"Logan-"

She was cut off by the doorbell.

* * *

**A/N: Really didn't wanna end it here, but I'm out of writing time for today! Who could it be at the door?**

**HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT! :)**

**And in case you guys haven't noticed, smiley's are kinda my thing lol!**


	47. Chapter 47 Not With Us

**Chapter 47 Not With Us**

**A/N: I'm back! *dodges miscellaneous objects* Sorry guys! Been super busy, yada yada, school, family, blah blah blah, holidays, races, clubs, etc etc etc.**

**Now that that's out of the way, here's a new chapter! I hope you guy's enjoy! It took a while to get up, but I blame Brokeback Mountain for that. I started watching it today and am still only halfway through it! So yeah, I finally told myself "NO! Finish the chapter THEN watch the rest!"**

**Hahaha, anywho: ENJOY! :)**

**Overdue Disclaimer: Do not own BTR!

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Logan finally pulled away, wiping his face with the back of his arm. "Mom? Where's d-dad?" He couldn't help it. He needed to know. If anyone had been watching Kendall, they would have seen his entire body tense up. The rigid boy had been afraid of this. Ever since he heard that spark of hope in Logan's voice when he answered the door.

Everyone _was_, however, watching Logan and Mrs. Mitchell. And they all definitely saw her face tighten. Her already teary eyes threatened to continue pouring tears. When she spoke, both her expression and voice was strained, and pain filled. "Oh, Logan I-"

She was cut off by the doorbell. "Is…is that him?" Before his mother could reach out her hand to stop him, Logan had already run off to the door, past Kendall, Carlos, and James. He threw open the door for the second time that day with a smile. Like the first time, his smile faltered and fell.

"Oh. Hey Mr. and Mrs. Knight. Hey Katie." The Knight parents glanced at each other, signifying that they both had noticed the immediate change in Logan's demeanor.

"Hi, Logan. Mom and I ran into Dad today. He's staying for dinner." Logan nodded at Katie.

"Logan, honey? Is everything alright?" asked Mrs. Knight. Logan quickly nodded. "Oh. Yeah, I was just expecting someone and um…by the way, my mom's here."

They seemed to be surprised by this. Mrs. Knight nodded and they came inside. Katie made her way to the James, Carlos, and Kendall, but was stopped by her mother. "Go to your room, Katie." She said softly, but sternly. Katie reluctantly obliged.

Mrs. Knight turned to Mrs. Mitchell. "Hello, Claire," she surveyed the scene looking for appropriate words, "It's…it's nice to finally have you visit."

Mrs. Mitchell nodded, her eyes now dry as she tried to make herself look presentable. "It's nice to see you too, Karla…Andrew."

Mr. Knight nodded slowly unsure if she really was speaking the truth. He opted for, "The feeling is mutual, Claire."

Mrs. Knight broke the awkward silence that followed. "So Claire, what brings you here?" She already knew this wasn't the first time this women has been in her home though.

Mrs. Mitchell's eyes watered again as she sniffled. Logan noticed her throat constrict slightly as she found it a little harder to breathe. She finally swallowed down her grief, just enough so that she could get out the next few words. Sitting herself down on the couch, she motioned for Logan to accompany her.

Logan cautiously sat down looking at his mother with worried eyes. She looked so broken. "D-dad, he's not coming, is he?" His mother shook her head, a few tears escaping her eyes. Logan took in a slow breath, trying to calm his anger in vain. By the time Mrs. Mitchell finished wiping he eyes, Logan was livid.

He wasn't the only one. Across the room, James was pacing, Carlos had his fists clenched, Mr. and Mrs. Knight were giving disapproving looks, and Kendall…Kendall was able to calm himself enough to go over to Logan and sit down next to him.

The gesture didn't calm the brunette down in the slightest. He was too wrapped up in his hatred for his father to be able to acknowledge his boyfriend next to him.

Mrs. Mitchell, however, did. But she kept her slight annoyance to herself. Although she felt Kendall was intruding, she knew Logan would need him there. She took in a shaky breath. "Logan, your father…he isn't here because…because…"

"Because what?" His voice was icy calm. Everyone snapped their heads to him to see that his eyes were snapped shut with an expression of extreme concentration and irritation.

More tears, escaped from his mother's eyes. "Logan, please…h-he isn't here because...y-your father isn't with us anymore."

No one moved. No one spoke. The room fell completely silent.

"C-Claire, what are you saying?" It was Mrs. Knight.

Mrs. Mitchell answered, but she spoke as if Logan had asked the question, though it was obvious he was too far gone from speaking. "Logan, a-after your I found out what happened I asked your father about it. H-he told me that he knew. I…I couldn't believe it. I told him, we needed to go back for you. But he wouldn't have it.

"So I left. I told him, if he didn't change his mind, I… I'd leave him completely. That night I stayed at the local hotel. When I came back the next morning, h-he- he…your father h-hung h-hi-himself." Mrs. Mitchell couldn't hold back her tears nor her sobs as she finished speaking.

The Knight parents looked taken back as they exchanged glances at each other. James had a hand over mouth. Carlos looked equally shocked as he glanced back and forth at everyone else. Kendall couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe that Logan's father would do that after how he reacted. It just didn't make any sense. Whether it made sense or not, however, it obviously happened judging from Mrs. Mitchell's sobs.

But the most important reaction of all, wasn't really much of a reaction at first. Kendall turned to Logan, trying to study his expression. It wasn't what he expected. Logan just sat there with a neutral expression. Kendall couldn't detect any emotion in his eyes, or on his lips, not a thing.

A second passed and Logan began shaking. It wasn't like stroke-shaking, just more like a shivering-shaking.

"Logan?" Kendall tried. No response.

"Logan." No response. Just more shaking.

Kendall put a hand on his shoulder. "Logan, please say something." Kendall's touch shattered his trance. Kendall thought he was going to say something or start crying, but that wasn't what happened. Logan stood abruptly and walked to his room.

His steps were awkward as he tried to maneuver around various pieces of furniture in order to get to his room. No one could do anything as the door slammed shut, causing frames to rattle along the wall and one of the larger windows to rumble like thunder.

Kendall shot up after him and reached for the knob to no avail. It was locked. "Logan! Let me in!" he called.

Silence.

"Logan please! We can get through this! Just let me in!"

Various things were being thrown around inside of the room. Kendall heard furniture topple over, glass shatter, and other various thuds and clangs. Then…

Silence…and a few minutes later…sobbing.

Kendall pulled out one of the cards in his wallet and effectively unlocked the door. "Logan?"

Mrs. Mitchell tried to follow him, but was stopped by Mrs. Knight. "Claire, I think you've done enough. Just…let Kendall handle it. If anyone can help Logan, it's him." Everyone nodded, even Mrs. Mitchell after some hesitation.

Kendall entered cautiously, his eyes exploring the damage. Dressers toppled, the desk upside down, shattered picture frames. But the worst was the sight of a damaged Logan on the bed, arms wrapped around his knees that were drawn up to his chest, faced down into a pillow placed on his knees.

Shutting the door and relocking it, Kendall moved quickly. Not a minute later, he was kneeling in front of the sobbing brunette. Kendall reached for the pillow, pulling it away from the smaller boy. Logan tensed, but slowly and shakily brought his head up to meet Kendall's gaze.

His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tears. Kendall grasped both sides of his head and stared intently, as if searching for the answers as to what to say in the deep brown eyes. "Oh Logan…I…" He couldn't really say anything. What was there to say? Nothing he could possibly say could've healed Logan any faster from this.

Letting out a breath, Kendall repositioned himself next to Logan. The blonde wrapped his arms around him as Logan leaned against his chest, continuing to sob. He held onto Logan's back with one arm, the other hand stroking his hair as he cried into his shirt.

And they sat there, Logan cried until he could cry no more. It just wasn't possible anymore. They sat in silence, not moving except for Kendall stroking his hair.

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**A/N: So how was it? It ended weirdly to me and was pretty short. I wanted to keep going, but then it'd be waaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long. So here's this for now. I was in a rush, writing this, so yeah it felt blocky to me and no time to edit! Sorry!**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	48. Chapter 48 Horrible People

**Chapter 48 Horrible People**

**A/N: OK! So here's an update! Hooray!**

**HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

**Sorry this came so late. I should have had it up earlier, but I eded up finishing Brokeback Mountain. Man! That was depressing!**

**Anyway! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR.

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Mrs. Knight placed a hand on Mrs. Mitchell's shoulder. "Claire, we need to talk." Mrs. Mitchell, too drained to do anything other than agree, nodded and followed the Knight parents into the kitchen.

James and Carlos glanced at each other. "What do we do now?" James sighed. "There's nothing we _can_ do, Carlos. We just gotta stick around, support Logan, and see what happens." Carlos nodded.

"This sucks. I really wanna be in there for Logan. His dad was a dick, but he was still his dad."

"I know. I wanna be in there too, but right now I think it's just best if we let Kendall handle it. Let's go fill in Katie."

* * *

The parents sat at the kitchen table. None were closer to one than the other. They sat as far apart from each other as the table allowed, the distance between all three of them equal. Mrs. Knight opened her mouth to speak, but she was cut off.

"I know what you are going to say." It was Mrs. Mitchell. "I'm not stupid. You think that I'm a horrible mother. That I abandoned my only child because of what he is. You think I don't deserve his forgiveness, that I _do_ deserve the death of my husband."

Mrs. Knight opened her mouth to speak again, and once more, she was interrupted. "But you won't say it, no matter how true it all is. So don't tell me that you don't feel that way, because I know you do. How can you not? _I _feel this way. Ther-"

Mrs. Knight stopped her short. "Stop. I do _not_ feel this way. You don't deserve any of the things that have happened to you. You are _not_ a horrible mother or person. You _do _deserve his forgiveness. You did what you thought would help you. It's part of your nature. But in the end, you decided to stand up for him. That's all that matters. You _do_ deserve a second chance."

"Karla, y-"

"She's right." It was Mr. Knight. "Everyone deserves a second chance. I didn't always believe that, but now I know it's true. _You _obviously know all of the things I've done, I don't need to repeat them for you. But I was able to get their trust back. You haven't done anything nearly as bad I have. Don't tell yourself that you have."

Mrs. Mitchell stared at the two of them before finally letting out a breath. "Thank y-"

"Don't thank us yet." This time, it was Mrs. Knight. "You do deserve a second chance, _but_ that doesn't mean what you did wasn't wrong. I know you know that, Claire. Just…promise me you won't do it again. Logan has been through too much already."

"I understand. I _swear_ I won't make the same mistakes again. Thank you."

Mrs. Knight smiled as she placed a hand on the other woman's hand. "I think you should give Logan until morning to try and talk to him again. Give him some space."

"I understand." She was willing, but reluctant.

"Do you need somewhere to stay? We ca-"

"No…thank you, I'm staying at a hotel a few streets down. I actually better get going. W-will you call me if anything happens?"

"Of course. Good night, Claire."

* * *

Kendall lay in bed staring at Logan. Logan, who was all the way on the other end of the bed…and more importantly, away from him. This had to be the first time they had ever fallen asleep not in each other's arms since they moved the beds together. Even on some of those rocky nights where they'd went to bed seperately, they _never_ actually fell asleep away from each other.

Kendall sighed. 'His dad just died. This is normal. Isn't it? No, it is. I'm just being selfish.' Rolling over so that his entire body was facing Logan's back, Kendall fell asleep hoping he was right.

* * *

Logan sat on the cold floor of the bathroom. Leaning against the cold bath tub, he stared down at his hand. In its grasp was one of Mrs. Knight's kitchen knives. His breath was shaky as he raised the knife to his arm.

If someone had told Logan months ago that he would end up cutting himself on the cold floor of the bathroom, he would have suggested that person to go get some help. He was Logan Mitchell. Smart, sarcastic, but overall, happy. He didn't believe that cutting could make a person feel happier if they were depressed. It just didn't make sense and seemed stupid to him.

But here he was in that exact position, holding a knife to his arm. Then again, this _did_ make sense to him. He wasn't doing this to look for happiness or pleasure. He wasn't doing it for no reason. No. Logan knew exactly why he was doing this.

He needed to be punished.

* * *

Kendall tossed and turned slowly in his half-asleep state, trying to get a bit more comfortable without waking up Logan. Only…Logan wasn't there anymore. His arm patting the area on the bed beside him, he confirmed that his boyfriend was indeed missing.

Kendall shot up immediately. The room wasn't completely dark. It was a bit brighter than that. Turning to the nightstand, Kendall read the time.

5:30am

'Where could he be?' Kendall's ears pricked as heard the sound of running water. 'He's just in the bathroom.' The water shut off.

For a second there was silence. Kendall contemplated whether to wait for his boyfriend to come back or to just go back to sleep right away. He wasn't given much time to think. Small gasps were coming from the bathroom. Short, sharp intakes of air. They sounded full of pain.

Kendall shot up from the bed again. He walked quietly to the bathroom door, following the light that streamed out from the bottom of it. He raised his fist to knock on the door when it suddenly opened.

"Kendall! You scared me."

"Sorry. What were you doing? Is everything ok?"

"Y-yeah, I…I'm ok." Kendall didn't miss the way Logan tugged at his sleeve. He stared at it, noticing a stain on the very edge of the sleeve.

Logan saw him looking at his arm and quickly put it behind his back. That was when Kendall finally pieced it together. The water running late at night. The gasps of pain. The blood on his sleeve. The way he was trying to cover _something_. The shorter boy saw the realization hit Kendall's eyes as he looked up from his arm to meet the brunette's eyes.

"L-Logan?"

"Kendall?" Logan shot back, playing dumb.

"What were you doing in there?"

"Nothing. Just using the bathroom."

"Logan." Kendall reached for his arm, but Logan pulled it back.

"Logan, let me see your arm." Logan shook his head. "Let's just go back to sleep."

"Logan. Show me. Your Arm." When he didn't respond, Kendall grabbed his arm. "Ahh!" Logan yelped quietly before hissing in a sharp breath and went back to being quiet. Kendall quickly let go in fear of hurting him any further.

Grabbing his hand, Kendall dragged Logan into the bathroom and turned on light again. Before Logan could protest Kendall gently, but quickly pulled up his right sleeve.

Logan turned his head away, not wanting to see Kendall expression. From the sound of the gasp, he was glad he at least didn't have to _see_ his reaction. But it was the tone of his voice that brought Logan to shame the most.

"L-Logan wha-…Logan, why? Why? H-how could you do this to yourself?" Logan refused to look at him, eyes already tearing up.

Kendall pushed further. "Logan, please, why did you do this to yourself? What if I didn't see it tonight? Who knows how long it could've gone on for?" Logan said nothing, only stared off to the side. His eyes could no longer hold back the tear that escaped.

"Please say something Logan. I can't stand seeing you like this. At least tell me why you did it." Kendall really had no idea why Logan was doing this to himself. But he knew Logan was close to caving and he knew exactly how to do it.

"Was it…was it my fault?"

This caught Logan's attention. He snapped his head at Kendall. "What? No!" His voice cracked.

"Then tell me what it is, then! Because all I can think of is that I didn't do a good enough job as your boyfriend!"

"Kendall! That's stupid! You know it's not why!" He could barely keep his voice even. It was so full of cracks from his held back sobs.

"No! I don't, Logan! So, please, tell me."

"Because it's my fault!" And there it was. Logan broke. His salvation shattered with the confession. Kendall watched as Logan crumpled to his knees sobbing. He quickly knelt down beside him.

"Logan, what do you mean?"

"It was my fault! All my fault! He killed himself because of me!"

"No, Logan. He…he didn't. It wasn't your fault!"

"Y-yes it was! Why else would he kill himself? He was so disappointed in me and it killed him. _I _killed him!"

"He's right." They both looked up at the door searching for the source of the voice. It was James.

Kendall couldn't believe what he was hearing. "James? What are you doing up?"

"I heard you guys. And he's right, Kendall. It _is_ his fault." James said as he stepped over and crouched beside them.

Kendall's blood boiled as Logan whimpered. "How the fuck could you say that?"

James turned to Logan. "It's true. There's no other reason. Logan's gay. His dad was against it. His mom took his side and left his dad. His dad was broken. Logan's dad believed that what Logan is was wrong. He couldn't stand it. And then to top it all off, his wife leaves him for Logan. That could cause some pretty serious damage."

Kendall was livid, he couldn't believe what James was saying. How could he? He was supposed to support Logan, not fuel his self-loathing. "Shut the fuck up, James!" He shoved James, who fell backwards, landing on his elbows.

"Kendall, he needs to hear this! And you're too protective over him to tell him!"

Logan whimpered and pulled his knees up to his chest. Kendall dove over and wrapped him in an embrace, holding his head tightly.

James went on. "Logan, if you think of it that way, that _yes_, it _is_ your fault. You traced every single detail that could have led to your father's suicide up to you being gay. But go farther."

Logan lifted his head. "W-what?" Kendall seemed equally surprised.

"Go farther. It doesn't all start with you being gay. It starts with your dad's homophobia. If he wasn't such a homophobe, none of this would have happened. This _isn't_ your fault, Logan! It was his."

Kendall finally saw what James was getting at. Logan, of course, didn't. "But-"

"Logan's he's right. It's not your fault. You can't help who you are."

Logan wiped his tears with his left sleeve. "That doesn't mean I can't regret it." It was almost too quiet to hear, but Kendall was right next to him.

"Don't you dare regret being who you are. Logan how could you say that? If you weren't who you are, we wouldn't be together. Is that what you want?"

Logan frantically shook his head. "No, Kendall, I-"

"Then don't say that. I love you, Logan. And I can't stand to see you do this to yourself. Please promise me you'll stop blaming yourself? That you won't regret anything? Please, for me?"

Logan stared up at his boyfriend. Kendall rarely said please and yet he's said it to Logan several times in the last 12 hours. Kendall grasped both sides of his head again. "Please, Logan?"

"I-I promise."

Kendall smiled slightly and pecked his boyfriend on the lips. "Thank you, Logan."

* * *

"Go back to sleep, okay? I'm gonna talk to James. I'll be back in a little bit."

Logan nodded as Kendall laid him down on the bed. The blonde leaned down to kiss his temple before heading out the door.

Kendall spotted the pretty boy at the kitchen counter with a mug of coffee.

"Listen, James."

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**A/N: So how was that?**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	49. Chapter 49 Punishment

**Chapter 49 Punishment**

**A/N: Sorry this took a while, guys! But here it is, hot off Word. Really liked this chapter so I hope you guys do, too!**

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"Listen, James."

The pretty boy sighed, placing down his coffee. James revolved on the stool to face Kendall. The first lights of the morning washing over his face to show the tired expression.

"Look, I'm sorry, Kendall. What I said was really douchey, but I meant it when I said he needed to hear it."

Kendall observed his friends expression. There were bags under his eyes and he didn't look his usual radiant self. "No, you were right. Thanks, James. You were really right. I wouldn't have been able to tell him any of that. I just…I just can't stand to see him hurt, ya know? And I know it was hard for you, too…so thanks."

James nodded. "Kendall, I know you probably don't wanna hear this right now, but…" He trailed off unsure if he should really go on.

"What is it?" Kendall asked, suspicion clear in his tone.

"I…I think Logan should go see someone. Like some help." James looked up from his hands to judge Kendall's reaction. To his surprise, there was no anger or grief…just a strange calm.

"No." Kendall answered as he walked over to pour himself some coffee. James spun in his seat again to face him.

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no."

James stared at Kendall with concern as the blond sipped his coffee. "Kendall, I don't think you heard me right."

"I heard you. And I know exactly what you're implying. Logan doesn't need a therapist. He's not crazy."

James flinched at the accusation. "Kendall I'm not saying he's crazy."

"Yes, you are. Otherwise, you wouldn't be telling me that he needs to go see someone meant for people with issues." Kendall's temper flared. Now that his attempt at avoiding the conversation had failed, there was no point in holding back.

James noted the tone and allowed his own impatience to spill over his tone. "But he _does_ have issues."

"No he doesn't!" It was hushed, but anyone could detect all of the emotions in it.

James glanced at the hallway before turning back to Kendall. "Dude, he just recently got _raped_! He tried to jump off the roof! He just came out to the _entire world_! His dad committed suicide! He's about to go face the sick guy who, again, _raped_ him! And just a few minutes ago, he was cutting himself! What do you call _those_, Kendall?"

Kendall said nothing. He refused to look at James and opted for glaring down into his coffee instead.

"_Those _are _issues_, man. I'm not saying he's crazy. I know just as well as you do that he's been through a lot of shit that isn't his fault, but that doesn't mean he's perfectly fine."

Kendall gritted his teeth and gave one last effort. "He doesn't. Need. To go. To therapy."

"Yes, he does, Kendall." They both snapped their heads to the hallway. It was Carlos. He'd been listening to the conversation the whole time. The shortest band member went over and placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "He's not crazy, we know. But it couldn't hurt for him to have someone to talk to."

"He can talk to me."

"It's not the same. Kendall, he needs this. He needs to be able to talk to someone that can help him. Don't you want that for him?"

Kendall's resolve was slowly dissolving. "I…I can help him."

Carlos sighed sympathetically. "We know, Kendall, we know.  
And you've helped him so much already. But this is something you just can't help him with."

Kendall knew it was the truth and he hated it. He hated knowing there was nothing he could do for the love of his life. He looked up to see Carlos at his side and James in front of him. Kendall glanced back and forth between them. They both nodded encouragingly.

Kendall let out a heavy breath. "Fine, but only if _he _wants to."

* * *

Logan couldn't fall back asleep. He'd tried, but he just couldn't after all that had just taken place. He slowly sat up being extra careful so that his right arm wouldn't brush against the comforter. In silence, he sat there staring down at his right arm which he let remain limp in his lap.

There were four cuts altogether, each about four inches long perpendicular to his arm. He stopped at four because the pain was just too much to bear. Sure, he'd gone through much more painful things, but this was a different kind of pain. Staring down at the wounds, a voice in his head told him, '_Only four? Not enough._'

His wounds weren't anything serious. They hurt, but they were too shallow to do any real damage. Like paper cuts, they bled for a while, but soon ceased and were nothing more than burning lines waiting to become scars. Scars that would forever remind him of the voice inside of his head telling him, '_Not deep enough. Not enough suffering._' as he stared down at them.

Disappointed with the lack of relief from his overwhelming guilt, he lifted his injured arm and placed his other palm over the lacerations and squeezed. He squeezed and twisted and even raked his nails over them.

Tears stung his eyes as the lines burned like fire, each like a whip to the skin and mind, the voice telling him, '_More. You deserve more suffering. Punishment._'

After about a minute, he let go with a gasp. Flipping his palm over to face him, Logan stared at the smeared blood on his palm. It wasn't much. Again, the voice came. '_More. More blood!_'

Grabbing a box of tissues, Logan cleaned himself up just as there were footsteps coming toward the door. He quickly dove under the covers, imitating sleep.

There was a knock…and then, "Logie?" It was Kendall. His voice was soft and light, almost timid which really sounded off coming from the fearless leader.

Seconds later, Logan heard the door open, followed by light footsteps, and then the bed dipped near his waist.

Kendall stared down at the figure under the sheets. He felt terrible that he was about to wake Logan up and for what he was going to tell him.

Logan was completely still, his eyes open as he waited. There was a hand on his shoulder shaking him slightly. "Logie, wake up. I…I need to ask you something. Logan…"

Logan sighed as he slowly pulled down the comforter, unveiling his head and then his torso, keeping only his arms and lower body under it. Running his left hand, the one that was on the uninjured arm, through his shaggy spikes, he asked, "What's going on?"

Kendall sighed. He just wanted to get it over with at this point. "James and Carlos think you should go see someone…someone to ya know…talk to."

Logan stared at him quizzically for a moment not really taking it in. A few seconds passed before he finally pieced everything that Kendall was saying together."You mean a psychiatrist."

"Yeah…_like_ a psychiatrist." There was a pause as Kendall tried to recollect his words. "But you don't _have _to go."

Logan looked away from Kendall, just out of habit when it came to this kind of situation. "Do you think I should go?"

Kendall lifted Logan's chin so that he'd look at him. "No, Logan. I don't want you to. And you don't have to go either, if you don't want to."

"Good...because I don't want to either."

Kendall grinned. "Great, then I'll just tell James and Carlos-" His grin faltered and fell altogether. "W-what the…"

Logan looked down in horror at what Kendall was looking at. Right there, staining the bright white comforter were two specks of blood. Logan looked back up to see Kendall still staring down at the two miniscule stains in shock. The blond brushed his shaky fingers over the blood.

It smeared. 'It's fresh, but…' He never finished the thought.

He looked up at his boyfriend who was staring at him timidly, a weak half smile curved on his lips. "H-hey, let's go to the movies tonight. We haven't been out in forever. What do you think, Kendall?"

Silence. "K-Kendall?"

"What I _think_, is that you need to show me your arms." Kendall's expression was hard. Serious. Pained.

"What? Common, let's go. We haven't left the Palm Woods in-"

"STOP AVOIDING IT!" Logan shrank back. He couldn't remember the last time Kendall had yelled at him like this. Kendall cursed under his breath. He didn't mean to scare him. It was just too much for him to bare. "Logan," he continued after a long silence, "show me your arms."

Logan looked down at his lap, his expression was one of defeat, but he still didn't move to reveal his arms. Kendall's frustration and fear got the better of him.

"DAMMIT LOGAN!" Kendall yelled it as he yanked the covers from Logan's body. Logan flinched as Kendall clutched his forearms and twisted them to display their undersides.

No amount of horror movies could have ever prepared him for what he saw. It was gruesome and was a slap to the face. There on his right arm were four freshly reopened cuts. They looked irritated and even a little swollen around the edges.

But that wasn't what scared him the most. He hadn't even needed to look closely to see the imprint of a hand. It was a deep red, darkly contrasting with the pale skin. Along the edges of the hand print were several scratches, bright red where the blood had rushed to when his nails passed over the skin.

The door burst open as the rest of 2J's occupants clambered in. Logan snapped his head to the door, wanting to look at anywhere except Kendall and his arms. Mrs. Knight scanned the room before finally locking on Kendall and Logan on the bed and asked, "What's going on in here?"

"We heard yelling." James voiced his concern.

But Kendall ignored them. Mrs. Knight and Katie turned to James. "We found him cutting himself this morning. Got him to stop, but we have no idea what's going on this time." They both gasped and covered their mouths.

Logan turned back to Kendall in concern as the blond began to shake uncontrollably. Then there was a sting on his wounds. He hissed in a breath. More moisture accumulated on his arms until Kendall finally looked up him.

Logan turned away from him, realizing that Kendall was crying. "No, Logan look at me." The brunet turned to him with reluctance, his own tears building.

"Why, Logan? Why _the fuck_ do you keep doing this to yourself?" His tone was cracked, strained. Logan couldn't hold back any of his own tears as he gazed at Kendall's tear streaked cheeks and blood shot eyes. He couldn't answer Kendall's question. He merely shut his eyes and shook his head before finally stopping and hanging his head in shame.

"Fine, i-if you can't tell me, then you leave me no choice. You're going to therapy." Hearing this, Logan began to struggle, tugging his arms in a failed attempt to run away. Kendall had an iron grip on the smaller boy. After his final effort to escape failed, he slumped his shoulders.

"You said I didn't have to go if _I _didn't want to." Kendall let out a shaky breath. "That was _before_ I knew you were still doing this to yourself. If I had known you were hurting yourself like this I would never have offered you that. I didn't want to believe it, but James and Carlos were right. You need to talk to someone."

"No, I don't. I'm not crazy!"

"I know that, baby! Believe me! I know! But look at yourself. You're hurting yourself, you're always depressed and stressed and you even tried to kill yourself a few weeks ago! You're going through a lot, I know. But that doesn't mean you aren't doing what you're doing."

"I…I…" He couldn't form words. Everything Kendall was saying was true, but he still didn't want to give in.

"Can't you see what this is doing? To you? To _me_?" This caught the smaller boy's attention. "W-what?"

"Logan, when I found you doing this, it just _killed_ me. I get so…so _scared_ that someday you might be gone because I wasn't there to protect you. Please, Logie. I don't like being like this. I don't want to live in constant fear for your life. I just want for us to be happy, _together_."

Hearing this completely shattered his resolve. Logan never realized that while he was doing this to himself, Kendall was hurting just as much because of it. "K-Kendall…I didn't realize-"

"I know, Logie. And it's okay, but promise me you'll go and get help. So we can get through this. Please, Logan, _please_."

Logan felt ashamed of himself. All this time, Kendall had done nothing, but try to protect him and keep him happy. But he never paid attention to any of it. He had been selfish. It took Kendall admitting his fears for Logan to realize that and all he wanted was to make it up to him.

"O-okay…"

"Okay?"

"I'll go."

* * *

**A/N: So yeah I really liked this chapter. :)**

**Sorry for the late update again, but I've been busy trying to install our new 55 inch LCD flat screen :) sorry, I just had to say that! Unfortunately I didn't get it in time to see Big Time Beach Party…but I believe they'll be rerunning it on Friday sooo HOORAY!**

**On a side note: I just found out today that blond (without the _e_ at the end) and brunet (without the _extra te_ at the end) are more masculine/ used for when referring to males. Shocker to me, really.**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	50. Chapter 50 Doctor Doctor

**Chapter 50 Doctor Doctor**

**A/N: WHOA! THAT FORK ACTUALLY ALMOST GOT ME! Wait…nope, it hit me. *falls to floor*.**

**Logan: *fixes up the nearly dead guy on the floor***

**Thanks!**

**Logan: No problem, it was good practice.**

**I'm so sorry! Look out Logan! *pushes Logan out of the way of a flying cucumber* This came late, but to make it up to you, I've got some gossip to share with you at the bottom Author's Note! Some of it concerning Logan's chest!**

**Logan: WHAT?**

**Disclaimer: I feel over do for this…I OWN NOTHING THAT YOU MAY RECOGNIZE!**

**ENJOY! :)

* * *

**

"Kelly…can you call that thera- er specialist?" He quickly rethought his choice of words when he saw the glare.

_"What are you talking about, James?"_

James looked nervously at the boy sitting next to him. "The specialist. The one I was asking you about? That one people go to for _help_?"

_"Oh! You mean Dr. Monroe! Of course! Wait…did you clear it with Kendall and Logan?"_

Kendall sighed and reached for the phone. "Yes, he got my okay. Logan said he'd go, but I'll drag him there even if he changes his mind. And you're on speaker by the way." His tone was tired, even a little sad.

"_"Hey Kendall. Alright then, I'll call right away. How is everything over there?"_

Carlos leaned over the counter, his hands holding his elbows. "There were a few problems this morning, but we'll tell you about it later. And Logan's sleeping." He glanced at Kendall. The blond leader was staring glumly at the door to his bedroom with a strong expression of yearning.

_"Problems? Is everything okay?"_ The panic and worry flooded her voice.

James quickly snatched up the phone from Kendall who just wasn't paying attention anymore. "Yeah, don't worry, everything's fine! We'll tell you later. Just call the doctor and let us know when the appointment is."

_"Okay guys. Just…be careful okay? We'll get through this soon. I'll call you as soon as I work out the details."_

Before she could hang up Kendall turned away from his half-dead state. "Thanks, Kelly."

* * *

"Kendall! I changed my mind! I don't wanna go!" Logan screamed as Kendall dragged him by wrist -the uninjured one of course- through the doors of the Palm Woods.

"Logan you're going! You promised, you'd you!" Kendall yelled as James hurriedly opened the passenger door.

"I. Changed. My. Mind! Common! Let me down!" By now Kendall had him slung over his shoulder. Logan's yelling and pleading was getting louder and louder, but Kendall was relentless. Finally reaching the door James had opened, Kendall tried to push his boyfriend in, but Logan spread his arms and legs out widely and wouldn't fit into the car. Kendall frowned and tilted him a bit to the right and tried again. Logan was _not_ getting in the car like this.

"James lift the hood! Carlos, when I put him inside, you sit on him until we're driving!" They nodded and quickly went to work. James pulled the hood back, exposing the interior of the Big Time Rush Mobile. Kendall gently, but firmly threw Logan onto the backseat and before he could escape, Carlos sat on his stomach.

"Guy! This is ridiculous! Help! Help! They're kidnapping me!" He screamed and screamed at the top of his lungs. Kendall climbed into the driver's seat, James put the hood back down, and they were off.

As soon as they were on the freeway, Carlos relented and Logan shoved him off. James glanced back apologetically, but Logan just pouted and sat back in his seat staring out the window. "Don't. Just…don't."

Carlos turned to Kendall. The blond leader had a vice grip on the steering wheel, staring angrily at the cars ahead of them. "Logan? I thought you said you'd go. What happened?"

Logan turned to Carlos. His worried expression softened his glare. "I just thought about it more. I'm gonna have to tell this lady all everything that happened. I have to tell her why everything happened. Then I'm gonna have to tell her how I feel and all that crap. I just don't want to tell her anything."

The car slowed to a stop. Kendall opened the door to the car, pulled the seat forward and waited. Logan huffed, but reluctantly got out. The building in front of them was huge, and had what Logan predicted to be about 50 floors.

Kendall reached for Logan's hand, but stopped when Logan said, "You don't have to drag me in there. It's not like I'm gonna make a mad dash for it and run the 30 miles back home." Kendall nodded, his stress levels depleting at the same rate as his sadness went up. He didn't _want_ to have to force Logan to go, but it was necessary.

The four walked into the building in complete silence. After analyzing the sign, they headed up the elevator to the thirty-seventh floor. The silent tension in the small compact space almost became too much for any of them by the time the elevator finally arrived on their designated floor. A short walk brought them to a desk where a secretary looked up from her computer at them.

"Hello, can I help you?"

"I have an appointment with the shrink." Logan muttered grudgingly. Kendall gave them the information and they sat to the side of the waiting room.

About five more minutes of silence passed. James and Carlos had begun to skim over a couple of magazines they had on the small table. Kendall glanced to his left. Logan still refused to look at him, opting for the floor instead. Kendall immediately felt his guilt grow even heavier along with the feeling of rejection.

Another five minutes passed in silence before it became too much for Logan. The terrified brunet did his best to put his hand in Kendall's _calmly_. Kendall snapped his head over to the smaller boy, seeing his nervous expression. Kendall squeezed the hand, rubbing his thumb over the pale knuckles. Logan's shoulders visibly loosened and he seemed more at ease.

Another five minutes passed before Logan immediately tensed again, his grip on Kendall's fingers tightened again. The blond snapped his attention to his boyfriend. "What's wrong?" This caught James's and Carlos's attention because they too, looked up at him.

"Th-th-thank you Dr. M-M-Morgan. I-I-I'm g-getting better n-n-now."

Kendall, James, and Carlos turned to the boy Logan was staring at. He was a bit younger than them. Probably only fourteen. Had a slight twitch and a not-so-slight stutter. He was speaking to someone just beyond their line of sight.

"It's not a problem, Anthony. Remember, it's okay to speak up."

"G-g-g-got it." The boy, Anthony, then turned around with a small smile and walked down the hall to the elevator.

"Grace," the voice called, "could you please send in the next person?" the secretary, Grace, nodded and smiled at the boys, gesturing with a nod for Logan to step into the office.

Logan's grip on Kendall's hand was now cutting off the blood flow. "Logie, baby. It's okay. We'll be right here, okay?"

"N-no, you guys can leave. I'll call when I'm done."

"Are you sure?" Logan nodded. Kendall smiled. "Okay. Just call me as soon as you need to. We'll be right across the street at that burger joint we saw."

Logan turned to enter the office, but was quickly pulled back by the taller boy. "Wha-" Kendall smashed his lips on Logan's, cutting off his words and entire train of thought. They stood there, in the middle of the room, with their lips interlocked and moving slowly against each other. Kendall held Logan with one hand just under his chin and the other on his hip. It seemed like ages since they had last kissed like this, but nonetheless it still sent sparks and shivers down each other's spines.

"Ahem." It was James and Carlos. The young lovers reluctantly pulled away. Logan looked over his shoulder at where Grace, the receptionist, was beckoning for him to come to the office. Turning back around, the smaller boy met eyes with his boyfriend. "Go ahead, Logan. You'll be fine." And with a peck on the smaller boy's lips, Kendall gave him an encouraging nudge towards the door.

* * *

"Maybe I should go check on him. He might be in some corner, rocking back and forth in a fetal position or something." Kendall made to get up.

James immediately shot up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, relax. He has his phone and will call if he needs anything."

"Ok…you're right." Kendall sighed and sat back down.

A second passed and he jumped up again. "But what if he doesn't have his phone?" Carlos followed James's example. "He _has_ it. I put it in his pocket when he dragged him to the car."

They all sat and continued eating. Kendall jumped up again. "What if they took his phone away and he's having the worst time of his life right now?"

James shot up after him…again. "Kendall…he's fine. Kelly said this lady was cool. We need to leave them alone so she can help him. He won't get better if you keep barging in to protect him. He needs this, man."

Kendall shut his eyes and breathed out of his nose before finally sitting down again. Carlos piped up. "Besides, I bet him and the doctor are getting along just fine."

* * *

"So Logan, would you like to tell me why you're here today?"

"…" Logan refused to answer her. He just sighed and stared at the ceiling. His fingers slowly drummed on the couch he was lying on as he shut his eyes.

"Okay then, how about we start off with a few easier questions-"

"I'm here because I'm addicted to porn. Why do you _think_ I'm here?" His tone dripped of sarcasm. The irritated teen didn't mean for it to come out as rude, but her tone was so…so…_so_ _belittling_. _No one_ asks Logan-freakin-Mitchell if he wants the easy questions, so he responded with his natural defense mechanism…sarcasm.

Logan slowly breathed out of his nose and sat up to stare at the women in front of him in the eye. She wasn't old. More like in her early thirties. Her brunette hair flowed down to her shoulders. On her head, she was wearing a red headband and square black-rimmed glasses. Various long bead necklaces garnished her neck. Her white blouse was loosely tucked into her long black skirt that flowed down to her ankles. The outfit making her look almost like some sort of educated hippie.

He glanced to his right, where the entire wall was just one big window. The off ice was huge. Bookshelves lined the walls. Frames showing diplomas and other things like tha. The furniture was evenly spaced throughout the office. It was a large office. Everything was exactly where it was supposed to be, not too dirty, not too clean, not too much room ,not too confined. Designed to make sure all her patients were comfortable.

But Logan wasn't falling for it. He'd read medical books. Hell, he even read psychology books. He knew how these things worked. Get the patient comfortable. Earn their trust. Get them to talk to you. Take notes. Give a diagnosis. Get paid. Don't hurt the patient, don't make the patient worse, don't get sued. She probably didn't even care how he turned out, as long as she got paid and did things by the book.

Dr. Monroe lifted one leg up to rest on the other and placed entwined hands on her knee. "R-really? You're addicted to p-porn? O-okaay, um…" Outwardly, he rolled his eyes. Inwardly, Logan smirked. He was getting to her. _No one_ beats Logan-freakin-Mi-

"So what kind do you like? Any fetishes? Bondage? Animal costumes? Live shows? The ones with all the kissing? Any favorite positions? Doggy? Missionary? 69? _Standing_ 69? Do you just _watch _porn? Or do you _read _it, too? Any _writing_ going on?"

Logan gaped. Never had he heard so much perversity coming from a grown woman's mouth. "W-wha…?"

Dr. Monroe smiled kindly. "Well if we are going to help you overcome your addiction, we first need to get the details. You know, the things you're addicted to the most and the least."

Logan just stared at her for a while before it finally clicked inside his mind. He chuckled. "Nice. Almost had me there doc."

Dr. Monroe smiled and took off her glasses. "Logan…I'm not your typical shrink. I mean, common dude. I'm only 27." Hearing her talk like that made her sound even more like the hippie she seemed to be dressed as. Logan's walls slowly came down one by one. He took his left hand, from where it rested under his leg, and rested his elbow on the armrest of the couch-bed thing. Dr. Monroe saw this minute action and continued to smile.

"Trust me, I'm here to listen. I'm not the kind of therapist that jots down _every single thing_ you say onto a clipboard. It's just my ears and your voice. Like a voice diary. If you want, none of this needs to be shared with other people. Common, gimme a chance. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better."

Logan watched her skeptically. Maybe he could trust her. She seemed really nice. She sounded like she actually cared…

Logan snapped himself out of it. What was he saying? This woman could not be trusted. This was exactly her plan. Get the patient to feel comfortable and get them to talk. After a minute or so of thinking he ultimately decided on no. He wasn't just going to tell this stranger about all of his problems.

Dr. Monroe sighed. "Okay, we tried the easy approach. That didn't work." Logan watched her curiously, his walls coming back up as she spoke.

She sighed. "Logan…you know why you're here, and you know that _I know_ why you're here. And we _both_ know why _I'm_ here. So let's just get down to it, make it easier on ourselves."

Logan didn't budge. His cautious watching became defensive…a glare almost. He refused to speak to her. They both knew it.

Dr. Monroe reached into her bag and pulled out a tape recorder. "Do you know what this is, Logan?" Logan rolled his eyes. "It's a banana, of course I know what it is." She ignored the sarcasm. "Good, then you know what it does then."

She ignored Logan's eye rolling again and continued. "When Rocque Records contacted me, Kelly gave me Kendall's cell phone number."

The mention of his boyfriend's name caught his attention. "I think you can guess what I did with the number. Would you like to hear what he told me?"

Logan began shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't like all this talk about Kendall. Nor what he had to say about him. Dr. Monroe noted this mentally. She placed the tape recorder on the coffee table between them and pushed the play button.

Dr. Monroe's voice came from the small metallic box. _"Hello, is this Kendall Knight?"_ She picked it up again and pressed the fast forward button. "Let's skip the introductions and get to the real reason why I brought this out. She replaced the device on the table. Logan stared at it anxiously.

_"Kendall, tell me, how do you feel about Logan's actions and his emotional conditions?"_

_"I…I just worry for him, ya know? I mean, I love him so much and when I saw…when I saw…"_ Logan could hear the strain in his voice even in the recording. _"…when I saw the cuts on his arm the first night, I was just devastated. I just couldn't believe he'd resort to it. Logan's always been logical. He wants to be a doctor, you know. He knows what c-cutting does to you. He's always been a happy person, too. Not the happiest, but still happy. I…I felt so ashamed and so scared. I've never been so sc-scared in m-my life. I k-kept thinking that he might've gone t-t-too f-far. What if he did? I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing there was something I could've done."_

Even through the average sound quality, Logan could tell that Kendall was crying now.

_"And then, there was the morning after that. I walked into our room and woke him up…or at least, I thought I woke him up. Maybe he was already awake. We talked and then I saw some stuff on the blanket. When I touched it, I realized it was blood. At first I thought Logan was c-cutting again. I made him show me his arms. There weren't any more cuts than the last time I counted."_

_"But there was something else….wasn't there?"_

_"Y-yeah…I looked at his old cuts. They should've scabbed already since they were so shallow, but they didn't. They looked fresh and raw. I looked again and saw a dark red hand print over the cuts. I think he was squeezing the cuts. And then there were scratch marks , too. W-why would he do that? I just don't want to see him being hurt. Not even by himself. I was so angry. I didn't who I was angrier at. Him or me. I should've been there to stop him. I got so mad that I yelled at him. Right after, I felt horrible. Logan looked so scared of me. But I just want him to stop."_

_"I see. Kendall, you need to allow yourself to relax a bit. Not everything that happens to Logan will be your fault, and you can't prevent all of those things from happening to him. He needs to stop hurting himself. Okay? Don't be so hard on yourself. Now, you told me earlier that this wasn't the first time Logan's tried to harm himself. Could you please tell me what happened?"_

_"I-it was a few days after he met Adam. I told you that s-some stuff went down and he ended breaking down. H-he…he ran out of the room and just bolted. I tried to look for him, but I just couldn't. I was standing outside the Palm Woods when I looked up. H-he was right there on the…the roof. A-and when he looked down…I nearly lost it. He looked so…so…so demented. It was like he was staring right through me. He was about to…about to jump and it was one of the scariest things in my life. I couldn't handle it. I panicked. I've never panicked before, but it was like this huge burst of useless adrenaline that did nothing, but fuel my nerves."_

Logan didn't want to listen anymore. He'd had enough. It was just too much. Kendall's voice sounded so full of grief, so full of worry, so _scared and broken_. 'Did I really do this to him?' The guilt settled in his stomach and he began to feel sick.

Dr. Monroe paused the recording. "Logan, you're here because your friends and family are worried about you. As you can see, Kendall is one of them. I have recordings from the rest of your friends, too. Would you rather listen to those? Or will you talk to me?"

Logan glared at her. She had him beat. There was no way of getting out of this. He was either going to have to sit there and listen to all those recordings of how his friends felt about him, or confess all of his deepest darkest secrets to this woman. This woman that worked for Gustavo, who worked for Griffin, who in all honesty, did not care for secrets if they got in the way of his money. But of course, Logan was stubborn. He sat there and glared, not uttering a single word to the doctor in front of him.

Dr. Monroe sighed. "Fine, have it your way."

* * *

_"…a-and I-I j-j-just don't want h-him t-t-to hurt hims-s-self anymore. L-Logan's like a b-b-big brother to m-me."_

It was Katie's recording. The small voice was completely strained by tears and sobs. Logan's guilt was now boiling inside his stomach. Over the last two hours, he'd listened to recordings of nearly everyone he knew. Kelly. James. Carlos. Mrs. Knight. Jo. Camille. Katie. Kendall. Even Gustavo's recording made him shed some tears, despite its awkwardness and masked emotions. He was sure that if he heard any more, he'd be sick. He wiped away his tear again, his sleeves almost soaked now, as Dr. Monroe stopped the recording.

"You see, Logan? It's not just yourself that you're hurting. You're hurting all of the people around you. All of the ones who care about you. Kendall, James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, Katie, your mother, Kelly, Gustavo, Camille, Jo, the list just goes on."

Logan sniffled. "I…I…"

Dr. Monroe sighed and leaned forward. "Logan, I know you don't mean any harm, but you're a smart boy. All actions can affect others indirectly whether we know it or not. You hurting yourself, this actually hurts people _directly_. You can't keep doing things like this."

Logan finally wiped away the last of his tears. "I never knew thought this could happen. One minute, I'm living the life with my best friends and the next, I'm sitting here in therapy crying my eyes out. I feel so stupid."

"Logan, you can't keep thinking these things about yourself. You've got to be less critical. If it goes on like this, it'll be your doom.."

Logan said nothing. He only nodded weakly, as if he hardly believed the words…or at least he hardly agreed with them. Dr. Monroe smiled gently. "I'm glad you told me that, Logan. It's the first step to opening up. In time, you'll steadily begin opening up and then we'll be able to help you through your problems. Unfortunately, we're on a rather tight schedule. Gustavo wants you-" she made quotation marks with her hands "-'fixed' by the time your trial begins."

"But…that's in two days."

"Well, Gustavo was able to pull a few strings. Your trial has been postponed until next week."

"Th-that's still not that much time."

"I know. We'll never get you to open up in time." She reached into her bag again, this time pulling out a leather bound book. Logan glanced at it curiously, not fully understanding what it had to do with anything. He then noticed the strap kept the book securely closed. It clicked. It was a journal.

"Logan, I want you to carry this journal with you every day until the day before the trial. I want you to write anything and everything into it. How you feel at the moment. What you ate that day. You're pretty smart and organized right? Label the times and dates. More importantly though, I want you to take a special hour or more from each day and write as much as you can about all of the problems that have been happening to you. At the end of this, I'm going to ask that you give it back to me. I know you don't feel comfortable telling me directly, but maybe you can write it all down if you're alone. Just…give it a try. After all of this is over, we can burn that book if you want."

Logan took the book from her slowly. "We burn it afterwards?" he repeated, just to make sure. Dr. Monroe smiled. "I'll let you be the one to throw it into the flames."

* * *

**A/N: I'M SO SO SO SOOO EXTREMLY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS IN OVER A MONTH! A **_**FREAKIN MONTH**_**! This chapter was soooo hard to write, especially because I don't know the first thing about what therapists do. I mean I'm pretty good at reading people and stuff, but who knows what therapists **_**actually**_** do. Anyway! I'm Sorry!**

**I really hoped you enjoyed it though! I believe this is my longest chapter yet!**

**Ok so the rest of this author's note doesn't relate to the story, but you might wanna read it! Especially you Logan fans!**

**You may or may not already know this…buuuuuut…**

**LOGAN HENDERSON HAS CHEST HAIR! AND SO DOES JAMES MASLOW! Haha I have reason to believe they do! Sooo, in Big Time Songwriters, there was that scene where James and Logan were poking their heads (and upper torsos) around the corner of a wall to spy on Carlos and Kendall. If you look closely, I think you can see James's chest hair! Lol! But the weird thing is, he's completely smooth in Big Time Beach Part! Manscaping? Hahaha!**

**And now for Logan. I really couldn't believe it. Every time Logan's shirt lifts up, his stomach is completely smooth (and hot!)! But I recently saw a video of him shirtless on YouTube! And no! I'm not talking about the one where he's surrounded by those other shirtless guys in basketball shorts (omg! Hahaha!). I'm talking about him on a boat with some girls (grrr…girls with Logan…). And you know for sure it's him, it's obvious! Anyway, the quality of the pics aren't fantastic, but there's a patch of his skin right in between his pecs that is darker than the rest. HHMMMM? Hahaha, idk, I was bored and decided to do some celebrity cyber stalking haha (jk, im not a creeper…ahem, Kendall…JK!). Idk, I leave you to decide. PM me or ask in the review if you want the link to the vid!**

******Oh and I know I'm slacking on everything right now. Reviewing, PM-ing, writing. Trust it's not gonna get back to the daily updates any time soon. I'm extremely behind in sooo many things right now. But I'll try to update at least twice a week. Sorry...**

**Anyway, HOPE YOU ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	51. Chapter 51 Serenaded Apologies

**Chapter 51 Serenaded Apologies**

**A/N: Hello everyone! Look at me, updating with a month haha! So it's been…10 days or so? Best I've done in a while… Sorry guys. I've been dead lately…LITERALLY! I ran the LA Marathon on March 20. Let me tell you! *wags finger with attitude* That thing was hell! It was the first ever La Marathon that's poured rain and was cold and windy! It's always been bright and sunny till I decided to run it. The universe hates me…but I still have you guys and that's enough for me :)**

**Anyway here are some thoughts.**

**First of all, thank you guys so much for the support and reviews and alerts and favorites! I haven't said thank you in a while, but I'm always grateful! I just tend to forget to mention it :)**

**Second: soooo…I've been hearing a lot about these "Big Time Rush Story Awards" and I finally decided to look it up. OH MY GOSH! I got nominated for Best Slash Story! I didn't win, but I swear, to be nominated is good enough for me! I just want to thank all of those that nominated me and voted for me! You guys are awesome!**

**Third, what did you guys do for Earth Hour? I bought a whole load of candles and glowsticks and food and just sat around reading and eating all night. :)**

**And finally, BIG TIME REALITY! OH MY GOD! KENDALL'S BUTT! AND BTR IN UNDERWEAR! AND ALL OF THAT GOODNESS! I'm pretty sure if I went on DeviantArt right now, there would be sooo many frames from that episode. Which reminds me, I forgot to mention something about BiG Time Beach Party. Did anyone get any not-so-innocent thoughts when Mama Knight blasted them with the sunscreen? I know I did. XD**

**Anyway: PLEASE ENJOY!**

Logan sighed. He was currently sitting in his room, at his desk, in a chair, with the desk lamp on, pen in hand, staring straight at the open journal. The blank page was just mocking him. Telling him to write something. It went from mocking to pressuring.

_You have to write something, Logan. Dr. Monroe needs it. You need it. Write something._

The frustrated brunet glared at the page and threw his pen down. He really wanted to give it a try, but deep in the back of his mind he still _knew_ that this was going to be read by Dr. Monroe. Sure, it wasn't as uncomfortable now, knowing that he didn't have to tell Dr. Monroe, but his logical brain just couldn't let go of the fact that she was _still_ going to be reading his thoughts. His emotions. His life. His problems. Everything.

He glanced to his side at the hourglass. The thing had been completely useless until Mrs. Knight pounced at the chance to use it. It was fairly large. About the size of a bottle of soda. The wooden parts were a rich color –almost red- and gave it a vintage-type look. The sand inside of it was a deep dark burgundy. Or maybe it was maroon? Purple? Whatever it was, almost all of it was in the top half of the little old fashioned timer.

"Mama Knight! Can I come out now?" he said, loud enough to be heard from the kitchen even with the door closed.

"Not until all that sand runs out and you've written a good couple of pages!" Mrs. Knight frowned at the groan that came from the door. She knew it must have been hard for Logan, but the doctor had told her about his writing sessions so of course she had to make sure he followed the doctor's oders.

"Mom, can't you let him take a break or something? He's been in there forever." Mrs. Knight glanced at her son. "Kendall, it's only been 10 minutes." Kendall sighed. Mrs. Knight frowned again. She pulled out a plate with two sandwiches, seemingly out of thin air, and slid it across the countertop to her son.

"Five minutes." Her tone made it a warning. Kendall smiled and reached for the plate. "Thanks M-" She interrupted him and pulled the plate back. "_Only_ five minutes, Kendall." He nodded. "Okay, mom. Thanks." He took the plate and headed off to his room.

Upon opening the door, he found Logan staring intensely with the open journal on their desk. "Any epiphanies yet?"

Logan jumped in his seat. He hadn't noticed his boyfriend coming into the room. "N-no, I haven't yet. You're not supposed to be in here."

Kendall smiled and walked toward him with the plate in one hand. "Mom said you can take a five minute break to eat this with me. Common, let's sit on the bed."

Logan nodded and smiled; his amazing boyfriend had come through for him once again. Kendall dragged him by the hand to their joined beds. They sat for a while, with Kendall on the left and Logan on the right, before beginning to eat their sandwich.

"Thank, Kendall."

Kendall nodded. "Well, you gotta eat, don't you? Besides, I wanted to come in here anyway. How's the writing process?"

Logan huffed. "It sucks." Kendall chuckled at Logan's childish, but oh-so-cute, choice of words. "I have no idea what to write about. I mean, there's a lot to write about, but none of those things are important. And even if I _knew what_ to write, I wouldn't even _want_ to write anything important for her."

Kendall glanced at the clock on their nightstand. It had been two minutes already. This realization caused his eyebrows to furrow. "Common, Logie. You know it's for your own good. Give the doc some slack. Have some sympathy…or empathy..or…whatever. Just give it a chance and make it easier on her. You of all people should know how hard it must be to be a doctor with a stubborn patient."

Logan sighed. His boyfriend spoke the truth. "But I still don't know _what_ to write. I don't know where to begin. I don't know where to end. I don't know what I _should _write and what I _shouldn't _write."

"Maybe…you could listen to some music."

Logan glanced at Kendall. "It's not _that_ kind of writer's block. I don't need to make anything up. I need to write down facts and opinions. Not ideas."

Kendall begged to differ. "Well, you said you didn't which part to write about, right?"

Logan nodded. "Right…" He really had no idea where the blond was going with this.

"Well, maybe if you listened to some music, you'd start feeling different emotions. And then you could use those emotions to fuel what you wanna write. It might help you decide just what you want to write."

Logan watched Kendall for a few seconds, contemplating the idea. It couldn't hurt, and he was definitely getting desperate. "Sure. Just one problem. My iPod is broken on the roof, and yours is with James who's at the mall."

Kendall's smile broadened. "I know…how about I sing you a song on my guitar?" Logan didn't have a chance to say anything before Kendall pulled out his guitar from underneath the bed.

"Did…did you plan to do this?" Logan asked with a blush and a smile. Kendall nodded. "Yeah, I did. We only have like two minutes left before my mom makes me leave so I gotta start now. You can sing, too…if you want."

Logan frowned at hearing of Kendall's inevitable removal from their room, but nodded quickly, desperately wanting to hear Kendall sing.

_**"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting.**_

_**Could it be that we have been this way before?"**_ Kendall began.

Logan immediately recognized the song. It was "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade. He thought it was a bit odd that Kendall had chosen this song, but he took it as his own opportunity to say something to Kendall. He needed to tell Kendall the things that this particular song had the right words for. So, he began to sing.

_**"I know you don't think that I am trying,**_

_**I know you're wearing thin down to the core."**_

Kendall had stopped to listen to Logan sing. His voice flowed beautifully and brought a pleasant calm to Kendall's body. He wanted to hear more, but he had chosen this song for a reason. He needed to tell Logan. So, he began to sing again when Logan stopped- coincidentally, at the part that Kendall wanted to sing.

_**"But hold your breath,**_

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you**_

_**Over again.**_

_**Don't make me change my mind,**_

_**Or I won't live to see another day.**_

_**I swear it's true.**_

_**Because a guy like you is impossible to find.**_

_**Your impossible to find."**_

Kendall's voice was amazing to Logan. He'd heard him sing plenty of times before, but this time it was different somehow. He had all of this raw emotion that was just beautiful to Logan. Logan remembered what part of the song was next and began to sing it along with Kendall, who decided that he wanted to sing that part, too. And so, their voices mingled and completely harmonized with each other, creating an entirely new and riveting sound.

_**"This is not what I intended.**_

_**I always swore to you I'd never fall apart.**_

_**You always thought that I was stronger.**_

_**I may have failed,**_

_**But I have loved you from the start.**_

_**Ohhhh!"**_

Logan stopped, completely out of breath. Kendall continued to sing. He sang his heart out with all of the emotion that he didn't know how to put into words.

_**"But hold your breath,**_

_**Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you**_

_**Over again.**_

_**Don't make me change my mind,**_

_**Or I won't live to see another day.**_

_**I swear it's true.**_

_**Because a guy like you is impossible to find.**_

_**It's impossible…"**_

Logan decided to take his turn now, but Kendall was relentless. He just kept singing along with Logan, not stopping once. His face began to take on a light shade of pink, but he still kept singing. His voice just got louder and louder, filling up with even more emotion than Logan thought was possible.

_**"So breathe in so deep.**_

_**Breathe me in.**_

_**I'm yours to keep,**_

_**And hold onto your words,**_

_**Because talk is cheap.**_

_**And remember me tonight**_

_**When your asleep."**_

Logan was lost for words. He couldn't find his voice anymore. Kendall looked so amazingly beautiful as he sang his heart out. His face was a deep red and a vein in his neck stuck out whenever his voice heightened. He looked like he was ready to die after he finished singing, as if he wanted his last moments on earth to be spent singing to the boy in front of him. (1)

_**"Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you**_

_**Over again.**_

_**Don't make me change my mind,**_

_**Or I won't live to see another day.**_

_**I swear it's true.**_

_**Because a guy like you is impossible to find…**_

_**Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you!**_

_**Over again!**_

_**Don't make me change my mind,**_

_**Or I won't live to see another day!**_

_**I swear it's true!**_

_**Because a guy like you is impossible to find,**_

_**Your impossible to find."**_

Kendall finished the song softly, before finally letting his head hang dramatically. His breathing was loud and came in huge intervals.

He finally regained his breath and looked up at Logan, only to nearly fall back as the brunet flung himself onto him, clinging tightly to Kendall's back. "Kendall, I-"

"No…lemme go first. There's a reason why I picked this song. It…it just had all the right words I wanted to say to you. I'm sorry, Logan." Logan pulled away, his arms still around Kendall's neck, as he stared at his boyfriend in the eye with a confused expression. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Logan. I completely failed you. I let you down so many times, and that's why you've been doing what you're doing. If I had just made it on time, or done something differently…I could have saved you from all of this. I'm so sorry, Logan. But please, just hold on for a little longer! I swear I won't ever let you down again! Please, Logan, I'm so sorry."

Logan felt his stomach flip with guilt. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kendall was _apologizing to him_! Logan shook his head frantically and clung to Kendall tightly again, resting his chin on Kendall's shoulder. "No, Kendall. It was never your fault. I was stupid and weak and I cracked under pressure. I shouldn't have done all those things. But I did do them…and I don't want you blaming yourself for it. You've already done so much for me…and all I've done was not realize it and went and caused more trouble for you. _I _should be the one that's sorry. And I am. Please, don't blame yourself. You shouldn't be sorry…"

Logan stared ahead at the wall, trying to decide if he should risk it or not. Kendall, still wrapped in Logan's tight embrace, could see his expression and couldn't guess why he stopped abruptly. "Logan?"

Logan took a deep breath. "You shouldn't be sorry…you should be annoyed with me. But I swear, I'm trying. I'm _really_ trying to get better. Just…please wait for me a little longer. You've already been so patient, but I just need a little more time. Kendall…_I'm_ sorry."

Logan's grip on Kendall grew even tighter as he finished speaking and awaited Kendall's response. He nearly jumped when it finally came. "Logan. I can never be annoyed by your problems…because their my problems, too. We're in this together."

Kendall pushed Logan back so that he could look him in the eyes. The smaller boy seemed so vulnerable as he said, "Really?"

Kendall smiled, resting their foreheads together. "Logan, I'll _always_ wait for you. I don't care if it's a day or a month or a year. _Always_."

Their was a knock on the door that made Kendall groan and Logan jump back. The door opened and Mrs. Knight popped her head in. Kendall, however, beat her to it. "Okay, okay! I'm leaving."

He turned back to Logan when Mrs. Knight nodded and left. "I'll be back when your times up, okay? Do you need anything else?"

Logan shook his head with a smile. "No. I actually think I know what I'm gonna write."

Kendall nodded, kissed his boyfriend quickly, and left the room hesitantly. Logan's smile faltered slightly when Kendall left, but he shook it off and got up. Taking a seat at his desk again, he opened the journal to the blank first page and stared at it.

After a minute of contemplating, he picked up a pen, clicked it, and placed it on the paper. It took another moment of contemplating before the his hand began leading the pen across the paper furiously. He began scrawling down every thought that passed through his mind, writing faster than he'd ever written on _any_ school assignment.

**A/N: Ok, soooo I didn't really wanna end it like that. I mean I wanted to end it with Logan writing, but just not the way it's phrased here. I feel like it could've been smoother.**

**Oh, I almost forgot! This was meant for the last chapter. "50 CHAPTERS! WHOOOOHOOOOHOOOOO!"**

**HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	52. Chapter 52 Ending It All

Chapter 52 Ending It All

**A/N: Okay guy! Here's the new chapter!**

**Thank you guys for all of your wonderful reviews! They always make my day and I literally cheer out loud when I get an e-mail alert for them!**

**Okay, so! Someone asked me what the title of this story meant. Well, let's just say it's more of a description of my life-style. Anyway, I've been thinking about this for a long time. This tile makes NO SENSE for this story! When I first started this story, I just really wanted to put that title because it was dramatic and all that good stuff, but now I realize that it was stupid. So I'm going to change the title soon. I'll let you know when I do. But just in case, you should really add this to your alerts! Just in case!**

**Now, I don't know if you remember…cause I've been a total douche and haven't been writing as frequently as I should….but John Darrow is Logan's lawyer. Just thought you should get a reminder because he is in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the things mentioned in this story…I mean I probably own a cell phone and a camera and a microphone, but you know what I mean!**

**Thanks for putting up with the LOOONG author's note! PLEASE ENJOY!**

* * *

The taller of the two sat on the his bed, watching the smaller struggle with his tie. On any other occasion, it might have been quite amusing to him, but today just wasn't the say for it. Today, he had to put aside the his usual cheery attitude and put on his "mature, polite attitude."

The brunet stood in the mirror tugging at his tie. He absolutely _hated_ the revolting thing. It constricted his throat and made his shirt rub against his skin too much. It wasn't just ties either. He hated all formal attire –which he so happened to have been fully clothed in at that moment. It reminded him of unpleasant things. Funerals. Stupid, cheesy weddings. _Court_.

He sighed and shrugged it all off. This was for the best. The formal attire would make him look more mature and…_"presentable"_. There was a knock on the door. "Boys? Are you ready? We have to get downstairs at eleven."

James got up from bed and opened the door. "Yeah, we're ready Mama Knight. We're just gonna go talk to Kendall and Logan first and we'll be ready." Mrs. Knight nodded. She adjusted James's tie in a motherly fashion and said, "You boys look wonderful. The court will definitely appreciate nice proper looking young men like you."

Carlos appeared in the doorway next to James, his tie completely ravaged. She finished with James's and started to fix Carlos's. "And the court definitely needs to see you as good boys for Logan's sake." She finished adjusting the tie and patted it back into place. Carlos smiled gratefully at her. It no longer irritated him.

"I'm gonna go downstairs with Katie. Come down as soon as you boys finish up." They nodded and she left. James gestured to Kendall and Logan's room.

James reached for the knob when he realized that the door was already partially open. He pushed gently to reveal the couple sitting silently on with their legs over the side of the bed. They were completely unaware of James and Carlos's presence.

Kendall placed a hand over Logan's intertwined ones as the smaller boy continued to stare down at them. "Logan, you have nothing to worry about. Everything will be fine. I promise. I'll protect you from anything."

Logan continued to stare at his hands. "Logan. I won't let anything happen to you. Everything will be okay. You'll win the case. We'll go back to normal. Everything will go back to the way they used to be."

Logan smiled at the prospect of finally being able to live life again. He looked up at his boyfriend. Kendall smiled encouragingly and they leaned in for a kiss.

"Ahem." They both snapped their heads over to James and Carlos. "How long have you guys been there?"

"Just a bit." They sat down on the floor in front of the couple. James smiled when he noticed that his best friends' hands were still connected. "How you guys holding up?"

Logan sighed. "Fine. Just…nervous." James nodded. "Kendall's right, Logie. You'll be fine. We all know the truth. There's no way he can win." Carlos continued after James. "Yeah, it'll all be over soon and then we can go back to old times."

Logan smiled again. The thought of being back to normal was just so overwhelming. "Thanks guys. It means a lot that you're still here for me after all this crap."

James chuckled. "No problem, dude. We're always gonna be here for you. Best friends? Remember?"

Carlos nodded vigorously. "Yeah, like that time you dad forgot to pick you up and we waited out in the rain with you instead of walking home."

Logan's smile faltered, but he managed to keep on his half smile. James noticed the change in his demeanor and jabbed Carlos with his elbow. "Ow! What the hell?" James glared at him and hissed, "You just made a Mr. Mitchell reference!"

Carlos realized his mistake and glanced up at Logan. The brunet had tears that he refused to let fall as he gripped Kendall's hand harder. The blond rubbed his back soothingly, ignoring the pain that was developing in his other hand.

Carlos frowned, disappointed in himself. "I'm sorry, Logan! I can't believe I just said that! I'm so fucking stupid!"

Logan smiled through his water eyes. "It's okay Carlos…I just…can we just forget it?"

They all nodded, not wanting to upset him before the huge court appearance. Logan sighed and they sat for a few awkward minutes silently. A soft knock finally came and interrupted the silence and the door opened to reveal Katie in her blue dress.

"Guys, the limo's here." They all looked up at her, looks of grief still on their faces. They slowly got up, following her downstairs. (1)

* * *

Just as they were about to leave the lobby, they heard a voice call to them. "Guys!" They turned around to see Jo, Camille, Jett, and Stephanie. Camille ran up and hugged Logan. "It's going to be ok, alright?"

Jo hugged him next. "We'll be there soon as we can. Don't worry, you'll have all of our support."

Jett offered a nod and said, "That's right. We're just gonna get ready and then I'll drive us over there in time for the trial."

Stephanie hugged Carlos before finally hugging Logan. "Relax okay? There's nothing worse than a nervous person in court. You have to be confident about everything you say. Don't twitch, tug at your clothes, and most importantly, do _not_ lie." Camille pulled her away before more of her director's side could get out. Logan smiled at all of his friends and thanked all of them.

* * *

The boys and Katie entered the limo to be greeted by Gustavo, Kelly, Mrs. Knight, and Mr. Darrow. They were all sitting on one side of the limo so James, Carlos, and Katie sat on the other while Logan and Kendall sat at the back end.

Darrow turned to everyone and nodded. "Ah, I see you all followed my instructions. It's extremely important to dress properly for a court case. The suits make you boys look very respectable, and the dresses make you ladies look very honorable. But…" he took another good look around the small space, "James, you're fine. Carlos, okay. You ladies are perfect. Gustavo…you shouldn't wear those glasses. They make you look shady. Kendall, you're fine. Logan…"

Logan frowned and looked down at his appearance. He couldn't find anything wrong with it. He had followed specific instructions. Nice suit, nothing _too_ classy so he wouldn't look spoiled. A tie, because…it's a _tie_ for goodness sake. Appropriate leather shoes that didn't make him look too young, but didn't make him look too old either. His hair was neat and clean. He'd opted for not styling it that day and instead left it a bit shaggy as to look more innocent – which he was. He'd made sure all of his clothes were spotless without a single trace of lint so that he'd look hardworking – which he was. He even wore a casual watch to look punctual – which he was. He couldn't find a single thing that was out of place.

"What's wrong?" Darrow opened his brief case as he spoke. "Nothing is particularly _wrong_, but…" he fished something out of the brief case and snapped it shut, "you should change into this tie. That green one is very nice, but blue represents justice and calm. It'll help your appearance."

Logan took the tie from him, observing it. It was a beautiful dark blue made of silk. It wasn't too skinny, nor was it tacky and wide. The color was deep and rich and the tie seemed to shine slightly when it passed under some light from the window.

Logan hesitated. He really liked the blue one that Darrow had given him, but he didn't want to take off the green one he had on. It was the exact same size as the blue one and even had that shine property, but more importantly it was _green_. Kendall's favorite color. It was a dark, earthy green. Kind of like an olive green. They matched Kendall's amazing eyes perfectly.

"What's wrong, Logie? That tie would look great on you." Logan smiled. "I really like it…but I just wanted to wear the green one…I know it's your favorite color." Kendall smiled at the thought. "That's really sweet, baby, but you should wear the blue one. It'll help you. Tell you what, how about I wear that green one then?" Logan's smile widened as he and Kendall quickly changed ties.

Darrow smiled. "Ah, this looks much better. I'm sorry you had to do something you didn't want to, Logan, but this is for the best."

Logan nodded and took the hand that Kendall offered.

* * *

The limo pulled up just in front of the courthouse. Darrow peered through the tinted window and frowned. "Okay, there's good news and bad news."

Carlos spoke immediately. "Just give us the bad news first. Everyone _always_ picks the bad news first."

Darrow raised his eyebrows, but nodded when no one protested. "Bad news is, there are _a lot_ of protesters…as in anti-gay…as in anti-you two."

Logan frowned while Kendall's expression hardened. "What's the good news?"

"Well, there's a huge crowd out there, but the police managed to split it down the middle so that there's a path leading to the courthouse entrance. It's basically like the red carpet, but with all the haters and paparazzi on one side and all the supporters and fans on the other.

"Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Kelly should go first. Freight Train will escort you ladies in front of us. Then I'll walk with Logan and Kendall. James, Carlos, and Gustavo, you bring up the rear. Just walk casually, don't listen to the negative comments…especially you, Kendall. I saw that stunt after Oprah."

They all nodded, Kendall a bit begrudgingly. "Alright, let's go."

As soon as the door opened, lights began flashing and the crowds became louder. Freight Train walked with the ladies, who all looked serious and worried. Darrow walked with Logan who never let go of Kendall's hand as they walked with their eyes downcast. James and Carlos walked with Gustavo, looking straight ahead and on their guard in case anyone pulled anything.

The screams and shouting and flashes became more intense.

"Logan! I love you!" – "Kendall! You're so amazing!" – "James! James!" – "Carlos! Will you marry me?" – Big Time Rush forever!" – "Kogan is Love!"

"Faggots!" – "Queers!" – "Burn in hell!" – "Fags!" – "Go fucking die!" – "Straight is the way!" – "You're an abomination!" – "I hate you!"

Across the street, reporters were promptly speaking into their microphones with their back to the crowd, facing their cameras.

"After rescheduling their court appearance, the members of Big Time Rush are finally here today for their trial." – "As you can see behind me, the crowd has been split in two; one side of supporters, the other with some not-so-friendly people." – "This has got to be the hugest court case since the trial of Anthony Orwell last year! (2)" – "We've just received information that the accused sexual assailant of Logan Mitchell is actually Wade Fredrickson." – "Wade Fredrickson, the star of the famous hit show "Dancing with the Killer" two years ago, has been identified as the accused rapist of Logan Mitchell."

It was all one loud blare to them as they finally made it into the courthouse. Once inside, the security officers shut the entrance and the police began disbanding the crowd to no avail.

* * *

Kendall pulled Logan to the side as everyone else entered the courtroom. They rounded a corner before Kendall finally let go of Logan's hands. The shorter of the two looked up at him in confusion. "Kendall, we have to get in there. They won't like it if we're late."

"I know, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…_are_ you okay?" Kendall's eyes clearly displayed how much he was worried form Logan.

Logan nodded slowly. "Y-yeah. I'll be okay. I just wanna get this over with."

Kendall smiled sympathetically. "I know, babe, so do I. Just remember, as soon as this is all over that guy will go to jail where he belongs and we can finally move on from all this crap, okay?"

Logan nodded and they walked into the courtroom, hands interlocked. Logan looked around uneasily. Everyone was staring right at them as they walked over to the group near the front of the room. In the third row, Logan could see Jo, Jett, Camille, and Stephanie, giving him sympathetic smiles. In front of them, Gustavo, Kelly, Griffin, and Mercedes sat. They all offered a nod and a quick good luck. Mrs. Knight, Katie, James, and Carlos stood in the front row, beckoning for them to hurry over.

Mrs. Knight immediately set to adjusting their ties. "Boys, you'll be fine. We all know the truth and you've done nothing wrong so there's nothing to worry about."

James and Carlos nodded in agreement. James patted his back. "Don't worry, buddy. This is the end of it all. No more worrying." Carlos continued after him. "Yeah, no more of that jerk-face bothering you."

At the mention of his tormentor, Logan turned around to observe the defendant's side of the court. There weren't many people there. Only about ten or fifteen men and women that looked looked to be in their mid-forties. Logan figured they were old co-stars. Whoever they were though, they definitely looks like they knew who Logan was. Their glares and dirty looks seemed as if they could make an old woman drop dead. They were all dressed similarly to Logan's supporters, he noticed. Suits, dresses, ties, watches, impeccable shoes. Logan did his best to ignore their accusing looks.

His gaze finally turned to Wade Walker (3). What he saw definitely made him want to burst into tears and cower behind Kendall. The man looked like a whole different person. His face was clean shaven. His hair, combed back sleekly. His suit looked extremely expensive and seemed to be black from a quick glance, but if when he looked closer he noticed it was an extremely dark blue. 'Subliminal imaging.' He thought. His shirt underneath was black, but it wasn't a dark black so his suit still gave off the illusion of being black. But what caught Logan's attention the most was his tie. It was a stark contrast to the rest of his outfit, a bright white tie that had a glossy appeal.

"White. The color of purity and innocence…" he said, thinking back to his eighth grade history class. He hadn't realized that he spoke aloud until Kendall wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said, "Don't worry, Logan. Gonna take a whole lot more than just a stupid tie for that guy to win."

James turned to see what Logan and Kendall were looking at and noticed someone talking to Wade. "Gustavo…what's _Hawk_ doing here?"

Gustavo frowned before he even turned to look at Hawk. "What the…?" It didn't seem like he would continue so Kelly spoke. "He has a degree in law. Actually was one of the best lawyers in Los Angeles before he became a music producer. I guess he's Walker's lawyer."

Gustavo's eyes narrowed as turned back to address Kelly. "Yes, but _why_? What connection does he have with Walker? It doesn't make sense."

_"Of course it makes sense."_

They all turned around to see Wade standing only a few feet away from all of them. Logan did his best not to whimper, but still couldn't help himself to slightly hiding behind Kendall.

Wade only smirked and looked straight at Logan with his menacing blue eyes. "I told you I had friends in high places. Hawk's one of those friends in one of those high places." A hand came down on Wade's shoulder. "Wade here used to be on a TV series, as you already may know. Well, that show happened to be under Hawk Industries' Television Division. You know, I've been waiting for another chance to destroy you Gustavo, and oh look, here it is. Don't look forward to celebrating anything. You won't be winning."

Gustavo was completely purple in the face by the time Hawk finished speaking. He looked like he was about to explode. Everyone else seemed to be in the same state of mind.

"Hawk, you may have had the highest number of cases won in the past, but I _know_ how you play. You play dirty and you don't care about anyone, but yourself. Well, let me tell you, I'm different. I'll be fighting for Logan so you _best_ stop patronizing my client." Darrow spoke with a firm, cool voice. His eyes staring intently at Hawk and Wade.

Hawk smirked. "Common Wade, let's leave these poor excuses of life to prepare for their inevitable _failure_." They walked away chuckling to themselves.

Darrow turned around with a aggravated expression to see his client being consoled hurriedly by Kendall. "Don't listen to them, Logie. They're all bark and no bite. There's nothing to worry about. Mr. Darrow's gonna win this case for you." Logan nodded shakily, his face still buried in Kendall's chest. Darrow's migraine only began to worsen as he realized how much was at stake this time. He only prayed that he'd be able to take on Hawk, a man he had once looked up to when he studied to be a lawyer.

"Logan, it's almost time for the trial to begin. We need to take our seats at the plaintiff's desk." Logan nodded obediently and followed Darrow passed the wall that separated them from his supporters. He was about to take his seat at the desk when Kendall called his name. Logan turned around to be met by Kendall's green eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

**A/N: Ok so, who thought it was Logan and Kendall instead of Carlos and James in the first paragraphs? Also, I got the idea for the two crowds at the court house from "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". Haha.**

**1) Okay so you know how there are those scenes that are super cool and dramatic when all the main characters just look up slowly and seriously at the person who speaks up or something? Yeah, I was trying to do something like that!**

**2) I made up Andrew Orwell and "Dancing with the Killer". And if you remember, Wade Walker changed his name. Everyone that doesn't know him, knows him as Wade Fredrickson.**

**3) So I was watching "Crybaby" (the one starring Johnny Depp) a few weeks ago with some friends. Anywho, Wade Walker is also the name of the main character in that movie. He was the bad boy type. Idk, when I heard the name in the movie my mind shot to this haha.**

**I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS! -even thought it was a filler-ish thing... **

**:)**


	53. Chapter 53 Dirty Tricks

**Chapter 53 Dirty Tricks**

**A/N: Hey guys! Look at me! I'm updating! And it hasn't been a week! Has it? 1,2,3,4…okay so it's been exactly one week.**

**Thanks for all the reviews! Always excited to read them! I know I lost a lot of you guys because of my lack of updates, but I'm making a comeback soon! After this story, I'm starting fresh! I feel like Boys in the Attic right now…*shudders*.**

**And a final note before we begin, I have no experience whatsoever when it comes to court. I've never been to court. All I know is from some books and television, so if it's not accurate I'm sorry!**

**Hope you guys all enjoy this!**

* * *

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Kendall pulled Logan in for a quick kiss before releasing him. Logan turned back around and took his seat only to stand up again as the bailiff made everyone stand as the judge entered the room.

Everyone finally took their seats again as Judge Davis banged his mallet. "Will both parties please introduce themselves starting with the plaintiff."

Darrow stood. "Your honor, I am John Darrow and I will be representing my client, Logan Phillip Mitchell." Judge Davis nodded in acknowledgement and turned to the other desk.

"I am Matthew Hawk. I will be defending my client, Wade Fredrickson." Hawk sat back down, his subtle smirk never leaving Logan nor Darrow's peripheral vision.

Judge Davis nodded again before turning to Darrow. "Alright, that's settled. Mr. Darrow, would you please present your client's claim."

Darrow stood up and adjusted the front of his suit before walking around the desk to pace slowly back and forth before the bench and the desks. "Your honor, I mean no disrespect when I say that this is not a claim, but rather, a true cry for justice. My client Logan Mitchell, was brutally _beaten, shot, and most disgustingly of all, raped_…by _that man_." He pointed dramatically at Wade.

Darrow wasn't surprised when both Hawk and Wade stayed completely calm. He turned back to the bench. Judge Davis nodded at Darrow. "Thank you, Mr. Darrow. Please take your seat." He turned to Hawk. "Mr. Hawk, how does your client plead to these charges?"

Hawk stood up confidently with his chest puffed out. "Your honor, my client, Wade Fredrickson, pleads not guilty of all charges." Without another word, he sat back down.

Judge David sighed. "Well, since both parties are at a disagreement, we can continue with the trial."

Darrow was pacing back and forth across the room again. "Your honor, I'd like to call Officer Ricardo Garcia to the stand please."

Logan turned to see Mr. Garcia walking up to the stand and taking his seat before pulling out a folder from under his arm. "Mr. Garcia, what is that you have there?"

"This is the police report written for the morning of Logan Phillip Mitchell's assault."

"Would you please read it aloud for the court?" Mr. Garcia nodded.

_" October 20th. Garcia was on patrol in the Palm Woods area. Officer Garcia heard loud yelling and a gunshot. Officer Garcia ran to the source of the disturbance to find Logan Phillip Mitchell at Palm Woods Park. A person was fleeing the scene, but Officer Garcia could not pursue them. Logan Phillip Mitchell was on the ground stripped from the waist down with a substance leaking from his anus. That substance was later identified as semen. Officer Garcia quickly radioed for assistance and Logan Phillip Mitchell was transported to St. Mario's Hospital." _(1)

Logan put his head down in shame. He didn't know why he felt it. It was just there. He felt embarrassed and ashamed of what he was hearing. He could faintly hear gasps and whispers as Mr. Garcia finished reading the police report.

Mr. Garcia closed the file as he finished reading. Darrow nodded. "I believe this police report speaks enough for my client's side. No further questions."

Judge Davis turned to Hawk. "Mr. Hawk, do you have any questions or comments?" Hawk smiled. "Yes, I do, your honor."

He stood and began pacing with his fingertips touching. "Officer Garcia, your police report tells us that Logan Mitchell was found at Palm Woods Park, correct?"

Mr. Garcia eyed him carefully, but answered truthfully. "That is correct."

"I see, now….where does it say that my client, Wade Fredrickson, was ever at the scene of this alleged assault?"

"Alleged? Are you calling me a liar?" Mr. Garcia was obviously getting angry.

"Please just answer the question, Officer Garcia." Hawk spoke nonchalantly as if Mr. Garcia wasn't giving him a dirty look.

Mr. Garcia answered, though begrudgingly. "Nowhere. It doesn't say that Wade Fredrickson was ever at the scene of the assault."

Hawk could barely contain his excitement. It had been years since he felt so in control. "_It doesn't say that Wade Fredrickson was ever at the scene…_" Hawk's tone made it obvious he was mocking Officer Garcia, but the policeman had no choice, but to remain calm as Hawk continued, "As _I_ recall, the report said that there was…_a person_ fleeing the scene. _A person_. Officer Garcia, does that sound very accurate? Wouldn't you call it..._vague_?" The questions were rhetoric. "No further questions."

Hawk took his seat, followed by Mr. Garcia who gave Logan an apologetic nod as he made his way to his seat. Logan smiled politely, but looked down immediately. Things weren't going too well. The trial had only started about twenty minutes ago, but Logan was already losing. He didn't know how much more he could take.

He turned to Darrow. "Mr. Darrow…"

"Don't worry, Logan. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, too."

* * *

Once again, Darrow was pacing back and forth as he spoke. "Dr. Till, that folder…that is the medical record of my client the night of his assault. Am I correct?"

Dr. Till nodded calmly. "Yes, that is correct."

"Would you please read off your diagnosis."

"_Logan Phillip Mitchell. Age 17. Admitted October 20th. Suffered several minor hematomas(bruises) around the neck, chest and upper thighs. Multiple lacerations(cuts) were found on the hands and face. Shot in right leg, just below the pelvis._"

"Thank you, Dr. till. Now would you please read us the results of the sexual assault test."

"_Logan Phillip Mitchell. Age 17. Tested October 20th. Several minor hematomas(bruises) and lacerations(cuts) show signs of struggle. Bruising of the anus: evidence of sexual assault._"

Logan hung his head again as he heard more gasps and muttering, this time they were louder. "Order! Order in this courtroom!" Judge Davis banged his mallet loudly. The sound echoed through Logan's ears, mixing with his already loud thoughts.

Darrow awaited silence before continuing. "Dr. Till, how many years have you been in your profession?"

"Fourteen years, this December."

"So you would say you've had much experience to support your belief that my client was indeed sexually assaulted?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Dr. Till. No further questions, your honor." Judge Davis nodded to Hawk as Darrow took his seat again. Hawk stood and walked over to the stand.

"Dr. Till, that medical record that you brought, wouldn't you say it was missing a crucial piece of evidence?"

Dr. Till frowned. "I- I don't understand the question."

Hawk smirked. "Oh, I believe you do understand the question quite well, Doctor. But I want to get this case over with so I'll ask you this. _Was there any DNA found?_"

"There was a complication in the matter of what you are questioning. Unfortunately, the semen was not recorded by our nurse…she claims, she couldn't find any."

"_She claims?_ You don't believe her?"

"I do not. That nurse was our worst. Unfortunately, I had to be pulled away for an emergency so she was the only one available to perform the test. Nurse Jones has been fired recently, actually…for slacking and expressing her homophobia to our patients and staff."

"Right, of course. How do we know you are not just making up this assumption that this nurse was homophobic? How do we know that she actually just couldn't find any semen?"

Darrow stood. "Your honor, if Mr. Hawk finished, I have another person to bring up to the stand that can answer his questions."

Hawk nodded when Judge Davis turned to him and Darrow called up the next person to the stand.

The women sat down nervously. She wore a bright red dress that fitted a bit too well for the current situation she was in. After she was sworn into truth, Darrow began his interrogation.

"Ms. Jones, you were the nurse that performed the test on my client over there. Am I correct." Darrow spoke with a soothing calm that made her feel a bit more comfortable to speak to him.

"Y-yeah, I was."

"Right, and you claimed that you couldn't find any semen while performing the test?"

"Yeah."

"Ms. Jones, you do realize the consequences for lying in a court case? You could be charged for aiding in the crime." Darrow pressed the matter a bit more urgently than the last time he spoke.

"Yeah, well I'm not lyin'." Her tone clearly betrayed her innocence.

"Alright, just thought you should keep that in mind. Moving on now. As you may recall, I was in Dr. Till's office when he asked you what happened to the semen. Do you remember what you told him?"

"No."

"Neither do I…" There was some murmuring in the crowd. Logan watched Darrow in confusion as well as defeat. So far they hadn't gotten a single thing on their side. And what was Darrow doing? "…but this tape recorder does." He pulled out a tape recorder. Logan couldn't believe it. Did everyone carry one of those things now?

"I always carry one of these around. Never know when you'll need it, especially when you're a lawyer." He pressed play.

_"If you recall, this is Logan Mitchell, the patient you performed the sexual assault test on about a month ago."_

_"Yeah, I remember. Totally gross. Why?"_

_"Did you find any semen during the test? My patient here, insists that there was semen. And quite frankly, I believe him, so how do you explain that there was no semen."_

_"I don't know? I couldn't find any, sheesh. What's so important about some jizz anyway? What, does the fag over here want it for memories?"_

Darrow turned off the recording. He turned to face Ms. Jones. Her eyes were narrowed, her fists clenched, she was getting nervous. "As everyone can tell from this recording, Ms. Jones is indeed homophobic, proven by her choices of words such as 'fag'. Does _that_ answer your question Hawk?"

Hawk frowned, but accepted the challenge. "Fine, so she's homophobic, but that doesn't prove that she found semen."

Darrow ignored him and faced Ms. Jones again. "Ms. Jones, in the recording you said that performing the test was '_totally gross_'. Why was it so disgusting?"

"I had to clean out his asshole! What do you think was so gross?" Logan buried his face in his hands. He couldn't believe she had said that. How could she really have no sympathy? He felt almost as mortified as the night of the assault. Everyone on Wade's side turned to look at Logan while everyone on his side glared at Ms. Jones.

Judge Davis banged his mallet. "Ms. Jones, watch your mouth! This is a courtroom, not a schoolyard!"

Darrow pounced on the opening. "_Clean out_? What did you _clean out_?"

Ms. Jones visibly stiffened. She was sweating now. She kept shifting her eyes. "Ms. Jones, need I remind you of the consequences for lying here? Just make it easier on yourself and tell the truth.

"Fine, dammit! I lost the jizz! I cleaned it out, left it on the counter and when I came back it was gone!"

Darrow frowned. "So you lied and said you couldn't find any instead, resulting in this court case instead of informing us so that we could have it searched for, saving a lot more time and grief. No further questions, your honor."

Ms. Jones took her seat again, sending a glare at Logan as she passed by. Logan, though, didn't care. They finally had something on their side. It didn't mean much considering they still couldn't prove it was Wade, but it was a start. He kept hearing Kendall's voice in his head. 'It'll be okay. You'll win. We'll move on. Happy ending together.'

Hawk smirked to himself as he stood. They were already winning. Now all he had to do was play a little dirty and bring out the big guns to seal the deal. "I'd like to call Logan Mitchell to the stand."

Logan's smile immediately fell as he turned to Darrow. "What? I thought I wouldn't have to go up there!" Darrow glared at Hawk. "I'm afraid you have to, son. There's nothing I can do to get you out of this. Just remember to stay calm. Don't lean back. That'll make you seem like you're trying to get away from something. If you have to move, lean forward. Don't play with your hands. It'll make you look guilty. Just answer as truthfully as you can."

Logan turned to look around and then back to Darrow. He sighed in defeat and walked over to the stand and took a seat.

Hawk smirked. "Mr. Mitchell, why are you so intent on blaming my client? What has he ever done to you?"

Logan looked confused. "he r-raped me. That's what he did. Why else would I say that it was him?"

"And what evidence do you have that can prove that my client was the one that did that to you, if it even happened at all."

"That's crazy! You already heard all of the evidence you needed from Dr. Till and Ms. Jones!"

"Mr. Mitchell, just answer my question. What evidence do you have?"

"I…we…I…I don't know."

"You don't know? So you don't have any evidence that my client was the one that did this to you. For all we know, he _didn't_ attack you. But then why, I ask, are you so fixated on pinning this on him? Why would you want to ruin an innocent man's life?"

"He's not innocent!" Logan's eyes watered now. He couldn't keep his voice steady, it just got louder as the emotions crashed into him, searching for a way out. "I was running. And…and he dragged me to a clearing and threw me on the floor! That's where I got the bruises and scars-"

"No evidence that it was my client. You could have done that to yourself."

"H-he pulled out a gun and shot me!" A few tears were streaming down his face now. His fists were clenched. He tried to unclench them, but he couldn't. He felt so out of control.

"Do you have the bullet?"

"W-what?" Logan asked incredulously?

"Do…you have…the bullet?"

"Dr. Till…he has it. He was the one who removed it."

Hawked turned. "Dr. Till, do you have the bullet?"

Dr. Till tensed. "No, I do not. It was somehow misplaced."

Hawk turned to Logan who was opening and closing his mouth. He tried to take in air, but his breaths were shallow. He couldn't take it. All of this was too overwhelming. He couldn't breathe.

He made to fish out his inhaler from the inside of his jacket when Hawk cried out. "He has a gun!" the bailiff pulled out his gun and aimed it at Logan. "N-NOO!" Logan managed to cried out in anguish.

Kendall, James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight and Katie jumped up from their seats. They were all yelling out protests. The gun was still aimed at Logan and Kendall couldn't hold himself back. He leaped over the short wall and ran over to Logan. "He's having an asthma attack! He needs his inhaler!"

The bailiff still kept his gun pointed at them until he saw Kendall pulling out Logan's inhaler. After taking a few puffs, Logan was breathing normally again. "Th-thanks, Kendall." Kendall kissed his forehead.

"ORDER! I NEED ORDER IN THIS COURT! Mr. Knight, take our seat! Bailiff, put your gun down!"… followed by multiple bangs of his mallet.

Kendall gave Logan a quick hug before taking his seat again. Darrow stood up furiously. "Your honor! Hawk is clearly harassing my client!"

Hawk countered it. "I was merely asking questions. He went into a panic attack on his own." Hawk began pacing. "As you see, Mr. Mitchell is clearly emotionally unstable. I merely asked a few harmless questions and he was already in tears and shouting and hyperventilating."

"Objection, your honor!"

Judge Davis frowned. He didn't believe in objections. Everyone got a full chance to speak. "Overruled."

Hawk smirked and continued. "An emotionally unstable child like this…who's to say he didn't just make all of this up? He has no evidence! Only dead ends. A police report that couldn't identify the person fleeing. A medical record that showed signs of injury, but without semen. Who's to say he didn't cause all those injuries to himself? The bruises, the cuts, the bullet…the bruised anus."

Logan couldn't contain himself. He began sobbing hysterically as he tried to speak. "Y-you're sick! H-h-how c-could I h-have don all th-that to m-myself? W-why would I w-want to?"

Hawk instantly answered as soon as Logan finished, his voice booming and accusing. "I don't know, Mr. Mitchell. Maybe it's because you're an emotional wreck! Maybe it's because of all the pressure of being in a famous boy band! Maybe it's because…maybe it's because your father just died."

Logan stared in horror as the tears kept pouring. "My f-father p-passed away l-last week! H-e raped me m-months ago!" Logan pointed a finger at Wade who kept a scary cool.

"Mr. Mitchell, why was this trial postponed? It seems to me like you were just buying more time."

"That has n-nothing to d-do with i-it! My father j-just p-p-passed! I h-had to go his f-f-funeral!"

Hawk changed the subject yet again. "Your father passed away? Are you sure he didn't hang himself?"

Everyone gasped. "OBJECTION, your honor!" Darrow cried out again.

"Overruled!"

"H-how do you know about that?"

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that your father's suicide gives us yet _another_ explanation for your lack of emotional stability." He changed the topic again, quickly. "Where is your mother, Logan? Shouldn't she be here for your trial? Or is she too ashamed that you're gay? That you caused the death of her husband?"

Logan couldn't speak anymore. Hawk had pushed the last button. Logan's heart had exploded with emotion. He sobbed hysterically into his hands.

"No. Further. Questions. Your honor." Hawk took his seat.

Judge Davis looked down sadly at the mess that was Logan. "Will someone please take him back to his seat and quiet him down so we can continue this trial?" Kendall shot up and was there before Darrow could even stand up. He led Logan down the stand and over to his seat where the smaller boy rested his head on his arms and continued to cry.

Kendall stayed where he was, rubbing Logan's back. "Logan, it's going to be okay! Please, stop! It's going to be okay."

Judge Davis looked over at Darrow. "Do you have any other witnesses you would like to call up to the stand or evidence you would like to present?" Darrow looked back and forth between Logan and the judge. "N-no, your honor. I…I don't."

Kendall snapped his vision to Darrow as Logan cried a bit harder and louder. "What? John, there has to be something else!"

Judge Davis banged his mallet. "Alright, if both parties have no new evidence to present, this court will now come give a ruling-"

_"WAIT! STOP!"_

* * *

**(1) So if you're wondering why Mr. Garcia is reading about himself in the third person, my cousin older cousin is a pretty high ranked cadet, so he knows a lot about how cops work. He told me that pronouns weren't allowed in police reports.**

**A/N: So who could this mystery person be? I'll give you a hint. It's someone you know from this story. I think it's kinda obvious, but PM me if you need another hint :). This could be the QOTC! Haven't done that in a while. Okay, fine here it goes…**

**QOTC: Who could this mystery person be?**

**Oh and guess whaaaaaat! *in a sing song voice***_**!OP!" now come give a ruling-"**_

_**ight, if both parties have no new evidence to present, this court will now come up with a rul**_** KENDALL REPLIED TO ME ON TWTTER! It was right before the KCA's I said, "****HeffronDrive****knockin on wood, throwin salt over my shoulder, n eatin lucky charms. then my lil bro kicked me n said u guys dont need it:)" and he said, "****haha thanks for all the good vibes! Keep it up :)"**

**OMG OMG OMG! Anyway, if you guys wanna follow me, my twitter information is on my profile near the bottom. I could tweet the progress of my writing so I don't need to disappoint you all with Author's Notes instead of Chapters!**

**I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS! I ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE WRITING THIS CHAPTER! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**


	54. Chapter 54 MarySue

**Chapter 54**

"_WAIT! STOP!_"

There was a loud commotion just on the other side of the doors. Several shouts could be heard. The bailiff quickly pulled his gun out again and aimed it at the door.

Everyone in the room gasped when the doors burst open revealing two security guards trying to restrain someone from coming into the courtroom.

Logan continued to sob into his arms with his head down, not even noticing the commotion. To him, it was already over. He didn't have to hear anything else. Kendall, however, _was_ paying attention like everyone else in the room. He couldn't believe his eyes. Right there, struggling to be released from the guards was…

Kendall whipped his head to look at Darrow. "John! That's-"

"I know, but…" It was clear that Darrow was just as confused as he was.

"Sir, you can't come in here! The trial started hours ago!"

"_PLEASE! I have something that will help my friend! He needs it!_" The security guards were relentless, though. They wouldn't let go.

Darrow stood and turned to Judge Davis. "Your honor, that is Adam Walker. He's a part of our party and he may have some critical evidence!"

Everyone turned to the Judge , who sat quietly contemplating. "Guards, let him go." The guards let Adam go, though they did so while grumbling.

Hawk shot out of his seat. "Your honor! You can't possibly allow this! This court case has been going for hours! This 'new evidence' could take even longer to go through!" His hands made quotations around the words.

"Hawk, sit down. Justice isn't based on time consumption. It's based on cold hard facts and evidence. _You_ should know that." Judge Davis's tone dripped with annoyance.

Darrow stood. "Your honor, I'd like to request a recess to discuss a few topics with Mr. Walker and to give my client some time to calm down."

Judge Davis shut his eyes and let out an aggravated sigh. "Fine, this court will go into a 30 minute recess." With that, he brought his mallet down once before he walked off through a door, escorted by the bailiff.

Everyone began talking amongst themselves. A few people, including Wade and Hawk, left the room immediately.

Adam fixed his jacket and walked over to the plaintiff's desk. He smiled at Darrow, who welcomed him with a strong handshake. "Adam, where have you been? When you asked me to keep you updated with the court scheduling, I assumed you would be on time," he joked. "Adam chuckled. "Sorry, my flight was delayed and I still had to um…make a stop. I think we should discuss this somewhere else."

Darrow nodded. Adam's smile fell when he turned to see Logan sobbing hysterically while Kendall tried desperately to console him while occasionally looking up at Adam in shock. Adam took a few steps over and nodded an awkward hello to Kendall. Kendall smiled sadly. "Wanna give it a try? I don't think he can hear me." Adam nodded slowly and made his way over to Logan who began to get louder as Kendall moved away.

Adam contemplated on how he should approach the hysterical boy. After racking his brain for a few seconds he settled for, "Logan?" The brunet's body froze as he slowly brought his head up to search for the source of the voice. When he finally saw Adam at his side, smiling sympathetically, he flew out of his chair and hugged the older boy tightly.

Kendall smiled, grateful that his boyfriend had finally calmed down a bit. Logan couldn't believe his eyes. In the all the rush of recent events, he had completely forgotten about Adam. "Adam, I'm so glad you're here! Where have you been?"

Adam finally relaxed and said, "I've been busy, Logan. Don't worry, I'll explain when we're outside. Common, I have some stuff I need to discuss with you guys."

They all nodded and followed Darrow as he led them out of the room. They all stared at Darrow in confusion as he stopped abruptly. "We can't leave the courthouse. There's too many people out front."

Adam smiled. "We can get out through the back. That's how I got in. There a little grass area with some benches where we can talk in private." He spoke quietly, his eyes fixed on Hawk and Wade who were not too far away.

They all agreed, but Darrow had one objection. "We can't all go. It'll cause too much of a commotion."

Kendall nodded and took over with his natural leadership talents. "John, Adam, Logan, Dr. Till, Mr. Garcia, and I will go. The rest of you stay here and act normal. We don't want them to know that we're gone."

Everyone nodded and the two groups split up.

* * *

"This is fantastic! Adam, where did you find all of this?" Darrow was beaming with pride as he observed the contents of the duffel bag Adam brought.

"Well, when I went I told you guys that I was gonna go run some errands, this was what I was doing. I flew out to my hometown in Nevada. That's where I got those files. And that other stuff…I found it all in my father's apartment just before I came here."

Everyone's smiles faltered and Mr. Garcia turned to Adam. "Wait…you found this…in your father's apartment? Adam, you could get in trouble for breaking and entering, trespassing, theft…"

Darrow picked up where Mr. Garcia stopped. "Adam, you risked a lot to get this. And it _will_ help us…let's just hope that the court finds mercy on you."

They all nodded, still in shock of the consequences Adam could be facing. Darrow turned to Adam again. "So did you want me to just present this evidence to the court myself? Or would you rather present it?"

Adam shrugged slightly. "I think you should. You have more experience with this sorta thing."

Darrow nodded and glanced at his watch. "We should get back inside. It's almost time to start again."

They all proceeded to walk back to the courthouse. Just before entering the building, Adam pulled Logan away from everyone else. "Hey, can I talk to you?" Logan nodded and led Logan by the wrist a few steps away from the door so that they could have some privacy. Logan noticed how Adam held his wrist so tenderly and he couldn't help feeling nervous, but he thought nothing of it.

"What did you wanna talk about?" Logan asked. Adam stared down into the brunet's eyes and let out a sigh. "Listen, Logan…I was thinking…and I was kind of wondering…" Adam groaned at how lamely it was coming out.

"W-what?" Logan asked, growing wary of what the situation looked like. Adam took another breath and placed both hands on Logan's shoulders as he focused on what he was about to say. "Logan, I know that we had to end things between us because of what my dad did…but I was hoping that after all of this crap is over with, we could…give '_us_' another chance. Start fresh."

Logan's breathing hitched as he stared widely at Adam. He couldn't believe what he just heard and he felt terrible for what he was about to say. "A-Adam…"

"Yeah?" Logan inwardly winced at the hope that was in Adam's eyes.

"Adam, I can't…" Logan winced again when Adam dropped his hands to his side. "W-why?"

"Adam…we're friends. I appreciate everything that you've done for me, but…we can't be together."

"Could you at least give me a reason? Is this because of my dad?"

"No! It's…I mean partially…look, Adam…this _does_ have a little to do with your- your dad. But that's not just it. I…"

"You're what?" His tone wasn't accusing, but rather, it was sad and pleading.

"I'm with Kendall."

Adam seemed taken aback by what Logan told him. "You're…"

"Yeah…I…I thought you know." Logan admitted lamely.

"How could I have known? W-were you together before I left? Is that why you thought I knew?" Logan's eyes watered at the obvious grief he was causing Adam.

"We were…but didn't you see the news reports? Kendall and I came out about two weeks ago."

"No, I didn't see…I was too busy searching for evidence to throw my dad in jail."

There was an awkward silence as they stood there. Logan, lost for words and feeling like a complete idiot. Adam, trying to hold back his screams of anguish. The silence was finally interrupted when Adam asked, "How long have you been together?" His voice was so low that Logan almost didn't hear it. Almost.

"We got together the night before…before the morning in the park, but our feelings started the night I freaked out when you came to the apartment. Adam, I thought it was obvious. We should have just told you. I'm so s-"

"Save it, Logan. Let's just go back inside and get this over with." His tone stung, but it was his way of protecting himself and Logan didn't say anything.

Logan followed Adam as they walked into the courtroom. The tension between them was obvious and became evident when Adam decided to sit down all the way in the back row…the furthest he could get from Logan, without actually going over to his father's side of the courtroom.

Logan retook his seat between Darrow and Kendall. When Kendall moved to hold his hand, Logan pulled away knowing that Adam was probably watching them. Kendall seemed to have noticed Logan's sudden apprehension despite having just heard terrific news. "Logie, what's wrong?"

Logan snapped out of his daze. "Huh? Oh…it's nothing. I'll tell you later." Kendall watched his boyfriend cautiously, but finally nodded.

* * *

"Mr. Darrow, I assume that you now have some substantial evidence for your case? Let's not waste anymore time."

Darrow nodded and stood. "I'd like to call Wade Fredrickson to the stand." There was a murmur from the crowd, but it settled as Wade walked up to the stand slowly, not once taking his narrowed eyes off of Darrow.

Darrow immediately began when Wade took his seat. "Mr. Fredrickson…is that even your real name?" The murmuring began again, only to be silenced by a few bangs from the mallet and a stern look from its yielder.

Wade looked completely unfazed as he answered. "Of course it is."

Darrow let a small smile escape onto his mouth. "I'm sorry, let me rephrase that question. Is that the name you were born with?"

"My answer remains unchanged," he answered coolly.

Darrow nodded slowly. "I see, Mr. Fredrickson, _again IF that is your name_, your son seems to think differently."

"My _son_? I have no children."

Darrow walked over to the duffel bag on their desk and pulled out a file. "According to this birth certificate, Adam Walker -the young man who arrived earlier-, is the son of Wade Walker. And…" he fished out another document, "…according to _this_ name-change certificate, _you_ were Wade Walker until 2005 when you changed your name to Wade Fredrickson right after you moved to California. Do you have any proof that denies any of this?"

Wade looked uneasy for a bit as he shot a glare at Hawk. Hawk immediately shot up from his seat. "Your honor, is this _really _necessary? It has nothing to do with the case at hand!"

Darrow spoke, not even moving to face Hawk or anyone in particular. "Your honor, this is definitely relevant...for credibility reasons."

Judge Davis nodded. "Hawk, take your seat. Darrow, go on."

Darrow continued. "So Mr. Fredrickson, _do_ you have any proof to deny this?"

Wade glared at Darrow as he shook his head. "No, I don't."

Darrow nodded. "Right. Now that we have clarified that you are indeed, Wade Walker, let us now move on," he pulled out another document from his folder ad began pacing again, "Now, you all may be wondering '_Why did I bring all of this up?_' And the answer to that is simple. I now hold in my hand a copy of a Nevada police record for one Wade Walker..."

He glanced over to Wade, whose eyes widened at the realization of what was on the document in Darrow's hand.

"It's quite a long list if I may say so myself. Of course, these aren't just minor offenses. Wade Walker is actually a wanted felon in the state of Nevada for: the use of illegal narcotics, possession of illegal narcotics, trafficking of illegal narcotics, illegal possession of firearms, domestic violence, trafficking of women, _sexual abuse and sexual assault._ The list really does go on after that, but I think you get the point. Wade Fredrickson is a wanted felon in the state of Nevada, and I can only assume that his credibility is now worthless in this trial."

Everyone was on the edge of their seats now. Wade's supporters all couldn't believe what they just heard. The man they worked and associated with over the past years had been nothing but a criminal.

Logan's supporters were also on the edge of their seats. Things went from inevitable loss to an almost sure win. The emotional rollercoaster had everyone almost exhausted.

Darrow turned to Judge Davis and handed him the papers. Judge Davis observed them carefully through his glasses before nodding to the bailiff. The bailiff took a step closer to Wade who visibly tensed even more. Judge Davis cleared his throat. "Mr. Darrow, this information that you brought to light _does_ change things for how Mr. Fredrickson will be leaving this courthouse…but unless you also have evidence for your charges against him, I'm afraid those charges will be dropped."

Logan's shoulders dropped and this time he did take Kendall's ever-present hand. They had all been hoping that it wouldn't come to this. They'd hoped that the other things would have been enough.

Darrow turned to Logan, sending a silent message. Logan shook his head. Wade was going to jail, that was enough for him. Seeing Logan shake his head, Darrow shifted his gaze past him to Adam in the back row.

Adam stared into Darrow's eyes for a minute before he finally nodded. There wasn't any going back now. He went through all that trouble, he wasn't going to let it go to waste. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let his father get away from _every single one_ of his crimes.

Logan finally noticed who Darrow was looking at. He didn't need to see the interaction to know what Darrow was silently asking Adam for confirmation. Darrow locked eyes again on Logan, knowing that he had noticed the interaction, and shrugged slightly. Logan shook his head slightly, but frantically. He was _not_ going to let Adam risk his own well-being for him.

Darrow watched him sympathetically as he pulled out the remaining contents from the duffle bag. Logan was about to stand up, to speak up, to stop this. Kendall felt him move to do so and squeezed on his hand to get his attention. Logan stopped everything and turned to him in confusion. "Logie, I know what you're thinking. This is for the best. You need to get your justice."

Logan countered with a harsh whisper. "I don't care about justice! He's going to jail already! Adam doesn't need to go through this!"

Darrow noticed the discussion going on between Logan and Kendall. He gestured politely to Judge Davis to excuse him for a moment. Darrow walked over to the desk and placed a hand on Logan's shoulder, effectively quieting him.

"Logan, we have to do this. If we don't, your reputation will b ruined. All of this will have been for nothing. Believe it or not, your future all depends on the outcome of this case. If you lose, no one will ever take you seriously. The record company, your fans, colleges…medical schools. Don't worry. I told you I have tricks up my sleeve, too. Just let me handle this."

Logan stared at Darrow for a minute before turning his head to look at Adam. The boy in the back wouldn't look at him. He turned to Kendall, who nodded encouragingly. With a sigh, Logan said, "Ok…just…make sure Adam doesn't get anything pinned on him for this."

Darrow nodded and proceeded to pacing again as he held the items in his hand. "Your honor, I now hold in my hand, a few…incriminating items. The first: this gun." He held up a plastic bag that contained a small, black gun. Logan recognized it immediately. The sight of it making him whimper slightly.

"This gun was found in Mr. Fredrickson's apartment. We did some investigation and found that it is registered to Wade Walker. This is further evidence that Mr. Fredrickson is indeed Wade Walker, in case anyone still has any doubts."

Darrow placed the bag before Judge Davis and held up another plastic bag, containing something small and dark. "This bullet, was also found in Mr. Fredrickson's apartment. Our specialists tell us that it is indeed the same bullet that was shot from that gun. We did a few more tests and found some left over blood on the bullet….blood belonging to my client.

"These two pieces of evidence prove that Mr. Fredrickson, was there at the scene of the crime and indeed _was_ the person that attacked my client."

Hawk racked his brain for something, anything. He shot up from his seat. "Mr. Darrow, may I ask? Where did you find this evidence? You claim that it was found in my client's apartment, but as far I recall, when the police searched his home, they took nothing with them. But if that were the case, then who found that evidence? And _without_ a proper warrant?"

Logan froze. This was it. Adam was gonna get it. He looked down in shame. He was the reason why Adam was going to get thrown in jail.

Mr. Darrow made a quick nod to Mr. Garcia. "Ah yes, a fine question and I have a fine answer for you, Mr. Hawk. You see, when the police searched Mr. Fredrickson's apartment, the did find something. This evidence. However, do to some complications, they decided to not let it be released that they had found it."

Logan fought the urge to let his jaw drop. Darrow lied. And Mr. Garcia confirmed it. This was illegal. He shot looks to both of them, only to get subtle nods in return. His guilt dug deeper into his gut, making him feel uneasy as the case went on.

Darrow began pacing, after placing the bullet before Judge Davis. He paced silently, hands behind his back, finally coming to a stop in front of Wade. "Mr. Fredrickson, I'd like to ask you one more time. How do you plead to the charges my client is pressing? Don't bother lying. I know you know what the last piece of evidence is, considering the pattern of things I've already presented."

"I plead, not guilty." Wade's voice was calm, but Darrow could see right through it.

He sighed. "Very well then. I didn't want it to come to this." He reached into the duffle bag and pulled out a small plastic jar. It was clear, but the contents were blocked from view by his hand and some sort of label that looked pretty professional.

"This jar contains the missing semen collected during my client's sexual assault test." There was a gasp that ran through the room. "This semen, will no doubt prove that Mr. Fredrickson here, was the assailant. However, the day has been long, we don't have enough time to test the semen, unless we want to drag this on until tomorrow."

He placed the jar next to the other pieces of evidence and walked right up to Wade, leaning closely. "Mr. Fredrickson, why don't you confess?"

"I have nothing to confess to!" His tone was defensive.

"Really? Nothing at all? What about the fact that _you_ were the one that _shot_ my client the morning of the crime! What about the fact that _you_ were the one that _raped _him!"

The room was completely silent as Darrow pounded on the questions. "We found all of this evidence in y_our_ apartment, Mr. Fredrickson. Mind telling us how it got there?"

Wade sat there silently, refusing to answer. Darrow sneered. "I'll tell you how it got there. You fled the scene when Officer Garcia found Logan, but you didn't go very far _did you_? You followed Logan to the hospital where you waited patiently in the shadows, waiting to clean up the mess! Ms. Jones recalled that she _did_ find semen, but she 'lost' it." He emphasized with his hands. "But she _didn't_ lose it, did she? DID SHE? No, you saw her leave it alone and took the opening! You swiped the bullet _and_ the semen, leaving no evidence behind."

Wade was clenching his fists now, a drop of sweat sliding down the side of his face.

"You thought you were in the clear! But your mistake? You kept all of it! Maybe you didn't know how to dispose of it properly! Or _maybe_, you're just a sick man who _wanted to keep them as mementos_! Whatever it was, it got you caught! So do us all a favor and confess now, saving us all the trouble of waiting just _one more day_…one more day that you will be held in a holding cell, I might add…before we throw you into the hole where you belong."

Wade was shaking now, but no one was stupid enough to think it was fear. The man in question lunged at Darrow, but he was immediately caught by two security officers and the bailiff. "Fine! Dammit! I did it! I shot the little cunt and them punked his little tight ass! Left him screaming and crying like the pussy he is!" He stared at Logan with rage as he yelled.

Logan whimpered and buried his face into Kendall's chest. Kendall rubbed soothing circles into his back as he felt te smaller boy begin to weep. He shushed softly and whispered sweet reassurances, trying to block out the shouts."

Wade sneered maniacally. "Yeah, that's right. I did it! And now the little bitch is cryin' again! I'll do it again, Logan!" Logan flinched and began shaking violently as the maniac kept yelling.

The guards were finally able to restrain Wade and sat him down. He had finally satisfied himself and remained quiet. Darrow could only frown, his expression matching many others in the courtroom. Some were frowning, others crying, a few even looking disgustedly at Wade.

Darrow glanced at Logan, who had finally calmed down and sat there with red, puffy eyes watching him carefully. Darrow knew what he wanted to do next. He needed to let Logan know why this all happened. Otherwise, the boy would never be able to let it go. The entire time, his mind would search for a reason why it all happened to him.

Darrow turned back to Wade. "Now that we have all that cleared, I'd like to ask you a final question. Why did you do it? A man like you. Fresh out of his old life. A new, good life in front of you. Why did you do this?"

Wade glared. "Hawk. _He _made me do it. Talked me into the whole thing."

Everyone turned to Hawk. He was shaking, having not expected Wade to sell him out. Judge Davis ordered the bailiff to go cuff Hawk, making sure he didn't try to pull anything. Hawk was outraged. "Dammit, Walker! You sold me out! After all I've done for you!"

Judge Davis brought down his mallet, ending all the disruption. Darrow's eyes narrowed on Hawk. "Well, you just gave yourself away, Hawk. Might as well explain."

Hawk looked astonished at what he had just let out of his own mouth. After shaking it off, he glared at Darrow. "I did it to get to Gustavo." He turned and shot his glare at Gustavo. "That's right, I wanted his new band to crumble. They were his newest big thing and were actually getting him places. I had to stop it. So I had Wade here, my old _friend_, do some of my dirty work. I know, his band inside and out. Kendall, James, and Carlos…all too tough…but Logan…he was perfect. Small, weak, naïve."

Hawk turned quickly to glare at Logan. "He was perfect. Wade came to me in 2005, explaining to me his predicament and we worked out a deal. I helped him get a life, and he owed me. So I collected and Logan was the target. Collateral damage. With all this, Gustavo hasn't been able to do a single thing over the last few months. Had I gotten away with it, it could have continued until Rocque Records could've crumbled within half a year."

Darrow shook his head. Everyone looked completely outraged. Especially Logan's supporters. This entire thing was just Hawk's damn corporate plan.

Judge Davis silenced everyone and had Hawk and Wade stand before him as he gave them their sentence. With a final bang of his mallet the case was over.

Logan's side of supporters irrupted into cheers. Even Logan was caught up in the moment. He couldn't believe the outcome of the case. He felt a tug on his arm and spun to kiss Kendall ,catching the boy, who had been trying to catch him off guard, off guard. They melted into each other. Kendall, hands on both sides of Logan's face, kissing him for all he was worth, finally relieved that Logan could begin his life again. Logan returned the kiss with just as much feeling, a huge weight lifted from his shoulders.

_**BANG!**_

They quickly pulled apart upon hearing the shot. Everyone else quieted down and turned to the back of the room. There, blocking the doors was Adam. His eyes were red, his teeth gritted, one fist clenched, the other holding a gun above his head to point it at the ceiling.

He couldn't stand it. He had been sitting through an entire hour of watching his father being nailed. Memories of his fucked up childhood flooding through his brain a million miles per second, only increasing his blood pressure and angering him further. Then there was Kendall and Logan, holding hands and snuggling every single fucking time he looked at them. It was already enough to make him want to explode. And that kiss they shared…it was the last line. He couldn't take it anymore. He had pulled out his gun, the same gun he had given to Kendall the night they went to confront his father, and shot the ceiling, just to end all of the kissing and celebration and _kissing_ and noise and _**KISSING**__._

Everyone stood, in fear as Adam shot the roof ceiling again. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

He lowered the gun, clocking it, and aiming it in front of himself to ward off anyone that tried anything. He finally made it up to the front of the desk Logan, Kendall, and Darrow were behind. If shifted the gun at them. They shot their hands up, not wanting to do anything that would upset him any further.

Adam pointed the gun first at Darrow who kept a cool head, but still couldn't manage to hold in his heavy breathing. The gun moved slowly to Logan. Adam's expression was pure outrage. His eyes were cold, actually becoming the exact same blue as the eyes Logan saw at the restaurant. Logan trembled, his breathing became shallow. He was done. He knew Adam was going to shoot him. Another look at his eyes, Logan saw something else…hurt. Behind the eyes that looked almost exactly like his father's, Logan could see the hurt.

Adam pulled the safety again. Logan closed his eyes, waiting for the impending shot to the chest, right where his heart was located. Logan prayed Kendall wouldn't do anything to try to stop it. He knew he'd rather die than let Kendall sacrifice himself. Seconds passed, and he finally risked a peek as he heard faint gasps again.

The gun was no longer pointed at him. He stared wide-eyed. It was pointed at Kendall.

Logan's breathe caught in his throat as he struggled to find words. "A-Adam-"

The blue-eyed gun wielder interrupted him. "Logan…just…just give me another chance. Please."

Logan couldn't figure out what he was saying for a minute. The adrenaline was just clogging his mind. Then it came to him. "Adam…" he tried again, but was cut off again.

"Logan, j-just give it a chance. We were so…so…perfect together." The desperation in his tone became clearer than the malice.

"A-Adam…" it was Kendall, "Just- just put the gun down, man. Y-you don't need to do this. I'm sure we can work this o-out."

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP KENDALL!_" The gun was now only a few inches away from his face. Kendall let out a stuttering breathe at how close the gun was. He couldn't help the terrible thought that this was what Logan must have felt like.

Adam turned to Logan again. "Please Logan!" Tears now streamed down Adam's face. "Or…or I'll shoot him…I'll shoot Kendall…and then you won't have anyone left, but me." His tone was desperate and hysterical…borderline crazy.

"Adam, please stop. This isn't the way to d-do this. P-please, just stop so we c-can t-talk."

"Dammit Logan! Just tell me you'll give me another chance!" The gun was now pressed hard against Kendall's forehead.

Logan had his own tears rolling down his cheeks as the gun pushed harder into Kendall's skin. "Adam…p-please d-don't do th-this…p-please!"

Adam watched as his tears flowed down his beautiful pale face. He couldn't stand it. He completely broke down. The anguish, the grief, the misery all washed over him in a huge wave. "I'm sorry, Logan," he whispered.

Logan lunged for the gun in a desperate attempt to save Kendall, but he landed on his chest on the desk. He had missed completely. Logan looked up desperately, fear making his stomach flip as he prepared himself as best as he could - which wasn't much – for the shot that would steal Kendall away from him.

Adam stared down into his eyes as he whispered his apology again. Before Logan could lunge again, Adam did the unexpected. He whipped the gun around to aim it at Wade's chest. Without another hesitation, he pulled the trigger.

In the next seconds, two bodies fell to the ground.

First, was Wade. The bullet hit him square in the chest.

A barrage of bullets sounded as everyone ducked.

Adam's body convulsed as each bullet delivered its force and dove into his body. The fifth bullet finally found its target and Adam collapsed.

* * *

**A/N: WHOOO! SOOOOO PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER! I HAD THIS SCENE IN MY HEAD SINCE MABE 20 CHAPTERS AGO! AND IT STILL CAME OUT JUST HOW I WANTED IT TO AFTER ALL THIS TIME!**

**Psh, who said Adam was a Mary-Sue? I hope this proved differently!**

**AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS! THEY REALLY REALLY BOOSTED THE QUALITY OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OF HOW CONFIDENT I FELT! THANK YOU, YOU GUYS!**

**LONGEST CHAPTER EVER!**

**I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT! XD**


	55. Chapter 55 Adam

**Chapter 55 Adam**

**A/N: Sorry this was late! Been busy! Testing will be starting soon!**

**PLEASE ENJOY! :)**

* * *

Logan stared in horror. His eyes were wide, mouth gaping, body trembling from shock. The sounds of gunshots ringing in his ears made it all the more traumatic. He fought back the flashes of Wade holding a gun to his face, only barely being able to keep himself from throwing up. Fresh tears cascaded from his face as rushed around the desk and collapsed to his knees beside Adam's body.

He knelt down further, grabbing onto the still body. "No! Adam! Please, come back!" he sobbed. His body shook as he kept begging, his word eventually becoming unintelligible.

Kendall was frozen. The shock from having the gun pointed directly at his face hadn't worn off yet. Just a few seconds ago he was staring at death right in the face. Literally. Now, somehow things had twisted and Adam's body was on the floor, Logan kneeling over him. Logan.

The thought of the name alone was enough for Kendall to snap into action. He rushed around the desk and tried to pry him from the unmoving body, but to no avail. The boy wouldn't let go of his friend.

Remembering what Logan had once taught him, Kendall reached for the wrist on the floor. The palm was facing upward, making him even more hesitant to work up the nerve to touch it. Instead of picking up the wrist –in fear of causing more damage- Kendall just placed two fingers on the upturned wrist and closed his eyes. Dulling his other senses, he began to feel a slight thump. And another. And soon, one after that. The beat was weak, but steady.

"Somebody call 911! He still has a pulse!" Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. No one really knew how they felt when Adam held them hostage. They were confused. Those who had known him for the little time that they did, were shocked by his outburst. They were scared. They were confused. But they knew he didn't deserve to die.

James pulled out his cell phone and quickly dialed 911. The already short number was set on speed dial 9, after a few stunts that went too far. He spoke rapidly, but clearly. After telling the operator the situation, he hung up and walked over to where Carlos was already trying to comfort the two kneeling next to Adam.

He placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "The ambulance is on its way. They'll be here soon. The hospital isn't too far from here.

Kendall looked up at James and nodded. His eyes, red with stress, shifted as he turned to Logan. "Hear that, Logie? The ambulance is gonna be here. He's gonna be okay. Just stay calm, okay?" He did his best to console the sobbing boy. Logan eventually nodded and let go of Adam's body, only to immediately latch onto Kendall.

Kendall rubbed soothing circles into his back as he cried into his chest. "Shh…it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay." Even as he repeated the words over and over, he couldn't help the doubt that racked his mind.

* * *

They sat silently as the limo crawled down the freeway. Kendall glanced around the cabin. Darrow was clutching his phone tightly, awaiting for news on the trial and more importantly, Adam. Logan was still clinging to his side despite having fallen asleep an hour ago. James and Carlos were a few feet away speaking in hushed tones.

He looked out the window and sighed, causing the window to fog up slightly. It was 8PM. The time LA traffic was not exactly at its worst, but still kept them from getting where they needed to go. Checking the monitor attached to the inner roof, he breathed out a sigh of relief. They were going at 25 miles, and there was only about 2 more miles until they reached the hospital. They would've been there earlier, but Mrs. Knight and Katie had to be dropped off at home. Gustavo and Kelly agreed to meet them at the hospital.

Darrow's phone rang, breaking the uncomfortable silence and waking Logan. Darrow picked it up quickly and spoke. Logan wiped his eyes, trying to wake up fully. Kendall kissed his head. "How you holding up?"

"Better…how far along are we?"

Kendall glanced at the monitor again. "You should stay up after Darrow finishes. We're almost there."

Logan nodded and turned to Darrow. "Yes…Okay…Yes, alright…Thank you…Goodnight." He ended the call and turned to Logan. "Hawk's been sentenced. You won't be hearing from him for a very long time, Logan. Congratulations."

Logan nodded. Kendall managed to lift the corners of his mouth slightly. "Thanks, John. You've done so much for us."

Everyone nodded in agreement. John smiled, sadly. "It's not a problem. I did what I do best, now I'm here, just like the rest of you…waiting to hear news of Adam's health."

Carlos couldn't hold in what he wanted to say anymore. "Why did he do it? I mean, yeah, sure, he wanted you back, Logan. But he could've just asked you first. He didn't have to go berserk…or at least, right away, anyway."

Everyone turned to Carlos then to Logan. The brunet knew someone would ask. He wasn't surprised it was Carlos, either. The boy may not have been the smartest, but he was attentive and ever-curious.

Logan looked down and began playing with his hands. "He..he did, actually. Right before we went back inside he told me he wanted to ask me something. He asked me…he asked me to give him another chance after all of this was over." He looked up into Kendall's eyes. "And I said no. I told him I couldn't. I told him I'm with Kendall now." Logan looked back down. "He was pretty upset. I tried apologizing, but he told me to forget it and we went back inside."

Everyone nodded. Carlos turned back to James who nodded. The tall brunet decided to voice his concern. "Carlos and I figured as much. I mean, it was pretty obvious when you didn't come back right away. But I still find it crazy. I mean, Adam was our friend. He was a good guy. Why would he…"

He didn't finish the question. They all knew what he meant and no one wanted to repeat what happened.

Logan's eyes shifted around, indicating his mind at work. He was debating with himself whether or not to say what he was thinking. His heart told him he was being stupid, but his rational mind told him it was a possibility.

"We haven't known him for all that long…maybe…maybe we weren't so right about him."

The all watched the nervous genius sadly. The limo pulled to a stop. Darrow looked out the window and nodded. "Let's discuss this later. We're here. We need to hurry inside. We're at the side entrance, but it won't be long before the paparazzi notice the limo around the corner."

* * *

_BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…_

The beeping soon became too loud for him to take. He willed his eyes to open. White. That was all he saw before he closed his eyes again. He tried to open his eyes again, but the first try took too much out of him. He stopped trying and let the unconsciousness take over.

* * *

_BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…_

This time there was something else. Sniffles. At least, that's what he thought they were. The beeping and sniffles were insistent, only adding to his migraine. Remembering the last time, he carefully peaked his eyes open, only enough to see through the eyelashes.

His eyes watered as they adjusted to the bright light. He let out a strangled groan. Getting up wasn't an option at the moment.

"Logan, he's waking up." Logan looked up from where he sat, face buried in Kendall's embrace, and hurried over to Adam's side.

"Adam?" His voice cracked, strained from all the crying he'd done.

Adam slowly opened his eyes completely. "Logan…"

Kendall rushed over to Logan's side. "Adam, we're glad you're awake." The blond was wearing a smile. A genuine smile.

"Kendall…" Adam tried to sit up, and immediately regretted it. Logan gently placed a hand on his shoulder, keeping him down. "The doctor said not to let you move on your own."

Adam nodded as best as he could and said, "Could you adjust the bed so I can sit up?"

Logan did so. They all remained where they were awkwardly waiting for the other to speak first. Adam decided to take the initiative. "Logan…Kendall…" His voice cracked as he tried to figure out how to piece his words together. "…I'm…I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just…I wasn't thinking and…and then I had my gun and…I'm so sorry."

He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Adam winced when his vision connected the arm to Kendall. The younger boy had a hard expression on his face that Adam couldn't decipher. Before he could utter another apology, the corners of Kendall's mouth lifted. He was smiling.

Adam stared up at the blond with confusion. Why was he smiling? He turned to Logan, only to receive the same smile, if not a bit teary and red. "W-why are you smiling? You should hate me."

Kendall frowned slightly when he heard what the older boy said. "Adam, we talked while you were asleep. And now, your apology helped us confirm our choice. We still want you to be our friend. You had a reason for what you did. You weren't over Logan."

Logan picked up. "You went through all of that hard work for me."

"You saw your dad just being plain awful."

"And then you saw Kendall and me…that was probably our fault. We were practically flaunting our relationship in front of you."

Kendall nodded his agreement. "_We're_ sorry. But more importantly, we should all just put that behind us. It's all over now. We can just move on with our lives."

Adam stared at them, not believing that they were forgiving him. "I-"

Logan interrupted him. "Don't Adam." He wiped his eyes. "Let's just forget it."

Adam nodded, feeling almost like a scolded child. When he looked down at his hands he noticed the lights were unusual. Glancing at the window, he realized that it was daytime. "W-what time is it?"

Kendall chuckled. "It's 2 in the afternoon…you were shot 2 days ago."

Adam's eyes widened slightly as he took it in. He'd been out for 2 days. "O-okay."

Logan smiled a bit wider. "The doctor says you're gonna make a full recovery. The bullets all missed your vital organs. They said it was a miracle!"

Adam didn't know how to react. His first thought was to smile and cheer, but then he noticed Logan's watery red eyes. "Why are you crying? I though you said I'd make a full recovery."

Logan kept his smile as he wiped away his tears. "Sorry, I just saw you laying there and I guess I haven't gotten over the image of you on the floor of the courtroom. I'm just glad you're okay."

Kendall wrapped an arm around Logan's shoulders. "We were really worried for you, man."

"Thanks. I've…never had someone worry about me…it's…nice." They all chuckled.

They small talked for a while before Adam finally asked the question that had been on his mind since Logan mentioned him on the floor. "What happened to my…my dad?"

Kendall and Logan frowned. They looked at each other. Kendall decided to tell him. "Your shot hit him right in the center of his chest. It got his heart. He died on scene. Sorry, Adam…he's dead."

Adam alternated his gaze from Kendall to Logan. Their expressions told him it was true. "I…I don't know how to feel. I mean, he caused me so much pain…but he's still my dad. I guess I do know I feel. I feel relieved. And then I feel guilty because of that. My dad is dead…and I feel relieved."

Logan placed a hand on Adam's shoulder. "Adam, I know what you're going through. When…when my dad committed suicide…I...I was still angry at him for abandoning me. When he died…I was happy. For a few minutes, I felt happy that he was dead. I thought, he got what he deserved. And then I felt so guilty for feeling that way.

"I eventually got through it. I apologized to him at his funeral. The idea just occurred to me when I stood in front of his coffin. Your dad…he did some…awful, awful things…but he's _your_ dad. These are _your_ feelings. When the time comes, you'll know what to do and how to feel."

Adam looked up at Logan, a tear had slipped from his eyes. "Really?"

"Really."

There was a knock on the door. It opened and Dr. Till walked in with Darrow right behind him. Dr. Till smiled at them. Adam, I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, doctor. Thank you."

Dr. Till nodded. "Alright, well Mr. Darrow would like to have a word with you boys. Afterward, I'd like you all to leave so that the nurse can change Adam's bandages." They nodded. "She'll be outside the door." With that, Dr. Till left the room.

Darrow walked over to the bed. "Glad you're feeling better, Adam."

"Thanks, John. What did you want to tell us?"

Darrow pulled up a chair and sat down. "Well, it concerns what you did a few days ago in court."

Everyone became serious as they waited for Darrow to go on. "Dr. Monroe, Dr. Till, Gustavo, Kelly, and I spoke with the police and Judge Davis yesterday. You won't be having any charges pressed against you, considering there really isn't anyone to press them. And the court found you not guilty by reason of temporary insanity."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Temporary insanity?"

Darrow, Logan, and Kendall nodded. Darrow continued. "We explained everything that happened, including yours and Logan's relationship. Dr. Monroe also backed us up on it. The court agreed that you will be allowed to go free as long as you go to therapy with Dr. Monroe for the next few months. And Gustavo was happy to pay for your sessions in return for all of your help."

"Wow…remind me to thank him. So I won't be going to jail or anything?"

"No, you're in the clear." Darrow smiled. They all chatted a bit for a while before they had to leave.

Darrow was the first to leave. Kendall and Logan walked side by side to the door only to stop when Adam called to them. "Logan. Kendall."

They turned to face him. They spoke simultaneously.

"Thanks."

* * *

**A/N: So there were some parts of this chapter I loved…and some parts…not so much. I leave you to decide how you feel about this chapter. Really had no time to edit. Just wanted to get this out to you guys.**

**I'd like to thank you guys SO MUCH! I'M OVER 400 REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!**

**REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER! PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**BTW: ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT! :)**


	56. Epilogue

_**Just...just read...and...know that I'm terribly, TERRIBLY SORRY for...well, you'll see...**_

* * *

It was nearly four in the morning. The sun hadn't even risen yet. So why was he awake? It was completely illogic to the young genius. He had been up until at least eleven last night, thanks to the troublesome blond snuggled beside him. He should have been too exhausted to wake up at this ungodly hour. Nonetheless he was awake, and it didn't look like he was going to be falling back to sleep anytime soon.

What else seemed unlikely, were his chance at escaping his lover's embrace. The slightly tanned arm was wrapping around him securely, like an unconscious gesture to protect him. So instead of risking waking up his boyfriend, the brunet just closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

He felt so strange this morning. Something was…different. He didn't wake up with that instant pang of fear and guilt that would usually dissolve when he registered his beloved's arm –or sometimes arms, or leg, or legs, or legs and arms, or leg and arm, or…- wrapped around him. He woke up feeling…nothing; just that natural discombobulated feeling that came with waking up.

It'd been a while since he'd woken up like that; as if he _hadn't_ gone through what he had. Maybe it was just time to move on. After all, it had been nearly a year since _it_ happened. Standard, right?

Those last thoughts made him smile as he realized what they meant. Maybe it _was_ time to move on. Time to finally get on with his life. Be happy. Enjoy every moment to its fullest without the ever present paranoia tugging at the corner of his mind.

Maybe it was time to get some peace. He glanced at the clock.

5:57AM

And more importantly, it was time to go back to sleep.

* * *

_**Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump…**_

He stirred in his sleep as he heard his soul mate's heartbeat moving further away from him. He stirred again, groaning at the loss of warmth. It wasn't, however, enough to fully rouse him from his sleep.

"LOGIE! WAKE UP!"

That, however, was. Logan sat up straight in shock…at least, he was supposed to. Kendall had been leaning over his face and when the startled brunet sat up, their heads collided painfully. They both groaned at the fading pain in their foreheads.

"_Kendaaaaall_! Why'd you decide wake me up like that?" The blond just smirked at him. "Sorry, Logie. Just really excited."

Logan stopped rubbing his head and smiled at the blond beside him. Maybe this was the reason why he felt so different. Today was special. "Happy anniversary, Kendall," he said playfully as he captured his lover's face in his hands and leaned in for a sweet kiss. It was short, but full of love. Even after their lips pulled away, their foreheads continued to lean against each other. Kendall just stared into Logan's eyes as the smaller of the two shyly averted his gaze, opting for caressing his face and playing with the corners of the blond's mouth.

"Happy anniversary, beautiful." Logan finally looked up at Kendall's words. Kendall continued, "Get up. It's already two in the afternoon."

"WHAT?" Kendall smirked as the smaller boy fell back and covered his eyes with his hands. Logan hated sleeping in. It made him feel lazy.

"Don't worry about it. We were up pretty late," Logan could practically hear the smirk in Kendall's tone, "Besides, if my mom hasn't woken us up by now then she probably isn't mad that we slept in either."

He looked down at Logan when he was met with silence again. The brunet was still laying there with his hands over his face. He playfully dragged him up again until he was sitting…well, more like slumping. "What's wrong?"

Logan smiled tiredly –despite having slept over twelve hours- and said, "Nothing. Just thinking that we wasted a lot of our anniversary."

Kendall smiled. "Don't worry. We won't be doing anything until later on, anyway. We're all going to that thing, remember?"

* * *

Logan chuckled at Kendall as he steered the car. The blond had taken off his seatbelt and got on his knees to get a better look out the window he was leaning against. The blond couldn't believe they were pulling into Warner Bro. Studios!

"I can't believe we're actually going to meet her!" Kendall exclaimed again, his butt wiggling slightly.

Logan smirked that slanted smirk again. "I can't believe _you_, of all people, watch the Ellen DeGeneres show. It's more of a mom thing, don't you think?"

"Hey! She's hilarious! _AND_ she has some pretty hot guests on her show! Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, the Beckhams, Ryan Reynolds…_JAKE GYLLENHAAL_!" (1)

Logan stomped on the brake and despite the slow speed they were going at, Kendall slammed sideways into the dashboard. "Kidding! She's just funny!"

Logan smirked and continued driving until he parked right next to Mama Knight's van.

* * *

"_LOGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE_! _KENDAAAAAAALL_! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!" Not a second after they opened the door to their dressing room, Carlos has pounced and was now on top of the two of them on the ground in the doorway. For a little guy, he sure packed a punch. His helmet seemed to act like some sort of placebo-type energy booster.

"Carlos…" They both groaned.

* * *

_**And that's it...I'm sorry. I just can't finish it. I know what I want to happen. I just can't bring myself to sit down and write it. I sit down...and suddenly I'm upset. I just can't write this. No, it's not because I'm afraid of ending it. I just...can't FEEL it anymore. I won't write something I can't FEEL. Sorry. I'll just give you the basic rundown of what was supposed to happen.**_

_**BTR interview with Ellen. Ellen is as funny and lesbian as ever. Cracks jokes at herself, the boys, and her audience. Gives away the second album to the audience. Gets serious and talks about gay bashing and how not cool it is.**_

_**They all go to a nice fancy dinner for Kendall and Logan's anniversary. Cake, laughs, etc. Kendall goes out to the car and brings a letter he forgot to give to Logan. It's from Adam. Adam is fine. He's travelling the world and trying to find himself just as the therapist said he needed to do. He's getting better with his father issues and all that. Wishes Kendall and Logan the best, yada yada yada.**_

_**Kendall and Logan drive off separately and Kendall surprises Logan with a picnic of desserts. in front of the second L in the HOLLYWOOD sign. Kendall further surprises Logan with a painting he did on the L saying "Kendall and Logan, Forever and Always" surrounded by a heart. It's in a special paint you can only see if you really look for it.**_

_**Logan realizes just how much he and Kendall love each other and he's ready for Kendall to top him for the FIRST TIME! They have passionate sex...which is EXTREMELY painful for Logan at first. Then it gets good. Sex, sex, more sex.**_

_**I love you's. I love you's. Happy ending.**_

_**The end.**_

_**Sorry.**_

_**(1) Jake Gyllenhaal is my hubbie. JK...but how amazing would that be?**_

_**Hopefully my future stories won't have this crappy ending. Yeah, I'll be writing more stories! Hope you guys check them out. They won't involve rape this time. Which reminds me...thank you 'miSSmeliSS1324124' for not minding (or at least not verbally minding) that I completely ripped off her Silent Cries series...**_

_**Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed. You guys are amazing.**_

_**Speaking of other stories...Ranorexic! Make up your mind! :D**_

_**Again, sorry.**_


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